

I began my journey toward finding my peace after moving out of my parents' house about five years ago. After living in the chaos of having undergrad and grad school roommates, then back to a house with my parents and older brother — and having to write my name on my groceries — I was ready to venture off to a new place of solitude and quiet peace. I wanted to own and enjoy this transition.
I learned early on, that while a place can affect peace, perspective is one of its largest contributors.
With that revelation, I began the self-work necessary for cultivating peace. I unlearned and unpacked baggage I'd been carrying for years. I started rejecting the negative ways I associated myself in this world. I started looking at my life with a positive lens and I started becoming the love I wanted to see in the world. It took a lot of work, but I arrived. And with that, I recognized that arriving is half the battle — the other half is maintaining it.
With all the tragedy, hate, and insecurity looming in the world, it's critical to constantly assess and adjust our perspective, to ensure that we're manifesting the peace we so rightly deserve. Chaos will happen, but how we respond to it is what enhances, or threatens, our peace. Below are a few practical ways to protect the peace you've worked hard to achieve.
Social Media Cleanse.
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There are countless articles and Twitter threads dedicated to the ways a social media hiatus has improved the quality and peace of one's life; I can personally attest to this. One of the most prominent disruptions of our peace is the internal conflict between what we think we want, and what we truly want.
GG Renee said it best, "If you're not careful to check your ego and the message that can sneak into your head, you can get out of alignment with yourself, chasing an image or a lifestyle that's not really you, envying opportunities that you don't even want."
To rid ourselves of this internal battle, we must step away from the external sources, and connect back to ourselves. Taking a break from social media allows us to do that. It gives us a moment to silence society's voice and get in tune with our own. It also allows us to take a break from the constant comparison, insecurity, and frankly, nosiness of trying to stay in the know of what's going on around us.
Purge your Home.
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Sometimes too much abundance can be overwhelming. To clear your mind, it's important to clear your home. Purging, reorganizing, and removing clutter allows you to create a more functional home where everything has its place and its purpose. It also eliminates the physical chaos that often turns into mental chaos.
Organize your closet in a way that excites you to choose an outfit. Decorate your living room in a way that affords you structure and clarity – not clutter. Create a home environment where everything in your space brings you joy – not because you have stuff, but because that stuff is meaningful, beautiful, and functional. You spend most of your time at home, it ought to be a space that ushers in good vibes, happiness, and love. For help mastering your purge – because let's be honest, letting things go can be difficult – reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up is a great place to start.
Release Toxic Energies.
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Misery loves company, and the easiest way to disrupt your peace is to allow someone in your space whose energy, aura, or intentions, are not aligned with yours. Release people who breed negativity. Stop tending to places that cause you to revisit traumas. Let go of things that threaten your joy. And don't feel bad about doing so; remember, when you're at your best, you can be more present for the people, places, and things that make you happiest. Releasing energies that threaten your peace is critical to maintaining your peace.
Find a Quiet Space.
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Sometimes noise is the culprit. When chaos erupts in your life, sometimes just the sound of something can set you off. I've been in mental roadblocks where just the sound of the television would send me up a wall. I've learned that when those moments occur, it's my spirit's cry for attention. Recognizing this has taught me the importance of silencing that noise and allowing myself time to think through what may be going on around me. Maybe there's an internal dilemma that I need to think through. A thought I must get out. Or an emotional response I need to express.
Regardless of what that moment may be for you, it's hard to think through issues without the silent space required for doing so. Give yourself some time to shut down the noise, sit in silence, and reflect.
Focus on What's Important.
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When life gets away from you, it's important to remember what's most important to you. Whether it's family, friends, a fulfilling career, or a thriving social life, re-centering yourself on what's important will help remind you of what this entire journey is for. Sometimes understanding that the chaos has a purpose is enough to set your perspective back toward peace.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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