
We all know that having a tasty and nutritious meal can boost your mood and strengthen your mind and body so you can stay on top of your game. In fact, experts have urged professionals not to skip lunch breaks in order to stay energized and to help you avoid issues like low blood sugar and irritability.
Well, oftentimes, it's easy to get into a bit of a mid-day meal rut, especially if you're tired of eating the same salads and sandwiches every day or you've found that your lunch simply isn't helping you in the productivity and motivation department.
Y'all know TikTok always has a good recipe or two (or three.. thousand) for all of us to try to master and savor, and here are a few TikTok lunch recipes from our favorite food baes that should help with that mid-day mood boost you need:
@nutritionbyshantel I had some leftover steak from dinner last night, and thought I'd make a steak sandwich with it. This is one of those recipes I just made up as I went along but it turned out AMAZING! I made a cucumber salad on the side and it hit all the spots. On your weight loss journey, don't be afraid to experiment during the week. Leftover proteins are one of the best and easiest ways to try new recipes and add things to your "like" list. WHAT YOU NEED FOR 2 SANDWICHES ✨ 4 slices thick cut bread (we had a leftover brioche loaf I used, feel free to use any bread you like though) 6 oz. steak (already cooked and sliced) 1/4 yellow bell pepper (sliced thin) 1/4 orange bell pepper (sliced thin) 1/2 small sweet onion (sliced onion) 1 green onion (chopped) For Sauce 1 tsp sesame oil 3 tbsp soy sauce (reduced sodium) 1 (heaping) tbsp light brown sugar 2 garlic cloves (minced) 1 tsp chili oil (or 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes) 1 tbsp filtered water WHAT YOU'LL DO ⬇️ -Heat a small cast iron or nonstick pan over medium heat. Add sesame oil, heat slightly, then add soy sauce, water and brown sugar. Mix well. Then add garlic and cook for 1-2 minutes (until fragrant), add chili oil, mix again, then add leftover steak. Toss for 1 minute (you don't want it to cook, just warm up). Remove. - In the same pan, add bell peppers and onions in the leftover sauce. Cook for 2-3 minutes until soft. If your sauce is thickening up add a touch of soy sauce. - Remove. Pour in any leftover sauce with the steak/peppers. Add green onions. Toss. - Toast your bread, add 1/2 steak mixture, and enjoy hot! Will you try this? (~524 calories per sandwich) ____ This recipe is under “Asian Style Steak Sandwich” in SHEtrition’s meal planner. It’s ready for you to add to your weekly meal plan. And if you’re ready to up level your nutrition and your weight loss this spring and finally lose weight without all the rules and overwhelm, I’d absolutely love to have you in my program, SHEtrition ❤️✨ Click the link in my bio to learn more or join today! #nutritiontips #weightlosstips #weightlossjourney #healthylifestyle #healthylunch #highproteinmeals ♬ What It Is (Block Boy) - Doechii
This steak sandwich, made by the nutritionist behind Nutrition by Shantel, just screams yummy and makes use of leftovers and pantry items you probably already have. Steak is a good source of protein and iron and, when eaten in moderation, has B12 nutrients that have been found to be beneficial to energy levels.
@flyeatsshow Top Tier Summer Salad = Cilantro Honey Lime Shrimp !! #saladoftheday #saladoftheweek #fyp #healthymeals #tiktokfoodie ♬ BREAK MY SOUL - Beyoncé
If you missed the boat on that viral cucumber salad, this one, prepped by Jessica of Fly Eats Show, takes things much further in the veggie and protein department and is packed with leafy greens (which is rich in nutrients like fiber, which helps balance blood sugar), tangy Argentinian red shrimp and a fermented element by way of pickled onions that add a bit of crunchy zest. Veggies are always a plus in any diet, and fermented foods have been found to balance gut activity, producing "feel-good brain chemicals, including serotonin.
@shakaylafelice more details in the comments #easyveganrecipes #lunchideas #plantbasedtiktok ♬ Massive - Drake
Shakayla of Sweet Greens Vegan offers something special for all our plant-based baes (or those who just want to incorporate a Meatless Monday lunch in your routine). This one is a delish lunch hit, with the main draw being sweet and sour tofu, a plant-based protein filled with "mood-boosting magnesium." The avocado also adds its own perks, offering a nutritious fat to the mix.
@kimmyskreations And thats on pur! #kimmyskreations #friedcabbage #porkfree ♬ original sound - Kimmy’s Kreations
With this quick dish by a TikTok fave, Kimmy of Kimmy's Kreations is a feel-good Southern dinner classic that you can certainly have for lunch. Made with turkey sausage and bell peppers, which are also said to be amazing mood-boosting veggies, you can certainly be sure to get all the feels.
@tishwonders CHESTNUT, BUTTERNUT SQUASH AND ORZO LENTIL SALAD (3-4 servings) ½ butternut squash 1 cup orzo 150g beluga or puy lentils 200g cooked chestnuts 2 red onions 3 roasted red peppers (jarred) 30g parsley 2 tbsp. olive oil 2 tbsp. lemon juice extra virgin olive oil sea salt black pepper #fyp #tishwonders ♬ original sound - Tish Wonders
This salad, via Tish Wonders, features fresh and not-so-traditional ingredients like orzo, lentils, chestnuts, and butternut squash. If you want something that's savory, has the vitamins you need, and just breaks the monotony of traditional salads, this is one to try. (Bonus: Add the protein of your choice to make this a bit more filling.) She chose salmon, which is a fatty fish that is a great source of omega-3 fatty acids that are known to be anti-inflammatory and ideal for brain and nervous system development.
@orchidsnsweettea_ This velvety, smooth Creamy Roasted Garlic Tomato Soup is completely rich and comforting in flavor! 🍅 👉🏾For recipe, search ‘Creamy Roasted Garlic Tomato Soup’ on site. Link in bio. #tomatosoup #souplover #foodietiktok #foodtiktok #dinner #easydinner #grilledcheese #tomatoes #food ♬ Cal it a thing - noxz
Soups don't have to be reserved for sick days, and this one, by Shanika of Orchids + Sweet Tea, is hearty and full of flavor. The star here is tomatoes, which have gratifying nutrients like folate, iron, tryptophan, and B6 to positively impact your frame of mind.
@ebswc SPICY FRIED OYSTER MUSHROOM BURGER 🌶️ Back with another banging recipe using @lesleyssauces! This time we’re focusing on the hot pepper sauce 😍 INGREDIENTS: (makes 4 burgers/ half ingredients for less) For oyster mushrooms: 2 packs oyster mushrooms 1 tsp garlic powder 1 1/2 tsp chicken seasoning 1 tsp chilli powder Wet mix: 1/2 cup plain flour 1 tbsp all purpose 1/2 tbsp mixed herbs 100ml plant based milk 2 tbsp Lesley’s hot pepper sauce Dry mix: 1 cup plain flour 1 tbsp paprika 1/2 tbsp mixed herbs 1 tsp garlic powder 1 tsp black pepper 1 tsp mild curry powder 3 tbsp golden bread crumbs Spicy mayo: Mayo of choice Lesley’s Sauces hot pepper sauce 1 tsp dried parsley MEHTOD: 1. Prep oyster mushrooms and season them with garlic powder, chicken seasoning and chilli powder and set aside (the longer the better minimum 30 minutes). 2. Grab a bowl and mix all the batter/wet ingredients together and set aside. 3. Grab another bowl and mix all the dry mix ingredients together. 4. Add oil to a pan and heat up on a medium to high hear. 5. Whilst the pan is heating up, cover your mushrooms in the wet batter, the dry batter the wet and then the dry again (optional to repeat process but it makes it EXTRA crispy). 6. Once oyster mushrooms are fried. Set on some paper towel to soak up excess oil. 7. To make the spicy mayo add all the mayo ingredients listed above until mixed well. 8. Now build your burger! You can do this exactly how I have and add lettuce and tomatoes or any veg you prefer. ENJOY 🍴 Who’s feeling this burger? Show me in the comments 👇🏾 #friedoystermushrooms #lesleyssauces #veganburger #mushrooms #veganrecipe #veganmeals #mushrooms #blackveganrecipes #caribbeaninspired #eatwithebs #plantbasedrecipes #oystermushrooms #vegantiktok #vegansoftiktok #veganburgerrecipe #veganburgers #veganburger #kfc ♬ SAD GIRLZ LUV MONEY - Remix - Amaarae & Kali Uchis
Ebony, of Eat With Ebs, offers this spin on your usual burger, using oyster mushrooms, another cultivated option that has powerful compounds said to be a great source of antioxidants. They have also been found to---you guessed it---regulate blood sugar, which has a major impact on how you feel.
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Your October 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Magnetic Love & Divine Timing
October is about the power of attraction. This is the month to set your intentions, create space for a new beginning, and find your balance between the past, present, and future. There aren’t many astrological transits this month, signaling more possibilities in the air and an opportunity to create that which you desire.
We begin the month in Libra Season, and Libra Season is always the time of year when love is the highlight. With Juno also entering Sagittarius on October 1, right as we begin the month, it’s about committing yourself to a new adventure, to the gifts of love, and to perspectives that heal and bring you closer to another.
October 2025 Astrology: An Overview
Mercury enters Scorpio on October 6, and Mercury in Scorpio only knows depth. The conversations being had this month are inspiring, transformative, and a little more blunt than usual. This energy is good for the power of persuasion and for asking for what you want, especially within business and financial matters. On the same day, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this is a powerful Full Moon for reflection, owning your power, and letting go of the insecurities that don’t resonate with what you want for yourself and your future.
Venus, the planet of love, moves into Libra on October 13 after being in Virgo for the past month, and after some time of healing and clarity in love, Libra is here to bring in the romance. Venus loves being in Libra, and this energy creates new beginnings within relationships and provides a little extra magic in this area of life. With Pluto going direct in Aquarius on the same day after being retrograde since May, life and love move forward mid-October, helping provide more stable and nurturing foundations in your personal life and community as well.
The New Moon of the month occurs in Libra on October 21, making it a beautiful time for manifesting romance, balance, and harmony in your world.
This New Moon aligns with the Sun in Libra, and it’s all about letting a new beginning transform your world and the love in your life for the better. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and Neptune retrograde enters Pisces on the same day, bringing in some water sign energy into the mix. As we close out the month, it’s time to renew, honor the transformations occurring, and know that your dreams aren’t as far out of reach as they may seem at times.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what October 2025 has in store for you.
What October 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about perspective, Aries. This is the month to trust the divine timing of your life, and not let the what-ifs overwhelm you. With the Sun in Libra, your sister sign, for most of the month, October is about building connections, finding your balance in love, and knowing that you are worthy of what your heart is seeking right now. We have a Supermoon in your sign on October 6, and emotions are a little heavier this month, but also healing. Give yourself grace, and let go of what isn’t working for you.
Venus is in your house of love from October 13 until November 6, and there is a lot to look forward to when it comes to romance and the relationship dynamics in your life as you move through the month. It’s about being confident in your power of attraction and letting love come to you right now. Before October comes to an end, we have a New Moon in your 7th house of love as well, and with all this energy in your relationship zone, life changes for you in love for the better in October.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a spiritual month for you, Taurus. You are thinking a lot about your next steps ahead, and are getting organized, focused, and aligned. The Supermoon on October 6 is a time of reflection for you, and you are entering the month ready to let go of the past, heal, and create space for something new in your life. This month is all about trusting your intuition and letting your wisdom guide you in your personal growth and evolution.
You are more than where you have been, and this month is a reminder of that.
With Mars in Scorpio and in your 7th house of love all month, you are motivated by the partnerships in your life right now. Your love life and relationships are where the action is for you this month, and you are honoring your passion and direction here. Venus, your planetary ruler, moves into your house of health mid-month and into November, and you are leaving October seeking healthier habits, daily routines, and relationships. Overall, this month is helping you align with your vision.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a fresh start for you, Gemini. Your heart is free, love is beaming, and you are feeling larger than life. This month is about taking a leap of faith in yourself, honoring your confidence in life, and being your biggest advocate. With the Sun in your 5th house of self-expression, romance, and happiness, and with Venus entering this same area of your chart mid-October, there is a lot to look forward to right now, and things are looking up for you.
On October 21, we have a New Moon in a fellow air sign, and this is a good time to set your intentions for creative projects, hobbies, romance, and your overall happiness in life. There are a lot of little moments of magic unfolding for you this month, and this New Moon is one of them. Before October comes to an end, Mercury, your ruling planet, enters Sagittarius, and this brings open communication into your relationships, and you are having lively conversations and insights.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a transformative month for you, Cancer. You are moving through closure, healing, and depth as you navigate the opportunities that are coming into your life, with the stability you are seeking. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family in October, this is the month to spend more time in your safe spaces, connect with your loved ones, and get grounded. You are also more focused on your financial world right now, and this is a good time for building new foundations for yourself and looking at the bigger picture when it comes to your career and life goals.
Mars is in your house of romance and happiness for the entire month, and this is one of the highlights of your life right now. You are passionate about your joy and all the things that light you up inside, and you are protecting your peace and giving more of your energy to your pleasure. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Libra, highlighting your home life, and some Cancers may be moving at the end of the month or getting the opportunity to turn a page here. Overall, this is your month to reflect, go within, and make sense of what has been restricting you from feeling stable.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about taking things one day at a time and being patient with what is presenting itself to you, Leo. This month, you are getting your ducks in a row and gaining the clarity needed to create a new beginning in your life. The month begins with a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign on October 6, aligning in harmony with you and fueling your need for adventure. You are going over the wisdom you have gained as of late and how it has shifted the way you navigate your life and see the world around you.
On October 13, Pluto goes direct in your 7th house of love, after being retrograde here since May. This is bringing in more balance, empowerment, and passion into your love life, and this is a positive change of energy for you after a time of some power struggles within your relationships. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and this New Moon is the best time to set intentions for clarity, communication, and connection. October is about taking your time with things and knowing that everything is working out in your favor at the end of the day.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis October is about finding your balance, Virgo. There is a lot of energy when it comes to your finances this month, but you may be overworking or overcommitting yourself in the process. Honor the opportunities and responsibilities in your life, but make sure you are equally taking care of your health and prioritizing your time and energy so that you don’t burn out. Venus, the planet of love, is in your sign until October 13; use this energy to your benefit and let things come to you.
You are a magnet for abundance, romance, and support if you allow yourself to receive it.
On October 13, Venus moves into your 2nd house of income, and your relationships are a supportive place for you to lean on right now. Your love life and partnerships are where your financial world is evolving this month, and this is a good time to ask for what you want; you never know what may happen. At the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde in your sister sign, Pisces, and you are taking a step back and reassessing what love means for you right now. Overall, October is about remembering that you don’t have to do it all alone, Virgo.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra Season is here, and it’s your time to shine and thrive! This Libra Season changes everything for you, and October is when you really begin to feel this shift in your life. The Sun is in your sign until October 22, and it’s time to put yourself first. With a Supermoon in Aries as we begin the month as well, you are letting go of any unhealthy attachments or relationship dynamics that take you away from yourself, and are moving into deeper clarity.
On October 13, Venus, your planetary ruler, enters your sign, where it loves to be the most. With Venus in your sign for the rest of the month, love takes on a new tone, and you are feeling more love for yourself and where life is taking you right now. To end the month, we have a New Moon in Libra, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want life to grow for you over the next year. This is a month of embarking on a new journey of self, and allowing what is inspiring you right now to build your confidence in yourself and your relationships.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about honoring your freedom and your power to decide, Scorpio. A lot is going on for you this month, and you have the passion and energy to see things through. Mercury, the planet of communication, moves into your sign at the beginning of the month on October 6, and this is going to help you get your ideas across, making it a good month for business matters, networking, and getting inspired. With Mars also in your sign for the entire month, life moves forward for you in transformative ways in October, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
On October 13, Venus moves into your house of closure, healing, and endings, and you are ready to close one chapter of love and create space for a new one. You are in a contemplative space when it comes to matters of the heart, and you are ready to let go of any heaviness you have been feeling here. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and you are ready to begin again. This Scorpio Season is about owning your confidence in life while letting go of insecurities or self-doubts that have been getting in the way of that.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything unfolds for you in a beautiful way this month, Sagittarius. You are flowing well with the energy of October, and life opens up to you. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations, dreams, manifestations, and community, you are feeling in balance with your desires and your reality, and are bridging the gap here. This is a month of friendship, believing in your dreams, and creating space for love. With Juno also entering your sign at the beginning of the month until the end of the year, you are attracting soulmates into your life.
On October 6, we have a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign, allowing you some closure in love and a chance at healing. Your heart is feeling renewed, and you are owning your power in creating happiness in your life. Before the month ends, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, where it will be until mid-November, and inspiration is heightened. Pay attention to the guidance you are receiving this month, the conversations you are having, and the light bulb moments that are going off for you right now.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about going within and connecting with the guidance of your soul, Capricorn. You are taking more time for yourself this month, and rightly so, as you need time to fully process what has happened so far this year. Pluto goes direct in your 2nd house of income, and this moves things forward when it comes to your earning potential, abundance, and values.
The key this month is in valuing yourself, your perspective, and what you are building in your life right now.
On October 21, we have a New Moon happening in your career zone, and this is a good time to manifest your goals within your professional world. Put yourself out there, show up, and know that you are worthy of success and that your dreams aren’t too big for you. As we close out the month, Mercury moves into your house of closure, even further facilitating your desire for contemplation and alone time this month. Overall, October is about taking care of your mental health, owning your successes, and finding your peace.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a new beginning for you in love and in life, Aquarius. Your heart is feeling inspired, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. The Supermoon at the beginning of the month will be occurring in your 3rd house of communication, giving you the answers you have been looking for and helping you close the door on a chapter in your life that left you feeling misunderstood or misdirected. You are ready for a change of pace this month, and you are receiving that as we begin October.
Mid-October, Pluto goes direct in your sign after being retrograde since May, and this is a huge breath of fresh air for you and your path ahead. You may have been a little harder on yourself while Pluto was retrograde this year, and now you feel ready to forgive, move on, and own your power. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and you are embarking on a new adventure. The end of the month is a good time for traveling, exploring, and gaining a new perspective.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is giving you the guidance, perspective, and passion to see yourself with clear, loving eyes, Pisces. There is a sense of feeling more overwhelmed with life lately, and October is allowing you to gain the insight needed to move on from this energy, or at least see more of the gifts of what has occurred. On October 6, we have a Supermoon in an area of your chart having to do with self-worth, values, and income, and it’s time to see the gifts of what you have been investing in and valuing in your life, including yourself.
Let go of the need to play it small or count yourself out of important conversations, and know that you deserve a seat at the table.
With Pluto going direct in your 12th house of healing as we end the month, you are finally getting the answers you have been looking for emotionally, and it’s changing your perspective on your commitments in life and making you feel empowered. Before the month ends, Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces, and you are going to be moving through a personal revolution as we close out the year. You are inspired by change right now, and this month is what kicks starts this metamorphosis within you.
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Falling Out: Here's How To 'Fall-Proof' Your Friendships
At this point, I’m pretty sure that all of us have heard the opening line of a poem by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker, which says, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Personally, I think that relationships move a lot better (even the ones that end) when you seek out the PURPOSE (more than the reason) for why someone enters and exits…yet that’s another article for another time.
Seasonal relationships — or as we’re going to discuss today, seasonal friendships. In the general sense, some people only last for a season in our lives because they were mostly “sent” to teach us something, and/or we’ve moved out of relational alignment with them, and/or we “misread” the purpose of them even being around to begin with (that’s a BIG one).
However, today, we’re going to talk about a different kind of seasonal friendship. Today is all about why it seems like, with fall, sometimes it comes with a shift in how we interact with those around us. Then we’re going to tackle what to do about it, so that we don’t hurt, offend, or end up ending a friendship prematurely, simply because we didn’t get how autumn may have impacted us in some unpredictable yet quite relevant ways that didn’t translate well to our peeps.
Chile, live long enough and you will get that good friends really aren’t the dime a dozen you may have thought that they were in high school. So, if you want to “fall-proof” your friendships as soon as possible, here is how to do just that.
Be Aware of How the Fall Season May Affect You
GiphyI have a friend who is a diehard Scorpio (IYKYK) and chile, like clockwork, about six weeks out from her birthday, she totally goes off of the grid — sometimes with a heads up, oftentimes without. And although I used to chalk it up to being nothing more than a period of self-reflection, she also seems a bit mentally and emotionally tapped out during that time of year too.
And so, I did a bit of research and discovered that although Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) — which is a type of depression that upticks during the fall and winter seasons — is quite prevalent around this time, it is also common for many humans to go into their own form of “hibernation” which causes them to want to isolate, sleep more and not socialize as much.
Interestingly enough, because many of us find fall to be our favorite season out of the four, that can also motivate us to want to be alone to walk and look at the turning leaves, to drink hot apple cider while staring out of our living room window or to watch fall-themed rom-coms all by ourselves. And then, if you add to that the fact that, whether consciously or subconsciously, we are storing up energy (sometimes energy that we barely have) to get ready for all that the holiday season takes out of us — yeah, sometimes the last thing that we want to do during the this time is be sociable.
So, off top, if it seems like you are pulling away from your friendships right about now, take out a journal and jot down if any of what I’ve just said resonates with you. Shoot, I’ve brought this up to that Scorpio homie of mine and she said that it definitely hit home.
Get an Understanding of If Autumn Is Draining You…or If “They” Are
GiphyFall fatigue. It’s something else that is extremely common. There are a few reasons why; however, probably the most popular one is that when the days are shorter (and you are indoors more often), you get less exposure to natural vitamin D which is a nutrient that helps to give you more energy. Not only that but exposure to darkness also ramps up your internal melatonin levels which can cause you to lag around as well — and when you feel worn out, what makes you want to have drinks with friends after work or brunch with them on the weekends?
Pretty much all you want to do is lie on your couch or sleep in your bed. And so yes, this is something else that you absolutely need to consider — that you don’t “have it” for your buddies because you physically feel completely drained.
Now, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ponder another possibility. LOL. What I mean by that is, while you’re journaling and thinking, use the quiet time as an opportunity to decide if you are using fall as an excuse to avoid certain folks, mostly because have been draining you, hell, since this time last year.
And what are some signs of a draining individual:
- They give more than they take
- They bring more problems than solutions
- They gossip and/or criticize more than they affirm
- They deflect instead of taking responsibility and accountability for their actions
- They like to play the victim
- They constantly want to be the center of attention
- They talk more than they listen
- They are super dramatic and/or childish
- They don’t give a damn about honoring your boundaries
- They cultivate more chaos than peace (more times than not)
Listen, you can read articles like, “Texting Your Friends This One Question Will Reveal A Lot About Your Relationship,” “Make Your Friendships (Even) Stronger By Doing These 6 Things,” “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends,” “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend” and “10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins” to know that I am big — HUGE, in fact — on promoting taking friendship inventory on an annual basis.
And that’s why, I’m definitely encouraging you to think about if you find yourself pulling away from someone (or some people) right through here because, while you’d like to think that it has to do with the autumn equinox, it’s actually more about how they are draining you — not just during the fall season either.
Clearly Articulate That with Your People
GiphyOkay, so whether it’s the weather or the person, something that I am big on is communication. So much so that my circle is used to the fact that, right around Rosh Hashanah (the new year that I personally choose to observe), I may send out a mass email about my relationship-related thoughts, feelings and expectations.
I do that because I honor my friendships enough not to play games, be passive aggressive (check out “More People Are Using The 'Gray Rock Method' To End Relationships. It Needs To Stop.” and “What Should You Do If You're Dating A Passive-Aggressive Person?”) or act like they should be able to read my mind. Nah, I want you to know right where I stand, so that we can decide where we stand too. It proves to be pretty effective because it gives them the opportunity to take inventory on us too.
And so yes, clear communication is something that I recommend, across the board — whether you need to be quiet for a few weeks, just because, or you think it’s time to do some reevaluating of a friendship and its purpose (at least for now). That way, no one feels dismissed, confused or ghosted. And that is always a good thing (a great way to honor karma as well).
Find Compromising Ways to Spend Quality Time Together
GiphySo, what if, after all of what I just said, you really do believe that the fall season is what’s got you not wanting to “hang” so much? Does that mean not hang AT ALL because while your introverted and ambivert friends are probably semi-cool with that? The extroverts? They might feel pretty slighted — and like I (basically) said in my article, “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient,'” your relationships can’t just be about your wants and your needs. Their feelings have to be taken into consideration too.
Plan some one-on-one dates (even if you need to do it several weeks from now; it shows intention and gives them something to look forward to). Go to their house or have them come to yours. Hop on Zoom, so that they can at least see your face (good lord — LOL). See, the thing that I had to explain to my Scorpio friend is that no-contact with no warning is hella extreme. At least, let’s do something together before you vanish and at least commit to replying to every third text, so that I know when to do a wellness check on your ass. LOL.
You’d be amazed how smooth transitions in seasons can go (unless you’ve got a control freak for a friend on your hands) when you’re willing to hear people out, meet them halfway and make a few compromises. Try it.
Don’t Feel Like Talking? Text. Don’t Feel Like Texting? Email.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said — there is nothing like individuals who don’t want to be bothered, who try and gaslight you about feeling some type of way about it, only for them to suddenly want you to be on-call to “come out and play” whenever THEY are in the mood. That is called relational entitlement and please, don’t fall for it.
Listen, the reality is that no matter how the fall may have someone feeling, unless it is diagnosed depression, they can at least text or email you every once in a while, not just to let you know that they are good but to check in on you as well — because, y’all, let’s not ever forget that the root word in relationship is RELATE and one definition of that word is “to bring into or establish association, connection, or relation.”
Relationships — friendships included — are a lot like plants and most plants need to be watered on a (fairly) consistent basis. That said, if you are going to be low-key for the next several weeks (or even a couple of months), care about your friendships enough to maintain some sort of communication. There is simply too much technology out here these days not to.
Tell Yourself and Them That…This Too Shall Pass
GiphyLove is patient. Put a bookmark on that for just a sec. A project that my mother executive produced many years ago featured one of the best gospel duos ever recorded — and no, I am not going to argue about it. The song is called “This Too Shall Pass” and it features Yolanda Adams and a white woman who can SANG sing, Crystal Lewis.
Now fun fact: When the album (Sisters: The Story Goes On) came out, I told my mother that “this too shall pass” isn’t exactly biblical (she didn’t believe me either—LOL). It’s actually a line from a 12th century Persian poem (the more you know, right?) — it is a beautiful sentiment nonetheless and it actually reminds me of something that I once heard Dylan McKay’s mom (shout-out to Beverly Hills, 90210) once tell Brenda (after she found out about him and Kelly): “Even despair exhausts itself.” Amen. To EVERYTHING, good and not-so-good, a time and season — and that is in the Bible (Ecclesiastes 3).
Anyway, as I wrap all of this up, I’m mentioning this phrase to say that if you are on the receiving end of a friend who relationally “falls back” during this time of the year, if you know that the two of you are good and it’s more about them and their stuff — practice a little patience. Sometimes, for friends to show up in their best form, they need some time to recharge and that is more than okay. Again, so long as the two of you are solid, it’s OK to give people some room.
This too shall pass. Literally.
___
It’s a columnist by the name of Richard J. Needham who once said, “You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being.” It’s true and honestly, this insight can translate into friendships as well. There are seasons in those too and, the more you prepare for them, the easier they are to get through.
Friendship fallbacks don’t have to be fallouts.
Prepare. Adjust. Act accordingly.
Simple math.
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