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We Talked To Over 20 Guys About The Things They Like In Bed But Won’t Ask For
Let's keep it all the way real here. Men love sex. Women love sex. Those are just the facts. But what's often up for debate is exactly how each group would REALLY prefer to enjoy it. And I'm not just talking about favorite positions and foreplay. No, I'm talking about those deep innermost thoughts that we all secretly have but rarely ever voice. You know, the ones that would make all our mommas and grandmamas clutch their pearls if word ever got out. The ones that might make our friends look at us a little differently at brunch. And the ones that ALSO might make our significant other step up their game in bed if expressed.
So, it was in that spirit that I decided to take to the streets (not really because, 'Rona) and get a firsthand account of some of the things men like in bed but don't always ask for. And boy, did they NOT hold back. From butt play to role play and everything in between--nothing was off limits for these guys and the things they like but won't ask for. And I do mean, nothing. You might want to keep your pearls handy and pour up a drink for this one. Don't say I didn't warn you.
*Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect the freaky.
The Things Guys Like In Bed But Won't Ask For
For some guys, there was hardly anything they couldn’t ask for in bed…
Zach, 26
"Honestly, we are extremely open sexually and make sure to give reviews often. We've done some weird stuff already before so it's not many things I couldn't bring up."
Cortney, 27
"Usually I ask if it's something not being reciprocated. I feel like in the bedroom, when it comes to sex--it's a connection both partners have. In my case, I'm never apprehensive because most times it's clear, if that makes sense."
James, 27
"Everything I'm interested in, my partner is fine doing it. But I guess it's not fair that I never really asked for anything, it just happened over time."
Anthony, 26
"I'm personally kind of vocal in the things I like to participate in, so really I'm asking for whatever (laughs). I will say I haven't reached the pinnacle of 'freakiness', so my palette is honestly easy to ask for when wanted. In my past/current experiences, as I get older, there will be things I might like to try and explore. But hopefully, I'll have chosen an open enough partner who doesn't make me feel like what I'm asking for is out of the question."
Chris W*, 29
"Honestly, I am apprehensive about asking for things. My upbringing contributed heavily to never being a man to ask anything from anyone, especially my lady. I desire for us to be less structured and more experimental. Not in a sense of bringing other people in or anything, but just in getting lost within each other sexually."
"I will say I haven't reached the pinnacle of 'freakiness', so my palette is honestly easy to ask for when wanted. In my past/current experiences, as I get older, there will be things I might like to try and explore. But hopefully, I'll have chosen an open enough partner who doesn't make me feel like what I'm asking for is out of the question."
For other guys, what they won't ask for in bed is butt play…
TJ, 37
"[I want] my butthole to be touched. I don't want it penetrated but when I'm getting head, I like it touched. If I'm with a person that is not as open-minded or a person that I think will tease me for something we did, that makes me uncomfortable. Like a woman: the more comfortable I am, the freakier I am."
Dave, 36
"I like my butt being played with. My partner has done it before and was actually the one who introduced me to it, but then she goes to say that she's worried that I'll realize I'm actually gay. So, I never ask for it and just hope she chooses to each time."
Robert, 35
"I want my anus ate. It's not an easy topic to discuss or bring up, especially when you've not hinted at it before. Sometimes I want a freebie. That's a jump and nut. Not because I don't care about her pleasure, but because the week was long and I just need to get it out. Also, screw me like you got competition and if you know you ain't fresh, freshen up. And if you know there's another woman that's a fantasy of mine, be her for a night. I'd appreciate you more sexually."
For some, oral sex was the thing…
Marlon, 28
"I like it when my girl takes the initiative when it comes to giving head. I like a girl who enjoys sucking dick and doesn't wait for me to ask for it. I don't have a problem asking, but the energy is different (and better for me) when she just pulls it out and does her thing. I'm not necessarily apprehensive but it's not the same feel if I ask for it. [It] takes the spontaneity out of it."
Ed, 25
"I like oral sex but I wouldn't expect it every time. Because sometimes giving head is what a man wants versus what a woman wants. And if I can't give her what she wants, then I don't feel comfortable asking for it."
Chris R*, 26
"Oral sex is something I like to give and receive. However, it becomes an issue when the female doesn't like giving and only wants to receive. It also plays into my philosophy of relationships. I believe both parties should be doing whatever they can to please the other person. This is more of a martial concept, of course. But that's what creates harmony in the relationship. When both are willing to step slightly outside of their comfort zone to please each other, it creates satisfaction for both sides. It's one of those things I shouldn't have to ask for (in my opinion). I don't want her to think I feel entitled to it. But in all honesty, since we both are Christians, we shouldn't be doing it at all before marriage anyways so that also becomes an issue of guilt."
"I believe both parties should be doing whatever they can to please the other person. This is more of a martial concept, of course. But that's what creates harmony in the relationship. When both are willing to step slightly outside of their comfort zone to please each other, it creates satisfaction for both sides."
And for others, it was a bit of everything...
Reggie*, 33
"We've discussed the standard things: threesome--open to before the pandemic; she wants to watch me with another woman, [but there's the] same dilemma. In that, there's a little bit of a cheating fantasy, I think, but I don't even know where or how to bring that up. Also, I'm really into--there's no politically correct term I know for this--tit-f*cking. But my girlfriend isn't endowed in that way. We've tried, but it didn't work. So, I'm always nervous bringing it back up. Another visual thing I'm into, but it would have to wait for post-pandemic, is a double blowjob. Selfish to some degree, but in addition to the visual, I'm curious about how it actually feels. If there's anything that I'm more interested in that I don't know how to bring up again, it's being in an open relationship."
Keith, 32
"I really enjoy a level of role-playing, but not full-on acting out different characters. But more so, unwavering focus to be as nasty as you want. That means someone who takes charge and talks dirty and just makes sex feel like an event. I don't ever want them to feel as if they're less than what I want or that I'm being demanding."
AK, 32
"Oh, I know one, sleeping in the bed alone. [Were] you ever in a relationship and just want the bed to yourself for no reason? I wouldn't be able to say it out loud. But I guess anything that I think would make her look at me differently or make her feel like she was just a prop for the sole sake of my pleasure. I think culture has conditioned us as males, especially straight black males, to feel like sex is performative and mainly for our pleasure as a reward of being like the realest n*gga or getting a girl to let you have sex with her. From rap songs to porn, it's easy to take that mentality into the bedroom and assume that's the goal of sex. And as a guy, if you not careful, you can catch yourself slipping into that headspace instead of like, a collaborative, serve each other mindset that is mutually beneficial."
"I think culture has conditioned us as males, especially straight black males, to feel like sex is performative and mainly for our pleasure as a reward of being like the realest n*gga or getting a girl to let you have sex with her. From rap songs to porn, it's easy to take that mentality into the bedroom and assume that's the goal of sex. And as a guy, if you not careful, you can catch yourself slipping into that headspace instead of like, a collaborative, serve each other mindset that is mutually beneficial."
Julian, 28
"To be honest, there isn't much I wouldn't ask for that he wouldn't do because I'm very straightforward and transparent and he enjoys it! I think the things I would ask for, would be sex in public places other than a damn car, where the thrill of getting caught plays into us getting off! I would like to be tied up to a swing, gagged, spanked and a light beating with oil before sex. And it needs to be good aggressive sex, like biting and scratching pinned down, talking shit and maybe even a little spit in my mouth here and there. Choke me while you f*ck me and I'm on poppers so the head high and orgasm are amazing. I love soft passionate lovemaking, but sometimes I need that hard pressure and aggression."
Shannon, 27
"I've never really given it any thought but now that I think about it whenever I'm giving backshots, the sights are wonderful. Sometimes I'm like, 'I wonder what this hole would feel like instead' and as quick as the thought pops up, I'm like, 'Nah, she's probably not into that, TF is wrong with me?' But truthfully, for my life partner, whoever she may be, if I could learn all of the ways to bring her pleasure, why wouldn't I?"
GDT, 30
"In real life, in most scenarios, I am the leader and/or in some form of control. I want to be able to sit back and enjoy this session. Feel free to take complete control. Also, tease me. I like to work for it up until the point of your last piece of clothing comes off. As bad as you want it, make me think I'm working for it even in that moment. That's sure to get you more than one round. Be spontaneous! Let's have sex in the car, on a hiking trail, the kitchen counter, inside the resturant bathroom. Let's try some things.
"Be nasty. Let me slut you out! Sounds bad, but if I'm the only person enjoying you and vice versa, swallow me literally and figuratively. And lastly, initiate more often: I love sex, Men love sex. We don't want to have to ask for it or feel like we're pressuring you. Just come home and do what needs to be done (laughs). I'm a professional, always, so sounding rude or overly pressuring someone I love and/or sexually active with is not the goal. Also, I understand the daily disrespect and hard days Black women have (and I'm only interested in Black women--no love lost for others pursuing differently) so I'm not trying to seem abusive by my request."
"Be nasty. Let me slut you out! Sounds bad, but if I'm the only person enjoying you and vice versa, swallow me literally and figuratively. And lastly, initiate more often: I love sex, Men love sex. We don't want to have to ask for it or feel like we're pressuring you."
Jay*, 30
"I started watching porn really early, at like 10. I'm almost thirty now so, as the years passed, regular porn wasn't enough for me. I started to watch more BDSM, trans, cuckold, humiliation, femdom stuff because of the shock value and it excited me. One thing I struggle with is defining what I just like to watch and what I actually want to try. A few things I have yet to tell my wife about is my desire to be degraded. Like while we're having sex, I want her to laugh at my size, call my penis small, make fun of me. Along with this, I want her to communicate how worthless my dick is and tell me to bend over so she can peg me. I'd actually love to do all of these things in front of our friends. I really want to go to an adult lifestyle club and have sex in a room full of strangers and watch others."
Arin*, 28
"Hmmmm. That's a good question. I would have to say that I feel like confidence is the most important thing that I can't really ask for. I feel like confidence leads to a lot. And plus, there is little better than a beautiful woman who knows she's beautiful."
Aaron, 33
"I like my nip-nips sucked up on and licked, damnit. I had a girlfriend that used to do that shit and it was tight. But it's hella weird being a grown ass man asking for it still. To be honest, I think guys' bodies are just as sensitive to touch as the ladies'. Getting kissed all over would be tight in general, maybe it's just me."
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images