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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
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Unmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
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Okay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
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If off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
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A friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
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It’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
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I once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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The mother of three began her career as a celebrity makeup artist, but after meeting her now-husband, who was a fur vendor, she began her venture into fashion with a bag line in honor of their stillborn baby.
Tiara Marie
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“I just launched a bag line. It was my healing journey because we ended up having a pregnancy loss that summer. So I started a bag line in honor of the baby we lost, and it started taking off because it was exotic skins,” she says.
“It would kind of go hand in hand with the controversial fur industry as well. I figured out the marketing online [and] social media. [My husband] ended up needing help because covid hit. That's kind of how I got started.”
She adds, “I always liked fashion, but I wasn't so into it until I met him and then once I started working, I really fell in love with it.”
Learn more about Tiara’s favorite celebrity moments and what’s next for her FGM Bespoke line below.
Tiara on the first celeb to wear FGM Bespoke
“Jeezy was the first one who I got a fur on. We went to his concert. I knew he loved fur, and I was dedicated to get to him. We ended up doing the Verzuz battle (where he battled Gucci Mane), and the “Almighty Black Dollar” music video with the Frank Lucas chinchilla. Those were ours.”
Tiara on one of her “I made it” moments
“Monica. The first half of the tour [she wore my furs], and being able to bring my daughter backstage and have her watch Monica perform in my fur, that was huge to me.”
On the story behind Beyoncé wearing FGM Bespoke
Tiara Marie and Beyoncé's stylist Ty Hunter
Photo by Furrygodmother.tiara/ Instagram
“I met her stylist Ty [Hunter], who's like an angel. He's literally my spiritual brother that I never met. But I did a pop up in New York City, and he wanted to pull something for Beyoncé. So we sent it, and she didn't end up wearing it. He ended up bringing them back to the pop up and pulled something for himself to wear, a gold leather jacket to [Emerge! NYFW] where he was being honored. He ended up wearing it on stage and everything, and tagging us and shouting us out.
"Then a couple weeks later, when he came back and brought [the jacket] back, he was looking through pieces and found feathers for her. He's like, ‘Oh, I can get her in this. She'll definitely wear this one,’ but he didn’t take it then. So a couple weeks later, he calls [saying], ‘I need that piece that we said we can get her in.’ We sent it because I didn't think it was going to happen because we did it a couple times, and nothing happened.
"A week and a half later, he texted me, like, ‘we did it, we did it.’ And I'm like, did we? He’s like, ‘it'll be out next week.’ So then that week, I wake up to his message of the video. ‘See, I told you I got you. Here it is, right here’ and I just started crying. I had so many people reposting it and sending it to me [and] I can't believe this moment is really happening because who can get Beyoncé like that? I'm a regular person. I never imagined to ever get that close to her in my life. I never thought that could happen.”
On what’s next for FGM Bespoke
“Of course, New York Fashion Week. Just kind of start a new line. Just gotta keep creating. I'm gonna start actually sitting in my own house and doing my own pieces. I mean, I already do. I do a lot of my own stuff, like the clothing. The coats, not so much, but I really want to master the craft. I don't want to be like the rest of the designers out there and having manufacturers.
"I want to make it myself from head to toe, so that is my goal for this year. If I have to sit down the whole year, I'm going to master the craft to be a real designer.”
Feature image courtesy