Sometimes y’all, no matter what everyone else might be doing (or thinking about what you are doing), you’ve got to go with your best mind concerning what is actually best for you. And as you can tell by the title of today’s dig in, what I’m referring to, this time, is being perfectly fine with choosing to be natural, and while also having straight hair at the same time.
What those women are called are “straight naturals,” and I’ve found it to be the best thing for me and my hair for a long time. It’s mostly because, although I don’t choose to use relaxers anymore, I do find it easier to style and maintain my hair when it’s straight (via other methods that we will get into in just a moment).
A part of what inspired me to talk about this more in-depth was checking out a YouTube video that popped up into my feed a while back. The channel is Shell Talks Hair, and the topic was “The Best Styling Routine for Natural Hair.” In it, she mentioned some of what it takes to be a straight natural and, well, since we’re still in the summer season, I thought that it would be a good idea to share a few hacks that can help you out in the midst of all of the heat and humidity, if being a straight natural is what you choose to do.
So, let’s dig in. Starting (and ending) with a couple of other straight naturalistas and their tips, along with 10 of my own that I’ve personally found to make being a straight natural pretty awesome and (relatively) easy — even when it’s hot as literal hell outdoors.
1. Invest in a Really (REALLY) Good Hair Dryer
GiphyIf you’re going to make the decision/commitment to be a straight natural, you absolutely cannot skimp on your hair dryer. Since it is going to be playing such a pivotal role in stretching out your tresses, you want to make sure that you go with one that can get the job done with as little damage and drama as possible.
The one that I personally use is the CONFU Hair Dryer Professional Ionic Salon Blow Dryer; that’s because it dries my hair hella fast without a lot of pulling and tugging (plus, the price was reasonable). On the other hand, if money grows on trees in your world, first, can I come and live with you? Secondly, you might wanna cop a Revair Reverse-Air Hair Dryer. Although it costs a few hundred bucks, the people I know who own it say that it’s well worth the investment.
Some other options that you might want to check out are featured in InStyle’s “The 8 Best Hair Dryers for a Blowout Minus the Damage, Tested & Reviewed” and Cosmopolitan’s “8 Blow Dryers for 4c Hair That I’m Obsessed With for My Natural Curls” articles. Another tip is to go to YouTube and put “best blow dryers for natural hair” in the search field. Naturalistas are full of hot hair hacks on that app.
2. Watch the Hell Outta Some Silk Press Tutorials
GiphyAlthough I would consider myself to be a straight natural, honestly, all I do is blow out my hair (check out “One Thing About Fall Is It's The Ideal Season For Blowouts”) and go on about my life. However, if you want yours bone straight to the point where it looks like you’ve relaxed it, a silk press (which is a styling technique that combines blow drying with flat ironing) is probably gonna be your best bet.
And if you want to keep a few coins in your pocket by avoiding seeing a professional stylist, YouTube also has all kinds of DIY tutorials for the technique on there. Some examples are located here, here, here, here and here. Oh, and there’s no point in knowing how to do a silk press if you don’t have a suitable flat iron.
3. Try a Hair Straightening Shampoo
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how, back in the day, shampoo was pushed as simply something that got your hair clean. These days, though? There seem to be all sorts that can do all kinds of stuff. Take hair-straightening shampoo, for example. Although it might sound like nothing more than a marketing ploy, actually, what could make them a good choice if you want to be a straight natural is the fact that they contain more silicones and polymers than standard shampoos do.
This is a win because they “weigh down” the hair a bit and also reduce frizz so that your cuticles are smoother for a longer period of time. If you’d like to give hair straightening shampoo a shot, a list of some of the best ones are located here.
4. Use a Silicone-Based Conditioner
GiphySpeaking of silicone, if you’ve always wondered if it’s something that you should try, as a person with high porosity hair myself, one of the best things that has happened to me and my hair is a silicone conditioner (the one I use is here). My hair is softer, the detangling process is much easier and the way that it reduces blow drying time while also keeping my cuticles flat — GIRL! The reason why silicone is able to do this is because they are made up of a combination of synthetic oils and waxes that help to keep your hair hydrated for a longer period of time. Plus, they reduce humidity which is always the nemesis when it comes to trying to keep hair straight/stretched for longer periods of time in the hotter seasons.
That’s not to say that silicones are the holy grail for everyone because they can sometimes be too heavy for finer hair strands. Also, if you don’t use a clarifying shampoo from time to time, they can actually block your tresses from receiving more of the moisture that it needs (from say, humectants).
Bottom line, test silicone conditioners out to see if it’s a good fit for you personally. As for me and my house, though, they are one of the best things ever!
5. Rinse Your Hair with Cool Water
GiphyAlthough you might think that how you rinse your hair isn’t really that big of a deal, there is actually some science out here that says otherwise. The reality is, if you opt for rinsing your hair in cool water, it seals your hair’s cuticles so that they lie flat which reduces frizz. Another perk that comes with cool water is it actually helps to lock in moisture (and moisturizing ingredients) for a longer period of time. So, although hot water might feel absolutely amazing on your scalp, it does tend to dehydrate it as well as your hair. So…for the health of your hair and scalp — and so that your hair remains straighter for a longer period of time — rinsing your hair in cooler water really is the best way to go.
6. Apply a Heat Protectant
GiphyNo matter how much I like applying heat to my hair, I’m not blind to the fact that, if I’m not careful, it can end up doing more harm than good to my strands. That’s because, when extreme temps (or constantly applying heating tools) hit hair strands, it can severely dehydrate them and that can lead to breakage. That’s why, as a straight natural, one of your absolute best friends needs to be heat protectant. I’ve shared before that hair professionals say that if your locks are on the thicker side, you’d be better off applying a cream instead of spray. While that may be true, I’ve been rocking with L'Oréal Paris's Advanced Hairstyle Sleek It Iron Straight Heat Spray for a minute now and I have not one complaint.
7. Allow Your Hair to Air Dry Before Blow Drying. Try to Do 1-2 Passes Tops with the Flat Iron.
GiphyThere’s no point in being a straight natural if that’s only going to be the case for a few months because you end up damaging your hair so much that you end up needing to chop it all off. And so, even if your blow dryer is all things wonderful, it’s still a wise practice to allow your hair to air dry, at least 40-50 percent before applying any heat. That’s how you can significantly reduce the chances of overheating/frying your hair.
Speaking of hair frying, when it comes to that flat iron of yours, if you want bone straight hair, try to keep your hair sections relatively small and slowly pass the iron through each one. If you do this, 1-2 passes really should be enough. Do more than that and it’s another way to make your hair vulnerable to damage, breakage and split ends.
8. Smooth Your Hair Out with Some Jojoba Oil
GiphyEven though I deep condition the heck outta my hair, I can tell a real difference whenever I coat it with a bit of chebe butter or a carrier oil like jojoba oil. Jojoba oil is bomb on a few levels. It strengthens your hair. It helps to reduce breakage. It moisturizes your hair and scalp (without making your hair feel too greasy). It reduces split ends. It helps to make your hair strands thicker. And it also reduces frizz and adds sheen, so that your straight natural is as smooth and sleek as ever.
9. Apply a Leave-In Conditioner on Your Ends at Night
GiphyJust recently, I was talking to someone who was telling me that her hair never grows past her shoulder blades. Now, although genetics absolutely play a role in hair length (and more important, hair length speed), if her hair continues to grow out from her scalp, technically, that means that it should get longer with time. Y’all, the reason why our hair tends to hit growth plateaus is because our hair breaks off (or we cut it) damn near as fast as it grows out.
And that’s why, another surefire tip is to apply a dab of a leave-in conditioner to your ends at night. Not only will it protect the oldest parts of your hair but again, the more hydrated/coated your hair is, the easier it is to avoid frizz — and if you want straight hair, you’ve got to avoid frizz at all costs.
10. Spray Some Oil Sheen on Your Locks
GiphyAight, so some folks who I have a complete and total attitude with right now are the Bronner Brothers. The backstory is this: I’ve got a sneaky suspicion that one of my all-time favorite products, their Shea Butter Conditioning Spray, is discontinued because it literally took me two days to find some cans that didn’t cost over 20 bucks (I’m not exaggerating). SMDH. I personally adore it because, once I finish styling my hair, it’s the kind of spray that gives my hair shine. As a bonus, it conditions my strands really well for the rest of the day too.
Anyway, now that I’m trying to accept that seasons may be changing when it comes to my “get me right” product, I think that I may have found a solid alternative. It’s the Fantasia IC Shea Butter Sheen Spray. Although it’s not exactly like the Bronner Brothers brand, it’s still pretty good. Besides, I think what I am coming to realize is it’s the shea butter in the spray sheen that is actually giving me what I am looking for. Bottom line, definitely land on some short of oil sheen. It’s the icing on your straight natural look, no doubt.
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Is it easier to have chemically relaxed hair in the summertime? Eh, probably (I mean, why lie?). Is it impossible to keep your natural curl pattern and still be a straight natural right through here, though? Absolutely not.
Follow these tips and you can have (pretty) sleek hair — the kind that you can switch back to curly at a dime if/when you feel like it.
Something that the relaxed girls simply can’t do, chile. #justsaying
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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