Sometimes, it's the darkest before the dawn. No matter how cliché that might sound, Stormi Steele is a woman who can vouch for how real those words truly are. Back when she was a junior in college, she was depressed; "Actually, I was suicidal," Stormi clarifies. While to the outside world, she was in school studying painting and photography and things seemed to be going fine, within her something, many things, didn't feel quite right. In fact, something felt very wrong.
"I did what a lot of us do around that age," said Stormi. "I went to school because it was expected of me, but I wasn't happy. Then one night, I had a breakdown and so I picked up my bible, trying to figure out what to do. Three nights later, I had a dream. In that dream, the name of my business and my business statement came to me. After that, it was like everything just took off."
Indeed, it did. In 2011, Stormi realized that becoming a hairstylist is what she needed to do, so she enrolled in hair school. "I wasn't really the happiest with my hair when I was in high school," explained Stormi. "Then, while I was in the military, my hair broke off. While I was in hair school, I tried making a product so that my hair would grow." I could hear the smile in Stormi's voice when she said, "I still have the original bottle that product was in to this day."
Stormi remembers that in 2012, she had $800 to her name but after graduating from hair school and opening up her own salon, she started making six figures.
However, it wasn't until 2014 that she came up with something that would not only change her life, but the lives of thousands of others—a hair serum. One that not only helps hair to grow longer but triggers dormant hair follicles, heals scalp ailments and even treats alopecia (thousands of customers say so). And just how did Stormi get the idea to make the serum? Again, it came to her in a dream. Not the serum specifically, but one ingredient at a time, beginning with cayenne pepper. "When cayenne came to me, at first I thought it was weird," admits Stormi. "Then I looked up all that it could do and I was amazed."
From Dreams to Reality
Photo by Trenton Steele
After taking note of all of the ingredients that she dreamed about, researching how each of them would prove to be beneficial and then playing the process of elimination based on which items blended the best, Stormi began using her 100 percent organic homemade serum on her own hair. Within a year, the quality (and length) of her tresses had drastically improved. By 2015, she started sharing her masterpiece on her social media pages. The serum sold. Her customers remained consistent and loyal. Yet still, something was missing. By 2018—yes, just last year—even though things were going well, Stormi was wearing herself out, putting in 18+ hours at her hair salon.
"I was making good money at my salon, but something was still pulling at me," says Stormi. "People were still asking me for the serum, but because I was making it myself, I honestly didn't have the time to do it. Then, last year, for my birthday, my husband and I went to NY. I went out onto the balcony of our hotel room and stared at the skyline. In my mind, I thought, 'Somebody created all of this.' That was on August 11 or 12. When I came back home on August 16, I decided that I should give the serum my full attention. I created a website, posted a sale for the serum and, within that first month, I made $46,000."
Yes y'all, you read that right. Stormi's hair serum made almost $50,000 in just thirty days. Understandably, she took that as a sign that she should take the dive and go all in with her haircare products. So, she quit styling and, each month, she rolled out something new—the serum, the shampoo and conditioner and so on. At one point, she received so many orders that she made six figures in five days. Now, in 2019, Canvas Beauty—a haircare, lash and brow, and extensions line that she runs with her husband Courtney Beasley—has netted a whopping one million dollars in a year's time. Yep, you read that right as well. A big part of that is by word of mouth from her customers; many claim to see hair growth results in two weeks (some in as little as seven days).
"I've always had a big imagination," says Stormi. "And, after you come back from feeling like you want to die, you don't really have much left to fear. Besides, I tend not to listen to what others say and I definitely don't listen to their fears."
Even though Stormi admits that getting Canvas Beauty to soar has required a lot of sleepless nights, trial and error and still having to hear her mom say, "Don't give up what you know for what you don't know" as she encouraged her to return to school, she has no regrets and is enjoying the journey. "Learning about infusing the oil, mass producing product, meeting the supply and demand of what my company offers, marketing—sometimes it's overwhelming, but I know this is where I'm supposed to be."
How to Make Your Own Dreams Real
Photo by Mauria Moore & Curtis Carrington (Curt Scene It)
And what advice does Stormi have for other women who want to step out on their own dreams?
- Don't be afraid. "If you've got a vision, you need to go for it. It wouldn't be in you if God couldn't trust you with it."
- Establish your why. "On the hardest days, it's been remembering why I'm running my company that has kept me going."
- Learn your business inside and out. "No matter who comes along to help your company to grow, you are the one who needs to be the heartbeat of it. No matter what."
- Don't be afraid to outsource. "I can't do it all, no one can. I focus on my strengths and have absolutely no problem finding people to help me in other areas. It saves a lot of time in the long run."
- Support your tribe. "Don't be the person who always needs to be pedestaled. Money and fame are great, but the main reason why you should be doing what you do is so that you can be a part of helping others become who they want to be." (Stormi definitely walks the talk when it comes to this particular point. She hosts what is known as The Dream Girl Society Brunch every August and February. It's a networking brunch for entrepreneurial women.)
- Stay in the moment. "It's easy to get discouraged if you look too far ahead. Work with what you have right now. If God thought you needed more, He'd give it to you."
I started this with a cliché, so it's poetic that I end with one. Dreams do come true, y'all. Stormi Steele is living proof.
Check out Stormi's products at CanvasBeautyBrand.com. Follow her on Instagram @canvasgirlbeauty and read more about The Dream Girl Society Brunch here.
Feature image by Mauria Moore & Curtis Carrington (Curt Scene It)
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Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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