Can y’all believe it? Spring is here! And if there’s one thing that a lot of folks tend to do around this time, it’s some sort of thorough cleaning of their home; sometimes even their life (I’ll be penning on some of that in the weeks to come) — and what that is called is “spring cleaning.”
I think that term caught on because there’s something about the spring season that feels fresh and new, even more than New Year's Day does. And when we’re in that kind of head and heart space, it gives us the energy and focus to want to make everything in our life as immaculate as possible.
In honor of all that, why not use the following few months (spring ends on June 20, 2024, by the way) to get your house and relationships right and use this as an opportunity to “spring clean” your hair? If you’re totally down and would like a few tips, I’ve got 12 that will have your tresses totally ready for what the spring season has in store for you. Guaranteed.
1. Toss (Most of) What You Haven’t Used Since This Time Last Year
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A few years back, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “When Should You Replace Underwear, Make-Up, Bedding, Washcloths & Towels?” Something that I actually didn’t mention was hair products; however, believe it or not, they have a shelf life too. While items that haven’t been opened may last up to three years, a safe rule is if you have used something, after about 12-18 months, you should probably toss it — unless there is an expiration date that says otherwise (yep, some hair items actually come with those). Chile, this one rule alone can keep you from becoming (or remaining) a product junkie (check out “Resolving To Kick Your Product Junkie Habit? Here's Your Game Plan.”), if that is indeed something that you struggle with.
2. Up Your Vitamin B7 Intake
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Yeah, don’t get me started on how Westernized medicine will push pharma down our throats while, at the same time, saying that many vitamin supplements don’t work. That’s literally what many folks claim when it comes to hair nutrients. Personally, since I’ve been taking my own hair growth vitamins, I’ve noticed that my hair is much stronger — but hey, that’s just me. And what is the main nutrient in my own product? Biotin.
Long story short, since hair is mostly made up of the protein keratin and biotin (which is another name for vitamin B7) helps with the production of keratin, I’m sure you can see why it’s so essential, especially if you’re looking to prevent hair loss. For the record, foods that are a solid source of biotin include spinach, almonds, sweet potatoes, salmon, and bananas.
3. Detox Your Scalp
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It can’t be said enough that your scalp is the foundation of your hair, so it needs to be handled with extreme care. One way to do that is by detoxing it (check out “Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend”). Since dead skin cells, dandruff, sweat, hair products, and all kinds of other gunk can pile up and (potentially) clog your hair follicles, you want to make sure to keep your scalp as clean, clear, and healthy as possible.
You can do this by purchasing a scalp exfoliant product, going the DIY route with some salt or sugar, or you can use something like a hair product that’s specifically made to care for your scalp, like Taraji P. Henson’s Master Cleanse scalp treatment. I purchased it on the fly one day and have been sold on it ever since. Listen, the tingling feeling that it provides alone had me sold. Anyway, if you’re wondering how often you should do some scalp detoxing, eh — once every three washes or so should do the trick.
4. Massage Your Scalp with an Essential Oil Blend
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Speaking of your hair’s foundation, aside from the fact that a scalp massage can perform miracles when it comes to reducing your stress levels because it helps to draw blood to your hair follicles (which ultimately gives them the nutrients that they need), applying the tip of your fingers or a scalp massager to your head can also promote hair growth. My two cents would be to apply essential oil to a carrier oil like sweet almond (a hydrator), avocado (it’s a good source of biotin), or grapeseed (it’s filled with vitamin E), warm the combo up and get to massaging.
Why an essential oil? Well, for example, lavender contains antimicrobial and antibacterial properties, ylang-ylang soothes a dry scalp, and thyme stimulates the scalp while promoting hair growth.
5. Infuse Hibiscus Flowers to Soothe Dandruff
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Although hibiscus flowers typically are known to be early-June flowers, since that is technically still the spring season, I had to shout them out in this piece for one main reason. Did you know that there are some hair experts who are sold on the fact that if you turn the flowers into a type of hair paste, they can help to bring relief to dandruff flakes and irritation? Since it also helps with hair growth as well as preventing hair loss, definitely infuse some of your own hibiscus petals once June rolls around. In the meantime, hibiscus oil can get you some pretty good results too.
6. Use Coconut Milk to Hydrate Your Hair
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As far as milk alternatives go, personally, I’m an oat milk kind of girl; however, I’ve tried coconut milk before and it’s cool. Health benefits wise, it’s full of protein, low in sugar, and it can help to keep your cholesterol levels down while giving you a boost of energy (especially if you like to work out). As far as your tresses go, not only is it basically a mega-vitamin for it, but your hair will also benefit from its fatty acids, protein, and ability to deeply hydrate your hair. Since coconut milk also contains anti-inflammatory properties, consider applying it as a conditioning treatment or hair rinse if you’ve got some sort of scalp irritation going on.
7. Try a DIY Deep Moisturizing Hair Mask
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Something that I must admit I don’t do nearly as much as I should, is apply a hair mask to my hair. I really need to get on that this spring, though, because there are all kinds of benefits that come with adding this extra step. Since a hair mask is basically seen as a deep conditioning type of hair treatment and our hair is naturally drier (due to our curlier hair texture and it being more challenging for our natural sebum to cover our tresses from root to tip), hair masks are able to do everything from deeply moisturize and stimulate hair growth to reduce frizz and help to prevent split ends. This is another one of those products that you can get pre-made. Still, if you’d prefer to make one yourself, Byrdie has 17 recipes you can try here, while Self has 12 recipes you can check out here.
8. Don’t Forget About an Apple Cider Vinegar Rinse
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As far as this list goes, while I can vouch for pretty much all of them, one that I’m a big fan of is using apple cider vinegar as a hair clarifier. Meaning, that if you’ve got some build-up on your locks and you want your hair to feel super clean without being dried out from the sulfates of shampoo, after washing your hair, rinse it off with some apple cider vinegar. Not only will it deeply cleanse your hair, apple cider vinegar will bring relief to an itchy scalp, add shine to your tresses, and it can keep the pH balance of your hair where it needs to be as well.
Simply add around three tablespoons of apple cider vinegar to a 16-ounce glass of water and run it over your hair after washing it. Let it sit for a minute or two, and then rinse again. Some people say to do it after conditioning your hair as well. I prefer to do it in between shampooing and conditioning, though. To each their own.
9. Dust Your Ends. Then Seal Them with Cranberry Seed Oil.
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I can’t tell you the last time that I’ve seen a professional stylist. Not that I’m endorsing not seeing one or anything; it’s just that, one of the gifts God gave me was the natural ability to do hair. So much, in fact, that the last stylist I had used to recommend me to naturalistas for a trim or cut. And so, yes, I trim my own hair. That way, I don’t have to worry about too much being “accidentally” (it’s in quotes because y’all already know how some stylists do) removing more hair than what was necessary. To tell you the truth, most times, what I do doesn’t even qualify as a trim; it’s more like “end dusting” which is something you can (probably) do for yourself with a bit of patience, some sharp shears and a bit of practice.
Dusting is all about simply removing fairy knots or taking off as little of your ends as possible so that you can maintain length retention while still keeping your hair healthy. Once you’re done doing that, treat your ends by sealing them with some cranberry seed oil. Since it’s also loaded with fatty acids as well as Vitamin E, it will help to keep your ends smooth, soft, and resilient when it comes to avoiding breakage.
10. Grow Your Locks with Citrus Essential Oils
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Since citrus fruit is in season during the spring, I definitely had to shout out the ways that they can benefit your hair. Thanks to the antibiotics and vitamin C that’s in them, your scalp will remain healthy. Grapefruit oil, specifically, has a reputation for combating dandruff. Lemon oil can keep your sebum levels in balance so that your hair doesn’t appear frizzy. Some say that orange oil can help to strengthen your hair. And listen, since citrus oils are also proven to reduce anxiety and stress levels — how can you go wrong by adding them to your hair care regimen?
11. Look for Products That Contain Polymers to Reduce Frizz
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As the weather begins to warm up and it takes longer for the sun to set, the “pro” is your hair is able to get more vitamin D (which means that your hair follicles will remain in good condition); the “con” is more humidity creates more frizz. Frizz is problematic because it can be a sign of dryness or damage, it can affect your curl definition (if you rock natural hair) and create tangles that make it hard to style it — and that could ultimately cause breakage.
Something that helps to keep frizz down to a minimum is hair products that contain polymers. I don’t want to keep y’all in a mini-science class, so I’ll just say that one of the main purposes of polymers is they help the cuticles of your hair to lie flat. Off top, a type of product that would be considered a polymer is silicone. If you decide to use or try it, just remember to take the “less is more” approach. A little is bomb; a lot can cause hair dryness in its own way.
12. Add a “Spring Scent” to Your Hair
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One of the biggest “mistakes” that I think a lot of women make when it comes to their hair is not being intentional about making sure that it smells divine on a daily basis. Something that can make that happen is finding an essential oil (I think it’s wiser than perfume because the alcohol in perfume can dry your hair out), in a scent that you like, putting a few drops into your hands, rubbing them together and then smoothing your hair with the oil before heading out for the day. If you want to stick with a spring theme, some fragrances to consider include sweet orange, rosemary, bergamot, lemon, lime, lavender, and peppermint.
BONUS: If You Plan to Go Up a Shade (or Two), Read This
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It’s not uncommon for people to want to darken their hair during fall and winter and then lighten them up in the spring and summertime. Keeping that in mind, if this is the spring season when you want to follow hair color trends and go the kind of blonde that looks almost white or something softer like ginger or caramel — please make sure that you see a professional. Listen, I used to dye my hair almost as much as I changed my clothes, and while it was super short, it was all good.
Whenever I decided to grow it out? On some levels, even to this day, parts of my hair and scalp are still recovering. SMDH. For those of you who aren’t gonna listen to me, at least go to the 90th degree on the deep conditioning tip. There is no way that your hair can be permanently colored and not experience dryness, and that can lead to breakage at one point. I would just hate for you to have bomb ass color and not much length to show for it. Feel me?
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There you have it: 12 ways to spring clean your hair. So, before hitting that kitchen or your bedroom with some white vinegar (the real ones know), get into your locks first. Everything seems easier when our hair is in good shape. Then treat yourself to some tulips, peonies, or lilacs (all spring flowers) and officially enjoy the beginnings of spring!
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
Giphy“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
Giphy“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
Giphy“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
Giphy“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
Giphy“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
Giphy“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
Giphy“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
Giphy“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
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As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
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