Motivation can feel hard to come by when you get to a place in life where you no longer feel moved to operate at your full capacity.
The things that pushed you to hop out of bed each day can make you feel stressed, overwhelmed, or resentful when you lose sight of your "why" or worse: realize that you haven't found your "why" at all.
Motivation stems from three areas of your life: autonomy, competence, and relationships. When you lose touch of these areas, you may feel stuck and unable to move forward.
Event planner Champagne Braswell felt all of the feels of being stuck and unmotivated when her life changed dramatically in 2020. "Last year, COVID messed up my income. I lost a lot of business, my home went into foreclosure, and I didn't know what I was going to do," she says.
Braswell felt pressure and anxiety because instead of fearing the unknown, she was staring directly at it in the face. "I knew I had to pivot and use my resources to survive," she said.
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Set Specific Goals
"What can I do to keep myself focused?" is the question that Mija asked herself when she realized she was getting off track. She created laser-focused goals that kept her preoccupied as she coped with her loss.
The American Psychological Association shares that people who set specific and challenging goals are 90 percent more likely to achieve what they've set their mind to do. The more detailed and out of reach a goal may feel, the more adrenaline you'll receive to bring it to life.
Incorporate Mediation and Journaling Into Your Routine
After losing what felt like everything, Champagne began to incorporate meditation and journaling into her life.
"Daily meditation helped me visualize what I was going to do that day. I started a journal because it helps me talk through things and how I feel. I hope my thoughts can eventually help somebody else.'"
Research shows that meditating for as little as 20 minutes can increase your focus and allow you to achieve more. People who journal each day experience a 22 percent increase in performance and achievement.
Pay Attention to Your Body
Sometimes the root of a lack of motivation may stem from physiological or mental issues. For example, if you have anemia, you may experience decreased motivation from iron deficiencies. If you are experiencing mental issues, you may experience avolition. This condition is a total lack of motivation due to mental illness or medicines used to treat mental illnesses.
Consult with a doctor to see if the changes in your body are the root of changes in your motivation. It may be easy to lose and hard to gain, however, you have to re-explore your why and pivot if necessary to preserve your sanity and peace of mind.
Motivation will manifest when you put yourself in a position to understand what is making you feel stuck and detail a master plan on how to get back on the saddle and ride.
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When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Many people would see Sydney’s career as a professional women’s basketball player as a dream job, and while that may be the case, her true calling has always been coaching. The Dallas native opens up about her coaching aspirations in an exclusive interview with xoNecole.
“So when I was a little girl, I always told my mom that I wanted to be a teacher. And so when you think about it, coaches are also teachers because we're teaching them so many things. And so I've always been on track with that,” she says.
“I've always wanted to help younger people, unknowingly, when I was a kid, and then when I got to college, and I realized, like, I'm a talker. I was a leader on the team. I led by example, and I led verbally. So I knew that that was something that I was going to do, just because basketball has always been like a true, true passion for me.”
Courtesy
Another passion of hers is fashion. Over the last few years, Sydney’s game-day fits have become a trending topic, with many people praising her classy style. From her powder blue tweed suit with over-the-knee Gucci boots to her salmon pink suit with feathers on the sleeves, the three-time Latvian/Estonian champion is solidifying herself as a style maven. She sees fashion as a form of self-expression and hopes to expand on her fashion efforts by one day creating a suit line for women.
“Yeah, that is my goal. I want to have my own fashion line one day. I want to have my own suit line that's affordable for a lot of coaches that are inspired by my looks that maybe can't afford some of the things that I wear. I want a very affordable business wear line,” she says.
“I want to have my own line that kind of touches everything casual, work out. There's so many things that I want to do because clothing and looking my best is obviously a passion of mine as well. So yeah, I believe I'm gonna have it because I tell myself I'm gonna have it.”
“Yeah, that is my goal. I want to have my own fashion line one day. I want to have my own suit line that's affordable for a lot of coaches that are inspired by my looks that maybe can't afford some of the things that I wear. I want a very affordable business wear line.”
While the coach’s style has gained its own following, she has also faced criticism for her fits due to her curves, something that many Black women have unfortunately been subjected to. However, Sydney lets the negativity roll off her back because, “at the end of the day, this is how I look.”
She credits her mom for instilling confidence in her as a child, and whenever she’s faced with adversity, she reminds herself that she can’t please everyone. But that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Sydney shares her best advice to others who may be struggling with their confidence.
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“I think the first thing is positive self-talk. Where do we get in life when we are speaking negatively about something? What can we ever achieve or solve with negative talk? So I think in the morning or whenever it is, if you're ever feeling like you're not feeling your best, I think you have to look at yourself in the mirror and just tell yourself these things, or maybe you don't want to look in the mirror. Everybody has their own way,” she explains.
“But for me, I look in the mirror, and I tell myself, ‘I'm beautiful,’ ‘I'm amazing.’ ‘I am confident.’ I am all these things. And I think after a while when you tell yourself that so many times, then it becomes something that you begin to believe. And so I think positive self-talk is the number one thing that you can do to kind of ensure yourself that this is really who I am. Because I say this is who I am.”
As a leader in women’s basketball, Sydney’s future is bright, and she is equally excited about the future of women in sports. Over the last few years, we all have witnessed an uptick in interest in women’s college basketball, which has translated over into the WNBA after many of the college athletes were drafted into the league. While she names Angel Reese as her favorite rookie to watch, her favorite teams include the Las Vegas Aces and New York Liberty, and she is looking forward to what else is in store for women’s basketball.
“But for me, I look in the mirror, and I tell myself, ‘I'm beautiful,’ ‘I'm amazing.’ ‘I am confident.’ I am all these things. And I think after a while when you tell yourself that so many times, then it becomes something that you begin to believe. And so I think positive self-talk is the number one thing that you can do to kind of ensure yourself that this is really who I am. Because I say this is who I am.”
“My hope is one that we continue to expand. I hope that people continue to watch college basketball, which I think will happen. But you know, those rookies that are in the WNBA now were the ones that really were like the headlines. They were seniors last year. So there was so many eyes on women's basketball in college, and now those eyes have gone to the WNBA, so I hope that we can continue to have the support of women's basketball all around and in women's sports in general, continue to have expansion,” she says.
“And obviously, equal pay is something that would be lovely for us all. That's been a constant uphill battle. I want to continue to see the good narrative pushed about women's basketball. You know how we have such amazing athletes that are playing now. We have people that understand their dual threats, where they're not just athletes. They're so much more off the court. They can rep a brand and help the brand grow. They also have their own brands. They're paving their own way. They're young business owners, like there's so many good stories that you can talk about. So I hope that that narrative continues to get pushed and pushed, even more so than it already is.”
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