Chile, the way that I am writing this article with a particular married couple in mind. I say that because, although they claim it doesn’t bother them that they don’t sleep together these days, I know that can’t be the case. Why am I so certain?
Because although this culture of ours is constantly trying to “dumb down” the importance of intimacy outside of sex, as far as marriage is concerned, I know for a fact that not only sleeping with your partner but going to bed with them at the same time does wonders for things like reducing stress and anxiety, boosting self-esteem levels, making you feel closer to them as well as ultimately helping you both to communicate more effectively as well. And that’s why, whatever I can do to get more couples to stay in bed together all throughout the night (instead of spending countless hours of bedtime quality time apart), that’s exactly what I am going to do.
Today’s suggestion: the Scandinavian sleep method. Although it might initially sound a bit odd, if you’re someone who finds yourself irritated beyond belief when it comes to trying to sleep soundly with your partner every evening, it could be the answer that you’ve been looking for…all this time.
Sleeping Together. For Some, It’s Hella Complicated.
GiphyNow, I guess we’ll have to get into it at another time, the fact that I find it so interesting that when folks are dating, they can figure out how to spoon all night long, and yet when people get married, “all of a sudden,” it’s a problem (kinda like how folks can stay in the mood for sex months at a time while dating and then go months without it in marriage…hmm). And just how much of a problem is it? From what I’ve read, reportedly, 25 percent of couples who are in long-term relationships either sleep in a different bedroom (which is oftentimes referred to as being a “sleep divorce”) or they do it like television shows did back in the day and sleep in two different beds that are in the same room.
Are there any “benefits” to doing this? I mean, some people say that they are able to sleep more soundly, especially if their partner is a snorer. Others say that they like it because they can get more quality time to themselves that way. And while I get both of those points in theory, being that couples only spend 2-2.5 hours together a day max, oftentimes bedtime is the only time when they can truly connect — and that’s why I am not a fan of sleep divorces myself.
Not to mention the fact that not sharing a bed with your partner can low-key create feelings of abandonment and cause one or both of you to “wall up” because you’re not getting the skin-to-skin experience that’s not only good when it comes to feeling closer to your partner (thanks to the oxytocin boost that it creates) but your overall health and well-being too.
In fact, there is a bit of irony that when you cuddle with your partner, it can help you sleep better in the long run. And since sleep deprivation is tied to things like memory problems, erratic moods, concentration issues, high blood pressure, and even a shortened lifespan — wouldn’t you want to do what you can to sleep with your partner as much as possible if you could?
In walks what has proven to be a good solution for some…
The Scandinavian Sleep Method COULD Be a Cool Compromise
You know what they say: successful relationships are all about compromise, and when it comes to sharing a bed with your partner, that’s where the Scandinavian sleep method comes in. As you see, it’s basically when you sleep in the same bed with your partner, only you use different blankets or comforters to wrap yourselves up in so that you don’t have to fight over bedding (even if it’s in your sleep) all night long nor do you have to tussle over wanting different levels of warmth.
So, basically, what you’re getting is a “co-sleeping method for adults” because you can cuddle and still customize your bedding to your liking (think of it like camping with your boo thang in your own bed instead of a tent).
And here’s the thing: not only does the Scandinavian sleep method make it possible for you to spend (more) quality time with your partner, but it’s also more economical than purchasing two beds. Plus, it lowers the risk of you going from a sleep divorce to possibly even more of a disconnect by not being in the same room with one another. Sounds pretty darn good to me.
Now, does that mean there aren’t any downsides to taking this approach? C’mon, nothing is perfect. For starters, you’ll have to get a little creative if you want to get extra close while cuddling (because, well, two types of bedding are involved). Not only that, but making the bed in the morning could be a slightly hellacious experience (because, again, two types of bedding are involved). Still, if it could keep you and yours in the same room, isn’t it at least worth giving it a shot? I would think so.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of sleeping bliss for long-term couples, I wanted to share a few other things that may help, too.
5 Tips for Making Sleeping Together Easier
Giphy1. Set the thermostat to the mid-60s. For most of us, it’s easier to warm up than cool down. So, if the two of you can’t seem to decide on what temperature to keep the room, opt for around 65 degrees and then customize your bedding via the Scandinavian sleep method that we just discussed. Not only will that make it easier to remain comfortable throughout the night (because our body temp tends to shift from night to morning), but as a bonus, it can keep your electricity bill down as well.
2. Get an anti-snoring pillow. If you happen to sleep with a loud snorer (or you are one), invest in an anti-snoring pillow. They are designed to comfortably elevate a snorer’s head and neck to where they are able to breathe quieter and sleep more soundly.
3. Spoon with your partner. As far as cuddling positions go, spooning is super comfortable and intimate. As a bonus, it can get a snorer to sleep on their side, which is one more way to get them to snore less.
4. Try some ASMR nature sounds. Although falling asleep has never really been much of an issue for me, I must admit that my quality of rest has improved, significantly so, ever since I’ve turned on rain sounds at night. From what I’ve read and researched, nature sounds are great for sleeping, in part, because they decrease the natural fight-or-flight tendencies that we all have. As a result, you can relax more easily. Plus, if you or your partner are a “noisy sleeper,” the ASMR will help to drown a lot of that out. YouTube has many videos that go for eight hours or more. Go to the site and put your favorite nature sound in the search field for options.
5. Try an eye mask and/or some earplugs. So, what if the main issue that you’re having with your partner is they get out of bed before you, and that disrupts the extra time that you’re looking to get? An eye mask will keep everything pitch black around you and some ear plugs will make it more challenging to hear any noise or movements around you. You can check out some of the best earplugs for sleeping here.
___
Do I know some couples who have made things work via a sleep divorce? Eh. A couple of them. However, even they will admit that they’re willing to give the Scandinavian sleep method a shot. Because if the main time that you can get time in with your partner is at night — shouldn’t you want to do just that? Yeah. My sentiments exactly, sis.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images
RELATED
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Anchiy/Getty Images
