According to Mrs. Savannah James, she would like to be addressed as “wife” — other monikers simply won’t do.
In a recent episode of the Everybody’s Crazy podcast, James and co-host April McDaniel received a call from a listener caught in a love triangle between a man she was dating while entertaining a “sneaky link.”
The hosts went on to advise the call-in guest to pursue singleness as she sorts out her needs, which led to a discussion what the meanings of "sneaky link" and a "side chick," a topic their producer eventually clarified for them.
“A sneaky link is somebody that you know you sneaking with,” their producer decoded. “But your side chick, the majority of the time, your main girl knows about the side chick.”
Agasted by the definition, McDaniel went on to share her stance on ambiguous relationship statuses. “I don't even want to be the main chick,” she stated.
“I need to be the wife these days. I don't want to be the ‘wifey.’ I don't want to be nothing. I want to be the wife.”
James went on to express her strong dislike for the term "wifey," sharing that she didn’t want to be called a wife until she officially became one by her now husband, NBA star, LeBron James. “When I tell you I hate, loathe ‘wifey’ with my whole entire soul,” said James. “I'm sorry, don't call me your wife and I'm not.”
“I had to politely tell my husband back in the day,” she explained. “He used to introduce me, ‘This is my wife.’ I had to pull him to the side like, ‘Excuse me, sir, don't introduce me as that, please. I am not your wife, and I deserve that title when the time is right.’”
She continued, “I don't want you to start to think that it's okay for you to say this and then, you know, means don’t have to go the next step.”
As we age and new terms become popularized, it’s common to not fully know what titles and terms work best for the relationship and dynamic one might navigate. In McDaniel’s case, finding the right titles to introduce the new men who come into her life can be tricky.
“But that has been interesting, recently, when introducing certain individuals, at my age,” she explains. “‘Boyfriend’ sounds crazy, ‘my man’… mhmm… ‘my partner’ sounds like I’m a lesbian.” Conquous to what the best intro would be at the “big, grown stage,” James offered “tiers.”
“I feel like it's tiers,” James said. “You have to start at the bottom and then come up.”
“One of these days we have to go live so we can ask people live like, what is the titles? Because I'm very intrigued by knowing what are the titles people go by and what feels ‘premium.’ Because I want the premium title,” McDaniel concluded.
While every relationship is different, placing the proper titles on who you're dating and where you see it going is key to formulating a bond that’s both secure and amicable. After all, it’s not what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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'Queen's Court' Season 2 Is OTW! Meet The Queens Looking For Their Kings This Season
The search for Mr. Right continues. Season 2 of Queen’s Court is coming to Bravo and Peacock, bringing a fresh set of queens ready to claim their thrones.
Premiering on October 6, the Will Packer-produced series returns with three new queens: LisaRaye, K. Michelle, and London "Deelishis" Charles. This season, the ladies are on a quest to find true love and their “forever partners” from a group of 22 eligible bachelors.
According to the new season’s official synopsis: “Even with success, fame, and fortune, the one area they have not ruled is matters of the heart. In this era of self-discovery, these Queens are opening their hearts to find their Kings amongst 22 confident, successful men.”
Hollywood’s beloved duo, Holly Robinson Peete and Rodney Peete return as hosts of the 10-episode dating series. With years of experience in both love and the spotlight, the Peetes will be there to guide the new Queens as they search for a partner who can handle the fame and success, as they navigate the complexities of dating while being powerful, accomplished women.
Ready to meet your new bachelorettes?
LisaRaye — “We weren’t meant to do life alone. My King, he’s out there somewhere, and not I have a second chance to get it right.”
LisaRaye McCoy is an actress and model best known for her iconic role as Diamond in the classic film The Players Club. With a successful career spanning over two decades, she has appeared in various television series, including All of Us, Single Ladies, and The Real McCoy.
K. Michelle — “I’m at the crossroads in my life. I am ready for stability. I’m the kind of woman God gotta shake up, flip down, roll over, in order to change. And that’s exactly what it did.”
K. Michelle, a powerhouse singer-songwriter and reality TV star, first rose to fame as a cast member on Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta. Known for her soulful voice and hit albums like Rebellious Soul and More Issues Than Vogue, she has captivated audiences with her musical talent. K. Michelle has also starred in her own reality series, K. Michelle: My Life, showcasing her journey as an artist and entrepreneur.
London “Deelishis” Charles — “I’m a hopeless romantic. Okay, scratch that, I used to be. Then there came divorce. So, the world knows me as 'Deelishis,' but for this, I want to be known as myself."
London “Deelishis” Charles is a multi-talented entertainer who gained fame as the winner of Flavor of Love 2. Her alluring persona and charisma led to numerous appearances on reality television, including The Surreal Life. In addition to her reality TV success, Deelishis has worked as a model and entrepreneur.
Season 2 of Queen's Court premieres on Oct. 6.
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Featured image by Peacock