

6 Ways To Keep Things Cool Even During The Hottest Sex
Things are heating up fast as we shift seasons. And, unless you’re already accustomed to the heat you may not be able to handle too much physical touch during the summer months when things are already so hot and sticky – never mind your love language. Though we may choose to dial back the PDA during the summer months, no one wants to feel like they have to dial back on sex. Whether you live in New York City where central air conditioning is hard to come by, simply don’t have AC, or you live in a state where things are so hot outside that nothing even matters on the inside, thisis for you!
When I participate in sweaty, sticky sex I want to know that it’s solely hot and nasty because we made it that way. Otherwise, it just feels…gross. Whatever you do, don’t mistake this for me yucking your yum if this is your thing – there are a lot more kinks and they’re far more strange. I’m just speaking to those to who this article speaks. With that said, there’s no need to abstain just because it’s summer. Ugh, ugh. These are the times that sexscapades are made for.
So, here are 6 ways to keep sex – sexy and cool – in the midst of the summer heat.
1. Pack It Up
To keep things cool while you turn up the heat, you can get creative and use ice packs. Or if you don’t have any and know a dick appointment is coming through, you can throw a water bottle in the freezer. You can even just use some ice! Add the cooling pack to your foreplay for sexy measure and not only will you cool down, but the hot and cold sensations will make for a more than pleasurable experience. Turn this tip up a notch by putting your sex toys in the freezer.
2. Hands Off
Instead of penetrating one another with your God-given parts, try either masturbation or some light petting and self-pleasure. If you’ve never tried mutual masturbation, there’s no time like the present to begin. Alternatively, you can allow your partner to help you reach a place of pleasure by allowing them to use one of your toys on you.
3. Back to Basics
Grab a dry, clean rag and run it through ice-cold water. What's even better is if you can swing a little water bucket bedside filled with ice! You can even put some of the ice in a cloth and allow it to melt on your partner's body. The cloth will add an additional sensation to the mix, further intensifying things.
4. Make It Wet
Perhaps you’re on a little sneaky link getaway or baecation, perhaps it’s a staycation. Wherever you are, know that water is your friend and make great use of it. To keep temperatures cool, try having sex in a body of water, be it the ocean, pool, or even as small as your shower/bath.
Do beware that shower sex isn’t for the faint of heart – it requires a little bit of sacrifice or creativity so as not to leave one person out hanging. You’ll also want to use an alternative to water-based lubricants as water on water will render your lube useless. If you are with a trusted partner with who you don’t use latex condoms, oil-based lubricants are definitely a-go. If not, you’ll want to use a silicone-based lubricant.
5. Miss the Missionary
Certain positions require far too much skin-to-skin contact – missionary is one of them. When it's hot af, consider keeping it doggy-style or even reverse cowgirl in order to best beat the heat. This will minimize the heat-radiating touches and maximize the pleasure, as positions like doggy-style always seem to do.
6. Car Sex
If you can afford the splurge with gas prices the way they are, this is an easy fix. Take to the car and crank up the AC, recline the passenger side chair or hop in the backseat – whatever pleases you. Extra cool points if you work out where the car play occurs during or after sunset for a bit of added privacy and a nice breeze.
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Featured image by Getty Images
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Victoria Monét Opens Up About Feeling ‘Validated’ Months After VMAs Turned Her Down To Perform
Victoria Monét has had an incredible year. Thanks to the success of the widely popular “On My Mama” that went viral, the singer/ songwriter’s Jaguar II album debuted in the top 10 of Billboard’s Top R&B Albums chart. She also went on to headline her own sold-out tour. So, when the MTV VMAs happened in September, everyone was surprised to learn that Victoria’s team was told that it was “too early” for the “Smoke” artist to perform at the award show. However, a couple of months later, the mom of one received seven Grammy nominations, including “Best R&B Album” and “Record Of The Year.”
Victoria is currently in London and stopped by The Dotty Show on Apple Music and shared how she feels “validated” after being dismissed by the VMAs.
“It really does feel nice and validating because, in my head, the reason why I wanted to be a performer at the VMAs or award ceremonies like that is because I felt like I am at the place where I should. I would work really hard to put on the best show that I could, and I was excited to do so,” she said.
“And I guess the best way to describe it for me is like when you're like on a sports team, and the coach is like, ‘No, you gotta sit this one out.’ When they finally put you in, and then you score all these points, and it feels like that feeling. You're like, yes, I knew it wasn't tripping, but I knew I worked hard for this, and so it's been super validating to just have these accolades come after a moment like that, and I know the fans feel vindicated for me.
While her fans called the VMAs out on their decision, the “Moment” singer kept it cute and is still open to performing at the iconic award show. “I feel no ill towards them because it's just maybe that's just truly how they felt at the time, but I hope their mind has changed,” she admitted.
Aside from recognition from the Grammys, she has also received praise from legendary artists such as Janet Jackson, Kelly Rowland, and Usher.
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Feature image by Amy Sussman/WireImage for Parkwood