6 Ways To Keep Things Cool Even During The Hottest Sex
Things are heating up fast as we shift seasons. And, unless you’re already accustomed to the heat you may not be able to handle too much physical touch during the summer months when things are already so hot and sticky – never mind your love language. Though we may choose to dial back the PDA during the summer months, no one wants to feel like they have to dial back on sex. Whether you live in New York City where central air conditioning is hard to come by, simply don’t have AC, or you live in a state where things are so hot outside that nothing even matters on the inside, thisis for you!
When I participate in sweaty, sticky sex I want to know that it’s solely hot and nasty because we made it that way. Otherwise, it just feels…gross. Whatever you do, don’t mistake this for me yucking your yum if this is your thing – there are a lot more kinks and they’re far more strange. I’m just speaking to those to who this article speaks. With that said, there’s no need to abstain just because it’s summer. Ugh, ugh. These are the times that sexscapades are made for.
So, here are 6 ways to keep sex – sexy and cool – in the midst of the summer heat.
1. Pack It Up
To keep things cool while you turn up the heat, you can get creative and use ice packs. Or if you don’t have any and know a dick appointment is coming through, you can throw a water bottle in the freezer. You can even just use some ice! Add the cooling pack to your foreplay for sexy measure and not only will you cool down, but the hot and cold sensations will make for a more than pleasurable experience. Turn this tip up a notch by putting your sex toys in the freezer.
2. Hands Off
Instead of penetrating one another with your God-given parts, try either masturbation or some light petting and self-pleasure. If you’ve never tried mutual masturbation, there’s no time like the present to begin. Alternatively, you can allow your partner to help you reach a place of pleasure by allowing them to use one of your toys on you.
3. Back to Basics
Grab a dry, clean rag and run it through ice-cold water. What's even better is if you can swing a little water bucket bedside filled with ice! You can even put some of the ice in a cloth and allow it to melt on your partner's body. The cloth will add an additional sensation to the mix, further intensifying things.
4. Make It Wet
Perhaps you’re on a little sneaky link getaway or baecation, perhaps it’s a staycation. Wherever you are, know that water is your friend and make great use of it. To keep temperatures cool, try having sex in a body of water, be it the ocean, pool, or even as small as your shower/bath.
Do beware that shower sex isn’t for the faint of heart – it requires a little bit of sacrifice or creativity so as not to leave one person out hanging. You’ll also want to use an alternative to water-based lubricants as water on water will render your lube useless. If you are with a trusted partner with who you don’t use latex condoms, oil-based lubricants are definitely a-go. If not, you’ll want to use a silicone-based lubricant.
5. Miss the Missionary
Certain positions require far too much skin-to-skin contact – missionary is one of them. When it's hot af, consider keeping it doggy-style or even reverse cowgirl in order to best beat the heat. This will minimize the heat-radiating touches and maximize the pleasure, as positions like doggy-style always seem to do.
6. Car Sex
If you can afford the splurge with gas prices the way they are, this is an easy fix. Take to the car and crank up the AC, recline the passenger side chair or hop in the backseat – whatever pleases you. Extra cool points if you work out where the car play occurs during or after sunset for a bit of added privacy and a nice breeze.
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Featured image by Getty Images
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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It’s been nearly twenty years since India.Arie’s crown anthem, “I am not my hair,” gave Black women an affirmation to live by. What followed was a natural hair revolution that birthed a new level of self-love and acceptance. Concerns around how to better care for our hair birthed an entire new generation of entrepreneurs who benefitted from the power of the Black dollar. Retailers made room for product lines made for us, by us, on their shelves, and we further affirmed that though our hair doesn’t define us, it is part of our unique self-expression.
Today, that movement has turned into a wig uprising where Black women are able to experiment with colors, styles, and more without causing irreparable damage to our hair. It could even be said that we’ve arrived at a new level of acceptance: one that does not equate love of oneself to one’s willingness or lack thereof to wear her hair the way others deem acceptable. Not even other people who look like us.
However, as with Blackness itself, the issue of Black women’s hair is layered.
On the surface, it’s nothing more than a matter of personal preference. However, in a deeper dive, issues of texture, curl pattern, and of course, proximity to social acceptance, as well as other runoff streams from the waters of racism and patriarchy, rear their heads. The natural hair movement, though a wide-reaching and liberating community builder, also gave way to colorism and often upheld mainstream beauty standards.
Sometimes, favoring lighter-skinned influencers/creators with very specific hair textures, the white gaze leaked into our safe space and forced us to reckon with it. Accurate representations of natural hair in various states of being—undefined curls, kinks, and unlaid edges—are still absent from brand marketing. Protective styles, though intended to provide breaks from styling for our sensitive hair, have become a mask to help our hair be more palatable. A figurative straddle of the fence in order to appease the comfort of others in the face of our hair’s power.
And then there’s the issue of length.
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As a woman who has spent much of the last decade voluntarily wearing her hair in many variations of short hairstyles, from a pixie cut to a curly fro and a sleek bob, what I’ve gleaned throughout the years is that there is a glaring difference between how I am treated when wearing my hair short than when I opt for weaves, extensions or even grow it out slightly longer than my chin.
The differential treatment comes from women and men alike and spans professional and personal settings, including friends, coworkers, and industry peers.
What has become abundantly clear is that long hair is often conflated with beauty, softness, and any number of other words we relate to femininity in a way that short hair is not. That perceived marker of the essence of womanhood shows up in how I am received, communicated with, and complimented.
Even more so than texture, length has a way of deciding who among us is deserving of our attention, affection, and adoration. Whether naturally grown or proudly bought, the commentary around someone’s look or image greatly shifts when “inches” are present.
When it comes to long hair, we really, really do care.
In an effort to understand whether I had simply been misinterpreting the energy around my hair, I decided to take my findings to social media. I began with two side-by-side photos of myself. In both pictures, my hair is straightened; however, in one, I am wearing my signature pixie cut, and in the other, I am wearing extensions.
I posited that treatment based on hair length is a real thing, and what followed was confirmation that I was not alone in my feelings. “Long hair, like light skin, button noses, and being thin are all forms of social capital,” one user commented. “Some Black women enforce the status quo too, why wouldn’t we?”
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This also brought to mind the many times celebrity women (like most recently Beyoncé's Cécred hair tutorial) have done big reveals of their own natural tresses in an attempt to silence any doubt that Black women are able to grow their hair beyond a certain length. Of course, we all know that to be true, so why do we still feel the need to prove it so?
The responses continued to pour in from women of all skin tones, who felt that hair length played a role in people’s treatment of them. “When I have short hair I always feel like people don’t treat me like a woman, they treat me like a kid,” another user commented. “When my hair is long I get a lot more respect for some reason.”
From revelations about feeling invisible to admitted shifts in their own perceived beauty, Black woman after Black woman poured out her experience as it relates to hair length. Though affirmed by their shared realities, knowing that reactions to something so trivial have become yet another hair battle for Black women to fight was disheartening. Though we continue to defy gravity and push the bounds of imagination and creativity by way of our strands, will it always be in response to the idea that we are, somehow, falling short?
Unlike more obvious instances of hair discrimination, the glorification of longer length is sneakier in its connection to Eurocentric beauty standards. Hair commercials, beauty ads, and even hip-hop music have long celebrated the idea of gloriously long tresses while holding onto the ignorant notion that it is inaccessible for Black women.
Even as we continue to fight to prove our hair professional, elegant, and worthy in its natural state to the world at large, we’ve also adopted harmful value markers of our own as a community. It’s evident in how we talk about who has the right to start a haircare line and which influencers we easily platform. It’s evident in the language we use to identify those with long hair versus short hair. And it’s painfully obvious in how we treat one another.
It makes me wonder if India.Arie’s brave rallying cry, almost two decades old in its existence, will ever actually hold true for us. Or will we just continue to invent new ways to uphold the harmful status quo?
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Feature image by Willie B. Thomas/ Getty Images