

Being a 9-to-5 powerhouse has its perks, from stable benefits to consistent schedules to great opportunities for professional development, but one thing you're not going to do this year is neglect the use of that paid time off (PTO).
While it might seem like a popular narrative on social to quit a job and live life freely traveling the world (or doing nothing), there's absolutely no shame in loving the practice of going into an office three to five days a week, getting that bi-weekly notification that your direct deposit hit your account, and enjoying multiple stints of PTO throughout the year.
That being said, here's how to take full advantage of the PTO benefits you not only negotiated but deserve (and in some states or according to some contracts, you're entitled to by law.)
1. If you're about to accept a job offer, ask about expanded PTO even if the company's policy is strict about not negotiating it.
Before you accept a job offer, you should talk to your future employer or HR manager about the PTO portion of your benefits package. This is especially important when you know you have major events coming up this year (a destination wedding, surgery, an anniversary, or that solo birthday trip you've been wanting to do for the past five years).
Negotiate for ample time to accommodate those special events. You don't have to be specific about how you're using the time or why you need it. Simply ensure that the amount of PTO they're offering and in what capacity will accommodate your participation.
If they're only offering two weeks of PTO and you have things you need to do outside of work where you'll need days off, be sure to speak and ask, "Can we discuss updating the PTO to three weeks of PTO if I am able to do x, y, and z?" or "How flexible is the one week of PTO in being increased to four weeks?"
And while experts say that some companies have strict no-negotiation policies when it comes to PTO (and will offer more money instead), they also recommend asking for an alternative like working more hours four days a week, for example, to have the fifth day off in the case that this happens.
2. If you're already employed, put in your PTO requests early (at least 90 days in advance if possible.)
Since we're still in the early stages of January, you'll have a bit of a time advantage when you plan adequately and well ahead. This also helps when there's an issue of first-come-first-serve requests or seniority. The earlier you make a request, experts say, the better. Don't make the mistake of waiting two weeks or even a month before you need to take off if you know about that trip or special occasion well ahead of time. Get those dates blocked off and out of the way as soon as possible.
Sometimes schedules can be amended or a bit more flexible when your manager already knows you've made a request long ago and was diligent about it.
There's another advantage to this: In the event that the request is denied (and sometimes this is for very valid reasons despite what the social media streets say), the earlier you request, the better able you are to adjust your plans or find other ways to accommodate the original request (i.e., ask a coworker to switch days with you, prepare an offer to your employer that might justify a reconsideration of the denial, or figure out how you can budget and take the day off anyway.)
3. Schedule PTO around the paid holiday closure policies of your company.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but sometimes when we're in the thick of working, we forget that there are holidays when the company has allotted the offices to be closed (or at least at less capacity when it comes to present professionals required to be available). Get into those three- or four-day workweeks and plan your vacations, self-care trips, and other times when you want to be out of the office around those office closures.
Some months even have back-to-back holidays when you can leverage working remotely for a few days out of a week and continue with a two-week break.
The office closure policies are unique to each company, and they can change year over year, so simply inquire at the beginning of the year about updates on a confirmed calendar of closures, or be diligent about looking out for the company when HR managers release the information.
4. Be more diligent with your time management, productivity, and setting boundaries.
Enjoying PTO isn't just about the time you have off. It's also about how you spend that time. If you're still answering emails and putting out fires over the phone while beachside in Bali, what's the point? Start today with setting boundaries (via one-on-one conversations with your team or manager about how much you value your time off and how they can effectively communicate with you (or vice versa) during those times).
Set up systems where you're spending your time wisely before your PTO kicks in versus indulging in workplace time-wasters, manually responding to common inquiries (Hello, use AI!), or neglecting to automate and delegate the parts of your job that should be.
When you're able to put systems in place that allow you to do your job not only well, but with ease, you're more likely to really enjoy that time off, whether you're on an excursion, handling a tough life situation, or doing nothing at all.
5. Create cultures of family and friend support when it comes to how you use your PTO.
Your time off often includes the ones you love, so even though you're being paid during your downtime, it's important that your family is on board with whatever vibe will accommodate that time spent. Talk with your partner or spouse about your paid time off and how you like to use it. Make sure your values align with friends and family so that there aren't unreasonable or stressful expectations about how you'll spend that time.
And when you can, schedule those necessary or not-so-fun appointments (healthcare visits, school meetings, etc.) for breaks during your actual work day so you won't be using good PTO to do those things.
Block out dates for certain appointments that come out every year, and schedule the next appointment while you're already at the office, school, or clinic. Hire that cleaner, delegate parenting duties, and get the help you need so that more of your PTO can be used for self-care, reflection, and fun. You deserve a bit more ease, balance, and a couple of real breaks this year.
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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