Is The Man In Your Life Pursuing You Or Playing You?

The Serial Gamer

I once dated a guy who admitted to me that he would use literal games to get me more comfortable to ultimately try to have sex with me. He disarmed me by bringing me back to my most innocent time: childhood.

When I would go over to his house, we would play games for hours and joke around like we were kids. It was fun, there was no pressure. It was all just a good time. However, the red flag was what happened when we weren't playing those games.

He would put ideas in my head about what sex would be like with him or talk about sexual experiences in a way that let me know, if given the chance, he would not miss the opportunity to do all the things he talked about to me. You and your guy might not have played games like me and the guy I dated, but he could still be playing games.

He's Playing

If he would rather beat around the bush than talk about any real issues or even attempt to get to know you, he's playing. Add the fact that he only wants to do lighthearted activities or keep the conversation to a surface level with you, and oh yeah, he's most definitely playing.

If he was serious about you and a future with you, he would want to get to know you deeper than a surface level. He would ask questions to get to know you, he would want to know how your day was, he would spend time doing things you wanted to do and not just his favorite games. If he is ALWAYS playing games with you, he probably isn't really interested.

He's Pursuing

While in this scenario, playing games can sometimes mean that he is literally playing games, that's not always the case. If you are in a similar situation and potential bae is juggling his game-playing with taking you on dates, taking the time to plan real activities, asking questions to get to know you, and actually taking the time to learn the things you like and dislike, there is a good chance he is pursuing you.

The Homebody

Have you ever dated a guy that never wanted to leave the house? You rarely went on dates, all of your activities were done indoors, and he acted like leaving the house would kill him? I have.

I dated someone who literally never wanted to go anywhere. In a two-and-a-half-year time span of dating, I can probably count on two hands the amount of times I can recall us going on dates. Most of our days were spent in his house watching reruns of Martin and ordering in. In this scenario, I knew that he really loved me but he had extreme anxiety when it came to being around large groups of people and working early mornings and long hours, so going out for him wasn't always conducive to him getting proper rest. But still, he made an effort to make staying in enjoyable.

Despite mostly staying in, I knew his whole family, we went to family events together, he gave me money to do the things I wanted to do when he wasn't able to make it, and when I had big events I really wanted to go to, he went out of his way to get dressed up and tried his hardest to make sure I had a good time even though he hated being out.

He's Playing

It's also very possible for a man to not want to go out with you because he's just not that into you. He doesn't want to put in the effort of actually planning a date because he doesn't want to send you the message that he is actually pursuing you and, if you're already having sex with him, he feels no need to put in the extra effort.

You might have never met his family or his friends, and if you have, it's probably only by accident. He doesn't have any real issues preventing him from taking you out, he just doesn't care enough to make the effort. And if he can't even try to cook you a meal or set up a black love movie night, he might not be the one, sis and is probably keeping you locked up with him for a reason. The reason being you're convenient and he's able to get what he wants with very little effort put in.

He's Pursuing

Being a homebody or being budget-savvy isn't inherently a bad thing. Let's face it, sometimes the guy of our dreams might have pockets that aren't exactly lined the way he wishes they were, he may be embarrassed by that and therefore not want to go out a lot. Or he could be saving his money, so he'd rather not constantly spend it on going out. However, when a man is really interested, he is going to want to make you feel special and, even if going out is not his thing, he will force himself out on occasion because it's important to you. He will turn his kitchen into a smorgasbord of all of your favorite foods. He will invite friends over and have everyone BYOB and make snacks for game nights. He will watch chick flicks with you and snuggle next to you when you cry during The Notebook.

Some people are naturally just homebodies and prefer being at home and with all of the craziness going on in the world right now it's understandable. With this one, you definitely need to tune into your intuition. If he is making you feel like you aren't worthy to go on a date, then that may be how he feels. But if he simply doesn't like going out in general, you may just need to be patient with him and slowly work on getting him out of his shell. If you are the woman he is truly pursuing, he will make efforts to make you feel special in any way he can.

The Non-planner

I'll admit it, I'm not the best at planning dates. My husband has a way of planning great dates. He always looks up reviews online and Yelp, looks at pictures, and even sometimes scouts the location before taking me. Though I've gotten much better over the years, I have planned some pretty crappy dates for us. For one of his birthdays, I was on a very small budget and we were out of town. I saw a promotion for a free rooftop party online and thought that would be cool to go to. When we got there, it was in a pretty shady neighborhood, the rooftop was really just the roof of an old building that looked like it was falling apart, and there were probably about five other people there.

Needless to say, it was a disaster. I could name more but let's just say it's a long list of not-so-great dates. Does this mean I love my husband any less? Nope. I just naturally am not the best at planning things because I want to spoil him the way he does me. It happens. And while it's not necessarily a deal-breaker for some, someone that never plans dates might be cause for a red flag.

He's Playing

Sometimes, when a guy is playing games, he will make excuses not to take you out on dates. He will put in absolutely no effort into finding out what you want to do or only plan activities around his own hobbies instead of getting to know yours. He won't try to find free things to do when he's not making a lot of money. He will put in the least amount of effort he possibly can get away with without losing you. If you find yourself asking him to plan something and he never does, he is blatantly showing you that he doesn't care about you or your feelings.

When a man is really interested, he will go out of his way to make you feel special because he doesn't want to run the risk of losing an amazing woman to another man. If he only invites you out at the very last minute, this could also be a red flag that he really had intentions of taking out someone else who canceled at the last minute or he's bored and it isn't really a big deal to him if you come or not.

He's Pursuing

Some men are simply bad planners. They don't know how to plan a proper date outside of dinner and a movie. They always seem to have the worst of luck when trying new places and they don't want whatever date they plan to come off as cliche. Not every man is creative enough to plan your dream date or cultured enough to take you to a museum or the aquarium, outside of school trips. If you give him hints of things you like to do and he puts in an effort to do them or plan them, he wants to make you feel special despite his lack of wins in the planning department.

When a man takes the times to get to know you and the things you like to do, he's going to attempt to do those things with you. If he knows you love sushi and he takes you to a sushi place in town, even if it turns out to be a two-star listing on Yelp, acknowledge his effort. In this case, even if the things he plans might not always turn out the way he planned them to, he is making an effort because he likes you and that is an indicator of pursuit.

Remember when a man truly wants you, he will make it clear and when he doesn't, that should be clear to you as well. Don't spend another minute trying to figure out the feelings of a man who has already shown you your place in his life by game-playing.

Show him who the real winner is, and leave him alone to play with himself.

Have you ever fallen for any of these types? How did you know he was pursuing you? How did you know he was playing? Let us know in the comments below.