

The first time I had ever come across Tristan Mack Wilds' impeccable acting talent was in my then-favorite book-to-movie adaptation of Gina Prince-Bythewood's The Secret Life of Bees. Playing the role of a young Black male in South Carolina during the 1960s confidently spoke to his ability to adapt to historic significance and tell his story through the silver screen. Two short years later, he would become a protagonist on one of my favorite TV shows to date, 90210, as Dixon Wilson. As his acting career began to blossom, his music career followed suit during which time he would receive a Grammy nomination for Best Urban Contemporary Album and, later, be signed to Roc Nation.
Tristan 'Mack' Wilds is an actor, an artist, a podcast host, a Black man, and more importantly, a human being. From his acting debut on Spike Lee's Miracle Boys to HBO's The Wire and VH1's television movie The Breaks, Mack has effortlessly stepped up to the challenge of portraying any character in a script that is thrown his way. As a man of many talents, Mack recently talked to xoNecole about managing his mental health within his career duties and responsibilities, being present in modes of self-care and the stigmas against Black men in our community.
In order to start a conversation about mental health, we have to define it - or, at least define what it looks like to us. "My personal definition of mental health is my same definition for physical health and spiritual health: know yourself," advises Mack Wilds to xoNecole. "We should look at mental health the same way we look at physical health, or spiritual health. It starts with understanding where you are. From there, it's up to you - do you want to grow? Are you happy where you are? What and where are your limits?"
Courtesy of Mack Wilds
"We should look at mental health the same way we look at physical health, or spiritual health. It starts with understanding where you are. From there, it's up to you - do you want to grow? Are you happy where you are? What and where are your limits?"
When I have a depressive spell, my body aches, my appetite is construed and I'm fatigued more than ever. Linking back to the concept of physical health, Mack Wilds recalls previous accounts where his physical and his mental weren't in sync. "I don't think people understand how much your mental and physical are connected," he explains. "Whether it's dealing with a depression episode or a strenuous workout, the connection of mind and body is necessary to understand if you want the optimal way to pull through."
When our mental health is compromised, especially within communities of color, the shame and stigmatization placed upon us weighs more when added to the stress of anxiety, depression and trauma in our minds. According to Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, the suicide rate amongst African-American children between the ages of 5-11 increased exponentially since 1993. In the Black community, men are not allowed to speak on their mental health because they're deemed as "weak" or not masculine, and this starts in the home with our childhood upbringing. "I think we've all had those moments where we hear 'boys don't cry', or 'man up,' to keep us from crying, but my mom always gave me the space needed to explore my emotions," Mack shares with xoNecole. "And because of that, i've been able to better recognize my feelings and how to handle them."
While Mack hasn't had any negative stigmas aimed at his head personally, he shares with xoNecole his thoughts on labels and connotations that are used as ridicule for those that suffer from a mental illness. "I can't say I've heard any disparaging words towards me personally, but I can tell you the idea that depression isn't real, or it's all in your head is terrible," says Wilds. "If you're going through it, a lot of times you begin to think that yourself and belittle what you're feeling, and the only way to combat that is to be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel however you feel, and understand what someone says or feels about you has less to do with you than you think; majority of the time, it's how they feel about themselves, or it's an emotion they've been scared to talk about themselves."
Courtesy of Mack Wilds
"If you're going through it, a lot of times you begin to think that yourself and belittle what you're feeling, and the only way to combat that is to be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel however you feel, and understand what someone says or feels about you has less to do with you than you think; majority of the time, it's how they feel about themselves, or it's an emotion they've been scared to talk about themselves."
When it comes to managing his own mental health in his day-to-day experience, Mack finds balance in meditation, good communication, good food and seeing the smile of his beautiful daughter. These are all things that the entertainer describes as "just doing things that keep your mind stable and happy."
Retrospectively, Mack admits to xoNecole about a time where mental health impacted him personally - which in turn became a wake-up call that mental health is for everyone. "I think when I was going through a depressive state, just seeing and understanding how energy moves, you can see its effect on everyone you come in contact with. Energy is never broken down; it just moves from one place to another," Mack says.
As an actor, it is his duty and responsibility to accurately and effortlessly portray the stories - some fabricated narrations and some true accounts - of others. "Does that ever become daunting on your own sense of self and how do you balance your mental health while diving deep into the mind of other characters?" I challenged the New York native during our chat.
"If you remember the movie Inception, they always had a 'totem' that would let them know what world they were in, the dream world or the real one," he begins. "I believe we, as actors, need something to that effect as well. Mine happens to be my family. After a role that has you delve deep into someone else's psyche, you need that 'totem' or that anchor to pull you back into your own reality. Can it be daunting on your own sense of self? Absolutely, but keeping that totem always brings you back."
Courtesy of Mack Wilds
"I believe we, as actors, need something to that effect as well. Mine happens to be my family. After a role that has you delve deep into someone else's psyche, you need that 'totem' or that anchor to pull you back into your own reality. Can it be daunting on your own sense of self? Absolutely, but keeping that totem always brings you back."
While starring in TV One's 2018 film Dinner for Two with Chaley Rose and Skylar Brooks, Mack's storyline demonstrated the narrative of a Black husband and father, depicting his downward spiral into depression and alcoholism. When asked how true he believed this story to be for Black men and its relevance to sharing these stories on our silver screens to a wider audience, Mack challenged xoNecole's way of initially posing the question.
"I hate to generalize a story like that by race. We all go through our trials and tribulations differently. I believe it's possible, I think we all battle demons on our own, and that's what Chris [his character] was pretty much doing throughout the movie, but it's necessary to showcase not only stories like this, but all of our stories. Our spectrum is grand, and we've only encompassed a small part of our lives on film," he explains about the role of race in this particular movie.
Moreover, when asked which of his roles has been the most mentally challenging of them all, including playing the leading love interest in Adele's "Hello" music video, he responds, "I would have to say Dinner for Two. To play Chris and jump into his skin, understanding where we were going to go at the end was rough, but necessary. I appreciated it."
As an actor, artist, influencer and podcast host normalizing the conversation around mental health, therapy, and self-esteem, Mack has been using his platform for the greater good of mental wellness. "The only way to normalize it is to stop treating it like it doesn't exist, or keeping it as the elephant in the room. I believe the more we're given the room to speak on it, the more normal it becomes," he shares as he continues to touch upon his personal experience with self-imaging and the effects of his relationship with his daughter, Trystan Naomi Wilds. "I have definitely been in those dark places where I question the way I look, compare myself to those around me, even play with the idea of if the world would be better off without me here, but my strength comes from my girl and my daughter- and therapy. She's innocent in everything, so she deserves to have an amazing father, and I want to be the best man I could possibly be for the both of them."
Photo Credit: Julianny Casado/@Juliannycasado
Courtesy of Mack Wilds
"I have definitely been in those dark places where I question the way I look, compare myself to those around me, even play with the idea of if the world would be better off without me here, but my strength comes from my girl and my daughter- and therapy. She's innocent in everything, so she deserves to have an amazing father, and I want to be the best man I could possibly be for the both of them."
When Mack was younger - before being a father and Grammy-nominated artist - he depicted iconic roles such as Michael on The Wire and Dixon on 90210 that would later become pillars in his acting and professional career. He recognizes the importance of presenting the conversation of mental health to the age bracket in which he identified during these times. He encourages younger generations, including Generation Z, to "just speak on it."
"SPEAK. Take YOUR time, but do not be afraid to speak on what you're going through, what you've been through, or what you want to do about it," advises Mack. "I would just give them the space needed to speak on their feelings and help them find productive ways to let go of what's burdening them."
For more of Mack, follow him on Instagram.
Featured image by Julianny Casado/@Juliannycasado
Originally published on May 25, 2020
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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The millennial in me is nostalgic at best...and at worst, deeply, deeply yearning. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the past.
In the days of old, community was never hard to find. It was a knock on the door from a neighborhood friend who needed no invitation. It was trading jokes over lunch and lingering strolls after the final bell. It was choir practice on Saturdays and giggling in the pews on Sundays.
The love was free and plentiful, and my cup runneth over.
But there was a certain rhythm to the ’90s and early 2000s. People were ever-present in the most ordinary ways, and fortunately, this followed me well into adulthood. The door knocks have since turned into tequila shots, and brunch on Sundays became my new sanctuary, but you know...same thing!
However, life has changed drastically, and with it, so have we. Sometimes by force (2020..no other words needed, amirite), and other times by the natural, inevitable flow of growing up.
As we age, our identities become more defined. And while the people we’ve always loved still matter deeply, we start to crave new connections and experiences that reflect who we’re becoming.
When COVID reared its ugly head, not only did it disrupt the lives we knew, it pushed us to reevaluate the lives we want… and the people we want in them. For many, it exposed a loneliness that had already been there beneath the surface. It made space for questions we hadn’t slowed down to ask: What do I truly enjoy? Who do I feel most myself around?
After months of quarantine and isolation, we were left craving connection in a deeper, more intentional way. This sparked a renewed interest in “the third space.”
Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, the term refers to those places beyond home (first space) and work (second space) where people gather, build relationships, and foster community. Think coffee shops, libraries, dance studios, run clubs, and other environments that offer connection outside of our daily obligations.
My own desire to find like-minded folks has only intensified over the past few years. And as a self-proclaimed medicine woman and wellness enthusiast, I went looking for spaces that felt good, and found more than a few.
So if you're in NYC and searching for places that feed your spirit (and tend to your interests), consider this your starter guide. Whether it's a wellness club, a run group, or a kickball league, these third spaces might just feel like home.
A Safe Space Mentor
My Shaylaaa.
What started out as a simple offering from founder Teya Knapp has grown into one of the most intentional, heartfelt communities I’ve had the privilege to be part of. Together with COO Jasmine Dayze, they have cultivated more than a collective—it’s a movement rooted in community care, softness, and restoration.
A nonprofit centered on mental health advocacy and equity, A Safe Space Mentor has redefined the possibilities of communal healing. With over 22 fully funded retreats to date (yes, free), monthly programs ranging from support groups and hikes to pottery classes, free therapy, and now a physical home at A Safe Place Studios, they’ve built an ecosystem where people can show up fully and be accepted just as they are.
I came across them by chance, but as fate would have it, it allowed me to bloom in ways I never saw coming, surrounded by women who affirm and love me in ways I didn’t know I needed. I’m serious, ya’ll. Even at the risk of sounding dramatic: expect to be changed, to find friends, possibly even family, and maybe a group chat, too.
Beyond their no-cost offerings, they also host weekly yoga and meditation classes, massages, and more. Learn more about this beautiful space here, and keep an eye out for their upcoming Juneteenth gathering.
NARC
Who needs Hinge when there’s a run club? (Kidding... kind of.)
NARC, short for Not a Run Club, is technically a run club but with a twist. Co-founded by Omari Ross and Noah Hutchins, NARC takes a holistic approach to fitness and community. Picture track workouts, dynamic circuits, core finishers, followed by a post-workout brunch with the crew. Sure, the occasional match may be made, but at its core, NARC is about connection, movement, and showing up for yourself and others.
It’s the kind of space where most people arrive solo but rarely leave without a new friend or a new perspective. And personally? I never tire of seeing Black men love on one another out loud.
If you’re looking for a solid sweat (not gonna lie, it gives Olympic training at times), laughs, and folks that show up rain or shine, they’ve got you. Beyond the track, they also host boxing classes, hot yoga sessions, social mixers, and a number of other events. NARC meets every Saturday at McCarren Park at 10 a.m. unless otherwise noted. Learn more here.
The Music Nerds
My favorite part about The Music Nerds? The DJ. Scene Serene, a former music journalist turned vibe curator, created this club out of pure love for music and the Black people who create it. And that love is felt in every detail.
Past functions have celebrated Kendrick Lamar, Black women in music, and Virginia legends, each thoughtfully crafted to tell a story through sound. Here, you’re not just dancing, you’re feeling, remembering, and reflecting, too. Additionally, she kicks off each event with icebreaker quote cards to spark conversation, because the vibe isn’t just in the music; it’s also in the people.
That sense of connection comes full circle in her choice of venues, which are always Black-owned spaces that feel safe and inclusive for all Black folk. After all, if we don’t support each other, who will?
This isn’t just a party. It’s a celebration of culture, connection, and Black joy…and yes, it’s free! She’s cooking up some magic for the summer, so follow her here to stay in the loop.
SociaLight Social Club
For the anti-social socialite or the extrovert who wants a little more intimate play, the SociaLight Club might be your sweet spot.
Nayah, the founder, is all about curating intimate, low-pressure gatherings that bring people together through random yet delightful activities, all while supporting Black-owned businesses in the process.
From coworking days to supper clubs and nights building LEGOs, it’s the kind of space where you can show up as you are and end up discovering new people and new passions. It’s chill, it’s intentional, and very much a vibe. Keep up with her events here.
Recess Kickball League
Black folks deserve to frolic, dilly-dally, and straight-up play. And that’s the spirit behind Recess Kickball League. Though kickball is the anchor, it’s really about reclaiming joy through movement and connection.
Founded by five friends during the lockdowns of 2020 (Emmanuel Maduakolam, Christopher Thomas, Cris Jones, Daemon “Tubbs” Krueger, and Ermias Tessema), the club started as a way to get outside and let loose, and now it’s blossomed into a thriving community with leagues in both LA and Brooklyn.
If you’ve been looking for field day vibes and opportunities to love on your inner child, keep up with them here.
The Free Black Women’s Library
Tucked in the heart of Bed-Stuy, The Free Black Women’s Library is a cozy nook that centers Black women and holds space for book lovers, creatives, and community-builders alike.
Founded by OlaRonke Akinmowo, it functions as more than a library but a cultural hub. While every book is written by a Black woman or non-binary author, she also hosts grief workshops, writing circles, and curated events that honor both healing and imagination, too. Their monthly calendar is packed with offerings that meet you where you are, celebrating who we are and who we’re becoming.
And the best part? You don’t have to buy a book, you can swap one. Bring something you’ve read, and leave with something new. Keep up with them here.
Peak & Pace
This one’s for the runners and the lovers. If you’re looking to meet your future bae who’s into fitness and a good Sunday reset, Peak & Pace might just be your new favorite link.
Founded by London native Owen Akhibi after relocating to NYC, the club was born out of something a lot of us know too well: feeling a little lonely in a big city. So he created a space that brings people together who just so happen to run.
Every meetup ends with a social, and some runs come with fun themes like wearing flags repping your country to wristbands signaling your relationship status (lovers tap in!). Off the track, they host yoga, comedy nights, parties, and other events to build real connections. They meet every Saturday at Prospect Park at 10 a.m. Tap in with them here.
Free Peace Meditation Club
Free Peace Meditation Club offers a rare pause in the middle of NYC’s bustling Lower East Side, encouraging folks to be still in the midst of chaos while finding beauty in it, too. What began as a simple conversation between Kenji Summers and Angelo Baque has blossomed into a welcoming sanctuary where New Yorkers gather to unplug, recenter, and recharge.
Hosted monthly at the artfully decorated Awake NY, this community-driven experience invites participants to reconnect through guided reflection, mindful breathwork, and thoughtfully curated music that features the rich sounds of New York’s rap, R&B, and jazz artists. FPANYMC stands as a powerful affirmation that stillness is not a luxury but an essential practice. Keep up with them here.
Knot Okay Club
This one’s for the soft girls, the creatives, and anyone who’s ever needed to crochet their stress away.
Knot Okay Club brings Black women and non-binary folks together through fiber arts. It’s about slowing down, making something with your hands, and feeling held while you do it. The work might be small and intentional, but the connection? That’s the magic. Learn more about them here.
Girls That Gather
Lauren Franco started Girls That Gather after moving to NYC and realizing just how hard it can be to find genuine connections as an adult.
What began as a way to bring women together has grown into a go-to space for meaningful conversation and real friendship. From curated dinner parties to small, cozy events, everything is designed to feel easy and intentional. No awkward networking energy, just good vibes and even better people. Learn more about them here.
Adanne Bookshop
Adanne is one of those places that makes you want to linger.
Tucked away in Brooklyn and owned by educator Darlene Okpo, this Black woman-owned bookshop is as intentional as it is inviting. The books are curated with care, the energy is warm, and the events, from author talks to community gatherings to incense-making, always leave you a little more full than when you walked in.
It’s not just a bookstore; it’s a cultural anchor. Check out their events here.
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Featured image by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash