
June is an interesting month as the heavens push us to communicate with vulnerability and honesty while also holding onto our idealism. The energy is nearly chaotic as it ebbs and flows, sometimes highly emotional and passionate, and at other times completely cerebral and detached.
It's a dizzying and sometimes confusing blend of energy that's tricky to get a hold of. But regardless of whether or not you can make sense of everything that's swirling about, the key is to act on what feels right to you and you alone, even if it looks strange to others. Mars the planet of action and drive is in the revolutionary sign of Aquarius and on June 27, he turns retrograde, allowing us to review how willing we've been to march to the beat of our own drum and how brave we feel about standing in our own uniqueness even if we're misunderstood.
The axis of Leo - Aquarius reminds us everyone in the collective gets to shine, and that without our willingness to stand out and be different, progress comes to a standstill. This month, challenge yourself to be in the chaotic mix and respond to in ways that feel authentic and true to you regardless of what's expected. In doing so, you'll see exactly what you're made of and how far you can go despite what the world may tell you. Click through the gallery below to learn what June has in store for your love, health, and career according to your zodiac sign:
Aries

June is a month of reflection and appreciating how far you've come since the beginning of the year, Aries. After slaying dragons and leveling up like a boss during the last six months, you get to wind down a bit and pay attention to your needs. If you've been feeling overworked or stressed from the amount of heavy lifting and obstacles you've had to overcome, use the first three weeks of June to decompress your mind, dump it out onto paper, document, and release your thoughts, as opposed to carrying it all in your head. Health is maintained by creating to-do lists that keep you on task but also leave you time to daydream and connect with your upcoming vision of the future.
Use the energy between June 5th through 7th to connect with close friends that you can confide in about what you want manifest next. The desire to lay low at home will be strong until around the 13th when Venus in Leo moves into your House of Romance and Creativity, pushing you to go out and fall in Love with life again. It's okay to play, Aries. You're learning how to strike a healthy Career and home balance that doesn't leave you drained or missing out on important family occasions. The Full Moon in the 28th will point out old patterns around your work that may have to be surrendered so that you can feel both fulfilled and challenged by the work that you do without it taking over your life completely.
Taurus

With Uranus shaking up your soul perspective, Health is maintained when you sit down to consider all the warring aspects of yourself that need to be satisfied so that you can function from a place of peace. There's you, your changing world view as you let go of limiting ideas of who you can be. There's Mars spending extra time and energy in your House of Career and Reputation pushing you to assert yourself in your work to make a mark and potentially throw hands at anyone who gets in your way (try not please, especially not during his retrograde starting June 27th).
And then there are your relationships with family, friends and lovers who're also demanding your time and attention. What's a steady, stable Bull to do, Taurus? The only response is to evolve with the demands and go with the flow, even if it pushes you out of your comfort zone. Venus the planet of Love will move into your Home sector on June 13th and demand that you take pride in where you've come from while also cherishing how a healthy homebase is the starting point for everything else in your life. Rest up as as you learn to juggle your changing reality. The pace will only pick up from here so it's best to prepare rather than deny the inevitable.
Gemini

June offers you the unique opportunity to look yourself in the eye and see if you like what you see, Gemini. The first week of the month has Neptune, the planet of Illusion and Spirituality touching upon your sense of self and the way that you communicate, so try not to get lost in the image of who you think you are, as it may not be the reality. Neptune is tricky as he can present our highest dreamlike possibilities of who we aspire to be and he can also present lies and fake news. Don't get caught up in falsehoods, especially when it comes to your Career and reputation. You can still be who you wish to be in the long-term without faking it or misleading yourself or others. Part of staying honest means learning to Love and respect what you value without hesitation or regret. If it works for you, own it. If it doesn't, toss it.
The Full Moon on the 28th will have you noticing what patterns need to be ended around what you're passionate about and want to work for seriously, and how they relate to your beliefs and values. The secret to your Health and peace of mind is being brave enough to stay in your own lane and not chase down what you think is the current wave. Sound like any other Geminis you know? Everything starts with you first. Decide who you want to be and the rest will follow.
Cancer

You're going to be chilling out for the first two weeks of the month, Cancer. After a few months of dealing with the heavy demands of relationships and career, it's time to plant a new dream for yourself going forward. The New Moon on the 13th will ask you to connect with your heart and soul for who and what you want to be next. You'll be better able to express yourself and communicate your needs in Love when Mercury enters your sign and has you speaking from the heart. You'll have to learn to stand your ground around the 16th when Saturn pushes back at you in the form of demanding, hard nosed people in your life who seem like they want to tell you "no" at every turn.
Don't take anything to heart, it's just a challenge to see if you can maintain your boundaries, as part of maintaining your Health requires you to know your limits and not overextend yourself trying to take care of other people's emotional needs and desires ahead of your own. Stay in your lane and stay in your own passion, Crab. Identify what you want, connect with your deeper drives and passions, and keep your eyes on your own paper. Keeping this internal focus will support you in your Career, as work becomes much easier when you're doing it for you as opposed to everyone else.
Leo

You get to enjoy rebranding yourself with Uranus electrifying your Career and reputation, Leo. As you envision what kind of impact you want to leave upon the world, you'll also have to consider who in your network is on the same page with you. The New Moon on the 13th will ask you to focus on what's the overarching hope and wish for the future and who will be by your side to assist you in making those wishes come true. Know that not everyone is going to agree with what you're dreaming of, and that's okay. Honesty is a form of Love and with Mars spending time in your House of Partnership for the next few months, know that your lovers and partners will have no problem telling you what's what and how you can do better. Try not to fall into unnecessary fights because of bruised egos.
Ultimately, this is all for your growth even if ruffles your feathers. The Full Moon on the 28th will be highlighting your Health and asking you to assess how your underlying fears and unwillingness to appear vulnerable to others may be blocking you from receiving the care that you need. Don't wait til the last minute to get your physical and emotional needs met, Leo. The name of the game is responsibility and accountability when it comes to your wellbeing. If you're feeling overstimulated, take a break from the world when you need to, I promise it won't fall apart without you.
Virgo

Congratulate yourself Virgo because you stuck to your creative principles even when it seemed like you were only getting but so far. June is the month that you can see clearly that your hard work is definitely paying off as you reach new heights in your Career. This is just the beginning for you, so be sure to use the New Moon in the 13th to set new intentions and goals about what you want to achieve next. Remind yourself that your work requires you to take your creativity and the things that bring you joy seriously, not as a side but as a main course. Mars in your House of Health and Daily Routines has been pushing you to get more done in unique ways so work with him but also pay attention to the snags you hit during your day to day, as well as how you feel in your body since his retrograde starting on the 27th will bring up these issues to be addressed.
There's a such thing as delegating and teamwork too just in case you're thinking that burnout is the only way to get thing done. It's not. Opening yourself up to being supported by others also brings in opportunities for love in your life, Virgo. It's a social month, so be amongst the people who share your interests and want to support you. The Full Moon tied up with serious Saturn in your House of Romance and Creativity on the 28th may have you letting go of old patterns that block your Love blessings so that you can finally get you the hugs, kisses, and giggles you've been missing out on.
Libra

Sky is the limit and you know that you keep on, Just keep on pressin' on is you mantra for the month Libra. Whatever you have in mind to claim for yourself can be achieved with patience and creativity. When it comes to Career advancements, it's a good idea to hit the books. The New Moon on the 13th in your House of Higher Learning may urge you to finally take that certification class you've been meaning to sign up for and do extra research just to see what's out there. Anything that broadens your possibilities and rewards you with additional wisdom and skill sets will be of benefit to you in the long term. You may want to pay attention to how emotionally fulfilled you feel around what you do on a day to day basis, do you enjoy your routines, do you value what you do, or are you just phoning it in?
Your Health can be impacted by living out of alignment with your own needs and overextending yourself to placate others. Mind your boundaries, Libra. Practice saying "yes" or "no" with authority and confidence. Mars will be encouraging you to review what brings you joy and pleasure when he retrogrades on the 27th ahead of the Full Moon. When's the last time you truly had fun and expressed yourself and what you Love without fear of seeming weird? Love is about taking risks and daring to be seen by others as you are. With the Full Moon, notice what old stories you've been holding onto since childhood that says you have to do X or be Y in order to get what you need and be successful. Chances are those stories aren't true any longer.
Scorpio

Let's take it back to your roots, Scorpio. Mars has been poking around in the underworld of your chart to bring up all matters related to your childhood memories, familial roots, and hidden motivations. This is your jam believe it or not, because the better you know yourself, the more you understand how you can help others transform and bring their darkness to the light. Do the sorting and the purging of old hurts, have those heated conversations with family members, and let it go as all this venting and processing will definitely give your Health a boost. There's no rush as Mars will go retrograde on the 27th and give you plenty of time to make sense of what you're feeling.
Connecting with your passion will definitely make Love a lot easier for you this month as the grand trine in water at the top of the month and the New Moon on the 13th in your House of Secrets will urge you to open up and share what's on your heart without fear of rejection or abandonment. You're learning that things change, people come and go, and it doesn't mean anything about you. With Uranus electrifying your one on one relationships, you're learning the value of freedom as opposed to clinging to partnerships for security's sake alone. Lightening your emotional load means more energy left over for chasing your Career ambitions, which should see a boost of luck as Venus blesses you with extra charm and grace on the world stage from the 13th onward. Pack light, Scorpio.
Sagittarius

You've been adulting so hard lately, Sag, that you might have forgotten that this whole life journey thing is meant to be fun. You're doing the work, you're being responsible, so congratulate yourself for your growing maturity and authority! However, you have to learn when to A.) Cut yourself some slack for being human and B.) Know when to ask for help. Because, guess what? Your Health suffers when you drive yourself to the brink too often. Remind yourself that this isn't a race to the top, this is a supposed to be a life shaping experience. The New Moon in the 13th will be energizing to your House of Partnerships, encouraging you to Love and be loved and supported by those who just want to hold your hand through it all.
Let them, they're reminding you that you don't have to be perfect or know all the answers in order to succeed in life. The point is to remain open hearted enough to learn. Mars in your House of Communications will be pushing you to talk more, while Mercury in Cancer on the 12th helps you to be vulnerable about your experiences. Imagine Centaur, the more you open up and release guilt and fear, the lighter you'll be on the way to going after your Career ambitions. Even better is that what you learn about yourself during this process will likely give you more fuel to succeed no matter what. Less focus on the destination, try to enjoy your journey.
Capricorn

Health takes center stage this month for you Capricorn, especially if you took up the invitation to play all day and indulge to your heart's content during Taurus Season. Pleasure is good for you, Seagoat, so don't sweat the extra pounds you put on while enjoying that second slice of caramel custard pie or if you can't remember the name of the person you were kissing at the last party you stayed out all night at. Life is for living after all, just be sure to get back into a healthier routine by the time the New Moon asks you to set new intentions about how you take care of yourself and still manage to have a good time. Stay in pleasure mode as the Heavens will be sending potential partners your way to enjoy and get close to.
You may find that you have to let go of ideas you have about yourself that block you from fully allowing yourself to Love and be loved in return. Like anything else in life, love takes prioritizing and effort to get off the ground, so assess how good you've been about making time for it in your life the way you do with your Career and work. Career takes a backseat this month in a good way. You're learning to make room for life beyond what you do. Tap into how you take action on your values and whether or not you're able to get outside support, rather than going at it alone. Open up to the idea of merging with others Capricorn, it may be just the thing you need.
Aquarius

Just when you were ready to step out into the world and assert yourself, the Heavens decide to put you on hold for just a bit longer. Mars the planet of Action and Aggression has had you fired up and feeling more able to put yourself forward after a long period of laying low. Watch your confidence and energy level before Mars turns retrograde on the 27th, as it will clue you into what aspect of your drive and ambition can be tweaked. Since this Mars transit will be with you for a few months, it will make an impact on just about every area of your life. In terms of Love and partnership, you may be pushed to put yourself out there. The New Moon on the 13th in your House of Romance and Creativity says come out to play and be expressive with the people who stir your creative juices.
Live a little, Water Bearer, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders isn't the wave and it will definitely impact your Health if you don't take steps to lighten up. The Full Moon on the 28th will point out what mental/psychic patterns (like obsessive thinking or worry) may be draining you of your physical vitality and messing with your ability to get things done on a day to day basis. Toss the habits that leave you feeling hopeless and filled with doubt. It's not that you can't achieve what you desire, it's that you need to practice a bit of patience and compassion for yourself. Work on your self-care, enjoying yourself despite the circumstance and when the time is right you'll have the energy you need to start knocking your Career and reputation out the park. Slowing down can be a good thing if you let it.
Pisces

Take a knee Pisces. With all the activity and rushing about that took place during the first half of the year, you deserve a break. Your Health improves when you take a moment to slow down and enjoy the quieter side of life at home. The New Moon in the 13th will encourage to clean up your home and make it a refuge that you can enjoy when all you want to do is cozy up with a good book and a cup of tea before shutting out the world. You won't be a homebody forever, Love is in play when Mercury and the Sun will energize your house of Romance and Creativity on the 12th and 21st, encouraging you to go out and get into mischief with others who are interested your mystifying energy.
The Full Moon in the 28th will point out whether your core group of friends are on the same page as you when it comes to your Hopes and Wishes for the future and if they encourage you to create the life that you've always dreamed of. If they don't, it may be time to say goodbye to them and any behaviors that keeps you from tapping into your creative potential. Career gets to hit the pause button this month as you redirect your energy towards self care and pleasure, take care of you first, gain some perspective on what you want to go after and the energy will appear when you need it to go after your more worldly ambitions.
Want more horoscopes? Check out these xoNecole reads:
How The Uranus Transit Into Taurus Will Affect Your Life Based On Your Zodiac Sign
What Your Sign Says About Your Love Life In 2018
The Things That Turn You On, Based On Your Zodiac Sign
- Horoscopes - Susan Miller Astrology Zone ›
- June 2018 Monthly Horoscopes by Chrisalis ›
- Your Monthly Horoscope: June, 2018 - Broadly ›
- June horoscope 2018 - Your tarot reading for the month ahead ›
- Monthly Horoscopes & Astrology Report ~ Darkstar Astrology ›
- June Horoscopes 2018 - June Horoscopes - Monthly Horoscopes ... ›
- Monthly Horoscopes | Jessica Adams ›
- June Horoscope 2018 – Monthly Horoscope – Astrology King ›
- June Monthly Horoscope - Free Horoscope for June 2018 ›
- Monthly Horoscopes by The AstroTwins, Ophira & Tali Edut ›
Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Someone's Trying To Hook You Up? Ask These 6 Questions First
As we all know, it’s cuffing season. We’re also on the cusp of the holiday season, and that happens to be the time of year when a lot of people get engaged. And that’s why the fall and winter seasons are the times of the year when folks wanna play matchmaker.
And so, sis, if at least one person in your life is currently trying to set you up with someone they know right now — charge it to it being “tis the season” more than anything else. Because let’s be real — folks tend to be more lovey-dovey than ever right about now, and that is usually what inspires them to try to get as many people boo/bae’d up as possible. Chile…CHILE.
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock









