Any time I scroll past a social media post that makes fun of men who play video games, I always chuckle. I’m tellin’ y’all — although social media definitely has some pros, the list of cons is pretty endless as well. And one of them that really drives me up the wall is how much misinformation is spoken so boldly…and incorrectly…as if Google is not just one browser away. SMDH.
When it comes to video games, specifically, contrary to popular belief/assumption/opinion, especially among many women, there are several benefits that come from playing them.
Video games boost one’s cognitive abilities. Video games help you to effectively multitask. Video games can bring relief to symptoms that are associated with depression, anxiety, and even PTSD. Video games can also help to improve your memory, make you a better decision maker and problem solver; plus, they can put and keep you in a better mood. Yeah, as I oftentimes tell some of my wife clients, “While you’re complaining about that video game that he’s on, he’s probably trying to figure out the monthly budget while he’s playing. Chill.”
Anyway, I actually thought that sharing that bit of food for thought would be quite fitting since, today, we’re going to touch on a sex technique which uses a word that is oftentimes utilized in video games: a joystick. In fact, as life would have it, Logitech actually makes a joystick (that you can see here) that bears an uncanny resemblance to the male body part that we’re going to focus on (hmm…).
And so, whether you play video games or not, here’s a sex-theme technique that will make you come off like a pro joystick pro…umm, in another non-video-playing-yet-hella-stimulating kind of way. #wink
The Joystick Method: Here’s the Breakdown
GiphyI enjoy watching Black web series on YouTube from time to time. One from back in the day is 2kLifeTV’s Diary of a Cheating Man (which happens to be a series that I believe I’ve shouted out before). Anyway, in episode two (entitled Shaunte), the main character, Corey, runs into a closet after finding out that a woman who he is sleeping with is cheating on her boyfriend, and the guy unexpectedly drops by.
A line that Corey says while hiding off in the closet scene explains perfectly what the Joystick Method is: “I can’t lie, though. I understand why dude is overprotective. It’s hard to find a girl who can do the twisty hand thing when she gives you head.” So true, so true — or at least, that’s what I’ve heard. LOL.
And yes, in a nutshell, that’s what the Joystick Method is all about: it’s about maneuvering your hands, while performing fellatio on your partner, in such a way that you can alter the sensation and level of intensity that he’s experiencing in the process.
And since reportedly, 80 percent of people enjoy oral sex, almost 74 find it to be a fun activity and, on average, people engage in fellatio and/or cunnilingus around five time a month (is that it?!), it can never hurt to bring some new techniques into that particular act.
Although the Joystick Method itself kind of leaves the option open for you and your partner to explore how to “move his joystick” around, experts of the act say that it is a good idea to accompany the movements with eye contact and sound effects. The eye contact is so that the two of you can feel intensely connected; the sound effects can help to stimulate you both on an audible level, since sex has a way of arousing all five senses (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”).
My thoughts? Well, since the main thing — on you, that is — that the Joystick Method hones in on is your hand(s), I wanted to share a few things that you can do with them that will cause your partner to get damn near turned out…just by applying the Joystick Method alone.
1. Gently Squeeze His Shaft
GiphyRemember that when a man becomes sexually aroused, blood will rush down to his penis and cause an erection. And although that makes his penis hard, it can also be quite sensitive to the touch as well. This is why gently gripping his shaft and then squeezing and releasing can provide an amazing sensation, especially while you are giving him head simultaneously.
2. Caress the Underside of His Penis with Your Index Finger
GiphyThe technical term for the tip of a man’s penis is glans or glans penis. Due to all of the nerve endings that are in it, it’s considered to be the most sensitive part of a penis overall. So, just imagine how a man feels when you use your index finger to gently stroke the underside of his shaft as you’re licking or sucking the glans too. I’m sayin’.
3. Massage His Testicles
GiphyAsk any man who’s been hit in his testicles (i.e., balls) before, and he’s going to tell you that it’s one of the worst pains that any guy will feel in his lifetime. The main reason why is because not only do testicles have a ton of nerve endings inside of them, but some of those nerves and tissues are shared between their scrotum (the place that houses testicles) and abdomen (which is why sometimes they can feel the uncomfortable sensation in their stomach).
Oh, but when you take the massage approach to those bad boys, that can stimulate, de-stress, and increase blood flow, which, in turn, can intensify his orgasms. Definitely another awesome fellatio 2.0 tip to keep in mind.
4. Create a “Hot Dog Bun” with ‘Em
GiphySpeaking of testicles — when’s the last time that you’ve caressed your partner’s scrotum in such a way that each one lands on one side of his shaft in order to create what looks a bit like a hot dog in a bun? If you hold his testicles like that and act like you are literally eating a hot dog (sans the teeth)…listen, just do it and then report back. #wink
5. Play Around with Some Cold Therapy Gloves
GiphySomething else that can have your man climbing the walls is bringing temperature play into the mix (check out “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom”). Since, again, what we’re mostly focusing on is the hands, why not invest in a pair of gel hot and cold gloves (like this set here)? You can either toss them into the freezer or microwave to make them the temperature that you want — and that will take the Joystick Method to a whole ‘nother level, chile.
BONUS: If He’s Uncircumcised, Pull the Foreskin Back (a Bit)
GiphyOne day, very soon, I’m going to write an article on uncircumcised/uncut men to address some of the myths and ridiculousness that is centered around them (for instance, your clitoral hood is basically the female version of the foreskin of an uncircumcised man). For now, I’ll just say that if you do have a partner who still has his foreskin intact, give thanks in the sense that those guys reportedly have the ability to give women more orgasms than circumcised/cut men do.
And a way to show your appreciation? GENTLY pull his foreskin back a bit during fellatio; that way, his glans can feel the warmth and sensation of your mouth more easily and better.
___
Ah, the Joystick Method. My two cents? If your partner is an avid video game player, put on some lingerie (check out “Lingerie Hacks: How To Choose The Best Kind For Your Body Type”) and ask him if you can play with him one night (that’s already gonna be a form of foreplay for him — LOL). Find a game that requires a joystick and slowly and sensually transition from the game to him (if you know what I mean).
He will never see a joystick in the same way again. Perfect. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Luckily, there are some things that you can do to either speed up the healing process of a cold or make having one more bearable than usual. Things that are affordable, all-natural, and easy to incorporate into your daily routine.
Are you ready to know how to nip a damn cold in the bud…before you even get one?
Here ya go.
1. Fire Cider
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Two drinks that I am gonna drink all the way down, each and every fall season, are hot chocolate and apple cider (that’s warmed up). So, when I read about something called “fire cider,” it absolutely caught my attention. If you’re not familiar with it, fire cider is a homemade drink that consists of things like apple cider vinegar, herbs and other ingredients that are specifically designed to boost your immune system.
I won’t lie to you — since some of the traditional recipes contain things like onion and garlic (sulfur has potent medicinal properties) and sometimes even hot peppers (which help to clear up congestion) — although fire cider might not be your favorite as far as your palate is concerned, the viruses (because there are reportedly somewhere around 200 of ‘em) that cause colds will lose a lot of their impact if you drink this; and that makes it worth a shot — well, swallow. Some fire cider recipes can be found here, here and here.
2. Probiotics
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” — and that alone should explain why and how a probiotic can help to prevent colds and make it easier to get over them. The reality is that a healthy gut is what helps to monitor how your immune system reacts and responds to harmful pathogens that may try and get into your system, including ones that cause the common cold.
And since probiotics feed your gut with “good bacteria,” this gives your gut the ability to be better (and quicker) at fighting off the bad. So yeah, take a probiotic — all of the time and definitely while you have a cold. It helps.
3. Peppermint (or Eucalyptus) Oil
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Although I rarely get sick (praise the Lord!), when I do catch a cold, I think what I hate the most is not being able to comfortably breathe. Well, something that is proven to help with that is peppermint essential oil. That’s because it contains properties that act as a natural decongestant as well as a fever reducer. Another essential oil that can hook you up in this department is eucalyptus oil. It’s bomb because it helps to soothe a nagging cough, it can clear up chest congestion and ultimately makes it easier to breathe.
So, before turning in at night, either mix a few drops of one (or both) of these oils with a carrier oil like grapeseed, avocado or jojoba, warm it up for 10 seconds in the microwave and apply it to the sides of your nose or on your best or back. Or put the oil in a diffuser. It can quickly ease cold-related symptoms while also making it so much easier for you to rest (which is something else your body needs to get over a cold; more on that in a sec).
4. Zinc Lozenges
Zinc is a mineral that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong — and since a weakened immunity is directly connected to having more colds (2-4 a year is considered to be “normal,” by the way), it’s always a good idea to have some zinc in your body. As it relates to colds, specifically, aside from the fact that zinc can help you from catching one to begin with, there are also studies which say that sucking on zinc lozenges can help to shorten the timespan of a cold as well.
To be fair, some people have said that zinc lozenges make them feel nauseated; however, everything has its pros and cons and so, how would you know if you’re one of these folks unless you try it? Oh, and while we are on this topic, there are also zinc supplements and foods that are high in zinc (like red meat, lentils, hemp seeds, cashews and quinoa) if you want to try and get more zinc into your system that way (although lozenges are gonna be your best bet on the shortening tip; just sayin’).
5. Foods Rich in Vitamin C
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Speaking of foods that can fight a cold, out of all of what you’ve read here, probably what you are quite familiar with is the fact that vitamin C and colds are mortal enemies. In fact, one pretty significant study says that by taking one gram of vitamin C a day during a cold, you can reduce the severity of your symptoms by as much as 15 percent.
That’s because vitamin C is packed with antioxidants, it helps to reduce bodily inflammation and it helps to strengthen your immunity too. Foods that are full of vitamin C include chili and yellow peppers, kale, kiwi, papaya, broccoli, kale and citrus fruits.
6. Elderberry Tea
If you’re someone who likes to put preserves on your biscuits or toast, have you ever tried one that is made from elderberries (recipe here)? It’s actually pretty good — and good for you because elderberries are high in vitamin C, fiber and antioxidants. And that is why they are great whenever you are trying to hurry up and get over a cold because they also contain properties that are literally antiviral — and since a cold is a virus…well, there you have it.
One of the best ways to get elderberries into your system? Elderberry tea. If you add honey to it, honey can help to shorten symptoms like a stuffy nose, sore throat and cough by 1-2 days. Very cool.
7. REST
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Did you know that even one day of not getting the sleep that you need to weaken your immune system and increase bodily inflammation at the same time too? That’s because one of the benefits of a good night’s rest is it rejuvenates and recharges your system, so that your immunity can work at its optimal level.
Not only that but, according to science, if you already have a cold, getting plenty of rest can benefit you on a few different levels as well. First, your cytokines (proteins that boost your immunity) are released when you sleep.
Second, your body temperature elevates enough to kill some of the bacteria and viruses that are making you sick. Finally, sleep provides you with the energy that you need in order to get through the day while you are healing from your sickness. So, if you want to get through your cold ASAP, be intentional about getting as much rest as you possibly can.
BONUS: A Humidifier
When you get a chance, please check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”. There really are all kinds of solid reasons to invest in a humidifier around this time of the year — and one of them is to make getting through the cold (and flu) season so much easier for you. Since humidifiers bring moisture into the air, that can help to loosen up congestion, soothe an irritated throat, decrease coughing, help with the healing process of respiratory infections and it can help you to sleep better — so that you can get past your cold sooner.
So, if you don’t already have a humidifier, cop one ASAP. Your future colds will absolutely hate that you did. LOL. For a list of some highly recommended humidifiers that are currently on the market, click here.
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