For Issa Rae, The Key To Success Is Staying In Your Own Lane
I was raised to believe I was put on this earth with purpose. I was born to do something that no one else on this earth can do and I take pride in knowing that my destiny was already written by an omnipotent source, but ever so often, social media causes me to doubt my journey. The addictive platform that is social media can cause us to lose touch with reality and forget that the path that we forge is our own, and will be unlike anyone else's. It's impossible to arrive safely at your destination when you're swerving in someone else's lane.
Issa Rae is a testament to the fact that your path to success may be unconventional but with conviction, can pay off big time. In a recent interview with GQ, the actress/screenwriter opened up about how her eccentricities turned out to be her biggest assets. There is a typical archetype of black female comedians that Issa doesn't fit into, but that doesn't keep Issa from staying authentic af. She said:
"I do feel like people expect me to be entertaining. And I'm not. I'm not an entertaining person. I don't put on for anybody. I think about someone like Tiffany Haddish, who's just naturally entertaining, who always has a story. And that's just not my lane. I'm always gonna be the shy one."
Although her shy and awkward demeanor steals our hearts time and time again, Issa says that she didn't find confidence in her uniqueness until it was challenged.
Jerod Harris/Getty Images
Issa said in the interview that her failed experience on a project with ABC led her to find uncompromising clarity in her voice and define what she genuinely wanted out of her career and life and taught her the most important lesson she lives by now.
"I was just like, Yeah, I have this shot, but I don't want to f*ck it up, so I'm just gonna listen to what everybody says. And I just became like f*cking clay for people to mold. The Shonda process was, like, the best sh*t that happened to me, because it gave me confidence to feel like, 'Oh, I can do this.' And I feel like ABC took the confidence away. Like, I need to know what the f*ck I want to say before I say yes to any opportunity. I need to have a clearer point of view and clear voice."
Can you really expect to get the most out of life when it isn't clear who you are and what you want? Issa reminds us to be clear about your intentions early on your road less taken to success, and during that journey, sometimes you have to fail before you fly.
Since I was 12, my dream has been to become a wildly popular recording artist, and when I scroll on Instagram, sometimes I begin to wonder if this purpose thing is all it's cracked up to be. Recently, a female rapper from my neck of the woods got signed to a well-known record label which admittedly, evoked some jealousy on my part.
Issa Rae Vibes GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphy
My desperate mind was filled with thoughts like: Maybe I haven't gotten signed yet because I suck. They signed her because she's doper than me. I'll never get a big break because I don't make music like other women in my field.
After I finished wallowing in my own self-pity, a lightbulb went off in my head and I understood that I was worrying about everything but what was most important: staying in my own lane. I was swerving all in hers without evaluating the bumps and bruises she acquired on her journey, which most importantly was a lot different than mine.
Yes, our music styles were different, and the label she signed to doesn't even produce the kind of music that I make. Why should I be jealous of her road to success when it's nothing like mine? Without being clear it is about what you really want, with the help of social media, you'll be on an endless journey of keeping up with the Joneses.
Can you really expect to get the most out of life when it isn't clear who you are and what you want? As we go through life, we must carry the torch proudly as we create our own lanes for success. Because no one can do you, like you.
Featured image by Jerod Harris/Getty Images
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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