I didn't notice it while I was spending the summer abroad in London. Or even during tailgates, kickbacks, and hazy nights in New Orleans with my favorite girlfriends, but I was always searching.
We dressed up and went out to get "chose".
Fingers crossed as we walked across uneven parking lots in uncomfortable heels. Hopes focused on bumping into a Mr. Right who would ease the pain of the last failed relationship.
Thinking back on it, we were in our best days. We were vibrant 20-somethings who were going places fast. Yet we missed the full essence of our beautiful journey wishing for what we thought was better.
Tears. There were always tears. Maybe not from all of us at once, but at least from one of us.
At any given time, one of us was wondering when he would call or why he was inconsistent. One of us had caught him in another lie or pulled up on him doing something he shouldn't.
We were constantly putting ourselves through a cycle of frustration – mad that we couldn't force grown men to act right, sad when we gained enough dignity to leave, lonely when they were gone, and relapsing for the warmth of a body next to ours.
The cycle of longing was never-ending.
I suppose we were resilient. Putting ourselves back together again after every letdown. Always encouraging each other not to give up on love. But, nonetheless, there was this feeling that we were missing out – long gazes at happy couples as we wondered what that felt like.
We spent all this time fearful that we would never know. Afraid that we might one day turn into Mary Jane from the TV show. None of us would admit it at the time, but it was obsessive – this thought that life would be complete with a man.
Yet, all around us were opportunities to be complete within ourselves.
At age 27, I finally got the memo that there was more to life than wishing it away. I realized that I was pretty damn bomb without a man to validate me.
In one of my proudest moments, I sat down and wrote a letter to my future husband. I promised to live my best life until he manifested into my world. I vowed physical fitness, travel, spiritual growth, prosperity, and wholeness within myself. I released the stress of forcing relationships and got serious about falling in love with me.
As soon as I wholeheartedly placed my focus on being the best I could be for me, my husband came along.
It was the most ironic thing I've witnessed in my life. I couldn't ask for a better partner. He is strong, loving, and emotionally available. With him, I can be my true and authentic self. He motivates me to match his ambition and encourages me to be the best version of myself. It's everything I was hoping for way back then.
But if I'm honest, when I reflect over my single days, it's a little embarrassing. I spent most of them wishing to be married. Eventually, God granted me my heart's desire. And although I am thankful for my husband, I realize that wishing my life away was a great misuse of my time.
Instead, I should've capitalized on the opportunity to throw myself into my dreams with all my might while I had no responsibility or obligation to consider the needs and wants of someone else. I'm still growing and thriving, but I often think about how much more I could've accomplished with a different mindset.
Hindsight is 20/20, but if I could get a do-over of my single days, I'd enjoy sleepovers with my friends that didn't include hour-long convos about some guy, go to Italy without worrying that it is too romantic for a single person, and take risks on passionate ideas that sound crazy to the outside world. If you do it right, marriage is amazing, but that doesn't negate the hard work and sacrifice that comes along with it.
While you're single you should splurge, see the world, enjoy sporadic girls' trips, workout like crazy, read so much that your eyes hurt, date around without expectations, and do the things that scare you.
More than that, I challenge you to be free.
Cherish this season in your life. Stop losing yourself in the idea of love and find yourself through experiences that make you better.
Besides, when you do all these things, the right type of love will come.
Featured image by Getty Images
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As we transition from summer to fall, there’s no need to spend too many coins curating a brand new seasonal wardrobe, especially in this economy. Instead of shopping targeted ads, we interviewed fashion-forward influencers to spark our imagination and gather insight on what they’re already wearing leading into the upcoming season. Keep scrolling to get the scoop on essential items these fashion-forward women are looking forward to wearing this fall.
Helecia Williams, Houston
Comfort
Helecia’s style in three words: “Structured, bold, and explorative.”
Helecia’s outfit inspiration: “I am most interested in comfort as a trend. I am truly enjoying the mix of flats with elevated outfits and the incorporation of street-style elements into the looks. I have seen so much juxtaposition that makes the outfits interesting and intriguing. I love the pairing of fitted caps with [suits] and ballet flats. That mashup is impeccable, and we saw some of that peeking through last fall, and now it's taken on a life of its own.
"As a sneaker lover and comfort sneakers, bringing back flats is just a reimagination of past trends with a fresh twist.”
What color(s) is on Helecia’s fall mood board: “Hands down, red! It's such a bold and bossy color. Now, we see it becoming much more accessible in fashion and realize how easy it is to style and incorporate into a look for that extra pop. It also pairs well with so many other shades and tones. Some of my favorite combos are red and burgundy, red and yellow, and red and brown. Even if you aren't fully convinced that it's the color of the season and still have reservations about it, you can go classic and incorporate it in an accessory or makeup like a red lip.”
Are you bringing anything back from your 2023 fall wardrobe? “I will be returning and recycling all of my 2023 fall wardrobe and just styling it differently or giving it new life. Despite my love for trends, I've curated a wardrobe that I love so I will mix the old in with the new. And not to toot my own horn but a lot of my fashion moments are ahead of the times and still very relevant for this upcoming fall. Expect to see tons of texture, juxtaposition, unexpected color combos, and street style.”
How Helecia is accessorizing this season: “I hate to admit it, but the one trend that has me in a chokehold this fall is bold jewelry, particularly in gold. I've realized that accessories can do wonders, and the Schiaparelli era has me shook. I am a ‘Stan’ of Shop Khoi, a Black-owned jewelry brand that creates some of the most amazing, high-quality fashion jewelry. It just sets off any outfit no matter how simple it may be and easily becomes a conversation piece.”
Courtney Blackwell, New York City
Courtney’s style in three words: “Vintage, oversize, and sexy.”
Courtney’s most anticipated fall fashion items: “The fashion item I am anticipating wearing is vintage leather in all colors!”
Courtney's color picks for fall: “Cherry reds, forest greens, and different shades of gray.”
The trend that has Courtney in a chokehold this season: “Skirts! I’ve never been a skirt girly, well mini skirts girly, but I think I’m going to step it up with the minis this fall.”
Shaniqua Jordan, New York City
Timeless
Shaniqua’s personal styling tip for fall: “I hate to admit it, but the one trend that has me in a chokehold this fall is any oversized outerwear piece, especially oversized blazers. And as basic as it may sound, I can't get enough of them. They instantly elevate any look, and they're so versatile, whether I'm going for a polished vibe or something more casual. Plus, they are perfect for layering as the weather cools down.
"I know most people wouldn't typically opt for suede, but if you've been following my style, you know I'm all about my outerwear. I love adding texture to my looks, even if it's subtle, and a good suede jacket does that for me. The soft texture and rich hues of suede add that cherry on top for any fall look. Whether I'm rocking a bomber style in a jewel tone or a tailored trench in a neutral shade, a suede jacket is one piece I'm looking forward to wearing to elevate my fall wardrobe.”
These colors are all over Shaniqua’s fall mood board: “The colors on my fall mood board are rich earth tones like deep browns and olive greens paired with classic neutrals like camel and cream. I'd like to throw in a pop of butter yellow. I know it might seem more spring-like, but I love how it pairs with deep browns, oxblood, and even grays. It's the perfect way to brighten up those cozy, moody fall vibes. I'm also loving pops of bold jewel tones like emerald and burgundy to add a bit of luxe to the season. These shades give that cozy yet elevated feel I'm always aiming for in my fall wardrobe.”
Shaniqua describes her fall wardrobe in three words: “If I describe my fall wardrobe in three words, they would be chic, layered, and timeless. I love combining unique pieces with a classic touch, creating looks that stand out without trying too hard. It's all about finding that perfect balance between staying true to timeless fashion and adding my own signature flair.”
Are you bringing anything back from your 2023 fall wardrobe? "I am definitely an outfit repeater, so not only will I bring back pieces from my 2023 fall wardrobe, but I also have so many oldies but goodies that I’ll be incorporating into my fall 2024 looks. I think that's what really helps convey my personal style; buying pieces I genuinely love and being able to work them into my style season after season. It's all about longevity and staying true to what I love."
Alasia Allen, Los Angeles
Provocative
Alasia describes her style in three words: “Opulent, sleek, provocative.”
The fashion item Alasia anticipates wearing the most this fall: “I’m really into gloves this season. Whether it’s biker style or long, sleek, leather gloves, they add an interesting take to a fall look.”
The fall colors catching Alasia’s eye: “I’m loving navy or a super deep purple this season so I’ll be adding those into my wardrobe. They’re both so sophisticated and a good alternative to black.”
The fall staple Alaisa plans to bring back from her 2023 wardrobe: “Every year, I wear a shearling coat. It’s timeless, it’s warm, it’s my thing. There’s something very elevating about shearlings that have drawn to me year after year, and that’s what makes them my favorite style of outwear.”
The accessory that has Alasia in a chokehold this season: “Boots. I love a good boot as my go-to accessory for the fall/winter season. My favorites are boots that have a little flair to them and an interesting shape.”
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