"Collaboration over competition" is the motto.
Ain't nobody got time to be competing with other women especially when they look like you. As women, we are taught to compete with each other and I will admit that I used to think competition was healthy. During my previous trips to New York Fashion Week, I would fall victim to comparing myself to other influencers. And you know where that got me? Nowhere. It took some time and soul-searching but I learned to find the charm in contrast.
There's a special place for influencers of color because we create amazing and endless content. The only problem is that we tend to assume that there can only be one of us at the table. But that's far from the truth and major influencers like Tania Cascilla and Shay Ingleton-Smith are working hard to help other influencers realize their worth by giving them the tools not only to sit at the table but to build their own damn tables.
According to a CMO report, statistics showed that social media advertising budgets are predicted to almost double by 2023. The data also shows that businesses earn at least $6.50 for each dollar that they have spent on influencers. And while brands like to say they have diversity, that's not always the case.
It is taking some time for them to realize that diversity is what you have and inclusivity is what you do.
Through transparency and honesty, Tania and Shay created, The Glow Up, a galvanized group for melanin influencers to speak freely about rates, negotiations, strategies and even how much they are getting paid. Being an influencer is a full-time job and it definitely has its peaks and valleys. In this exclusive, Tania and Shay chat with us about the recipe for The Glow Up, the power in sharing the wealth and advice they have for aspiring influencers.
One of the girl bosses, Coco Bassey said, “The point of The Glow Up has never been to exclude other women. It's about teaching each other how to create a seat at the table.” Why do you think it’s so important to share the wealth in our culture, specifically as black women?
Tania: I think it's important for us share the wealth in our culture for numerous reasons. One being there is strength in numbers...when more of us know our worth, we all win. That's why in our group, we make it a point to discuss things such as rates, which people are normally hush, hush about.
Shay: As women, a lot of us are conditioned to look at each other as competition. After seeing first-hand how much Tania and I benefited from being open and honest and sharing with each other, we realized very quickly that hoarding information and operating in silos helps no one. We felt very strongly that we had to share our knowledge with other girls like us so that they could benefit in the same ways that we have benefited."
And now we have a network of dozens of women from around the world that we can ask for help, without any strings attached. It is a huge source of confidence for all of us.
Tell us how you came to create The Glow Up and why you chose the name.
Tania: Shay and I were in a Facebook group with predominantly Caucasian women and while it was informative and very insightful, there weren't many women that looked like us. We noticed how candid and transparent the women were with each other and thought to ourselves we need a group for women of color. The difference with our group is it's more of an actual sisterhood, friendships and bonds have been formed with members across the world.
"It was important for us to bring black women together in a positive space."
Shay: We would talk about all things blogger-related and the conversations sort of started to take on a life of their own, so we decided to give the "group text" a new home that was more formal, organized and could accommodate new members. We thought about several names for it, but as soon as we decided on the name "The Glow Up," we knew it was perfect.
In Forbes, you share tips on how to help fellow influencers break the mold and command what they are worth. Can you share a story where you had to know your worth and add tax?
Forbes
Tania: This happens far too often. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't get low-balled. But knowing my worth and not settling for less gives me the confidence I need to handle these situations. I've had offers increase by more than 50% by simply breaking down why I deserve to be paid my rate and dropping my receipts so to speak. I think my work speaks for itself.
"I honestly believe when you invest in your brand, you reap the benefits of those efforts."
Shay: I sent in my rates plus an additional fee for exclusivity. Shortly after I sent in my rates, the brand came back to me saying that my rates were much higher than my counterparts and they asked me to justify why I had asked for so much. So I sent them screenshots detailing the income that I had brought in from similar brand deals over the last month and explained that I would need at least that per month in order to move forward with this opportunity. I went in with confidence and in the end they agreed to my rates.
Why do you think we shy away from talking about how much we're getting paid, rates, and negotiations? What strategies do you have for glowing up?
Tania: I think there are various reasons. Sometimes people are afraid to say how much they are making because they think someone is getting more and they are ashamed, while others fear they may lose their spot. But the truth is knowledge is power, by sharing that information you may realize you've been shortchanging yourself and could actually be charging more. I feel like what's meant for me is for me period! So I never have any issues sharing intel that could possibly help someone for the better.
Shay: People don't charge more and negotiate more because a lot of times they don't even know that it's a possibility. The other part (for me anyway), is a bit of impostor syndrome. I used to get scared that the client would say no and take their business elsewhere if I tried to negotiate and ask for more. But almost every time that I go in confidently with a request for more, the energy in our correspondence changes. There's a newfound respect from the person at the other end of the negotiation.
If you had to choose a rose and thorn of being an influencer, what would it be?
Tania: Rose would be definitely being able to do something I love every day and being my own boss. The thorn would be the preconceived notions people have about me because I'm an influencer.
"This is still a new profession, a lot of people don't realize this is work for me, it's not all about taking pretty pics...we grind!"
Shay: Rose -- connecting with women around the world and being given the opportunity to tell a brand's story from your own unique perspective. The thorn would be that the industry can take a toll on you mentally. Constantly creating content can be mentally taxing, but the group has been a great outlet. I always know that I am not alone.
What advice do you have for aspiring influencers?
Tania: Invest in your brand!! Do your research, make sure the quality of your work is up to par. Collaborate with others! Shay and I started our journey at the same time, being able to bounce ideas off of her and confide in her was instrumental. Most importantly be authentic and stay true to yourself, don't get caught up in what everyone else is doing and never compare yourself to others. You're you and that's more than enough. Always remember Rome wasn't built in a day, your time will come!
Shay: Be yourself, focus on quality over quantity and invest in yourself and your content so that you can really stand out from the competition.
Meaningful relationships, vulnerability and creativity are the cornerstones of The Glow Up. For more on these beauties, follow them @darling_tee and @torontoshay.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
