On any given day, a crowd of fans wait eagerly outside of the Slutty Vegan, chatting eagerly about whether they want a Sloppy Toppy or a Ménage à Trois as they wait in hour-long lines. No, this isn't a twisted version of the movie Trois -- unless you count indulging in salacious yet savory food as a form of foreplay.
In fact, just a few months ago many of these patrons wouldn't have thought twice about traveling down to the primarily African-American Southwest Atlanta neighborhood. But today, it's not uncommon to see enthused foodies, celebrities, locals and travelers from all races and backgrounds vying for a chance at tasting the restaurant's famous plant-based burgers. In case the headlines weren't clear, Slutty Vegan is revolutionizing the vegan fast food industry, and it's taking the meaning of food porn to the next level.
INSIDE SLUTTY VEGAN WITH FOUNDER PINKY COLEwww.youtube.com
Leading the way is founder Pinky Cole. With her red, shoulder-length locs, radiating smile, and confidence that permeates any room she enters, Pinky is focused on her vision of making enjoyable vegan food a worldwide phenomenon. "Slutty Vegan [isn't] slowing down anytime soon," says Pinky. "It's going to be alongside the Burger Kings, McDonalds, and Sonics of the world."
Taking a break from her never-ending to-do list, Pinky and I chat about her journey to creating one of the most buzzworthy restaurants in Atlanta and the vegan community, and how she was able to launch and scale her business from concept to a brick-and-mortar restaurant all within a year. It's not long into our conversation that I realize that the key to her success is rooted in two concepts: the power in execution after inspiration and the importance of capitalizing off of momentum. This— and her desire to serve— is what is driving her to turn her idea into a worldwide phenomenon.
"I come as one, but I stand as 10,000. You see me, but I am the representation of so many people that look like me, brown skin and locs— people that don't fit society's norm. I am the representation of successful Black business. There is [a] tax on Black-owned business, that we don't do well. [Slutty Vegan] is changing the game of what Black business looks like. It's a big deal to know that I am able to create something as a Black woman that is successful and bring our stock to the next level."
Photo by Tailiah Breon for xoNecole
"I am the representation of successful Black business."
Opening her own restaurant wasn't always the end destination for Pinky. After graduating from Clark Atlanta University she moved to Los Angeles to pursue her dream of acting, but a chain of events led her to her culinary destiny. While in Los Angeles, a sorority sister offered Pinky a position to work as a TV producer. This opened the doors to various roles in the industry, which eventually led her to work with The Maury Show. During this time, Pinky, who loved all things food and business since her youth (and was taught to cook by her Jamaican grandmother), decided to take the money she had saved from her day job to open up her first venture in Harlem: Pinky's Jamaican and American Restaurant.
It was there she experienced her first major setback. "I ended up losing the restaurant due to a grease fire," she says. "It seemed like a failure, but it was the best thing that ever happened."
Soon after, Pinky moved back to Atlanta to work as a casting director for another popular TV show. Being a part of the show's production team allowed her the space to heal from the trauma of losing a business, while also helping to heal and serve others. It wasn't long before she'd have the desire to try her hand at entrepreneurship again. Just a few months into her transition back south, a million-dollar idea was born. "I was sitting in the house one day and I came up with this idea of Slutty Vegan. It came to me like a light bulb. [The name] was sexy. It sounds like it's selling sex, but it's bigger than that. [I knew] it was going to become a movement; it's going to get people to pay attention to being plant-based and veganism."
Photo by Tailiah Breon for xoNecole
"It sounds like it's selling sex, but it's bigger than that."
Unlike many who may experience these moments of entrepreneurial epiphanies, Pinky didn't just sit on the idea. She started creating recipes, finding supplier partners, and researching how to expand. In July 2018, she set up shop at a shared kitchen to test out her newly-created cuisine. By August, she moved to a commercial kitchen, invested in a food truck in September, and in October found the location for the first Slutty Vegan restaurant. Three months later, a crowd of 1,200 gathered outside the restaurant in 45-degree weather for the grand opening. "It was so beautiful to see so many people looking like me come out in the name of food," she recalls.
Since its opening in January, the Atlanta-based restaurant has become a mini tourist attraction, with customers lining up as much as two hours in advance of the store's daily opening. Occasionally, the line wraps around the corner with wait times hitting at least five hours or more.
While success seems to be happening fast for the brand, Pinky isn't surprised. She had a feeling this was going to happen, she tells me matter-of-factly. The Slutty Vegan name alone was a hook that would reel her potential customer base in. "There is [a] stigma to the word. [I thought], 'How can I use a bad word to make it something good, be creative and [help people] indulge in what they love guilt-free?'"
Courtesy of Slutty Vegan
"Veganism can be cool. Being plant-based can be cool. It doesn't have to be mundane."
Such indulgences include the Fussy Hussy— an Impossible Burger patty loaded with pickles, vegan cheese, caramelized onions, lettuce, tomato, and their signature slutty sauce without the cholesterol and calories of a traditional burger. It's the creative genius behind Pinky's idea— and she knows it. "It feels like it's bad because it's a cheeseburger and fries, but it's a lot healthier, which is why the hook to the conversation is you don't have to eat dead animals in order for it to taste good," Pinky says. "We can limit and decrease the amount of illnesses and disease in our community based on the food we ingest. That intention is continuing to be met because it's working."
To no surprise, at the core of the Slutty Vegan branding strategy is experience. Pinky has been deliberate about how she's crafted the way customers interact with the brand since the beginning. "Build your brand in a way that is so irresistible that people have to have it. When people have to have it, they will do whatever to get it. Slutty Vegan has been successful [in] creating an experience for people so that they have to have it by any means necessary," she tells me. "Veganism can be cool. Being plant-based can be cool. It doesn't have to be mundane."
It's why on the Slutty Vegan Instagram you'll hardly see any brand-generated photos of their signature burgers. Pinky also doesn't spend money on influencer marketing, and will tell you in a heartbeat that she's "not selling food." Instead, she's "helping people indulge in what they love."
Even Pinky's celebrity co-signers are genuine, unpaid, and helping to push the brand's message to a larger audience. "When you eat my food as a celebrity, you're jumping on board to this bigger conversation and spreading a narrative of eating healthier and limiting diseases in our community. That's what we call positive manipulation, and it's working."
It's understandable why after tasting her burgers people can't stop eating or talking about Pinky Cole and Slutty Vegan. There's something magical about the way the brand has been able to sprout out of nowhere and dominate the food scene. It leaves little room for doubt as to where Pinky plans on taking her company. "In 2019, you have to do things that are going to separate you from everyone else," she says.
While I'm not sure if Pinky would describe herself as radical, she's definitely a rule-breaker. Going against the norm has enabled her to bring the Slutty Vegan story to the forefront. According to Pinky, moving the food truck location daily is not usually a food truck culture norm, but Slutty Vegan does it anyway. Using provocative nomenclature in brand marketing could also be seen as risky, but despite all of this, Pinky believes that her desire to change the rules of how to start and run a business have helped fuel the company's success. If you're thinking of ways to engage with customers or influence sales, thinking outside the box can lead to breakthroughs that can ultimately fuel growth.
However, no hero's journey is complete without a major test of character and commitment to their dream.
Slutty Vegan was invited to vend at the 2019 Super Bowl, and Pinky found herself having to make the difficult decision as to whether she'd accept the opportunity or not. She was told that she'd have to change the restaurant's name, branding and wrapping. While the optics and sales would have been great, Pinky realized she would have to compromise on everything she worked hard to create. To Pinky, this wasn't worth sacrificing her brand footprint. She adds with conviction, "I am glad I didn't compromise who I am for the dollar. The people who want me are going to come to me."
The people have been coming alright. The decision alone to launch a vegan restaurant in Atlanta could be the perfect example of "right place, right time." However, it's a reminder of a higher alignment. It shows how sometimes things are supposed to happen as they happen. One of the first things Pinky told me during our chat was, "If [my first] restaurant didn't close, we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"I was supposed to be in Atlanta. [Atlanta is] the home of soul food. It's the South. If you tell people in the South about vegan food, they laugh at you. To be able to do this [here], we've conquered something that is really not a big deal. We've done it and we can go somewhere else and they'll be with the movement. [In] Los Angeles, DC, or New York, veganism is normal. The fact that I am able to do this in Atlanta is dope."
Photo by Tailiah Breon for xoNecole
"If [my first] restaurant didn't close, we wouldn't be having this conversation."
The future of Slutty Vegan seems promising. Pinky tells us that she has several projects in the works, including a development deal for a television show, possible Slutty Vegan airport locations, merchandise, franchising options, and ready-made bottles of her infamous Slutty Sauce for sale.
"If you have a great idea, a lot of faith and are steadfast on your goals, it doesn't take five years to [launch]. You can do what I did in six months and it can be super [successful]. It depends on how bad you want to win."
Like many founders, what's driving Pinky is the impact she has on everything she touches. "While the people are pouring into you, you have to pour back into the people. People will continue to support you if they see you are supporting the community."
Philanthropy and serving others are core values that she ensures surrounds the Slutty Vegan way. It's a mission that is the driving force behind why she looks forward to waking up each day. "This doesn't feel like work," Pinky says. "The refuel is knowing my doors are open every day, having conversations with people like you, to know that I'm responsible for feeding 25 mouths every week. I'm the captain of the ship, and if I fall asleep, the ship is going to sink and I'm not willing to let that happen. I built something that can take our community to the next level."
And we're certainly down to ride the wave.
To learn more about Slutty Vegan and how you can get #sluttified, visit http://sluttyveganatl.com and check out the brand on Instagram at @sluttyveganatl.
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Rana Campbell is a Princeton University graduate, storyteller, content marketing strategist, and the founder and host of Dreams In Drive - a weekly podcast that teaches you how to take your dreams from PARK to DRIVE. She loves teaching others how to use their life stories to inspire action within oneself and others. Connect with her on Instagram @rainshineluv or @dreamsindrive.
Amber Riley Is In Her Element
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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15 Women Share Their Personal Hacks For Better Orgasms (And Sex Overall)
I’m pretty sure that I’m basically being redundant when I say that I write about sex quite a bit which means that I spend quite a bit of time doing research when it comes to sex-related intel, tips, and hacks. Yet I have to say that when it comes to getting some much-needed information in the realm of coitus, it’s been my clients (along with random interviews that I do with people because I don’t mind talking to complete strangers about intimate ish) who have garnered me some of the best takeaways.
Take orgasms, for example. Since I’m well aware of the fact that vaginal orgasms (especially) can be a real challenge for a lot of women, I’m constantly on the hunt for what can help to “bridge the gap” in that arena.
And that’s why I decided, this time, to forego science articles, vlogs, and online data and instead ask some women for myself about some of the things that they do to make having an orgasm, improving their orgasms, and their sexual experience overall something that is so much better for themselves.
So, grab yourself a light aphrodisiac snack (check out “Eat Your Way To Better Sex With Aphrodisiacs”) and dig into what 15 Black women told me gets them off, in a mighty big way, just about every time.
*As always, middle names have been used so that everyone can feel comfortable giving up the goods…umm, so to speak*
1. Rochelle. 37. Married for 11 Years.Giphy
“While y’all be out here talking about some kegels, what I’m into is my man giving me a hip massage. The key is to make sure you use some sort of massage oil that has menthol in it. Between the tingling of the menthol and him rubbing on your hips, not only is it really relaxing, but the ‘minty feel’ opens your body up so that once intercourse begins, you’re less tense, and that makes having an orgasm so much easier to do.”
2. Karmyn. 27. Single.
“Kiss him the way you want him to penetrate you. Literally, use your tongue as if it were a penis and move it in his mouth like you want him to move inside of you. The kissing will turn you both on, and if he follows your instructions, you should be able to orgasm with no problem."
"I learned this trick when I asked an ex of mine to explain what p — sy feels like, and he said the best way to explain it is what a tongue feels like inside of [the] mouth. He should’ve never told me that, boy! It’s been hell in these streets ever since!”
3. LaChelle. 43. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.
“If you’re self-conscious about your body, get some lingerie that has cutouts in them. There is a lot of sexy stuff out here that can have you covering up the parts you’re not comfortable with while still giving him access to the ‘main events.’ My man loves one of my lace one-piece teddies that has no crotch, and it’s easier for me to orgasm because I’m not overthinking the entire time.”
4. Trinitee. 27. Married for One Year.Giphy
“We’ve only been married a year, but we weren’t exactly abstinent when we were just dating. So, we like to find ways to keep it fresh. One thing that we do is go ‘hotel hopping’ once a month. We find a new hotel and meet each other there. We try and do different hours of the day and come with a surprise in hand. Like he might bring a new sex toy, and I might have on some lingerie that he’s never seen before. Then we text each other beforehand to talk about the best part of the sex we had from the last hotel we visited. The anticipation is foreplay.”
5. Wren. 33. In a Serious Relationship for Six Years.
“What works for me is doing afterplay as foreplay. What I mean by that is, taking a nap naked with my boo before any sexual activity is one of my favorite things. Being up under him, especially if he’s spooning me, feels really good, sleeping together is very intimate, and — there’s something about being awakened outta my sleep with kisses on my neck and back that almost makes me want to cum right then and there.”
6. Bevalyn. 40. Living with Her Partner for Four Years.
“Get on your back and have him kneel in front of you."
"Put your legs over his, and when he penetrates you, ask him to use one of his hands to apply pressure on your pubic bone — the area right above your clitoris."
"As he’s gently pushing down while he’s inside of you…if you don’t cum from that, I don’t know what else to tell you, sis.”
7. Sophia. 38. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.Giphy
“Shower sex can be a bit much, and I don’t trust a used jacuzzi. What we do is fill up our own inflatable pool and get it on inside of it. It’s perfect during the summer, late at night, because we have a tall fence. Just make sure that you bring some silicone lube to keep things slippery down there. An inflatable pool has been one of the best sex investments that we have ever made!”
8. Averie. 35. Single.
“Wanna know if your man is as into giving you head as he claims? Right after he goes down on you, ask him to immediately penetrate you. If he’s hard, he’s totally into it, and if he catches you soon enough, you’ll be in the perfect position to have a multiple orgasm. Don’t say I didn’t give you the ultimate cheat code.”
9. Victoria. 40. Married for 11 Years.
“Shellie, you actually got me on the cinnamon kick when I read one of your articles that talked about applying cinnamon oil to my clit before oral sex. Since [then], I’ve been doing some research, and it says that cinnamon is also an aphrodisiac because it stimulates blood flow. So, I’ll also drink cinnamon tea throughout the day or share a cinnamon cocktail with my husband. Works like a charm.”
Shellie here: She’s right. I did say that. LOL. You can read for yourself: “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.”
10. Daniela. 28. Engaged for Six Months.Giphy
“Ever been fingered backward? What I mean is, get on all fours and have him insert a finger or two from behind with his palm being flat. That way, the space in between your anus and your vagina will get a massage while your vagina gets penetrated. There’s nothing quite like it.”
11. Saven. 32. Single.
“Ice. Have him rub a little bit of ice on your clitoris and then immediately warm it up with his tongue. There is something about the drastic changes in temperature that gets me every time. And I mean, EVERY time.”
12. Ferynn. 30. Living with Her Partner for Five Years.
“I don’t know about you, but my man loves to put my legs up in the air. It was never really my favorite move until I read that behind the knees are an unsung erogenous zone. Whoever found that out was onto something because if he rubs back there while talking real crazy to me in a deep voice? Here I come…HERE I COME!”
13. Vivienne. 30. Engaged for One Year.Giphy
“Never underestimate the power of a foot massage. Just make sure that he applies pressure in the middle of your foot where your arch is. It instantly makes me wet. I asked my doctor why and he said that it’s probably because foot massages tend to increase blood flow, including where the vagina is. Either way, it’s always a good night if I get a foot massage first.”
14. Michelle. 24. Single.
“I’m a doula who owns my own exercise ball…for sex. When I first started showing couples the positions that women can get into to make labor easier, it got me to thinking that some of those positions could work for sex too — and they do."
"Something about the movement of the ball takes the pressure off of the back for both men and women. It also makes getting into certain positions a lot easier so that you can enjoy sex for a lot longer.”
15. Carol. 31. Married for Five Years.
“My husband and I have bets. If he wants me to make some of his favorite meals five days in a row, he’s gotta make me cum five times in a row. If I want him to get me something that’s not in our budget, I’ve gotta attempt one of his sex fantasies. We’re both competitive as hell, so it works for us because honestly, even when we ‘lose’…we win!”
Listen, I don’t know about y’all, but this was definitely worth my while. After all, ain’t nothin’ like some Black women who can speak from very-personal-and-up-close experience about what makes them happy — especially if it can increase the odds of bringing some sexual satisfaction your way too.
Speaking of, if you want to share the wealth, drop some of your own orgasm-related tips in the comment section. The more of us who can woosah on the regular, the better, chile. Straight up. #havefun #lotsofit
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Featured image by Giphy