It’s still the summer season. In fact, it’s gonna be that way until late September. This means that you still have time to plan a vacation — or at least engage in the kind of sex that you would experience if you were to take a trip somewhere.
And this is where today’s article steps right on in. Since data and research have some great things about having sex during the summertime (check out “What Science Says About Having Sex In The Summertime”), I thought that it would be a — pun intended — cool time to share a part two of “This Is How You Make 'Summer Sex'...Even Hotter” which was written back when we were on lockdown.
Because it is my personal opinion that there can never be enough sex hacks — and it is my mission to share as many of ‘em as absolutely possible. Ready?
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1. Rent a Vacation House (for the Weekend)
Whether you are planning to go out of town before the summer ends or you are going to stick close to home and would like a change of scenery, why not rent a vacation house for the weekend? You can choose a fantasy house, there is plenty of room and privacy and sometimes, the cost is even cheaper than a really nice hotel room. For a list of vacation rentals to choose from, it’s probably best to go to your favorite search engine and put “vacation homes for rent” in the search field (although Trip Advisor, Cozycozy and VacationRenter are some good places to start).
2. Experiment with Lubricant Gel
Say that you do decide to go with the whole vacation house idea. If it happens to have a pool and you want to get a lil’ frisky in it, make sure to bring some lubricant gel along. Gel lube, specifically, because it’s designed to not drip and last for a longer period of time. Matter of fact, Astroglide has a silicone gel that is waterproof (here). Hmph. Even better!
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3. Purchase a Galaxy Projector
If you decide to go the staycation route this year, make it a sexcation by giving your bedroom a bit of a starry night feel. One way to do that is by investing in a galaxy projector (like this one here). It can have you feeling like you’re experiencing the Northern Lights from the comfort and convenience of your own home — not to mention that a beautiful night sky can be uber romantic (and you can “take it all in” without having to deal with any bugs or humidity!).
4. Get Some Glow-in-the Dark Lingerie and Body Paint
While the stars are glowing, why not take things up a notch by making yourself glow as well? You can do this by either wearing some lingerie that happens to glow in the dark or purchasing some body paint that does. Personally, this takes me back to the opening scene of the movie, Belly (Nas, DMX) where they walk into the strip club (if you know, you know). Even though everyone was pretty clothed (even the strippers were dialed down), there was something very sensuous about melanated folks…glowing.
Now just imagine how you would look in a neon teddy (like this one here) or how sexy it would be to paint the favorite parts of your man’s body in colors that you can only see with the lights off. A highly-reviewed body paint brand is located here — and I’ll even throw in some glow-in-the-dark sex-themed dice for foreplay’s sake. You can find those here.
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5. Freeze Your Sheets
If you’re someone who’s a bit on the adventurous side and you like to do things like pitch a tent in your backyard, so that you can have sex inside of it — if the summer heat is holding you back, you can always freeze your sheets beforehand. Yep, you heard me right. If you put your clean sheets in a plastic bag and place them in your freezer for about an hour, they will be super cool and comfortable to roll around in while you’re dealing with the hot temperatures of the summer season.
6. Prepare a Sex-Themed Picnic
Summertime picnics are always nice. In the spirit of what we’re talking about, make sure that yours is romantic, sexy and features foods that are aphrodisiacs. Watermelon. Oysters. Strawberries. Artichokes. Chocolate. And definitely don’t forget to top everything off with a nice bottle of red wine or some champagne. My recommendation is to use that same tent that I just mentioned (indoors or outdoors) and decorate the inside of it with some blankets, throw pillows and battery-operated candles (no fire and no heat). If you wait until right around sunset, it really can be the perfect date.
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7. Have a Sexy Water Balloon Fight
It’s interesting. Sometimes I will do my own social experiment with my clients. Recently, that meant asking them what they wanted more from their sex life. I found it fascinating that, although none of the couples I polled knew each other (at least, as far as I know), at least one person in each dynamic said that they wished that their sex life had some more fun in it. And that got me to thinking about games that can be played with a sensual twist to them. For instance, a water balloon fight. Go outside, in your backyard, with some sexy swimwear on and play a game of 20 questions.
Make sure that they all have something to do with sex with your partner and put a time limit on it. If you say — for instance — that they have 30 seconds to respond and they don’t…BOOM! Aim a water balloon in their direction. They have the right to run or get out of dodge; however, if you hit them, there is a sexual request that they have to meet that night. Now watch how quickly this becomes your favorite summer pastime. #wink
8. Incorporate Some Flavored Ice Cubes
10 points if I say “Mookie!” and “ice” and you know exactly what I’m talking about (if you don’t, click here and you’ll get the gist…for the most part). Although when the topic of temperature play comes up, heat is what usually comes to mind (check out “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom"), in the summer, swap it over to ice cubes — then make it all the more sexy by pouring some juice into some ice cube trays and freezing them.
When they become ice, rub them on some of your partner’s erogenous zones and then lick the water off; then have them return the favor. Girrrrrl.
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9. Massage One Another with Some DIY Mango Body Butter
I honestly can’t believe that it’s been a whopping five years since I wrote the article, “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.” for the platform. In it, it shares how you can select the type of massage that benefits you most based on your particular needs (at any given time). And although I do shout-out couple’s massages at the end, it is important to mention here that erotic/sensual massages are specifically designed to not only de-stress you but sexually stimulate you too.
Oh, and while you’re in the process of rubbing your partner in all of the right places, consider applying some homemade mango body butter. A very simple recipe is here — and if you add some mango essential oil to it? It will smell amazingly tropical up in your seduction space.
10. Toast Each Other with Some Berry Sorbet Champagne
There are so many articles that I’ve written where I recommend toasting yourself and/or your partner. That’s because, something that pretty much all humans have in common, is the need to be affirmed and appreciated. As I close this out, before gettin’ it in, encourage your partner to join in with you both saying what some of your favorite things are about each other…sexually. What you enjoy doing, what your favorite body parts are, the things that you look forward to most, etc. Then toast each other when you are finished.
My recommendation is with some champagne because it is a proven aphrodisiac. And since it’s warm outside, add some berry (another aphrodisiac) sorbet to it (a recipe is located here). It’s a delicious way to start or end a summer-themed sex event. Enjoy. Fully.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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