If you've been following my byline, as it specifically relates to sex, then you already know that I like to break sex down into themes. You know, like Christmas sex. Fall sex. And today? Summer sex. After all, y'all, summer is the hottest season of the year, so it would be an absolute shame if your sex life didn't reflect that very fact.
So in honor of June through September, I wanted to put you on to 12 things that you and yours can do to take things up a couple of notches in the bedroom. I'm doing so in hopes that, when you look back on this summer, you'll have some of the best—and by "best", I mean sensual, erotic, provocative, nasty, totally mind-blowing—sex memories yet.
1. Take Advantage of the Extra Sunlight
Even if you're not the sappiest or most sentimental woman on the planet (I'm shouting that particular demographic out because I personally know some), a little bit of romance never hurt nobody. Matter of fact, the older I get, the more I find dates to be an ultimate act of foreplay. And since the days are longer during the summer season, that gives you and yours more time to do things like have an evening picnic, enjoy a bottle of wine on your back deck, eat outside at your favorite restaurant—things that, any other time of the year, you might rush to do after work before it gets dark. Quality time is a wonderful seducer. Use this summer to take full advantage of it.
2. Buy Some Yellow Lingerie
A burlesque dancer and businesswoman by the name of Dita Von Teese once said, "Lingerie is not about seducing men. It's about embracing womanhood." Personally, I find it to be some of Column A and some of Column B but either way, embrace your body image and sexual self-esteem by treating you (and your partner) to a couple of new lingerie items. This time, though, instead of going the traditional black or red route, go with something yellow. For one thing, I don't know one Black woman who isn't KILLIN' IT in that color. Also, yellow is a popular summertime hue; one that conveys warmth, excitement, optimism, joy and open communication—all things that make sex so much more enjoyable.
3. Serve Up a Couple of Ginseng Martinis
Winter before last, I wrote an article about aphrodisiac foods that can help to get your juices flowing. But if you and yours like to indulge in a drink together every now and then, something that you might want to try is a ginseng martini. On the health tip, ginseng does everything from improve your brain function, reduce inflammation, lower blood sugar and shorten the life of colds and the flu.
Sexually, not only does ginseng provide you with a boost of energy, there is a good amount of data to support that it can help men who struggle with erectile dysfunction too. Also, if you're trying to make a baby, that's one more reason to make your man a couple of these martinis because, word on the street is that, ginseng improves sperm quality as well.
You can find a pretty easy recipe here.
4. Invest in a Cooling Mattress Pad
There's hot sex and then there's sex when you're hot. I hate the latter. If you don't want to run your electric bill up higher than it probably already is, just so that you're not dripping wet once your romp is over, something that you can do is to invest in a cooling mattress pad. They're designed to keep you cooler as your body temperature fluctuates as you sleep. Oh, and while we're on the topic of your bedding, you might want to get the kind of sheets that can assist in cooling you down too. Ones that are made out of organic cotton or bamboo always top the list.
5. Freeze Your Sex Toys
Along the lines of what I just said, if sex toys are always a part of your sex life, why not throw those in the freezer for a minute or two? The ones you've got that are made out of glass or metal are able to hold cold (and hot) temperatures really well. All you need to do is let them freeze for 15-20 minutes and they'll be ready to take you and your partner's arousal levels to whole new heights!
6. Bring in Some Popsicles
Whenever I think of ice and sex, the first thing that comes to my mind is the ice scene between Mookie and Tina in Do the Right Thing. Incorporating ice in this way can be super erotic because the changes in temperatures can be stimulating AF. But rather than going with regular tasteless ice, opt for some popsicles instead. That way, you can get your favorite flavor which can only take the fun and exhilaration up a notch (or you can pour juice into an ice tray in order to basically get the same result).
7. Apply a Little Piña Colada Lube
Feel free to check out the article "If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go" on why lubricant can be your very best friend when it comes to having really hot sex.
In sticking along with the summer theme that we've got going here, if there is a signature flavor that typically goes along with it, piña colada is what comes to my mind. So, why not cop some piña colada lubricant?
If you're down, you can get some here.
8. Do Some Crisscrossing
Hopefully, even if you don't naturally sleep naked (which you should because it's really good for your health and well-being), you're doing it a bit more during the summertime. Well, if you and yours happen to wake up in the middle of the night, wanting to have sex but it's a little warmer in the room than you'd like, try doing it in the "crisscross" position. This position consists of you turning over to your right side, with your partner then straddling your right leg and while wrapping your left leg around him. Doing this will allow for deep penetration without your sticky and sweaty body parts constantly ramming into each other.
9. Do It in an Adult-Size Inflatable Pool
Not everyone is going to be able to get to a beach or pool this summer. Shoot, even if you can, you might not be down for taking the risk of having sex in either one. A cool alternative is to purchase something like a Intex Family Lounge Pool or Intex 57191WL Swim Center Family Lounge Pool. They are large enough to hold 2-3 adults and are designed in a way where you can comfortably get into pretty much any sex position you want to be in. Because really, who said that kids are the only ones who get to have fun in backyard inflatable pools? Exactly.
10. Play ASMR Videos of Ocean Waves
When I say that I am an ASMR fan? Whew! I wish I hadn't waited as long as I did to fall asleep to the sound of thunderstorms. Anyway, when you're gettin' it in indoors, something that can make you feel like you are at a beach house is listening to sounds of ocean waves. YouTube has a ton of them. All you've got to do is go to the site and put "ocean waves sounds" in the search field. Oh, and if you want to take all of this summer-like ambiance to another level, get yourself a portable fan and point it into the direction of your bed. Then, cop yourself some plug-ins; ones that have tropical scents. How could you not feel like you are on vacation? Even if it's more like a sex staycation?
11. Feed Each Other Some Watermelon
Watermelon is in season from May through September, so of course, it's the ultimate summertime fruit. Health-wise, although it's made up of 92 percent water, watermelon is still packed with vitamins A and C that can help to improve your heart health, relieve muscle soreness, prevent cancer cells from developing and, thanks to the fiber that's in it, watermelon is a sweet way to stay regular too.
Sexually, it's earned the nickname "natural Viagra" due to the amino acid citrulline that is also found in the fruit. The awesome thing about it is citrulline helps to relax and dilate blood vessels. What that means is more intense orgasms for you and longer erections for your partner. Yep. Definitely get you some as soon as possible.
12. Go “Sex Glamping” (in Your Backyard)
Something that I want to do, at some point in my life, is go glamping. If that's on your sex bucket list too but it's just not a feasible option right now, if you're a homeowner, how about just camping out in your backyard? A tent. Some of your favorite foods. A flashlight (to do a little "body searching" with). You might be surprised how those three simple things might be all that you need to have some of the best summer sex that you've had in a really, really long time. Have fun, y'all!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
Riska/Getty Images
1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
Riska/Getty Images
19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by
