

Back in the day, I did a bit of modeling. That's how I found out that I had an hourglass shape. But, in comparison to my mom and a few of the other women in my family, although my breasts are big, waist is relatively small (especially when I exercise) and my hips are wide, my butt isn't exactly huge. It's a pretty nice size, but if I were a body-obsessed kind of person (or even if I had social media accounts), I could see why getting a butt enhancement would at least cross my mind.
I'll tell y'all what, though. After watching a roughly 18-minute BBC documentary about a 23-year-old Black woman who wanted to get a BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift), hearing about all of the risks (did you know that it's the deadliest cosmetic procedure, period?) and also hearing a Black female doctor say, "Black women are becoming a modern-day caricature of themselves"—I'm glad that I am at peace with my shape. It's not all I want it to be but it's healthy, it's mine and it's just what God gave me.
Related: Celebrities Are Getting Real About Their Health Issues From Illegal Butt Injections
Besides, it's not like we're all supposed to look like human Barbie dolls (which are totally anatomically incorrect) or that we're even supposed to be the same body type (there are around 12 different kinds, by the way). Also, on the days when I want my butt to have a little extra "umph" to it, it's not like there aren't some cosmetic-free tricks that I can pull out of my bag.
If a bigger (or rounder or fuller) butt is something you struggle with having, before shelling out $5,000—or worse, putting your life at risk—how about testing some of these suggestions? See if they can give you (at least a little bit more of) the kind of butt that you want.
Make Sure the Fabric Stretches
Some of my favorite pants have spandex in them. No, they're not biker shorts (I've never owned a pair of those) but my yoga pants, some of my Old Navy jeans and faux pleather pants from Fashion Nova are all made up of at least 30-40 percent spandex. They're what make my pants comfortably fit and hug all of my curves. And yes, that automatically makes my butt appear fuller.
Watch Back Pocket Placement
There's an ex-boyfriend of mine who used to say that a lot of white women have "tricky booties". What the heck is that? According to him, some of them appear to have bigger butts than they actually do, thanks to the placement of the back pockets on their jeans. He's actually on to something. Small pockets with high placements can provide the illusion that there's more going on "back there" than there might actually be.
Rock a Thong
I hate panty lines. Full stop. But if you're someone who never really cared about what your underwear looks like underneath your clothing, here's some food for thought. The lines that your panties provide draw attention to the look and size of your derriere. If you wear a thong (at least on the days when you're wearing something tight), no lines will show. It keeps outfits from looking tacky or cheap. It can make your butt look bigger too.
Try Horizontal Color-Blocking
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Color-blocking continues to be a pretty big trend. But have you ever paid close attention to how the blocks can make your body look? If you want to appear thinner, vertical blocking tends to do the trick. But if you want your butt to look fuller, the last thing you should do is wear vertical lines in the back. You're much better off by putting on a skirt or dress that has one color from the thigh up and a different color—one that is positioned horizontally—from the thigh down.
Go with Light at the Top and Dark at the Bottom
If color-blocking isn't particularly your thing, another way to give an optical illusion when it comes to your lower half is to wear lightly colored clothing at the top and darker hues on the bottom. Another way to make this work is to wear solid colors up top and patterns down at the bottom.
Pay Attention to Waist-to-Hip Ratio
Something that I'm personally not the biggest fan of is pants that have a high waist. They just don't feel very comfortable to me. But if you want to make your hips and butt appear bigger, that's exactly what you need to be looking for because high-waisted clothing pulls your waist in so that more of a focus is put on your lower half. Another benefit that comes with going this route is when a pair of pants or a skirt has a high waist, that makes it possible for people to see the entire shape and curve of your butt when they are walking behind you.
Buy a Couple of Light Blue Jeans
Speaking of slimming yourself down, you probably know that dark hues are what can help to take a couple of pounds off. That's why it should make total sense that if you wanted your butt to look smaller, dark blue (or black) jeans can make that happen. If you want your butt to look bigger, light blue jeans are your better bet (I can totally vouch for this).
Put on a Pair of Yoga Pants
There used to be a time when yoga pants were only for working out. Whatever. I've got about six pairs at this point that I rock about as much as my jeans. They're cute. They're comfortable. They smooth out any small bumps or dimples and they're really good at toning your body. If you don't own a pair, do your butt—and the rest of your body—a favor and cop at least two or three. You won't regret it. I promise you that.
Tote a Smaller Purse
My absolute favorite purse is an oversized khaki green hobo bag that I got on Etsy. I adore it so much that I'll take the smaller-looking butt in exchange for lugging it around any day of the week. But I did read, a few times, that another way to appear to have a bigger butt is if you carry a smaller purse. I guess I get it. If the purse has a strap, it's gonna probably hang right around the hips and if we're holding a clutch, our hands are oftentimes in the same place. So, if the purse is small, it'll make the region that it's around seem larger.
Wear Heels
When you look at the chicks that are on Fashion Nova ads and modeling on IG, when they want to draw attention to their backside (and you can always tell when that's the case), what do they usually have on? Yep. A pair of heels!
There are a few reasons why heels work in your favor in this way. First, just by putting them on, your posture automatically improves. The second thing is heels are able to elongate your legs. Another benefit is heels have a way of causing us to push our breasts up and our butt out. Heels can work even more to your advantage if you're wearing them with something pleated, an A-line or flared skirt or anything that is above the knee.
Try at least three of these tips and stand in front of a full-length mirror. Then turn around and look at how your butt looks. I'd be shocked if you didn't notice a semi-major improvement. And the best thing about them is, they were cheap and pain-free. Oh, and you didn't have to put your life in jeopardy in the process. A major win, if you ask me.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Pack A Travel Case With These 12 Items For Amazing 'Summer Vacation Sex'
It’s kind of funny that while I’m literally in the process of writing this article, the Los Angeles Times published “How to get lucky on your family vacation” hours prior. LOL. Although this year marks a bit of a dip in the amount of Americans who plan on taking a summer vacation (because this administration ain’t making coin-keeping easy, y’all) — it’s still being reported that around 53 percent will do so in the name of rest, relaxation and spending quality time with their loved ones.
And for many, the loved ones category absolutely includes their bae. And if that is the case, that probably means that sex is somewhere on the menu.
Yep. I actually read one survey (that consisted of 2,000 people) that said folks tend to have twice as much sex while they are on vacation than they do when they’re at home. It makes sense too when you factor in that you have less to do (unless you’re traveling with those folks who act like you need an itinerary for every damn thing — and we all know one…SMDH), which makes you less stressed out, which makes it easier to feel sexy and to want to get sexual.
And so, in the spirit of that indeed being the case, I want to make sure that you carve out a corner of your suitcase or carry-on to include at least half of the following 12 things that are on this list — things that can help to make “summer vacation sex”…that much hotter, y’all.
1. Edible-Grade Sunscreen
It can’t be said enough that, no matter how melanated you may be, your skin needs sunscreen. Not only to protect yourself from the risk of skin cancer (which 1 in 5 Americans will get in their lifetime) but from premature aging that can come from sun damage too. That said, if the urge arises to have sex outside somewhere, I did find some edible-grade sunscreen, in case you’re either worried about what sex in the sun will do to your skin or how all of the chemicals in sunscreen will affect your (digestive) system. The company is called Sky & Sol and you can read up on them here.
2. Flavored Lip Balm
If you’ve ever wondered why your lips are so susceptible to being chapped, it’s because they don’t contain any oil glans to keep them moisturized. This is especially important to keep in mind when the weather is extremely cold or hot because that can do a real number on the sensitive skin that your lips are made out of. That’s why it’s essential to stay well-hydrated and to also keep some lip balm in tow. Lip balm is especially designed to moisturize your lips, reduce chapping, exfoliate, soothe irritation and protect your lips from UV damage. As a bonus, lip balm will also help to keep your lips super soft and kissable; especially if you get the flavored kind. #wink
3. Condoms
I’m still out here, literally shaking my damn head, that reportedly, only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms (and even many of those folks don’t do it consistently). It can’t be said enough that if you’re not in a monogamous (married) or exclusive (dating) relationship where you both are getting regularly tested and are on some other form of birth control (unless you want to get pregnant) — you absolutely should be using condoms and, as a woman, you should not solely rely on your partner to have some that are ready and available.
Not just because you should be responsible for your body and health but because not all condoms are made equal, so you should bring along some that you prefer/enjoy. If you’d like a lil’ help picking those out, check out “These Are The Kinds Of Condoms Your Vagina Would Actually Prefer.”
4. Crotchless Swimsuit
Packing some sexy lingerie? I certainly hope that goes without saying. If you’ve got a hot tub around, though and you want to “get it in” without getting totally naked (so that nosey people won’t see every damn thing), you do know that there are some crotchless swimsuits out in these streets, right? An example of one is here. Of course, you can always do what Beyoncé said in “Drunk in Love” and just move ish over to the side but…I’m just giving you another creative option…if you wanted one.
5. Blindfolds
If you’d like to cultivate an atmosphere of mystery or anticipation, a simple blindfold will do the trick. There is another reason why I think they are great for summer vacation (sex) trips, though — if your hotel room doesn’t come with blackout curtains and you want to have a quickie or two without the room being so bright, putting on a blindfold can solve that “problem” too.
6. Waterproof Sex Toys
Who said that you have to wait until you get to your hotel room to engage in some foreplay? If you bring a couple of sex toys around, you can tease each other practically anywhere — and if they are waterproof, that includes in the ocean or pool. Some, you can pair up with your smartphone in order to stimulate your partner from just about anywhere. Whew, chile.
7. Homemade Sex Toys Too
Speaking of sex toys, you’d probably be amazed at how many things in your house can double up as one. A spatula or wooden spoon is great for spanking. A necktie, some tights and a pair of clothespins work well for BDSM (use your imagination, sis). An electronic toothbrush is its own vibrator. A string of (lubricated) pearls in between your thighs? Girrrl…GIRL. Oh, and cop a silicone ice tray that comes in different shapes.
When you are rubbing ice in the shape of fruit, flowers or even animals over each other’s bodies, you’ll be surprised by how the combination of the cold with the texture of the space of the ice will stimulate you (make the ice out of juice instead of water for an extra sweet treat!).
8. Portable Charger
I don’t know what took me so long to get a damn portable charger but it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me. What I personally purchased is the ANKER Zolo Power Bank, 20,000mAh 30W High-Speed Portable Charger. I can throw it in my purse, it charges fast, I can use more than once before needing to recharge it; plus, it complements most devices. A great thing to keep in mind, so that your sex toys don’t end up going out on you while you’re…wherever you are.
9. Massage Oil Candle
Going through security at the airport can be a HEADACHE. And while, how long it can take, oftentimes varies on the airport you’re at and the time you are traveling (you can read more about that here), the process is going to be especially annoying if they have to go through your bags. Since you can currently only pack a quarter-sized bag of liquid products on your carry-on, my two cents would be to leave the massage oil at home and pack a massage oil candle instead.
That way, you can still engage in some temperature play (check out “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom”) while you’re on the road without going through any security hassle hang-ups. Some edible massage oil candles are located right here.
10. Wine Cooler Sleeve
Say that you end up going on a wine tasting tour while you’re on vacation and you end up purchasing a bottle or you simply want to toast with some champagne but you’re not sure how to store the bottle. Did you know that there are wine cooler sleeves that are lightweight, portable and will help to keep your bottles cold without condensation for hours on end? A brand that comes highly recommended is here.
11. Rose Petals
I think there are a few reasons why rose petals are oftentimes used to create a sexy mood. Red symbolizes love and passion. Rose petals are soft to the touch. The scent of them is considered to be an aphrodisiac as well. For all of these reasons, bring along some fresh rose petals for your hotel bed. If you put a damp paper towel in something like a small Tupperware container and then place the rose petals inside of that, they won’t dry out quickly which will make them feel great once you’re ready to start rolling around in them (you can also keep them in your hotel room’s fridge to further extend their shelf life).
12. Mints
Morning sex. Outdoor sex. Whatever kind of sex — it’s always going to be better when your breath and his smell good. And just so you don’t have to lug around a big bottle of mouthwash, pack some mints. Altoids are always going to be my number one draft pick — yet go with whatever are your personal faves. They’re the perfect hack for unbelievable summer vacation sex. Wouldn’t you agree? Enjoy!
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