It was a star-studded affair in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia as celebrities and leading fashion connoisseurs celebrated Lebanese designer Elie Saab’s 45th anniversary. While the brand spared no expense with a collection of 300 signature sequined designs and a roster of star-studded performances along, the most viral moment of the night was Halle Berry’s surprise cameo on the catwalk.
Wearing her iconic Elie Saab look from the 2002 Oscars as she became the first Black woman to win Best Actress for her role in Monster’s Ball, she revived the gown with zero alterations.
The burgundy gown featuring a mesh torso embroidered with embellished florals and a draped silk-taffeta skirt is one of the greatest moments in red carpet history. “There are some moments in life that just happen and they change our lives forever! Winning an Academy Award in my Elie Saab gown was one of those moments for me,” Berry wrote on Instagram. “Thank you Mr. Saab for being a part of the tapestry of my life as we have been inextricably connected for 22 years now! It was my honor to celebrate you and your 1001 seasons.”
Along with her history-making win, the dress has also been a monumental moment for Black women shattering glass ceilings in Hollywood on one of the biggest Oscar moments to date.
It’s no secret that Black actresses have been excluded from being styled by high-end designer brands and denied clothing throughout the years. When Beyoncé received the Fashion Icon Award at the 2016 CFDA Awards, she revealed high-end labels refused to dress Destiny's Child during their career because they "didn’t really want to dress four Black, country, curvy girls." Law Roach, best known for styling Hollywood’s elite, shared how difficult it's been to dress Black clients in top fashion houses.
During a discussion on The Cutting Room Floor podcast, he expressed these frustrations early on in Zendaya’s career. “I would write the big five,” said Roach, as reported by Variety. “I would write Saint Laurent, Chanel, Gucci, Valentino, Dior, and they would all say, ‘No, try again next year. She’s too green. She’s not on our calendar.”
He continued, “She still has never worn Dior on a carpet. She still has never worn Chanel on a carpet…still never worn Gucci on a carpet — any press, any appearance, never. Never,” explained the 45-year-old. “The first time she wore Valentino in public was when she had a contract…When I said, ‘If you say no, it’ll be a no forever,’ that rang true for a long, long time.”
While red carpet fashion has been an uphill battle for Black Hollywood and their stylists, there have been countless times when Black women have been the moment encapsulating beauty and glamour each award season:
Steve Granitz/WireImage
Who: Halle Berry
Where: 2002 Oscars
Designer: Elie Saab
Aaliyah at the 2000 MTV VMAs.
KMazur/WireImage
Who: Aaliyah
Where: 2000 MTV Video Music Awards
Designer: Robert Cavalli
Frank Trapper/Corbis via Getty Images
Who: Whitney Houston
Where: 1994 Oscars
George Pimentel/WireImage
Who: Beyoncé
Where: 2015 Met Gala
Designer: Givenchy
Gregg DeGuire/WireImage
Who: Lupita Nyong’o
Where: 2014 Academy Awards
Designer: Prada
Kayla Oaddams/WireImage
Who: Angela Bassett
Where: 2023 Oscars
Designer: Moschino
Kevin Mazur/WireImage
Who: Lupita Nyong’o
Where: Oscars 2015
Designer: Calvin Klein
Who: Zoë Kravitz
Where: 2022 London Batman Premiere
Designer: Saint Laurent by Anthony Vaccarello
John Shearer/WireImage
Who: Yara Shahidi
Where: 2023 Met Gala
Designer: Jean Paul Gaultier
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Featured image by Steve Granitz/WireImage
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You can imagine my dismay when my ex reached out years later. Turns out, HE needed closure. Yeah, you read that correctly. Every part of me wanted to "boy-bye!" his ass up out of my phone, but I didn't. I had so many unanswered questions that lingered in my mind for years. I knew it was time to put my pain to rest. I texted him back, and we had one of the hardest conversations of my life. Healing is not always sunshine and rainbows.
It's also not as colorful as the wellness pages on social media. We all process pain differently; therefore, we all heal differently.
Sometimes the process of healing looks like emotional breakdowns in your car or regular dates with your therapist. Overall, healing is difficult for everyone, and we will all face hardships along the way. Here are some hard truths I've run into during my healing process.
It Happened, Period.
I found the moment I accepted things for what they were, the easier it was to move forward.
He cheated, it happened, and there was no changing it. I could yell all I wanted, but the fact is the deed was already done. I had to accept that there was a woman who was important enough to sacrifice our relationship for, period. Me staying angry forever or justifying his actions to give him a second chance won't change the past. This is no shade to those who have gone back after cheating. I'm just speaking from my own experience.
Whatever hurt you, happened. I know this may sound a little forward to most people, but we keep it real at xoNecole. In my experience, it was easy to get wrapped up in the whole, "Is this happening to me? Nah, this can't be happening to me."
I learned denying that it happened or justifying the action to make it less painful, doesn't mean it just goes away. Denial or justifying is just an excuse to suppress your emotions or not face the reality of the situation. This can only lead to prolonging your healing process.
To start our healing journey, we must accept what happened and that we are hurt. We live in a society where we are encouraged to "look at the positive" or ask yourself, "What did we learn from this?" three days after it happened. You are allowed to admit a situation sucks and feel those emotions for what they are. It is okay to validate our pain if it means moving forward.
Sometimes You Have To Call Yourself Out On Your Toxic Traits
If you think you don't have any toxic traits, you're lying. Yes, sis, you have a toxic trait and so do I. We all have a toxic trait or two. Although my relationship ended due to cheating, that doesn't mean I was exactly perfect either. I had a few toxic traits that didn't help my relationship thrive. I had the classic "daddy issues" which made me extremely codependent. I also suffered from a strong case of "hood mentality" due to my upbringing.
I didn't know how to talk about my problems. I just knew how to fight about them. This was a huge issue in our relationship.
It's hard to admit that we have toxic traits because no one likes to feel "wrong." Confessing our toxic traits also means "showcasing" our weaknesses. Letting others in on our weaknesses is an extremely vulnerable place to be in. Admitting we have a toxic trait may take time, but it can make us aware of it. Becoming more self-aware with our whole being will only make us better in the toughest of situations.
We will be able to detect our toxic traits when they arise and have more self-control.
You Owe It To Yourself To Heal
Unfortunately, it's not the job of the person who "hurt us" to heal us. In fact, I have a confession to make. There was a period in time where I felt my cheating ex should've made up for what he did. Crazy, right? As if a Michael Kors bag (don't judge, they were popping back then!) was the answer to all of our underlying issues. What I was subconsciously doing was placing MY healing in HIS hands.
My healing is my responsibility, just like it is yours.
You owe it to yourself to heal. If you rely on those who hurt you to heal you, you might be hurting for a while. Taking charge of our healing is taking back our power.
Closure & Forgiveness Are For You. Read That Again.
When I agreed to meet up with my ex after some time, it was because I needed closure too. As selfish as it may sound, I decided to embrace closure and forgiveness for me, not for him. I spent years being angry and labeling all men as "ain't shit" because of what another man did. All I accomplished by choosing to "stay mad" was block other relationships that could have been great for me. I was tired of being a "bitter woman."
I was ready to forgive and release all of the pain I found comfort in.
Closure and forgiveness don't always require a meet up at Starbucks. It can consist of your journaling or organically coming to terms with how things ended. If you do choose the Starbucks route though, make sure to prep before going. Write down a list of key points you would like to mention and do your best to be in a good headspace. Remember, holding on to situations that no longer serve us is holding us back from our higher purpose.
Toxic Relationships Shouldn’t Be Turned Into Friendships
This may be an unpopular opinion, but trust me sis, I'm trying to save you. If your situation was toxic, give him back to Jesus, and move forward with grace. Turning any toxic relationship into a friendship is still holding onto the toxicity; it means we're not ready to let go. The point is to let toxicity go so we can thrive into who we're meant to be.
My ex and I tried to have a friendship after we broke up and it got messy. The issues we had in our relationship began to roll into our friendship. Arguments about people we were dating, mixed signals, and old wounds from the past began to come up again.
The friendship felt more stressful than the actual relationship itself. I realized If I wanted to move forward with my life, I had to let him go completely. I gracefully gave him back to Jesus.
Letting go of my ex and the grudge I had against him has helped me find peace. I truly feel happier, free, and more aligned with myself than I ever have before. I've learned to fall in love with the woman I am today and embrace all of me. I love my independence, peace of mind, and the beauty marks I have gained along the way. I wish my ex well and I truly hope he has also healed from this experience.
I hope these hard truths are a benefit to your healing journey. These truths have helped me find acceptance in many ways. The hurt you are going through now is molding you into a strong phenomenal human for the future. I promise it does get better. If you need someone to talk to during this time, please reach out to me on Instagram. Happy healing.
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Originally published on January 9, 2021