Why canât (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like weâre with someone â even if weâre not?
Now masturdating? Even though itâs not even close to being a ârealâ word, itâs something that also brought a laugh outta me â although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If youâre not familiar with what masturdating is and youâre curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what itâs about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
Whatâs Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? YeahâŠexactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, itâs cool to explore how âself-datingâ could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourselfâ and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize â and a pitiful one at that â for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) â personally, I think that youâre the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, Iâll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. Itâs an intimate way to get to know yourself better. Iâve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if thereâs a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, itâs that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to âfind their personâ that they didnât even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the âkiddie pool versionâ of who they were.
Thatâs why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the âdeep endâ of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things â and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether itâs traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer youâll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since Iâm an ambivert, I donât really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether youâre an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, thereâs no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase â no, soar â because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that youâre not âneedyâ for other peopleâs attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, âGetting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.â And when youâre able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, youâre gonna operate from a healthier place if youâre operating from a âfull cupâ rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it â if youâre constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all youâre doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when itâs in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when itâs wrapped up in the notion that youâre not really living life unless you have an audienceâŠit is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To âMasterâ Masturdating
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So, what if youâre someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you donât really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that youâre interested in. If thereâs something that youâve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to âhang outâ while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that youâve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes thereâs too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or âdaycationsâ can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that Iâve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. Whatâs really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, âIf you donât expect anything, you wonât be disappointed,â I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. Thereâs simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey â why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, itâs good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own â$200 date.â Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but itâs real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like itâs nothingâŠuntil you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also âscratch the itchâ of waiting on some dude to do it for you. Itâs also way less emotionally draining because, at least when youâre taking your own self out, itâs guaranteed that youâll enjoy the companyâŠright?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out â5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,â âWant To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,â âIâve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,â and âWhen's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?â The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; itâs all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me â and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. Whenâs the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. Iâve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
SoooâŠwhat kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of âem too. Enjoy!
NoâŠfor real. ENJOY!
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