Our Little Mermaid Halle Bailey has been making waves in 2023, thanks to headline-worthy moves like landing a role in the forthcoming The Color Purple, dropping summer heat by way of her first solo single, "Angel," and of course, starring as the iconic Ariel in this year's Rob Marshall-helmed reimagining of The Little Mermaid. But what has also been getting media attention is her relationship with her longtime love, rapper and YouTuber DDG.
Though they tend to keep their relationship relatively low-key, they have experienced a bit of heat over the last year. Due to some of DDG's questionable antics during Halle's press run for The Little Mermaid, fans endorsed a "dump him" campaign where they voiced their opinion that the rising star was out of his league and that her boyfriend was jealous of her success.
Halle Bailey and DDG Complete Relationship Timeline
Public attention and rumors are par for the course in the world of entertainment, but they seem to handle it with grace, focusing on their happiness and individual growth. In fact, after hearing the feedback, Halle graciously thanked everyone for trying to look out for her but ultimately felt that she knew what was best for her when it came to her relationship.
Since then, DDG, 26, and Halle, 23, have made many public appearances (as well as in vlogs by way of DDG's YouTube channel) maintaining a united front and have seemingly bounced back from the early hiccups of their relationship journey.
Halle Bailey and DDG Relationship Timeline:
From their red carpet debut to some of their most talked-about moments to becoming first-time parents to their baby Halo, here's Halle Bailey and DDG's complete relationship timeline.
January 2022: Halle and DDG attend Usher's Las Vegas residency.
DDG/Instagram
DDG and Halle spark dating rumors after being spotted together enjoying Usher's Las Vegas residency in January 2022.
February 2022: Halle and DDG have dinner together in Malibu.
On Febuary 7, the then-21-year-old Halle was photographed with DDG leaving dinner at Nobu.
March 2022: DDG makes things Instagram official and confirms his relationship with Halle.
In a now-deleted Instagram post, DDG took to Instagram to give a birthday shoutout to the Ungodly Hour singer. Professing his love, he wrote, "Happy Birthday to the beautifulest, the flyest, the sweetest ❤️. Love you forever 🥺💎."
March 2022: Halle posts a cute TikTok of singing lessons with DDG.
@hallebailey Visit TikTok to discover videos!
It's giving wholesome. In a viral moment, Halle showed the world a glimpse of DDG's softer side as they playfully engaged in "singing lessons."
April 2022: Halle and DDG are spotted together at a Coachella party.
About a month after making things Instagram official, the pair were spotted together boo'd up at a Coachella party.
June 2022: Halle Bailey and DDG make their red carpet couple debut.
Momodu Mansaray/WireImage
For their red carpet debut as a couple, Halle and DDG made things an all-black affair at the 2022 BET Awards red carpet. At the awards show, Halle told Extra, "I have my boo with me today."
She also revealed their excitement and anticipation for her sister Chloe's performance that night. "We’re so excited. We’re gonna have so much fun just supporting Chloe. It’ll be great!"
July 2022: DDG tells DJ Akademiks how Halle inspires and motivates him to be better.
In a July interview with the media personality, DDG revealed:
"I honestly get inspired by my girl. She honestly motivated me to be better and work harder and get to certain levels. I look up to her in a sense 'cause it's, like, I never been around nobody that really . . . 'cause I feel like I'm always the motivator, I'm the inspirer."
"It's like I'm in a different mode now where I'm getting inspired by somebody. I feel like it's healthy in that way for me 'cause it's like a weight off my shoulders. It's like, 'Okay, I need to work harder.' It's challenging in a good way. It just makes me want to go harder versus feeling overwhelmed or some shit."
September 2022: Halle stars as the leading lady in DDG's "If I Want You" video.
Are you really dating if you don't appear in at least one of your rapper boyfriend's videos as a leading lady? Halle flexed her acting chops, served face, and provided her famously angelic vocals in DDG's "If I Want You." The heat was palpable.
September 2022: Halle and DDG attend Paris Fashion Week.
Marc Piasecki/Getty Images For Roger Vivier
The pair were spotted attending the Roger Vivier Press day for Paris Fashion Week.
October 2022: Halle and DDG step out for the Wearable Art Gala event.
Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for Wearable Art Gala
Halle and DDG were all smiles as they dazzled at the 5th Annual WACO Wearable Art Gala red carpet together.
October 2022: DDG says he's 'very proud' of Halle and her success.
While promoting his album, It's Not Me, It's You, DDG gushed to PEOPLE about his happiness for his girlfriend Halle's career.
"I'm very proud of her. And I'm just happy to see it. I feel like sometimes I'm even more excited than anybody else. Just seeing it and seeing everything that she dreamed of coming to life, it's really dope."
November 2022: Halle says she's 'been a fan' of DDG in a cover story with ESSENCE.
Halle opened up about knowing who her rapper boyfriend was before actually meeting him in a cover story with ESSENCE. “I’ve been a fan of his for years. I grew up being on YouTube and would always see the young Black creators and was constantly inspired by them. He was one of them.”
She shared with the mag that she was familiar with his music as early as 2015, but that they didn't connect until he slid in her DMs. "But then I saw that he was dropping music, and I really gravitated toward this one song. Coincidentally he messaged me — and the rest is history."
November 2022: DDG gushes about Halle's influence on his life.
During a November interview with The Breakfast Club, DDG told the hosts:
“I’ve never been with nobody that’s like really motivated me like [Halle] do. I’m seeing different shit. I ain’t really been around this type of shit before, so it’s like, she’s bringing me around shit that I ain’t really—you know what I’m saying? ‘Oh, this is crazy. This is dope.’ You know what I mean? This is somebody that’s really like … I was my own person before her, but in a way, put me on to different shit. That’s dope because I’m usually the one putting motherfuckers on.”
When the subject of marriage entered the chat, DDG admitted he could "eventually" see himself proposing to Halle.
December 2022: DDG and Halle hit the 'Avatar 2' blue carpet.
Frazer Harrison/WireImage
The couple carpet appearances keep racking as DDG and Halle stepped out together to support the James Cameron sequel, Avatar 2: The Way Of Water.
January 2023: DDG and Halle attend the Grand Reveal Weekend for Atlantis The Royal.
Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Atlantis The Royal
Halle Bailey and DDG showed support to the Queen by attending a private event for the Atlantis The Royal opening together in Dubai. The opening marked Beyoncé's return to the stage after a four-year hiatus.
January 2023: Halle and DDG tweet their love for each other out loud.
😎 i love you more https://t.co/kbhQ9zpKvZ
— DDG (@PontiacMadeDDG) February 1, 2023
High on love, Halle tweeted in late January, "i love my man ngl." DDG responded to her tweet, "i love you more."
February 2023: Rumors of a Halle Bailey and DDG breakup spark.
Fans picked up on DDG no longer following Halle on Instagram and wiping any and all traces of her from his account. This plus the "Hold Up" rapper posting a cryptic tweet that read, "all these girls the same … ain’t no wayy" had fans speculating that there was trouble in paradise and that the relationship was over.
But DDG responded to breakup claims and shut them down by saying that the internet was "gullible." He also told fans not to take his tweets "serious."
February 2023: DDG and Halle shut down cheating rumors involving Rubi Rose.
Rumors swirled after DDG's ex Rubi Rose made a messy comment towards Halle that spiraled into her sharing alleged receipts that DDG was trying to spin the block despite being involved with Halle. Both Halle and DDG denied the rumors, however.
Halle shared in a tweet that the "devil is working" and implored fans not to feed "into the lies, especially from a third party."
March 2023: Halle and DDG hit the 2023 Vanity Fair Oscar Party following breakup rumors.
John Shearer/WireImage
After the slight relationship hiccups that came with the start of 2023, Halle and DDG showed that they were solid in their relationship while attending the 2023 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Radhika Jones.
April 2023: Halle opens up about experiencing "deep love" with DDG to 'British Vogue.'
In a cover story with Britsh Vogue, Halle revealed that the love she shares with DDG is a "deep love" and one that she never experienced outside of her family. She shared:
"Experiencing deep love for the first time in my life is something I feel has opened a whole new world for me creatively. What it feels like to love someone other than your family, like somebody you may not have known two years ago but now they're the center of your world."
"I like all of the scary feelings that come with that. I like the suspense, the not knowing what's going to happen, and I feel like that's what I'm supposed to be going through in womanhood."
In the same interview, she also referred to their relationship as "deeply sacred." Whew.
May 2023: Halle says loving DDG is a "transformative experience."
In an exclusive with PEOPLE, Halle touched on experiencing young love through DDG. "I think the best thing about young love is that you're able to continue to find yourself through this journey of loving somebody else. And you're discovering new parts of yourself and maybe things that you didn't notice before about your heart," she revealed to the outlet about her young romance with her boyfriend.
"I feel like things change when love gets more involved in your life. I have definitely discovered more within myself as a woman. …It's a really cool thing to go through, but a transformative experience."
July 2023: DDG releases "Famous" and fans believe he is dissing Halle.
It could be life imitating art, or art imitating life, but DDG's song "Famous" seemed to talk about the highs and lows of being the boyfriend of a rising star. On the track, he rapped, "Filmin' a movie now you kissing dudes / You know I love you a lot / I don't give a fuck if that shit for promo / I don't wanna see this shit no more."
Fans took the song as a sneak diss to Halle and slammed the rapper for what they viewed as disrespect to Halle, spawning the backlash of him being called a "failed rapper" by supporters of the Chloe x Halle singer. DDG denied claims that "Famous" was anything more than a song, however. "It's just music y'all," he said in a video reposted by The Shade Room.
He went on to add, "It's the entertainment business. Relax, calm down, chill out. You know it is what it is. I'm used to getting hated on."
September 2023: Halle opens up about her first 'deep, real love' with DDG.
Halle sat down with Cosmopolitan as a part of her press run to support her film, The Little Mermaid. She told the outlet that she drew a lot of musical inspo from love and that she was experiencing love "for the first time, and it’s, like, ‘whoa’ in your brain. It’s just fireworks, a spark for creativity."
She continued, "You know, you have puppy love experiences, you think that’s love. But this is my first deep, deep, real love."
September 2023: Halle and DDG attend Milan Fashion Week.
Victor Boyko/Getty Images for Gucci
Halle and DDG were spotted cuddled up at the Gucci Ancora during Milan Fashion Week.
October 2023: DDG and Halle attend the Glamour Women of the Year Awards.
Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images
Halle looked absolutely radiant as the pair stepped out in London for the Glamour Women of the Year Awards on October 17 where the actress was an honoree of the night. She received the award for Gen Z Game-Changer and, when accepting her award, shared her experience of navigating scrutiny over her choices and offered the crowd encouragement to live life on their own terms:
"It's been an adjustment to live my life under the scrutiny of that spotlight. But, in the age of social media, in some way, we all live under that same scrutiny. From what we wear to who we love to the things we care about – It’s all open to scrutiny. So, here’s my honest advice. Turn it off when you need to find inner peace. But also, live your life for you. Don’t waste time living it for social media.
"Everyone has an opinion but the only opinion that matters is your own – you already know deep down what’s right for you. For me, it works because I keep it simple. I put God first and then I try to make decisions that are best for me in that moment."
January 2024: Halle Bailey and DDG announce the birth of their son, Halo.
Though neither of the pair confirmed there was any truth to the pregnancy speculation surrounding their relationship in much of the latter half of 2023, Halle Bailey and DDG started 2024 with news of the birth of their son. DDG dropped the visual to his song "Darryl Freestyle" which included a lyric revealing he had become a dad as well as the child's name, Halo.
Not too soon after, Halle took to Instagram to share a selfie of DDG's hand, her hand, and baby Halo's tiny hand. In her caption, she wrote, "even though we're a few days into the new year, the greatest thing that 2023 could have done for me, was bring me my son.. welcome to the world my halo."
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And that is why I decided to put emphasis on the word “late” for today’s topic. Because if you and someone break up and they approach you, well after the fact, with an “I’m sorry,” if you struggle with whether or not to accept it due to the timing of it all, you should definitely ponder that a bit.
And as you’re doing so, it might help to read a bit deeper into what an apology should look and live like, even from an ex, regardless of when it shows up.
Your “late.” Or his right on time.
Three Things That a True Apology Consists Of
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that when you work as a therapist/counselor/coach, a lot of people never really see you as human — and this can include your close relationships. What I mean by that is, it’s almost like they expect you to be free on-call therapy to the point where they “forget” to actually check on you sometimes.
Such is the case with one of my longest-running friendships. Even during the weeks between losing my mother and losing $4K (SMDH), she would just keep calling me to vent about her marriage. I finally got so fed up that I brought it to her attention that for the past couple of years, that is exactly what our friendship has been like: her venting, me listening without her being very invested in my life at all. In response, she texted me an apology — and boy, was it beautiful.
I’m not going to share the details of what she said; however, I am going to tell you three things that it consisted of because it’s what I believe ALL APOLOGIES should entail.
1. She took full ownership for what she believed that she did. I framed this point in this way because, something that everyone needs to forever keep in mind is the fact that two people start and, to a large extent, end relationships — and what I mean by that is, it’s never like one person was perfect and the other was the villain. That said, though, when someone is making an apology to another individual, they are going to own their part and articulate what that part is. It’s not gonna be a simple “My bad.”
It’s going to be “I am really sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me” or “I apologize for taking you for granted” — something that sounds like they get the “offense” that transpired. By doing this, they recognize their missteps — and that is what puts people on the road to not repeating them.
2. She did not deflect or gaslight me. You know what one of the worst apologies are: It’s when someone says they are sorry and then follows it up with, “But you do it too” or “If you hadn’t done ‘A’, I wouldn’t have done ‘B.'” Justifying your actions is a surefire way to make someone believe that you don’t really think that you did something wrong (or that bad) in the first place. And really, how can they trust you (again) if that is how you feel? Oh, and don’t get me on gaslighting.
Ugh, ain’t nothing like someone claiming that they want to set things right with you, only to act like they don’t really get where you are coming from with the issues y’all were having in the first place. A good gaslight line in an apology: “If that is what you think happened, I apologize.” Yeah, you can keep that, jack. Never accept this kind of apology — because it isn’t one.
3. She addressed why she needed to make the apology in the first place. Wanna know one of the main reasons why I don’t trust people who don’t believe in having regrets (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”)? Did you know that apology means “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” How, as a human, do you think that you are out here not making any mistakes or poor decisions that you sometimes need to APOLOGIZE for? That is just…insane.
And one of the reasons why apologies are important is because if you feel bad about “failing” someone, it’s usually because you value them enough to want to keep them around. And yes, in my friend’s apology, she also explained why she didn’t want me to feel hurt in the way that she had hurt my feelings and what she would do to prevent that from happening in the first place.
So y’all, with all of this out of the way, before getting deeper into this topic? If an ex is hitting you up to apologize to you for something, please make sure that he hits all three marks of a true apology.
Now let’s keep going.
A Genuine Apology Should Also Include an Amends
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made.” You know how I mentioned a second ago that a solid apology has no gaslighting in it? Hmph. Ain’t it wild how someone can do something that hurts or harms you and yet, they want you to just “hurry up and get over it”? GASLIGHTING.
Someone in my family, after unpacking years of abuse that I experienced at their hand, they had the nerve to say, “I’m not going to keep apologizing to you for this.” Hmm…Okay. So, how about you let me give you a consistent three months’ worth of the years of mistreatment that I experienced from you and then flippantly throw an apology your way. Let’s see how you feel about it. How much you believe that I am being genuine and sincere.
Listen — and please hear me GOOD on this: when someone really gets the magnitude of the pain or discomfort and inconvenience that they caused, they aren’t going to be fine with just saying that they are sorry for it; they are going to ask you what they can do to set things right.
It’s actually a part of the reason why I named the four children who I aborted (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”) because I do have some real remorse for those decisions. Each of their names have an intentional meaning and I strive to leave out their purpose, through those names, on a daily basis. It’s a small way of making amends.
You know, back when my first book came out, my first love reached out, via email, to send me an apology. The apology hit most of the points that I mentioned earlier. Looking back, there wasn’t an offer to make an amends, though, and trust me, there was A LOT to make up for.
At the end of the day, amends means “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense” and while none of us should use bitterness, resentment or emotional stagnation as the “bar” for which we should expect amends to be made, if you’re trying to figure out just how sincere an ex is with their apology, if they want to do something to make things better, that’s a good sign.
There is a caveat, though.
Discern the Motives. Always.
GiphyEarlier this summer, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “What's Your Motive For Sex? (It Reveals A Lot. Trust Me.)” Then, a few weeks ago, I wrote another article entitled, “As Cuffing Season Steadily Approaches, What The Heck Is 'Winter Coating'?” and boy, when I tell you that both of these complement this point really well? Goodness.
If you’ve never heard of the dating trend known as winter coating before, it’s basically when an ex creeps back up around cuffing season — and if you know what cuffing season is all about, you can absolutely connect the very probable motives behind those dots.
Now can there be exceptions? There are ALWAYS exceptions. Still, if you haven’t heard from your ex in years and here he comes a couple of weeks before Christmas, unless the two of you got together or broke up around the holidays, stay on potential “winter coating alert,” because it might not be about “building bridges” so much as getting into your bedroom.
That said, if it’s been a minute (six months or more) since you’ve heard from an ex and he suddenly reaches out to apologize, absolutely take out a moment to discern the motive — and shoot, feel fine with even asking what is causing him to make the move…now. If it’s in the spirit of the holidays and wanting to go into a new year with a clean slate, got it. If it’s because he’s been in therapy and realizes that he didn’t end certain things in his past very well, understood. If it’s because he didn’t like how the two of you broke up and he wants to try and make peace, that’s fair.
On the other hand, if you sense that he wants to rekindle something (check out “Nelly And Ashanti Are Giving It Another Shot? Here's What You Should Know About 'Ex Reconciliation'” and “I'm Thrilled That Ryan Destiny & Keith Powers Are Back Together. 5 Things Before Reuniting With Your Ex, Tho.” and “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”) — although that’s kind of another article for another time, do check that motive.
When someone apologizes, you should really be the only focus for them; not what they can get out of it on the back end. Listen, even if he hopes to get back with you (or back in bed with you), that shouldn’t be something that is discussed during the apology. If it is said or even implied, something about HIS MOTIVE is disingenuous. And if that is indeed the case, to a valid extent, so is he.
We All Should Give the Grace and Mercy That We Desire
GiphySooner than later, I’m going to write an article about forgiveness (beyond what I already have here). For now I’ll just say that if you are someone who thinks that other people don’t deserve forgiveness? That is either your pain or your ego talking and, either way, you can’t trust “their” judgment.
All of us mess up sometimes and if you are a karma (or you reap what you sow) believer, then you absolutely should want to extend others grace and mercy so that you can receive it in your own time of need (and you are absolutely delusional if you think a time won’t come, sooner than you probably think, that you will need it).
Besides, do you know all of the self-inflicted drama and trauma that comes from NOT forgiving others: higher blood pressure, insomnia, stress, anxiety, the higher risk of a heart attack, a weakened immunity, a greater risk for depression and anxiety — whatever he did, is it really worth all of this? Yeah, while a lot of people think that weaponizing forgiveness is empowering, really all it’s doing is putting themselves in harm’s way. Physically. Emotionally. SPIRITUALLY: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15 — NKJV)
By the way, no one is saying that forgiving that man means that you have to allow him back into your life. After all, access is a privilege. Yet if he comes to you and acknowledges that he feels sorry for some things, for the sake of your own sanity, why not let him express it? Don’t wanna meet up or talk on the phone? Understood. Email and/or text are there for the taking. Don’t want to go back and forth? Who said that it needs to be a discussion or a debate?
All I know is, the more time you spend on this planet, the more you want to put out the energy that you want to come back. Forgiving others tends to make life easier. Not forgiving? Oh, the way that it boomerangs, sometimes in ways you never saw coming, chile. Dodge that kind of experience (and typically hard life lesson) if you can.
Yes, Better Late than Never
GiphyToo late to apologize. Yeah, I don’t really know if there is such a thing (because forgiving and reconciling are not one in the same and some of y’all will catch that later). I’ll wrap this up with a story to prove my point.
Once upon a time, I knew a woman who was in a serious relationship and yet, whenever her boyfriend would bring up the possibility of marriage, she would stall him out. When I finally asked her what her deal was, she explained that she still harbored so much pain from the man before him that she didn’t fully trust that he was the real deal. About five months later, here came her ex with a thorough explanation for why he made some of the decisions that he did while they were together. Now that she had the full story, she was able to heal. She got married to her boyfriend that following year.
You see where I am going with this? Although your ex’s apology might be “late” as far as y’all’s relationship timeline, the timing may be BRILLIANT when it comes to true when and why you actually need it. Yeah, a Scripture that I adore is “Timing is the Father’s business” (Acts 1:7 — Message) and sometimes those apologies, in the grand scheme of things, are more on time than you could ever imagine; they’re when God deems you need them not when you want to have them.
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It is Oprah Winfrey who once said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience” and sis, if you remove the bitterness and anger and look deeper, there were valuable lessons, even in and from the most challenging relationships. And that is worth appreciating through forgiveness and, if need be, full and complete release.
Bottom line, should you accept an ex’s late apology? Absolutely.
What better way to illuminate your present on a whole ‘nother level.
Just as forgiveness always does.
TRUST ME.
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