

Emily B. & Fabolous Are A Reminder That "I Love You" Isn't Enough
Walking away doesn't make you weak, it means that you have the strength to discern whether or not the environment you're in is conducive to your growth. My mentor told me once that sometimes we don't know our own strength until we're forced to prove it.
Proving it can mean being strong enough to realize when the soil in which you're trying to thrive is not fertile.
I was loved harder than I've ever been loved by a man who I met in 2014. I compromised for him, as he sacrificed for me and our lives morphed in unison into a constant state of complacency.
We loved each other so hard that it was toxic, and I can now admit that I was in a mutually abusive relationship. We justified the pain we inflicted on each other with "I love you" and somewhere along the way our complacency transformed into resentment.
I was so engulfed in my love for him that I stopped tending to my own roots.
We found ourselves in a situation where I was unable to bear fruit, and he was too drained to water me.
The cycle continued because I chose to be blissfully unaware of the fact that I was no longer growing. Our union was charmingly unproductive because, "I love you."
Fabolous and his longtime girlfriend Emily B. recently experienced a very public domestic dispute that led the rapper to be arrested and the internet is having a field day, almost as though they aren't just two regular people who loved and built a life with one another, just as I had done with my ex.
Emily B. said that when she and Fab met in 2002, he noticed her from across the room and sent his brother over to talk to her; from then on, it was history. The couple later had two children and have maintained an on-and-off relationship for the past ten years.
As women, we are burdened by characteristics of empathy and vulnerability, so much so that we forget to check in with ourselves.
As lovers and mothers, we are so busy caring for the ones that we love, we don't take a minute to ourselves to ask, "Hey girl, are you good?" Emily B. is a reminder that sometimes your strength lies in your ability to foresee barriers to your growth.
I can remember with clarity the look in my ex's eyes while his hands were around my neck as I struggled in a bed at the Westin where we spent our last night together. When he released me from his strong hold, I realized that the love that had onced captivated us both had materialized into an intense animosity. I punched and kicked him with every ounce of energy I had in my body. And then…
One. Final. Blow.
He hit me in my stomach as I lie on the ground sobbing. I couldn't breathe. I was hyperventilating. His remorse cut through the silence in the room like a knife. Our dog cowered, whining quietly under the bed.
The sweetest man I had ever known was a monster, and I had made him that way.
I knew that moment was a manifestation of the resentment we created from the inability to produce. That was the last time I saw him.
I am in no way saying that the victim is ever to blame in an abusive situation. But I can admit, we were both victims. For the last few months of our relationship, I blamed him for my lack of productivity, when the truth was: The soil in which I had attempted to grow was no longer fertile.
The well had run dry.
We have to be able to identify when a relationship is fruitless, and know when to walk away. I can't speculate on what happened in the privacy of Emily B. and Fab's relationship. But I can see that she is a woman who loved a man, just like I did.
Keep in mind that "I love you" will never be enough if you're not being properly fed in your relationship. Check in with you. Make sure you're full. If you find that you are deprived, whether the abuse you encounter is mental, emotional, or physical, unearth the strength to walk away.
He can't love you like you love you.
Featured image by J. Countess/WireImage
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Russell and Nina Westbrook Dish On The Key Ways To Avoid Resentment In Relationships
Russell and Nina Westbrook are one of those low-key, unproblematic couples we don’t talk about enough. They met in college and got married in 2015. They also have a beautiful family with three kids. While Russell is an NBA star, Nina is a licensed family and marriage therapist and a mental health advocate.
She recently launched the podcast The Relationship Chronicles with Nina Westbrook, and in the latest episode, she had none other than her husband on as a guest. The college sweethearts dived into important topics from marriage to children and how they navigate it all.
One of the topics they touched on was dealing with resentment in your relationship. The former MVP highlighted the sacrifices his wife has had to make in order for him to pursue a career in the NBA, and that’s why it’s also important for him to support his wife whenever he can.
“For me is respecting and understanding what your partner do and the time it takes,” Russell said. “Not kind of downplaying what they do, understanding the time and energy and effort they're doing to make sure whether it’s their job or making sure home is taken care of, and understanding that, I think that is the challenge of not being resentful.”
Nina agreed and also shared her thoughts on resentment. According to her, one of the best things couples should do is have their own identity and passions outside of the relationship in an effort to be fulfilled.
“I also think that when you’re in a relationship, that’s why it’s so important that each individual kinda pursue their own passions and follow their own dreams as I feel like it only becomes or leads to resentment when one person is not feeling fulfilled in what they're doing in their lives,” she explained.
“And so, they will start to look at the other partner who’s happy or excelling or promoting or moving along in their journey, then they’re left feeling stuck like they sacrificed themselves, their happiness, their career, their future and have not pursued it in the name of the relationship or their partner. So, it’s so much easier to avoid those feelings of resentment when you’re each equally pursuing your passions.”
The couple has many passions that they work on together and separately. Outside of basketball and his family, Russell has become known for his eclectic style and started the fashion brand Honor The Gift. Nina has her podcast, and she also started the mental health website Bene. Together, they run the Why Not? Foundation, which works with kids in underserved communities.
“I’m a firm believer that one person can’t be everything to you, so you have to sort of seek out those different friendships or groups or hobbies or activities that help to fulfill you,” Nina concluded.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images for Religion of Sports