It's typically the people behind the scenes that are the driving force of true cultural, political, and social shift. Often, those people are Black women. These powerhouses fight the good fight for effective change in ways that push the culture forward. When Black women take up the battle to fight for gender equality and against violence against women and girls, things happen.
Standing at the intersection of local and global change for women, Deborah Owhin is no exception; she's the rule.
"From a young age, I was an advocate, I did not know that was what it was called but I would stand up for other girls who wa being bullied in school. At an early age, I was exposed to domestic abuse as a result of the extended community I belong to. I would see my maternal aunt and my mother's friends come to our house with bloodied faces full of tears and voices filled with pain."
Witnessing the effect of bullying and the aftermath of domestic violence as a child, Deborah found her calling and career in becoming a fervent advocate for women and girls. As a sought-after global strategist with McKinsey & Company, the #1 consulting firm in the world, she fights gender inequality and violence against women and girls on multiple fronts and is doing it all with grit, grace, and gravitas.
Her global commitment is woven throughout her life story. With degrees from Spelman College and Oxford University, Owhin has held strategist positions where she led the charge for the rights of women and girls through programming and policy. In 2013, she was invited to join the United Kingdom's delegation to The United Nations' 57th Commission on the Status of Women in New York City. Recognizing the extreme lack of diversity within the delegation, she founded Made Equal that same year, a nonprofit that empowers first generation professionals to end gender inequity and violence against women and girls on both a local and global scale.
Her current work with McKinsey & Company has put Owhin in the company of advocacy and entertainment giants like Malala Yousafzai, Angelina Jolie, and Meryl Streep to secure rights, protections, and opportunities for women and girls across the globe. xoNecole chatted with Deborah about her career trajectory as a Black woman in global strategy, the importance of women speaking up for themselves, and her advice for pushing forward the fight for the rights of women and girls.
Having championed women for so long and now in a global setting, what is your ultimate goal?
One of my major goals is to share the things I have learned and educate women with non-academic skills, which I believe will serve the opportunity to connect women globally. I have always believed I would create a global platform to teach women and girls how to develop their dreams, their leadership vision and the communities they want! I believe this will change nations by giving them the tools to use their voices.
What does all of your well-earned acclaim mean to you?
It means that I can be the image for other young women and people of color that I did not see growing up. It means that others can believe they can because I am daily pushing to achieve my dreams. It means that it's never too late to pivot or change into a career or industry that you have an interest, we no longer live in a world where people stay in jobs for 20 years. The role I expect to do in 10 years has not even been created yet... I am still working on it!
"It's never too late to pivot or change into a career or industry that you have an interest, we no longer live in a world where people stay in jobs for 20 years. The role I expect to do in 10 years has not even been created yet... I am still working on it!"
What advice do you have for women who want to assert themselves, to ask for what they are worth but are afraid of rocking the boat?
Stop short-changing yourself! The very worst that could happen is a person says "no" at that point. You then have a decision to make and reflect on the reason for that "no". Was it a premature ask you made? Are you being undervalued? Could you go somewhere else and get a "yes"? I learned a lot about negotiating during my MBA and also about going for things that I did not think women like me would achieve, such as the Skoll Scholarship, which I was the first African, first Black woman to receive at the University of Oxford to fully fund my MBA. Secondly, find other people who you believe have rocked the boat and taken a risk in their careers... Listen to their journeys and I hope you find the courage to see no limits!
What has been the largest challenge you've faced as a Black woman strategist in the global space? How did you overcome that challenge?
Being visible. I have sat in rooms where physically I am the only person who looks like me— a woman or a black person— and you would expect that to create a space to participate but if often does not. It's as though being different from those sitting in the room and at the decision tables makes it easier to ignore.
Firstly, as Michelle Obama has shared in her intimate talk in London last December, I must work harder. Secondly, I find allies who naturally are leaders who naturally make space for my voice to be heard. They give credit to my work in front of partners and clients and often open the floor for me to share my ideas.
"I have sat in rooms where physically I am the only person who looks like me— a woman or a black person— and you would expect that to create a space to participate but if often does not. It's as though being different from those sitting in the room and at the decision tables makes it easier to ignore."
Who inspired you to launch your current career path?
I was inspired by the lack of representation of women of color in leadership positions in government and the private sector. I was inspired by the young women who desired to also become champions of humans rights work but could not even get an opportunity to volunteer, as the UK government had made some many cuts in budgets affecting services that supported women. I was inspired by the women I have met from around the world, championing an end to violence against women and girls in their villages, towns, cities and nations. I was inspired because I believe I can make a difference. Spelman College propelled me to believe that every day I can 'make a choice to change the world'. That's our legacy!
If you are interested in learning more about how you can help fight for women and girls, check out these resources:
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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