How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
When Colby Holiday, 37, met Khaliah O. Guillory, 42, neither of them knew the start of a life together was staring them in the face. What brought the couple together was a chance encounter during a press trip in Houston where travel writer and content creator Colby was on assignment. The story was about Black-owned Houston and since Khaliah is the proud founder and CEO of the Black-owned sanctuary Nap Bar, it made sense that the PR team had them cross paths. A Friday night meeting would prove to be much more than the typical exchange between a journalist and her subject. Instead of the small talk that often presents itself in an initial professional-ish one-on-one, their conversations went beyond the norm and landed into deeper territory.
Colby found herself drawn to Khaliah's energy and Khaliah was drawn to not just Colby's beauty but also her intellect as they spoke about spirituality among other things. But still, they left each other with Colby thinking they'd stay in contact and Khaliah knowing they were bound for something more. Before meeting Colby, Khaliah had entered a year-long dating sabbatical to allow herself time to heal and eventually attract love from a place of wholeness. On her 41st birthday, she wrote a 'divine list' of what she wanted in her partner. For her, Colby was the embodiment of that list. After meeting, she showed her intentions in wanting to build a life with Colby in every step of getting to know her through energy and effort. Leading up to their first official date, there were handwritten letters, curated playlists, infinite voice notes, and FaceTime calls that would plant the love seeds for what they both endearingly refer to as "the best date ever."
Colby would learn early on in their relationship that Khaliah was the one. Unlike anyone she had ever been with, Khaliah prayed over her and it was an action that put her above anyone else in Colby's heart, mind, and soul. Khaliah knew Colby, whom she affectionately calls "Colbs," was the one a month after they met, to the date. Since then, this couple has embarked on a love story all their own that has been a whirlwind of ease and adventure in the year that they have been together. Despite living in different countries (Colby lives in Merida, Mexico and Khaliah lives in Houston, Texas), the couple who are madly in love make their relationship work.
In this installment of How We Met, Colby and Khaliah talk about the love lessons they've learned, courtship, healing, and the importance of timing.
How They Met
Colby Holiday: We met while I was on a press trip with Visit Houston by way of Turner PR. I was covering a story on Black-owned Houston and the PR rep set Kay (Khaliah) and me up on a meet and greet since she is the owner of Nap Bar -- a Black-owned rest sanctuary in Houston.
Khaliah O. Guillory: Colbs and I met in Houston, TX at Trez Bistro & Wine Bar! My peeps over at Visit Houston reached out (kind of last-minute) and mentioned they commissioned a journalist to write an article on Black-owned businesses and was wondering if I would be open to meeting her for drinks. Keep in mind this was around the time of George Floyd’s murder and the Black Lives Matter movement, so my energy wasn’t necessarily in the mood for such heavy, layered conversation I’ve had on repeat…until I saw her profile picture. Oh yeah! My French Fry is a BADDIE!
The night Khaliah and Colby met.
Courtesy of Colby Holiday
First Impressions
Colby: “Her energy is everything!” were my first thoughts. I always say I met her energy before I met her. She was just this big ball of energy in the best way. Within minutes of meeting, we were talking about manifestations and synchronicities. Her vibe was all around dope. I felt like we’d be friends beyond Houston, or at minimum keep in contact here and there, but never did I ever think we’d end up here!
Khaliah: My first impression after stalking [and] carefully researching her online… What? I had to make sure it was worth it to hang out with a “journalist” on a Friday night (laughs). Okay, so back to doing my research online. I ran across Colby’s blog and immediately fell in love with her tone, style, and flow of writing. Her writing technique has a way of creating a visual story in your head as she carefully uses adjectives that give you a vivid visualization of what she is describing. I was mentally stimulated from there.
"I knew it was love when she held my hand through my most vulnerable moments and loved me anyway. Not even that she loved me through those moments, but she created a safe space to allow that vulnerability, to begin with."
Courtesy of Colby Holiday
First Date
Colby: It was the most magical date ever! Our first official date was a surprise date planned by Kay. On day 32, she booked me a flight from Atlanta. I was going to spend nine days with her in Houston. I was so nervous because I’d only spent a few hours with her the first time I was in Houston. We see each other every day several times a day via Facetime, but now we’ll be in the flesh. Would that connection be the same? Just as powerful? Just as magical? The answer was yes.
The evening started with her meeting me at baggage claim. We hugged deep. Time stood still. Silence surrounded us. It was just me and her, lost in our own world. She whisked me to the parking lot where a car with a red carpet and rose petals and a driver awaited. He drove us to, what I assumed was her apartment building. We headed to the eighth floor, to a large room, where we were met with a candlelit walkway with rose petals. We walked in and there was a guy singing and playing the guitar to one of my favorite songs!
There was also a videographer/photographer to capture every moment. I was absolutely speechless! This would be the theme as the evening unfolded — me being speechless. From the menu to the wine selection, the song selections, to the placemats she had custom-made with quotes from my writing. Every single thing was intentional and well thought out. It was hands down the best date ever!
Khaliah: I remember the first date just like it was yesterday. I flew her in for the best date ever! It started when she arrived at the airport—I sent her a curated playlist with instructions to listen to while in flight. The playlist included jams like, "Love of My Life" (Brian McKnight), "Spend My Life with You" (Eric Benét), "A Muse" (dvsn), and "You" (Raheem DeVaughn) to name a few. Now, I gave this little lady specific instructions to travel “date-ready” because we had a strict timeline. I knew she landed because I tracked the flight. After she didn’t respond to the text, “I’m inside the airport at baggage claim,” I started to low-key, high-key panic. I just knew she ghosted me! Well, come to find out she didn’t follow directions and went to the restroom to get glammed up.
I met her inside at baggage claim and to be funny and break the awkwardness of our first “real” date, I made a sign that had her name on it—you know like what the personal drivers do! We proceeded outside to the actual driver, and he whisked us off to dinner. When she walked into the private space reserved just for us--she was greeted by my boy, Keith, who serenaded Colby with her favorite Anthony Hamilton song while walking through candlelit rose petals carefully placed on the floor. We were greeted by Chef Lynn who prepared one of Colby’s favorite meals—short ribs, broccolini, and garlic mashed potatoes, paired with her favorite red blend. I knew Colby loved attention to detail so I reached out to my friend Rockie at Custom Tingz for her to create a custom placemat that included a quote from one of her many fabulous articles. I wanted her to have a keepsake. The night was nothing short of magical!
The Courtship
Colby: I would say Kay was the initiator in pursuing the relationship and I was the initiator in taking the relationship to the next level. If it were up to me, I would have left our interaction as just a moment in Houston, but Kay kept in contact after I left. We spent hours on FaceTime, and when we weren’t on FaceTime, we were sending voice memos all day. She sent me hand-written love letters and an embroidered blanket, because I’m always cold, for an upcoming trip I was taking. In return, I sent her love letters and Luther Vandross’ Forever, for Always, for Love vinyl from my grandparent’s collection. While I was in Kenya, she somehow managed to get a hold of the hotel I was staying at and had them leave a card and a small bouquet of fresh flowers on my pillow. Listen, her courting is next level! But, it worked.
I returned from Kenya and told my family and friends that I’d met someone, who I’m pretty sure is “the one”...oh, and it’s a woman. Surprise (laughs). They were equally shocked and supportive. I think Kay was just as shocked because this was a big thing -- telling my family and friends that I was now with a woman. But, for me, it was easy and I wanted the people I love to share in the love that I have for her. A little over a month after we met, we had a casual conversation while standing in the kitchen about “what are we.” I told her we were a couple and the rest is history.
Khaliah: So, check it. I’m going to give you the tea on this, okay?! Because Colby is still in full-out denial about some of her actions that catapulted our relationship to the next level. In short, I guess overall we can say I was the initiator AND she sealed the deal when she initiated the first kiss. The courtship continues. I vow to always court her. She’s not regular and it’s an honor for me to court her. Because we live in two different countries, the courtship, as I think about it, is the gushy kind, like a rom-com, imagine the materialization of the best quotes from Love Jones. I found myself ‘Jonesin’ like never before, writing four-page love letters, sending playlists, and such.
The conversation that ensued (let’s call it on Day 4 or 5) was one for the record books. We were having an intimate and vulnerable conversation about what we learned in our past relationships and the healing that needed to take place in order to be “whole” for the next one. We both shared about the tumultuous journey to healing we embarked on and made a promise to each other that we vowed to never unravel the hard work. It was refreshing and would be the springboard for many deep, stimulating, and “oh my gosh I’m so in love with this woman” conversations I’ll have with Colbs.
Courtesy of Colby Holiday
The One
Colby: For me, I couldn’t imagine doing life with anyone else. The way she held space for me and vowed to protect my heart as if it were her own — I knew she was the one I wanted to do life with. This happened very early on — we weren’t even a week in (laughs). In fact, it was the moment she prayed for me, over the phone, as I was getting ready to head out on a road trip for my birthday. It had me in tears. No one had ever prayed for me and over me that way. I knew then that I wanted to do life with her.
I knew it was love when every thought about my future included Kay -- when we spoke definitively about our future in “whens” and not hypothetical “ifs.” There are few things that I can say that I am sure of, but this…this thing that Kay and I have is the most certain I’ve ever been about anything. I knew it was love when she held my hand through my most vulnerable moments and loved me anyway. Not even that she loved me through those moments, but she created a safe space to allow that vulnerability, to begin with.
Khaliah: I wanted to commit to a relationship the moment I realized I no longer wanted to give her the world, instead I wanted to do life and dwell in the world with her. Navigating life with all that comes with it—love, loss, happiness, grief, joy, and everything in between.
I knew it was beyond love, she was created for me. My divine partner. You see, I took 2020 to truly heal. I stopped dating and on my birthday in October 2020, I wrote out my ‘divine partner’ list and all the characteristics and personality traits I desired for them to have. I don’t believe in luck or serendipity. After the hundredth “coincidence,” I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was madly in love with who I was meant to journey with.
"I wanted to commit to a relationship the moment I realized I no longer wanted to give her the world, instead I wanted to do life and dwell in the world with her. Navigating life with all that comes with it—love, loss, happiness, grief, joy, and everything in between. I knew it was beyond love, she was created for me. My divine partner."
Courtesy of Colby Holiday
Individual Challenges & Challenges as a Couple
Colby: I think the biggest challenge I’ve had to work through is realizing that we are a team. Unrequited relationships were the theme of my past. So, even when there was someone, I never had a true partner to count on and lean on. If I wanted anything done, I had to do it myself. If I wanted a romantic evening, I had to plan it. If I needed the oil changed in my car, I had to get it changed or change it myself. You get the point. With my experience in previous relationships, coupled with childhood traumas, I am wildly independent. So, when Kay came along I had to realize that it’s not just me anymore.
I don’t have to do it, whatever it is, alone. She is my person and I had to learn to lean on her. Integrating someone into a world that I’d been navigating solo, and taking her thoughts and feelings into consideration was a bit of a challenge for me. I think our biggest challenge as a couple has been the distance. We live in two different countries, but we make the absolute best of it. Lots of Facetime dinner dates, evening walks, and surprises, like I’ll Instacart her groceries, dinner or her favorite snacks. You can still date even when you’re countries apart.
Khaliah: Initially, in the beginning, distance was one of our biggest challenges. She lives in Mexico, and I live in Houston, TX. Another was the ability to discern when I am projecting onto her or an understanding that we need to reach. One thing is for sure, two people can express their truths and they are completely different yet in reality, two truths can dwell together.
Baggage Claim
Colby: We talk about everything --- even the hard conversations that could make a relationship implode. Though I’d done a lot of healing and self-work before we became a couple, there were still times I found myself reverting back to my old ways and insecurities, like not communicating and feeling not enough. After one challenging conversation, Kay suggested I find a therapist (something I’d been putting on the backburner for years) and unpack some of these feelings.
I found a therapist the very next day because what I didn’t want was for old baggage to affect our current relationship. I had to unlearn poor communication skills and masking my true feelings and thoughts, instead of saying how I really feel or what the true issue is. Therapy has helped so much with that.
Khaliah: We navigated [baggage as a couple] by seeking professional advice through therapists who “look like us” and can relate. The tools and resources they share individually have helped us countless times navigate each other’s baggage and shine a flashlight on blind spots and behaviors that are preventing us from showing up in the world as we intend to. [Individually, unlearning certain 'bad' behaviors] required me to go back to 8-year-old Khaliah and rub her back and let her know that as she navigates adulthood, she will experience trauma manifested as rejection and abandonment.
You see, I am a love child and didn’t establish a healthy relationship with my biological father until the last two years. Because of the absence of my father and every time he would “no call, no show” my family, bless their hearts, would “cheer me up” after each disappointment and take me to Chuck E. Cheese. Those childhood behaviors created an adult that expected, no required, other adults in my life to “cheer me up” when I felt abandoned or rejected regardless of if they were a part of the situation.
Love Lessons
Colby: [I've learned] you don’t have to set yourself on fire in order to keep others warm. I am a people pleaser. I will go out my way to not inconvenience others, even if it’s at my own expense. Kay is constantly reminding me that it is okay to be selfish with my time and energy. She reminds me to give myself permission to rest and to take care of me — mind, body, and spirit. We both came into our relationship with our own methods of staying grounded and centered, like practicing meditation,affirmations, yoga, exercising, etc. But, it has elevated to such a deeper act of self-care having someone that not only makes sure I’m taken care of, but that I’m taking care of myself, first and foremost.
I’ve learned that while love is multi-faceted, it doesn't have to be complicated. Love, with the right one, isn’t hard. It doesn’t hurt. I’ve learned that being the best version of myself was a prerequisite for this love that I had been calling forth. I still had work to do and had I met the love of my life at any other point in time, I probably would’ve blown it. Timing is everything. And when it’s right, it doesn't have to be forced -- everything moves with flow and ease.
Khaliah: Colbs loves me as I am. The things I am afraid to admit to myself while staring in the mirror she embraces them, kisses them. The most important lesson I’ve learned about the love of self through her love is to not tolerate the shameful moments of my growth, celebrate them, and know I don’t have to “put on” for the right people in my life –they will also celebrate those moments.
Through loving my partner in this relationship I’ve learned that sometimes you don’t have to have a “backup” plan. Take the risk. Do the thing that truly makes you happy. Another lesson learned about love is you must release and surrender to what you thought it will “look like” and embrace what it is. We are truly writing the modern-day version of The Notebook—the adventures…and misadventures!
"Love, with the right one, isn’t hard. It doesn’t hurt. I’ve learned that being the best version of myself was a prerequisite for this love that I had been calling forth. I still had work to do and had I met the love of my life at any other point in time, I probably would’ve blown it. Timing is everything. And when it’s right, it doesn't have to be forced -- everything moves with flow and ease."
Courtesy of Colby Holiday
Shared Values
Colby: Integrity, dying empty -- meaning we both value living life to the absolute fullest, and being the change in the world.
Khaliah: Integrity, vulnerable communication, generosity, and fun.
The Best Part
Colby: My favorite thing about Kay is her thoughtfulness. She really knows how to make a girl feel special. It’s the little things like little sticky notes she leaves in my luggage, in my passport, etc. when I’m traveling and getting my workspace ready for me when she knows I have a lot to do. It’s the moments in the mundane that she always makes feel extra special.
Khaliah: Some of the favorite things about Colby are her heart and soul are pure, loving, free-spirited. I can bask in her presence until the end of time. I love how we communicate about the stuff that most couples would avoid in fear it would ruin the relationship.
For more of Colby and Khaliah, follow them on Instagram @worldofawanderer and @kogspeaks.
Featured image courtesy of Colby Holiday
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Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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