Fashion photographer and original gangster Bill Cunningham once said:
"Fashion is the armor to survive the reality of everyday life."
Your style speaks for you before you ever introduce yourself.
As girl bosses, it is our job to make sure that our style staples exude confidence, strength, and distinction. Though women are intrinsically stylish and we find a way to make things our own, women of the melanated persuasion kick it up a notch with all types of sass and class.
No matter your style, every woman needs full-proof pieces that will withstand time and the evolution of trends. While you may think your 20-somethings won't end, they will. And you need to be ready!
We found one of our favorite humans dripping in all of the perennial pieces a girl needs in her wardrobe. Lifestyle blogger, Kyrzayda Rodriguez, has a true passion for passion. She provides us beautiful content through on blog, Kyrzayda.com weekly. Her story is beyond inspiring and her transparency is humanizing. Above all, this woman promotes self-love and enjoying the skin you're in. Dressing the part is a testament to that.
Check out the indefinite classic items you need in your closet by the time you turn 30 by clicking through the gallery below:
1.Elegant blazer
Blazers are a quick way to make any look stylish. This velvet number is quite alluring.
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You can dress ballet flats up or down. Most importantly, they are essential for a career look.
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No matter the color or style, pumps will always be a pillar of a woman's wardrobe. The versatility is unmeasurable as you can rock them with everything.
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Leather material is everlasting and a leather bag can instantly add a grown woman vibe to your outfit.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.5.Tailored suit
Our girl, Kyrzayda, bossed up with her version of the tailored suit. But you can get a nice suit from T.J. Maxx or Express and take it to your local seamstress to make it just right for you.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.6.Diamond earrings
If you want a clean look, invest in diamond earrings.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.7.A white blouse
A nice blouse can go a long way. Pair it with a pencil skirt or high-waisted pants and you are good to go.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.8.The trench coat
The weather can play a major role in your style. When the weather is cooler, be sure to have a long trench coat in your closet.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.9.Little black dress
There's nothing sexier than a woman in a little black dress. You can never go wrong wearing an LBD on a date or for a night on the town with the girls.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.10. A nice watch
Accessories can make or break an outfit. With a nice watch, you are sure to look and feel like the boss you are.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.11. A white tee
There is nothing more classic than a white tee. Dem Franchise Boyz even made a super popping song about it. Style it up with some flashy boots or kill it with some sneakers.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.12. Denim jacket
I love a good denim jacket because it is multi-purpose and you can find really vintage jackets at the thrift store.
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Motorcycle jackets give you an edgy appeal like no other jacket. Throw it over your shoulders and you will look as chic as any fashion blogger.
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You especially need a classic white button up before you turn 30 because it is the pinnacle of fashion. They are perfect for interviews making for a polished look.
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Having a striped shirt in your drawer means that you are ready for whatever. The pattern ordains a clean but fun vibe.
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What better way to make a statement than with a fly ass coat?
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.17. The perfect pair of jeans
The good thing about perfect fitting jeans is that you can find them in different styles. Opt for a pair of bell-bottom jeans like Kyrzayda or get super comfy with a pair of boyfriend jeans. With places like Old Navy and Fashion Nova at your fingertips, there's no excuse not to have this staple.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.18. Black pants
Black will never go out of style. Black pants will also never let you down. They are an essential career staple and they are a great addition to an all-black outfit.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.19. Booties
You have to love a good pair of booties. The intentionality of booties transcends different styles.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.20. Lace bra
Lace bra = grown as f*ck. When you see a woman in a lace bra, you know she has her ish together.
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Midi skirts give just the right amount of pizazz in any setting.
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Virtually the most casual yet classic staple, white sneakers are immortal for what they do for your wardrobe.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.23. Everyday tote
If you are a woman on the go, you most definitely need a tote that can hold your work and beauty goodies.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.24. Cat eye sunglasses
We all love donning sunglasses for those late night runs to Target. They are so necessary to have for any function serving as a faultless accessory.
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For those bad hair days, you need a wide brim hat on ready.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.26. Single-strap stiletto sandal
This has to be one of my favorite staples because I wear them with almost every look. Single strappies provide a simple yet elemental appearance.
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Duster coats will have you queening the streets of your city. They are perfect for the fall months.
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No need to steal your mom's silk scarf - get your own!
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.29. The perfect bathing suit
Shopping for the perfect bathing suit can be a nightmare but once you find "the one," you are made.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.30. Power dress
In any case of your job or career, as a woman, you need a power dress to show everyone that you mean business without sacrificing your personality.
JavaScript is currently disabled in this browser. Reactivate it to view this content.What are some staples you think every woman should own?
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One day, I might really get into just how actually evil that is (because sex is never supposed to be a bribe in a relationship). For now, though, I want to talk about how motives reveal oh so very much when it comes to physical (and even emotional) intimacy. Hmph. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes on the topic of motives: “People’s behavior makes sense when you think about it in terms of goals, needs, and motives.” An author by the name of Thomas Mann said that, and indeed it does because, when you are doing something merely to get your way, that is a form of manipulation or control.
On the other hand, when you’re doing it merely for the holistic pleasure of doing so — that is when you are experiencing intimacy in the way that it was intended to be.
So, when it comes to your personal motive for sex, what is it really all about?
What Are You Really Hoping to Get Out of Sex?
When It Comes to Your ‘What’, You Always Need to Know Your WHY
GiphyOh, I’ve got some more motives quotes for you. Psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware.” Author Paul David Trip once said, “We rarely do anything with one single motive.” It’s pretty ironic that actor Chris Noth (because if you know, you know) once said, “Since women ask me about male motives all the time, I can offer a bit of advice. If you feel like you're going to get hurt, then you shouldn't be there in the first place. That's the way I look at relationships.”
Now, before I attempt to build on these quotes, let’s first look at a very basic definition of motive:
Motive: a reason for doing something, especially one that is hidden or not obvious
Did you catch that? Oftentimes, when someone is moving based on a motive, the reason is hidden. Is it just me or does that sound semi-sneaky or opportunistic, right off the bat? Interestingly enough, some synonyms for motive include grounds, basis and root. All of those words make me think of the foundation of something. So, since we are talking about sex, specifically, today — before you decide to sleep with someone, you really should ask yourself what your foundational reason is and, if you’re choosing not to share it with said-partner…why is that?
Pick Your Top 3 Motives, Then Reflect
Let’s keep going. Some other synonyms for motive include aim; emotion; idea; impulse; intent; motivation; passion; rationale; occasion; incentive; consideration, and inspiration. Aight, so here’s another thing to ponder — out of these 12 words, select your top three that “connect the dots” as it relates to your motive (or motives). It could be that you feel passion for him, your intent is to show him that and, since you’ve been dating for a hot minute, you think that it’s the right occasion. In this case, what’s shady or opportunistic about that?
If that is indeed your motive, it would fall less into the “hidden” category and more in the “not obvious” once you really thought it through. On the other hand, if it’s more like you aim to have sex, because your rationale is to get some sort of incentive out of it — do you see how that’s totally different? And if indeed that is the case, WHY do you think that is okay?
Sex Is Not A Transaction — It’s An Exchange
I’m telling you, if there is one thing that I damn near loathe is how transactional sex sounds these days: “Unless you’re going to pay my bills, I’m not going to give you any.” What in the world? Listen, I don’t care how unpopular the opinion may be, sometimes — hell, oftentimes — the truth isn’t popular and the truth about copulation is IT IS AN EVEN EXCHANGE. No one should be paying you for it. He got pleasure, you got pleasure. Over and out. And if that isn’t happening, either there is more communication that needs to be going on (which is just one of the reasons why I’m not a fan of faking orgasms) or there is something “off” when it comes to you and your partner.
Whatever the case may be, before engaging in physical intimacy with someone, it’s beyond wise to spend some time getting really honest with yourself about what your motives truly are — because how we start something oftentimes sets the tone for the experience overall. Indeed, motives are a lot like cause and effect — they play a significantly profound role in determining the outcome of matters.
Real Compatibility Includes Mutual Motives
Sexual Compatibility Includes Having Mutual Motives
GiphyOkay, so now that we’ve discussed motives, in general — say that your motives are pure (and you are being really honest with yourself about that). You’re not hiding anything because there is nothing to hide. You simply feel so connected to someone that you are motivated and inspired to take things to another level.
Well, that’s where author Lebo Grand and something that he once said comes in: “Sensuality is the purest motive that exists on earth.” When something is sensual, it gratifies the senses. When something is sensual, it arouses the appetite — and yes, when you want to be intimate with someone, simply because you want to get closer to them, there is something that is very sweet, very sincere and even pure — in the sense of being authentic and real — about that.
If that is your motive, share that with your partner. If that is also his motive, then it’s time to get into what the mutual motives of what a healthy sexual relationship should be: pleasure, joy and satisfaction. Y’all, something else that messes many couples up is there is so much focus on what they want to get out of sex that they fail to fully tune in and tap into their partner — and that is unfortunate. You know why? Because it has been both my experience as well as my observation that when both people are totally invested in making sure that their partner is sexually satisfied both individuals end up feeling gratified and quenched. Yeah, a selfish motive rarely brings contentment like a selfless one does — and you can take that to the bank!
And that is why, although I think that sexual compatibility is important, you’d be amazed how much clear communication, patience and selflessness can “get you there” if sex seems awkward at first. Again, if the motives are right, goodness can come from it, even if it takes a bit of time and effort to get there.
When Your Sexual Motives Shift, Say Something
If Your Motives Shift, You Need to Speak Up
GiphyFinal point. It is the Greek philosopher Heraclitus who once said, “Change is the only constant in life” and this applies to every aspect of it — including sex. That said, some of you may recall back when I wrote an article entitled, “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go.” The wife who I featured in that piece, we were recently talking about it and how she remains 10 toes down about the fact that a “big one” ain’t all it’s cracked up to be if the man who owns it is attached to a huge ego and not much else.
When I asked her to reflect on how much of her dissatisfaction was — and kinda still is — about him vs. who she now is as a person, she admitted that so much of who she is has changed from when they first got together. She’s older and so her hormones have shifted. She has spiritually evolved and so a profound emotional connection is more desired. She knows herself better and so she has some sexual needs that she never had before. And so, her motives have shifted from pretty much just having a good time (only) to longing for something…deeper.
This isn’t abnormal; many people go through this. Thing is, instead of being forthcoming with their partner, they would rather have them pick up on hints or, even worse, attempt to read their mind. Yeah, that’s not how effective communication works, y’all — if your motives for sex have changed, you’ve got to say something. Otherwise, you’re going to end up frustrated or unfulfilled…and honestly, your partner probably will too because if you are different and you don’t share it, eventually there will be a “disconnect” (and not just in the bedroom).
____
As I bring this to a close, take a moment to circle back to the first motive quote that I shared in the intro (“People’s behavior makes sense when you think about it in terms of goals, needs and motives.”). Whatever your sex life is like right now, what are your goals, needs and motives? What are his?
Figure that out and you’ll better understand where you’re at and, if you don’t like it, how to get to where you want to be.
It all begins with the right motives, sis. It really and truly does.
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Featured image by Giphy