xoNecole's Moms Who Inspire series highlights modern-day moms mastering all the tasks on their plate, from day-to-day responsibilities to ensuring their children are kind, educated, and well-rounded human beings. Each mother describes their inspiration, what motherhood means to them, and how they maintain their sense of selves while being the superwoman we all know and love.
Christina Bright was at the end of her junior year when she found out she was pregnant with her son.
She was in her college dorm room, it was right before her 21st birthday, and she was gearing up for a study abroad semester in Costa Rica. It was the last thing she thought would happen, but she was thrilled to be pregnant and bring a new life into this world. It was one of the easiest decisions she ever made. "My parents were teenagers when they had me, and they gave me a chance at life," she shared with xoNecole. "I felt like I owed it to my child, even if it meant sacrificing everything… or whispers on campus and being the 'pregnant girl.' I was and still am very proud of my decision."
Boss Mom Nation
She finished her degree and began life in the corporate world almost immediately. But it didn't take her long to realize that corporate life wasn't for her. These days, Christina is a self-described "Free-form Creative" (or as she also likes to say, she does "dope sh*t" for a living). For the last five years, the creative entrepreneur has been involved in modeling, acting, designing, shooting, creative directing, and writing. She does so all while sharing the whirlwind journey on social media, inspiring her followers that seem to grow by the day with her sunniness, her tell it like it is realness, and her wit.
Christina shares what makes her a Mom Who Inspires below:
On how she chose her career:
I was really unhappy living the corporate life I was programmed to believe would fulfill me. At 24, I knew for sure that that life was not for me.
I knew the most important thing was that my son deserved a happy mother.
So I went on a quest to learn about who I am… and what brings my life meaning. That answer is creating and sharing. My favorite part about being a creative entrepreneur is the freedom and the flexibility. I love transparently showing my journey on social media because I can see and feel the transformation of people who know they can because I am doing "it."
On her battles with depression and self-doubt:
I dealt with depression over this period of my life. There were moments where I was really uninspired and those moments made me question if the decisions I was making were right. They also made me have to dig within myself and find who I am, find what moves me, and acknowledge my fears and insecurities. I learned to ask for help. I learned to be accountable. I learned that therapy in a necessity not a luxury! All in all, I've accepted that at each moment - even in the darkness - I am where I am supposed to be. Surrendering to that fact has made everything so much more enjoyable.
On what motherhood means to her:
To me, motherhood means being in a constant evaluation of yourself. I question myself a lot. Not in a wavering sense, but in the sense of making certain that I'm sure about my beliefs.
I'm always cognizant that I am molding the mind and heart of an innocent human being.
It's a huge responsibility. It's my responsibility to be the best self that my consciousness permits.
On her happiest memory as a first-time parent:
One time, I was really low on cash. I probably had about $15 to my name. My son was riding in the backseat of my car in his car seat and we reached a red light. There was a homeless man asking for change. I usually always give them money. This time, I hesitated (I may have had like 2 or 3 singles on me). At the last minute, I rolled my window down and gave the man the $3. When I pulled off, my son Justin said, "That's the mommy I love." He was maybe 5. I literally burst into tears.
It showed me that he pays attention, that I'm molding him to be selfless, and as bad as I felt before that moment, that I was actually doing something right.
On one of the scariest things about being a parent:
Raising a black boy in America is scary.
As he gets older, and taller, and more mature, I fear sometimes the things he will have to go through. I talk to him, he understands America, and the type of culture we live in. Just making him understand how to work through his temper, and communicate helps me….but it's just a scary position to be in.
On the mantra she tells her son:
You can be whatever you want to be in life. I say this to him all the time.
On the unexpected lesson her son is teaching her:
My son is teaching me how to be less abrasive with my tone! He's really sensitive, especially when it comes to me. There are times when I say something, and he'll stop and look at me with his big glassy "Puss in Boots" eyes and say something like, "You didn't have to say it like that Mommy." In those moments, I apologize and repeat myself in a nicer tone. He's teaching me to be patient but also to apologize when I'm wrong. Just because I am "Mom" doesn't mean I'm always right.
Boss Mom Nation
On the three words that represent her approach to motherhood:
Fun, Affectionate, and Empathetic. Having fun is important, and the ability to find fun/joy in everything is a superpower. It's a perspective that allows you to be free no matter what the circumstance, so it's important that we live that way. Affection is so important. Showing him that having feelings is normal and wanting to express them what makes us human. I never want him to suppress his feelings or feel guilty for expressing them. In my house, we hug and talk A LOT. As a child, there were times I felt like I wasn't allowed to feel certain things because I was just "a child." But I try to be empathetic to what his experience is as an 8-year-old little black boy in America, who is being co-parented, and who is just trying to figure out who he is.
On how she lets her hair down when her son's not around:
I'm a 420 mom. So on the weekends when he's with his dad...I roll a joint and partake FREELY around the house! For self-care I write. I take baths. I go to the gym. I eat well (most times). I allow myself to simply BE. Everyday looks different. But I make sure I'm in touch with my feelings and how they dictate I should move.
On preserving the characteristics of the woman she was before becoming a mom:
I was a baby when I had him, so I've grown into womanhood while being a mom. I think it's about understanding that I don't have to sacrifice who I am to be a good mom. It's about finding balance: taking care of my responsibilities but also making time for SELF.
I think sacrificing your happiness is the biggest mistake we can make. We can have it all.
On who inspires her to be a better mother:
One of my mentors Qiyamah [inspires me]. I love her sense of individuality. She's from where I'm from, Newark, NJ. Her kids are older, and she's living her best life: part-time on a boat in the Bahamas while building a bed and breakfast with her husband. She is humble, and beautiful, and fly as ever. She's an example that you can still live YOUR life, be an individual, and be a loving mother. She inspires me to build the life I want to see for myself.
For more of Christina, check her out on Instagram.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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