"I never really ate bad before becoming a mom, but motherhood made me more cautious about what I was putting in my body and what I was feeding my son."
26-year-old boutique owner Tory Dene is often surrounded by men. By day, she is a custom clothier in men's suits and by night, she tends to her son, 20-month-old Asher. But don't be fooled, Tory was taught by her mother to be a woman who rules her household. "My mother taught me to eat clean. We didn't eat a lot of fast food growing up, and my mom works out religiously to this day. So, I just followed in her footsteps. She's 50 and looks amazing!"
Tory Dene/Instagram
Tory may also co-own the Atlanta women's boutique Shop Fetch, but whenever she has time, Tory and Asher are usually outdoors living an active lifestyle. Even as a toddler, Asher already enjoys basketball with his mom and Tory plans to teach him some of the sports she played as a child, including soccer and softball.
Below Tory shares how careful planning and organization allow her to have relaxed mornings, work more productively, and keep an overall healthy lifestyle.
Tory Dene/Instagram
On what motherhood means to her:
"Being a mother wasn't planned. But when I found out I was going to be a mom, I instantly fell in love with my baby. Motherhood is not pretty at all. I don't get any privacy, I don't get much rest, and most of my days are filled with, 'Stop, don't do that'… but I wouldn't change a thing. He makes me want to be better and he keeps me on my toes."
On how her mother inspired her fitness routine:
"My mom is my fitness inspiration. She doesn't eat any fried foods or sweets and she works out religiously. She raised my sister and me on home-cooked meals. We didn't eat out much, but when we did it was quality meals. I also love the fact that she's not only healthy physically, but also healthy mentally. My mom meditates every morning."
Tory Dene/Instagram
On what a typical day looks like:
"Because I make sure everything I need is prepared the night before, my mornings are pretty relaxed. After I pick my son up from school, I spend time with him inside practicing the alphabet or outside playing basketball. When we come inside for the evening, I go back to working until I fall asleep."
On how her son changed her wellness routine:
"I take my son outside every day so he can maintain an active lifestyle, and when I workout at home he'll try and mock what I do. It's the cutest thing! He loves basketball so much. We have a little hoop at the house so his dad and I can play with him inside to keep him constantly active."
On preserving the characteristics of the woman she was before becoming a mother:
"I'm a mother, but I still like to get out and enjoy my social life. I like to plan my work and social life so I don't give one aspect too much or too little time. I'm still young and I like to hang out with my girls and my man from time to time."
Tory Dene/Instagram
On practicing self-care:
"As with most mothers, I try to get a decent amount of rest (and that rarely happens). I like spending time with others, but it's also important for me to have my alone time to just unwind and 'get to know me' again. I work out about four times a week and maintain a decent diet. I'm human so I do have my cheat days… I love wings!"
On the greatest lesson motherhood has taught her:
"Before becoming a mom I wasn't patient, and then I became the mother of a stubborn son. Needless to say, my son is now teaching me patience. I also tend to panic, and having a toddler doesn't ease the feeling. Just like other toddlers, Asher gets into everything!"
To keep up with Tory and Asher, follow her on Instagram.
xoNecole's Moms Who Inspire series highlights modern day moms mastering all the tasks on their plate, from day to day responsibilities to ensuring their children are kind, educated and well-rounded human beings. Each mother describes their inspiration, what motherhood means to them, and how they maintain their sense of selves while being the superwoman we all know and love.
"When you see me, you see the representation of my mom," Joi exclaims.
Millennial mom Joi Adams was raised by her parents with wisdom and a Godly foundation, and believes the humility she learned in her upbringing provided her with the tools to guide her son CJ, 7. She graduated from HBCU Central State University in Ohio and The Art Institute of San Francisco. Joi later worked for PMM Agency, observing and learning directly from powerhouse CEO Kimberly Blackwell.
Today, Joi is a senior event strategic marketing manager and consultant, supporting a variety of clients - from Fortune 500 companies to the federal government. She is also a writer and the co-founder of The Bougie Brunch Group (TheBBGroup), a safe fellowship space for women of color to network. The Bougie Brunch offers women of color the opportunity to also connect with major brands and companies interested in reaching this booming demographic.
"Everything I've learned has been a stepping stone to my next level," Joi says, reflecting on her career. "The way I look at it is, I didn't choose my career, it chose me. I believe your God-given purpose always finds you; you just have to be open and let God direct your path."
Joi shares below how she balances being a writer and strategic marketing consultant... all while raising her son with a Christian background in the midst of America's current volatile climate:
On having her faith tested throughout her career:
"We are all tested in life; it's how we manage to deal with it and learn a positive lesson that counts. I once pitched an idea to my client which they loved, and I ended up planning and spearheading a major conference that has now run successfully for three years. From this, I learned that I truly have a choice in my destiny, and that the hardest part is getting over fear and walking in faith. It's also important to fight and never quit. I have always kept my eyes on the prize. I block out the unwanted noise and any distractions that try and hinder me. Life always throws hardships and obstacles, but through my faith, I'm able to push through."
"I block out the unwanted noise and any distractions that try and hinder me."
On keeping her faith and raising CJ in Christian faith in America's current climate:
"I manage to keep the faith by consistently being in the word, and feeding my spirit with God's teachings. I love to fill our household with teachings from Bishop T. D. Jakes, Pastor John Gray and Pastor Mike Todd. When you keep the word in your heart, no matter what is going on around you, it never departs from you. In this toxic climate, I have to often shield my son and pray over him so that he isn't influenced with corrupt manners. The word says, 'In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.' My husband and I believe that is true and always instill that wisdom to guide our son on the right path."
On initially not knowing whether or not she wanted to be a mother:
"I honestly wasn't sure if I wanted to be a mom. My drive for success often clouded my mind. I didn't know if I wanted to add a child to the equation. Internally, it was a battle between being the overachiever and playing it safe. When my husband and I found out that we were pregnant with our son Charmone, Jr. (CJ), I had so many emotions, but honestly, I was mostly upset. I didn't want to believe it. I was so selfish. I cried for an hour straight. I thought I had ruined my entire life. In my mind, my husband and I had everything figured out. We almost became obsessed with 'our plan' versus God's Plan. God knew I would have kept waiting or pushed it off altogether."
"I didn't want to believe it... I cried for an hour straight. I thought I had ruined my entire life."
On the unexpected life lesson CJ is teaching her:
"God knew that I needed CJ - he was the missing link. He was the humbling factor. He is our cool kid that lights our world up. When all my emotional walls of insecurity came down, everything started to fall into place. Now, I can't imagine life without CJ. He's shown me that it's okay to not be the overachiever all the time, and that everything doesn't have to be perfect. I tend to try to perfect everything, but having my son has allowed me to be okay with letting down my hair and not always having things in order."
On the unexpected pleasure… and pain of Legos:
"I am a firm believer that when you plant good seeds in your child, they will grow into something amazing. My son wants to be a robotics engineer. So, to foster his dream, we put him in a Lego robotics class (although I despise Legos because they torture my feet)! Instilling in him that he can build whatever his heart desires is so rewarding and fulfilling. It not only builds self-confidence, it also allows him to work towards a goal."
"I am a firm believer that when you plant good seeds in your child, they will grow into something amazing."
On practicing self-care with and without her family:
"Every Saturday, my husband lets me have a lazy day. I get to sleep in and not have to worry about anything. It's my 'me' time, my time to regroup and align myself. It gives me an opportunity to pray and rejuvenate. I also love to spend quality time with my husband. We don't have to go anywhere fancy, I just love his company. When you have a child, I often tell new moms, 'Don't forget about your significant other.' You have to find that beautiful balance."
On the secret (but important) project that people don't know she's working on:
"I actually enjoy writing. I am finishing up my first book called "Confessions of a Rock-Mom: the One with the Messy Hair and Smudged Lipstick." It will be released later this year. Writing is therapeutic to me. I am able to release everything that I feel inside. I get to be unapologetically authentic and vulnerable when I write. Sometimes we think as mothers we have to lose our entire identities to become 'mom.' Well, that's false. If you stay true to yourself, having a child adds another layer of awesomeness to your passions."
"If you stay true to yourself, having a child adds another layer of awesomeness to your passions."
On the mothers inspiring her to become a better mother:
"There is a quote that says, 'Life doesn't come with a manual. It comes with a Mother.' I have so many phenomenal women around me who are Rock-Moms. From my loving mother and mother-in-law, to amazing sisters and close friends, I have learned bits and pieces from them all. Each has given me sound advice without saying a word. I believe it takes a village to raise a child."
For more of Joi, check her out on Instagram.
Want more stories like this? Check out the other mothers featured in our Moms Who Inspire series.
For Meghan Joy Yancy, stewarding little hearts and minds and raising kind and loving humans is a pretty big deal.
The homeschooling, stay-at-home mom of six and entrepreneur is raising a multicultural family, and therefore takes motherhood very seriously. She's very cognizant that her mothering, her faith, and the atmosphere in which she raises her children will impact the adults they grow into. Meghan is truly a "glass half-full" type of woman and believes her message is to share the joy of living for today with others and create a community of believers who strive for greatness in all they do.
As a Mom Who Inspires us by cultivating an atmosphere of passion and encouragement within her home, Meghan walks us through how she helps her family spread love and joy every day.
On teaching her children to honor each culture's traditions and be proud of their heritage:
Being that we homeschool, we have such beautiful opportunities to expose our children to diversity and being able to honor their culture.
In our studies and exploration, they are so intrigued with learning about the pieces that make them uniquely themselves. Our oldest daughter is fascinated with travel and if she could go anywhere, it would be the three places where her blood runs from: Liberia, Germany, and Sweden. She loves knowing the different areas of the world that were brought together in her mommy and daddy, which resulted in her mixed heritage. We get the opportunity to have discussions about it and explore the beautiful cultures. Plus, we live in a diverse community and attend a diverse church, which makes it a natural aspect of our lives.
On what helped her become successful and deal with the hard times:
Resilience. When I start something I truly believe in, I'm not going to stop until it's completed. I don't care how long it takes, I'm in it for the long haul. When I began my business, I just knew this would be something I would be doing forever. I told my husband, "I will never NOT be doing this." And so, quitting was never even an option. Quitting wasn't on the table. It wasn't in my mindset. Only pushing forward.
On the life lesson she shares with her children:
You get to choose your attitude. It can be a great day or a horrible day. That is totally up to you. My whole life mantra is about living for today and finding joy in the ordinary and when my kids decide to have a bad attitude or make a big deal out of little situations, I am always reminding them that we have control over our emotions and how we react to situations.
We have the power to CHOOSE how we will view life and how we will live.
On the unexpected life lesson her kids are teaching her:
Patience. Gosh, so much patience. Pick your battles. Don't cry over spilled milk. Messes are constantly being made, things are continually being broken, and I used to flip out every time. Now, I have learned to take a deep breath, clean it up, and move on. Growing up, when us kids broke things, my mom adopted the saying, "Less is more," and she stopped getting upset about all the broken items. And it's been a good reminder for me now as a mother. I still teach the kids respect and responsibility for our actions and to be good stewards of the things we have, but in the same breath, not getting attached to THINGS. That's been a big thing that the kids have taught me.
On her favorite way to relax with her children:
Dance parties. They keep me young and free and wild. They keep me hip and cool. I love their free spirits and it brings so much joy. I also just love sitting on the ground and reading with them or coloring with them. We've got our music on in the background and it can be so peaceful and grounding.
On the three words that represent her approach to motherhood:
Grace. Compassion. Understanding. I am going to make mistakes. I am going to do things wrong. And I want to continually walk in grace. For myself and for my kids. And I've got a lot of kids, so my mothering looks differently with each of them. My approach is different for each kid and so getting to know their individual personality makes a difference in how I show love to them and how I discipline them.
On the unique way she shows her kids she loves them:
I sing them a song and say a prayer for them every night before bed. But I've created my own remix of our song that I snap to and do the "Carlton" dance to. It's super corny and cheesy but we love singing and dancing to it each night. Oftentimes, I just stare at my kids during the day, grab their face in my hands, and tell them how much I love them.
I never want a day to pass where they don't know that.
On preserving the characteristics of the woman she was before becoming a mother:
I don't want to. I am continually striving to become a better person and mother and human each day. The woman I was before was great and all, but I have grown into an even better woman. And you know when people throw the whole, "Wow, you've changed" comment out at you. My response? "Heck YES!" I hope I have changed. I don't want to stay the same. I want to grow in wisdom and patience and grace. And the really neat thing is that I get to be me WHILE I am in the trenches of motherhood. Being me and pursuing my own dreams doesn't have to wait until the kids are grown. And my kids don't have to be put to the side while I chase my dreams. We get to do it all together as a family.
On how she practices self-care:
I no longer hold on to "mom guilt." At the end of the day, instead of going through in my mind everything I did wrong that day, or thinking about everything I didn't do, I think about the great things that happened.
I think about the snuggles I gave my kids, the hustle I gave to my work, the relationships I poured into, the text message I sent my husband at work, the delicious hot meal I made, and the moments I got on the ground and played with the kids. Some days, after dinner, I go lock myself in the bathroom and take a hot bath. Throughout my day, if the kids are busy playing, I'll take 15 minutes to sit in my hammock in my office and read a good book. Most Sundays, I go to Starbucks to spend a few hours by myself and write. But I am no longer feeling guilty over working out some times with my husband where I can invest in ME.
If I fill my cup up, I have more to give to all of them.
For more Meghan, follow her on Instagram.
There's a writer, marketing strategist and mother who not only talks the talk, but walks the walk and she goes by the name Christine Michel Carter.
The Forbes, TIME, and Entrepreneur contributor has made a career of helping companies understand women just like her, black women and working moms. She's been called "the exec inspiring millennial moms" and her passion for mothers, black women and their children is sincere. Becoming a mother herself was always something she had envisioned for herself, but not something that was easily attainable.
Where some women seem to get pregnant on the first try, her own journey to motherhood was quite difficult. It took "rigorous planning, ovulation tracking, and intercourse scheduling"- but because of the relationship she had with her grandmother, aunts and uncles, she persisted and was blessed with two babies: Maya, 6 and West, 3.
She's a Mom Who Inspires us because she's willing to be a guardian and a champion for mothers and black women. Christine walks us through how her children inspire her professional life and how she became a thought leader for marketing to millennial consumers.
On her happiest memory as a first-time parent:
My happiest memory was the moment I felt like my daughter and I began to bond.
She was born prematurely and spent a month in the NICU.
And I found it hard to initially connect with her because she was surrounded by a glass case, tubes, and monitors. It only took a few days to get comfortable with those things but in mom time, that's a lifetime. When we both became comfortable with one another, having skin to skin contact and spending hours cuddling… it was the greatest feeling in the world.
On how her upbringing influenced her approach to motherhood:
I respect my mother; she is one of the most determined women I know. She had a goal of graduating college before I did, after postponing it for years. She actually exceeded her goal, receiving a bachelor's and two master's degrees. She's been a huge influence on my professional career and I consider her a role model and mentor. But my grandparents (specifically my grandmother) influence how I raise my children. Unlike my mother, my grandmother didn't work and because of that, I was able to spend a lot of time with her. She taught me that work isn't everything and your profession has no bearing on the impact someone can have on your life.
On a career-defining moment that tested her determination:
I remember when I was 20 years old: I was the director of marketing for a regional retailer and felt like my salary didn't align with my roles and responsibilities. I left the company and started my retail marketing firm, all the while scared I couldn't demand a higher consulting fee. I often worried if I ever returned to the corporate world, I'd never earn the salary I deserved because I was so young. I was full of doubt. Still, I took on a dozen clients as a consultant, fine tuning my professional skills and leveraging development tools. I eventually did return to the corporate world and made three times the amount I made when I left. From that experience, I learned my age is just a number, and it should have no bearing on the salary an employer offers me or the worth I put on my own professional skills.
On balancing work and home life:
I'm blessed to have a flexible schedule professionally, and this allows me to put what truly matters to me first: my children. I have the opportunity to attend more class parties and recitals than other mothers, and that's a blessing I recognize and do not take for granted. Also, my aunt is a fantastic support system for both my personal and professional life. She's there at a moment's notice if I need to work a little late or travel for business.
On the hidden life lesson she shares with her children:
Who's opinion matters? (Then I make my children point to themselves.) I find my daughter often taking the opinion of her teachers, her grandparents, and her friends to heart. Once she said she changed her favorite color because a boy's favorite color was blue. Comments like that are disheartening to me, especially because she is a young black girl and may have a lifetime of situations where her voice is silenced.
I constantly remind her only her opinion of her matters, and she has to feel confident in the decisions she makes because she's the one ultimately responsible for them.
On her favorite activity to do with her children:
I love taking my kids to the gym. They have their own separate area at the gym where they play, but I like showing them the importance of committing to a fitness routine and taking care of your body. This isn't something I grew up with and wish I'd started working out and being active at a younger age.
On the times she's scared to be a parent:
Whenever another black man is killed senselessly for having Skittles in his pocket, or for reading in his own car, a chill goes down my spine and my eyes water.
I'm raising a black man, public enemy number one.
Black men as young as 12 years old have been killed for no reason, and that fact makes me feel my son is never truly safe. Honestly, and unfortunately, I'm somewhat comforted by knowing there are other women feeling these same emotions, fighting across the country to show our children's lives matter.
On the three words representing her approach to motherhood:
Imperfection - I want my kids to understand I don't have all the answers and have done things (like all mothers) that I'm not proud of. Relatability - I'm not a "cool mom" but I'm not a "because I said so" mom either. Communication - Above all else, my kids know nothing is more important in my life than them and I think about them every moment of every day.
On how she practices self-care:
I can't live without going to the gym and running. Runner's high is real. I feel so inspired and awake after a good run on the treadmill.
On who inspires her to be a better mother:
My cousin Lindsey inspires me to become a better mother. She has so many professional and personal responsibilities, and I admire her more than she understands. She's my older cousin so she's always been #goals, but I'm amazed and inspired by how she's overcome obstacles in recent years.
For more Christine, follow her on Instagram.
Ayana was always very curious about people and storytelling, and because of this, she gravitated towards journalism in undergrad, and strategic communications in grad school. She was 22 years old when she became a mother fresh out of college. Like most young black women on a mission, motherhood wasn't part of her plan. Especially since she'd just left a broken relationship. But once she became a mother and rekindled her love for self, she refused to let statistics to cripple her.
Ayana and her daughter Ayo@ayanaiman
Related: He Pursued Her On Twitter, Now She's The Love Of His Life
Ayana believes she set herself free to be a damn good mother, and uses her platform to share her story. Today, the public speaker, certified professional life coach, and chief communications officer helps other women transition through pain and heartache.
As a Mom Who Inspires us by helping other women put their best foot forward, Ayana discusses her life as a mother and how being truly good to her daughter means to be good to herself first.
On her happiest memory as a first-time parent:
Just watching her smile in her sleep. She was unmoved by the troubles of the world or what she did or didn't have, she existed in pure harmony. I loved that, and when I was with her, I experienced the same. There wasn't a moment I would look at her and did not smile.
On the moment in her career that tested her determination:
I was working in higher education as an executive assistant and felt like I had lost my way. It was a field I had no interest in and my time at work extended after hours and before I clocked-in, which had adverse reactions to my health.
At the time, I was determined to find stability financially and provide a home for my child, but I knew staying wasn't an option.
I diligently worked to secure my goals in less than four months and committed to being a full time grad student, while I started my speaking career. I learned you can't always force yourself to exist in all situations and that you have to make a decision before one is made for you.
On how her mother has influenced her parenting style:
I would describe my mother as one word: Interesting. We share a lot in common - we're empaths, charismatic, fiery, new age thinkers, natural chefs, and can light up any room. My mother raised us to be expressive, so free speech and affection were essential to our family dynamic. In many ways, it shaped my ideas of parenthood.
I've continued to express my love and support of my daughter by giving her the tools to empower herself.
My mom allowed me to make my own decisions because she knew what I was capable of and I continue those same tactics. I want my daughter Ayo to know the weight of her decisions and feel confident in decision making, while I guide her to a possible outcome.
On the power of pivoting in your career:
I firmly believe in the power of pivoting, which allows you to be flexible in all situations, even the uncomfortable ones. Learning to pivot allowed me to go seek "my cheese" elsewhere and not be attached to where it used to be. I move with intention. When your account is in negative and it feels like the world is on your shoulders, you need faith to see your way through, while taking action to bring your goals to fruition.
On what a typical day in her household looks like:
On a good day, I'm up by 6 am to work out and take a shower before Ayo wakes up so we can eat breakfast together. She comes out her room and tells me to put on her favorite show while she takes a seat at the table in perfect view of the television. She has cereal, while I enjoy [an] egg white and spinach omelet. We get dressed and head out the door to drop her to school while she asks a million questions. Depending on my workflow, I head to an office or go back home to work until it's time to get her. I ask about her day where she faithfully responds "good," as we head home to unwind. Me catching up on emails, her on the iPad (writing her letters before any shows - issa rule), then dinner whenever I get to it (trying to be better), bath time, and bed by 8:30 pm. Again, on a good day.
On the unexpected life lesson her daughter is teaching her:
I'm an affectionate parent and there's no shortage of "I love you" in my house, however, Ayo is teaching me the power of a hug. Hugs can be healing and necessary for soothing pain. This lesson reminds me to surround myself with people that make me feel safe and seek them out when I need to be uplifted.
Strong women need love too.
On the life advice she'd give her daughter:
I want Ayo to learn from me that action is a prerequisite for greatness. Life can be tough and there will always be uncertainty and the only way to change the narrative is to take control and take action. We always have that choice.
On how she practices self-care:
My ultimate self-care practice includes prayer and meditation, it's the way I release stress while aligning with gratitude.
I make time to be present and get quiet, alone. But sleep is my favorite thing to do when my daughter is not around (laughs).
On the unique ways she shows her daughter she cares:
I become the tickle monster and chase her around the house for tickles. Like me, she can't handle it. It's always fun to laugh it up. I also practice affirmations with Ayo so we repeat these mantras daily. Our favorite ones include: I am love, I am forgiving, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am wise, and I am amazing.
On who inspires her to be a better mother:
Mothers who are innovators inspire me as they embark on new territories in their perspective careers, like, Bozoma Saint John, J.K. Rowling, Wendy Williams, and the countless mamas that I meet in person or see on my timeline that are taking on motherhood on their terms.
For more Ayana, follow her on Instagram. Also be sure to check out her inclusive dialogue chats with Authentic Convos.
