xoNecole's Moms Who Inspire series highlights modern-day moms mastering all the tasks on their plate, from day-to-day responsibilities to ensuring their children are kind, educated, and well-rounded human beings. Each mother describes their inspiration, what motherhood means to them, and how they maintain their sense of selves while being the superwoman we all know and love.
Christina Bright was at the end of her junior year when she found out she was pregnant with her son.
She was in her college dorm room, it was right before her 21st birthday, and she was gearing up for a study abroad semester in Costa Rica. It was the last thing she thought would happen, but she was thrilled to be pregnant and bring a new life into this world. It was one of the easiest decisions she ever made. "My parents were teenagers when they had me, and they gave me a chance at life," she shared with xoNecole. "I felt like I owed it to my child, even if it meant sacrificing everything… or whispers on campus and being the 'pregnant girl.' I was and still am very proud of my decision."
Boss Mom Nation
She finished her degree and began life in the corporate world almost immediately. But it didn't take her long to realize that corporate life wasn't for her. These days, Christina is a self-described "Free-form Creative" (or as she also likes to say, she does "dope sh*t" for a living). For the last five years, the creative entrepreneur has been involved in modeling, acting, designing, shooting, creative directing, and writing. She does so all while sharing the whirlwind journey on social media, inspiring her followers that seem to grow by the day with her sunniness, her tell it like it is realness, and her wit.
Christina shares what makes her a Mom Who Inspires below:
On how she chose her career:
I was really unhappy living the corporate life I was programmed to believe would fulfill me. At 24, I knew for sure that that life was not for me.
I knew the most important thing was that my son deserved a happy mother.
So I went on a quest to learn about who I am… and what brings my life meaning. That answer is creating and sharing. My favorite part about being a creative entrepreneur is the freedom and the flexibility. I love transparently showing my journey on social media because I can see and feel the transformation of people who know they can because I am doing "it."
On her battles with depression and self-doubt:
I dealt with depression over this period of my life. There were moments where I was really uninspired and those moments made me question if the decisions I was making were right. They also made me have to dig within myself and find who I am, find what moves me, and acknowledge my fears and insecurities. I learned to ask for help. I learned to be accountable. I learned that therapy in a necessity not a luxury! All in all, I've accepted that at each moment - even in the darkness - I am where I am supposed to be. Surrendering to that fact has made everything so much more enjoyable.
On what motherhood means to her:
To me, motherhood means being in a constant evaluation of yourself. I question myself a lot. Not in a wavering sense, but in the sense of making certain that I'm sure about my beliefs.
I'm always cognizant that I am molding the mind and heart of an innocent human being.
It's a huge responsibility. It's my responsibility to be the best self that my consciousness permits.
On her happiest memory as a first-time parent:
One time, I was really low on cash. I probably had about $15 to my name. My son was riding in the backseat of my car in his car seat and we reached a red light. There was a homeless man asking for change. I usually always give them money. This time, I hesitated (I may have had like 2 or 3 singles on me). At the last minute, I rolled my window down and gave the man the $3. When I pulled off, my son Justin said, "That's the mommy I love." He was maybe 5. I literally burst into tears.
It showed me that he pays attention, that I'm molding him to be selfless, and as bad as I felt before that moment, that I was actually doing something right.
On one of the scariest things about being a parent:
Raising a black boy in America is scary.
As he gets older, and taller, and more mature, I fear sometimes the things he will have to go through. I talk to him, he understands America, and the type of culture we live in. Just making him understand how to work through his temper, and communicate helps me….but it's just a scary position to be in.
On the mantra she tells her son:
You can be whatever you want to be in life. I say this to him all the time.
On the unexpected lesson her son is teaching her:
My son is teaching me how to be less abrasive with my tone! He's really sensitive, especially when it comes to me. There are times when I say something, and he'll stop and look at me with his big glassy "Puss in Boots" eyes and say something like, "You didn't have to say it like that Mommy." In those moments, I apologize and repeat myself in a nicer tone. He's teaching me to be patient but also to apologize when I'm wrong. Just because I am "Mom" doesn't mean I'm always right.
Boss Mom Nation
On the three words that represent her approach to motherhood:
Fun, Affectionate, and Empathetic. Having fun is important, and the ability to find fun/joy in everything is a superpower. It's a perspective that allows you to be free no matter what the circumstance, so it's important that we live that way. Affection is so important. Showing him that having feelings is normal and wanting to express them what makes us human. I never want him to suppress his feelings or feel guilty for expressing them. In my house, we hug and talk A LOT. As a child, there were times I felt like I wasn't allowed to feel certain things because I was just "a child." But I try to be empathetic to what his experience is as an 8-year-old little black boy in America, who is being co-parented, and who is just trying to figure out who he is.
On how she lets her hair down when her son's not around:
I'm a 420 mom. So on the weekends when he's with his dad...I roll a joint and partake FREELY around the house! For self-care I write. I take baths. I go to the gym. I eat well (most times). I allow myself to simply BE. Everyday looks different. But I make sure I'm in touch with my feelings and how they dictate I should move.
On preserving the characteristics of the woman she was before becoming a mom:
I was a baby when I had him, so I've grown into womanhood while being a mom. I think it's about understanding that I don't have to sacrifice who I am to be a good mom. It's about finding balance: taking care of my responsibilities but also making time for SELF.
I think sacrificing your happiness is the biggest mistake we can make. We can have it all.
On who inspires her to be a better mother:
One of my mentors Qiyamah [inspires me]. I love her sense of individuality. She's from where I'm from, Newark, NJ. Her kids are older, and she's living her best life: part-time on a boat in the Bahamas while building a bed and breakfast with her husband. She is humble, and beautiful, and fly as ever. She's an example that you can still live YOUR life, be an individual, and be a loving mother. She inspires me to build the life I want to see for myself.
For more of Christina, check her out on Instagram.
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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