Entrepreneur Meghan Joy Yancy On Success & Raising 6 Kids In A Multicultural Household
xoNecole's Moms Who Inspire series highlights modern day moms mastering all the tasks on their plate, from day to day responsibilities to ensuring their children are kind, educated and well-rounded human beings. Each mother describes their inspiration, what motherhood means to them, and how they maintain their sense of selves while being the superwoman we all know and love.
For Meghan Joy Yancy, stewarding little hearts and minds and raising kind and loving humans is a pretty big deal.
The homeschooling, stay-at-home mom of six and entrepreneur is raising a multicultural family, and therefore takes motherhood very seriously. She's very cognizant that her mothering, her faith, and the atmosphere in which she raises her children will impact the adults they grow into. Meghan is truly a "glass half-full" type of woman and believes her message is to share the joy of living for today with others and create a community of believers who strive for greatness in all they do.
As a Mom Who Inspires us by cultivating an atmosphere of passion and encouragement within her home, Meghan walks us through how she helps her family spread love and joy every day.
On teaching her children to honor each culture's traditions and be proud of their heritage:
Being that we homeschool, we have such beautiful opportunities to expose our children to diversity and being able to honor their culture.
In our studies and exploration, they are so intrigued with learning about the pieces that make them uniquely themselves. Our oldest daughter is fascinated with travel and if she could go anywhere, it would be the three places where her blood runs from: Liberia, Germany, and Sweden. She loves knowing the different areas of the world that were brought together in her mommy and daddy, which resulted in her mixed heritage. We get the opportunity to have discussions about it and explore the beautiful cultures. Plus, we live in a diverse community and attend a diverse church, which makes it a natural aspect of our lives.
On what helped her become successful and deal with the hard times:
Resilience. When I start something I truly believe in, I'm not going to stop until it's completed. I don't care how long it takes, I'm in it for the long haul. When I began my business, I just knew this would be something I would be doing forever. I told my husband, "I will never NOT be doing this." And so, quitting was never even an option. Quitting wasn't on the table. It wasn't in my mindset. Only pushing forward.
On the life lesson she shares with her children:
You get to choose your attitude. It can be a great day or a horrible day. That is totally up to you. My whole life mantra is about living for today and finding joy in the ordinary and when my kids decide to have a bad attitude or make a big deal out of little situations, I am always reminding them that we have control over our emotions and how we react to situations.
We have the power to CHOOSE how we will view life and how we will live.
On the unexpected life lesson her kids are teaching her:
Patience. Gosh, so much patience. Pick your battles. Don't cry over spilled milk. Messes are constantly being made, things are continually being broken, and I used to flip out every time. Now, I have learned to take a deep breath, clean it up, and move on. Growing up, when us kids broke things, my mom adopted the saying, "Less is more," and she stopped getting upset about all the broken items. And it's been a good reminder for me now as a mother. I still teach the kids respect and responsibility for our actions and to be good stewards of the things we have, but in the same breath, not getting attached to THINGS. That's been a big thing that the kids have taught me.
On her favorite way to relax with her children:
Dance parties. They keep me young and free and wild. They keep me hip and cool. I love their free spirits and it brings so much joy. I also just love sitting on the ground and reading with them or coloring with them. We've got our music on in the background and it can be so peaceful and grounding.
On the three words that represent her approach to motherhood:
Grace. Compassion. Understanding. I am going to make mistakes. I am going to do things wrong. And I want to continually walk in grace. For myself and for my kids. And I've got a lot of kids, so my mothering looks differently with each of them. My approach is different for each kid and so getting to know their individual personality makes a difference in how I show love to them and how I discipline them.
On the unique way she shows her kids she loves them:
I sing them a song and say a prayer for them every night before bed. But I've created my own remix of our song that I snap to and do the "Carlton" dance to. It's super corny and cheesy but we love singing and dancing to it each night. Oftentimes, I just stare at my kids during the day, grab their face in my hands, and tell them how much I love them.
I never want a day to pass where they don't know that.
On preserving the characteristics of the woman she was before becoming a mother:
I don't want to. I am continually striving to become a better person and mother and human each day. The woman I was before was great and all, but I have grown into an even better woman. And you know when people throw the whole, "Wow, you've changed" comment out at you. My response? "Heck YES!" I hope I have changed. I don't want to stay the same. I want to grow in wisdom and patience and grace. And the really neat thing is that I get to be me WHILE I am in the trenches of motherhood. Being me and pursuing my own dreams doesn't have to wait until the kids are grown. And my kids don't have to be put to the side while I chase my dreams. We get to do it all together as a family.
On how she practices self-care:
I no longer hold on to "mom guilt." At the end of the day, instead of going through in my mind everything I did wrong that day, or thinking about everything I didn't do, I think about the great things that happened.
I think about the snuggles I gave my kids, the hustle I gave to my work, the relationships I poured into, the text message I sent my husband at work, the delicious hot meal I made, and the moments I got on the ground and played with the kids. Some days, after dinner, I go lock myself in the bathroom and take a hot bath. Throughout my day, if the kids are busy playing, I'll take 15 minutes to sit in my hammock in my office and read a good book. Most Sundays, I go to Starbucks to spend a few hours by myself and write. But I am no longer feeling guilty over working out some times with my husband where I can invest in ME.
If I fill my cup up, I have more to give to all of them.
For more Meghan, follow her on Instagram.
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Christine Carter is a voice for millennial moms (and uniquely, young black female professionals and mothers). She has been featured in and guest contributed to several global digital publications, including Forbes, TIME, Health, Ebony, Black Bride, Inc., Women's Health and many others.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images