

I was today years old when I learned the 'why' behind getting a pap smear. I always used to look at it as one of my annuals that I booked an appointment for, propped up my legs, braced for the discomfort of the speculum, and just did. I knew it was for my health but for some reason, it never clicked for me that a pap smear had everything to do with being preventative and was mostly about your cervix. Even as a 31-year-old who had a LEEP procedure done to remove precancerous cells nearly a decade ago, the dots never totally connected for me that ‘pap smear’ is to the cervix and cervical cancer as ‘mammogram’ is to breasts and breast cancer. Don’t come for me, but I was simply doing what I was ‘supposed’ to do without thinking of the bigger picture as it relates to my health and preventative measures like annual pap smears.
Coming to terms with that realization is actually what led me to write this piece. I realized that there was probably someone like me who was simply rolling with the punches of booking yearly doctor exams, or even someone who might not even go because they may believe going to a gynecologist is only for people who have “an issue” down there. I’m here to demystify some of the myths around pap smears. In honor of it being Cervical Cancer Awareness Month, I am here to also do my part in empowering women to advocate for their health needs, especially when it comes to a form of cancer with a 92% survival rate when diagnosed in its earliest stages. And do you know the easiest way to detect cervical cancer before it becomes cancerous? If you said ‘pap smear,’ you are right on the money.
I spoke with Dr. Janelle Howell, DPT, WCS, also known as the Vagina Rehab Doctor to help spill the deets on what you need to know about pap smears and cervical health.
What is a pap smear?
Perhaps it's elementary, my dear Watson, but I wanted to cover all of my bases when breaking down pap smears for this piece. A pap smear, or a pap test, is short for the Papanicolaou test. It is a diagnostic procedure that tests for cervical cancer in women. A doctor takes a small instrument to brush sample cells on the cervix and then sends those samples to a lab for the results. Once the samples have been tested, a patient can either get a normal test result (which literally means everything is all good under the hood) or an abnormal result (which could signify abnormal changes found on the cervix).
Depending on your doctor, they might suggest doing a colposcopy or a biopsy to ensure that the abnormal test result is not due to the presence of precancerous cells. If it is due to precancerous cells, the next step might be scheduling a procedure like a LEEP to remove those cells from the cervix. Your gynecologist will know best in regards to formulating a treatment plan that works best for you.
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How often should you be getting a pap smear?
The answer to this question may differ depending on your medical history, but Dr. Howell shares that "generally speaking, about every three years is a good frequency to get one." She also adds that every five years, it is recommended to get an HPV test for the human papillomavirus, which is what leads to cervical cancer.
While Dr. Howell suggests people visit their gynos yearly, pap smear or no pap smear, she says that ultimately your specific gynecologist will be able to tell you how often you should visit and what the plan should be if you do have an abnormal pap test result.
When should we visit the gynecologist and what should we expect?
Although there are some people who prioritize regular checkups, there are others who do not have the privilege of accessible healthcare. There are also folks who might not resort to visits with healthcare professionals unless there is a problem or an issue. Such is the case sometimes with gynecologists. As previously mentioned, Dr. Howell advises women to visit their gynecologist yearly even if they don't have a pap smear or a symptomatic health issue or concern. During those routine wellness checks with your gynos, you are able to get things done like a pelvic exam where they exam the vulva as well as the internal reproductive organs, which includes the cervix. Dr. Howell adds that during these exams, gynecologists usually "do an internal exam, apply manual pressure along the abdomen to see if you have tenderness along the uterine border, and order any other needed tests or measures, like a pelvic ultrasound."
She also shares that even if they don't go through the uncomfortable steps of giving you a pap smear, they will look at the cervix and the vaginal canal. "Think about it like getting an oil change. You gotta pop in there every now and then, especially if you are sexually active. You want to make sure you are staying on top of your pelvic health, your reproductive health, and all of that because we are getting our periods monthly, we are in our reproductive ages, and we still have our uterus that needs to be checked on."
"If we are having a lot of clotting, if we are having a lot of pain with our periods, or having missing periods or irregular periods -- those are things that we want to be updating our gynecologist on, so they can make sure nothing more serious is going on causing those symptoms," Dr. Howell concludes.
At what age should you start getting pap smears?
The most common age to start getting pap smears is 21, but typically when a patient is sexually active, they are advised to start getting pap smears then. Of note, just because you aren't sexually active doesn't mean you shouldn't be getting regular pap smears, especially if you are over the age of 21.
This brings us to our next question and answer...
Should you get a pap smear even if you're not sexually active?
Sometimes, we look at doctor's visits from a lens of reactivity versus proactivity. Such is the case with gyno appointments. Sexual activity and/or vaginal health issues are not a prerequisite for gynecologist visits. But Dr. Howell encourages everyone to see the importance of getting pap smears, and even HPV tests, even if you aren't sexually active. "HPV can be transferred, not just from internal sources [like the penis and vagina] but you can get HPV just from skin-to-skin contact."
She states this to emphasize the point that sex is not the only way to get HPV, which is ultimately what leads to cervical cancer. "You can literally just have someone’s skin who has HPV contact your skin, then you are at risk of getting it. There are HPV cells that live on the vulva, that live on the penis, that live on the groin. There’s also oral HPV," she continues, "You don’t have to have sex to get it. So be aware of that."
HPV can even be transferred from mother to child through the vaginal tract, so children can get it from their mothers if their mothers have it. The bottom line is, just because you aren't sexually active doesn't mean you shouldn't be getting pap smears and regularly testing for HPV.
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How can you advocate for your cervical health in relationships and gyno visits?
If you are sexually active, the number one thing you can do to better support your cervical health is to use protection. Dr. Howell notes that using condoms during sex is "one of the most basic, affordable, and safe ways" to guard the cervix. By practicing safe sex "we are limiting the amount of exposure to bodily fluids and bacteria on someone’s genital skin that can impact our cervix. Exposure to someone’s bodily fluid or [the] skin of someone who has HPV is a common way to become infected. We generally get it from another person."
In instances where women want to feel empowered to go beyond the routine pap smear, Dr. Howell wants you to advocate for your cervical health by doing your research and talking to your doctor openly in order to feel confident and comfortable with your cervical health status.
What are some holistic ways to support your cervical health?
Supporting your cervical health can go beyond regular doctor visits, getting pap smears, and using protection during sex. It also looks like having strong sexual health boundaries overall, as well as making better lifestyle choices. "If our diet is filled with more inflammatory foods than anti-inflammatory foods, then that is not going to necessarily help the cervix. So like processed foods, those things are more inflammatory than fresh foods."
For that reason, Dr. Howell suggests doing things like adding "color to your diet." She goes on to say, "You want to make sure that you are getting more color in your diet from plants, which help us to fight inflammation and fight disease. That’s the whole purpose of food, to nourish our bodies." Speaking of diet, another key to nourishing your cervical health is by decreasing your sugar intake. "When I am saying sugar, I am talking about artificial sugar like the sugar that we are putting in our coffee, or the sugar that is in juice; it’s concentrated into one small cup. Artificial sugar and high amounts of it, have been associated with just more inflammation in the body, which includes the cervix."
In addition to watching the amount of sugar you consume, she suggests observing your vitamin A and vitamin D levels as they are "protective for the cervix." "We are eating every day anyway, so you might as well eat foods that help your body to thrive." And for a beta-carotene-rich food that is accessible as it is nutritious, Dr. Howell looks to carrots and says one carrot a day is enough to assist with vitamin A levels which are necessary for cervical health.
As a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist, Dr. Howell knows the importance of considering the pelvic floor as a way to support the cervix. "Your pelvic floor includes all the muscles that support your cervix and supports your uterus to prevent prolapse. So, checking in on your pelvic floor for pelvic floor symptoms, like urinary leakage, a bulge in the vagina, a 'heaviness' in your vagina, or constipation -- these are things you want to consider in terms of your pelvic floor. Seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist is crucial to helping you overcome those symptoms and take care of your pelvic floor muscles, which are by far the most important muscle group for supporting the position of your cervix and uterus."
For more of Dr. Howell, follow her on Instagram @vaginarehabdoctor.
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Why You Should Strongly Consider Premarital Counseling BEFORE Getting Engaged
It was the social commentator Will Rogers who once said, “All television is children’s television.” What he meant by that is TV has a way of “dumbing you down,” if you’re not careful. He ain’t neva lied either because, y’all, there is truly an endless amount of diabolical foolishness in all mediums of the media these days; especially when it comes to the tube (well, and social media). And so, I must say, for that reason alone, I am grateful for programming like OWN’sFamily or Fiancé.
As a marriage life coach for over 20 years at this point, I’m sure that I’m a little bit biased when I say that I appreciate the overall premise of the show because (if you haven’t seen it) it’s (mostly) about engaged couples, their potential red flags, and their loved ones holding them accountable to those things before they attempt to jump any broom — and boy, if there is something that I wished happened more often, off-screen, it’s exactly that.
That’s not to say that there aren’t times when I find myself hella triggered while watching the program, though. I say that because I literally can’t believe some of the issues that continue to exist (BIG ONES) after someone has proposed and their partner has accepted. Financial drama. Family drama. Distrust. Toxic levels of communication. Sometimes stuff that makes you wonder how and why a couple are friends let alone engaged to one another. SMDH.
Yeah, as I recently said in a podcast interview not too long ago, I really wish that marriage therapists, counselors, and life coaches would normalize recommending premarital counseling to people before anyone puts a ring on someone else’s finger. I say that because, as someone who wholeheartedly believes that there would be a lot less divorces if premarital counseling was so much more thorough than it tends to be, I also think that if two people really pondered if they should even get engaged to begin with…there would be more solid marriages between individuals who are good fits for one another instead of fleeting weddings between two people who really had no idea how deep marriage is.
And so, as unconventional as it may be, today I’m going to make my case for why, anyone who is considering marriage up the pike, should get into premarital counseling BEFORE a ring is bought, anyone gets on one knee and definitely prior to a wedding date being set.
Premarital Counseling Should Not Be Treated Like a Mere Formality
Someone in my world right now is engaged — and I’m not thrilled about it. They are super young, hella broke and there is a lot of drama going on between both sides of their families. When I spoke to the bride-to-be about the importance of getting some premarital counseling, I thought that I was going to throw the phone across the room when she shared with me that they were going to go for “a couple of sessions.” Chile, with all that she shared with me, they need to be in counseling for at least six months (more on that in just a sec) and yet, she said that the pastor that she was speaking with thought that 2-3 meetings would suffice.
Umm…in what world? You can’t even get to the root of why there is so much contention with the family members in a couple of sessions and they have a whole lot more red flags waving than that. And yet, sadly, we’ve gotten so used to premarital counseling being seen and treated as nothing more than a mere formality that it’s not really taken seriously — and that can prevent engaged couples from taking what they are about to get into as seriously as they should as well.
And don’t get me started on how true this is once you’ve already got a ring on your finger because there’s a really big chance that you are going to move forward with your wedding whether counseling goes well or not — if for no other reason than your pride doesn’t want people to know that you called your engagement off (check out “These 12 Women Broke Off Their Engagements. Here's Why.”).
And that is reason #1 why I think that premarital counseling needs to happen before an engagement — because 1) you can take your time because there is no wedding to plan for yet and 2) you don’t have to worry about what you should do about your engagement if you realize you shouldn’t be together…you’re not engaged yet. Moving on.
Premarital Counseling Should Be More than a Couple of Sessions
Clients of mine who have plans to get married can vouch for the fact that if you’re going to work with me, don’t book a first session if you want to get married within a couple of months. Shoot, I tend to spend 5-6 sessions on intimacy alone because it’s important to discuss things like what you were taught about sex, how your first time impacted you, if you are a virgin what inspired the decision, what your expectations of sex are, how religion has influenced your views of sex, how you prioritize sex in a marriage, what you think the purpose of sex actually is — and that’s actually just the tip of the iceberg!
And since there is so much more that comes with being married than just having a healthy sexual dynamic (although that is easily in the top five if you understand the purpose of sex in a marital union), how can three 30-minute sessions even begin to scratch the surface?
Have mercy, y’all, with the divorce rate still hovering somewhere around 50 percent, statistics revealing that couples who engage in premarital counseling are typically able to reduce their chances of ending their future marriage by a little over 30 percent, it’s almost tragic that reportedly only 36 percent of couples go premarital counseling, to begin with.
And if you want to go the distance of what most people vow (which is a promise) during their wedding ceremony of being together until death parts you — how in the world can you prepare for that without getting as deep and detailed as possible about things like: your childhoods; your communication styles; your values; your future plans and goals; your emotional needs; your sexual desires; your vices; your strengths and weaknesses; your expectations; how you handle money; your (potential) deal-breakers; your parenting styles; the baggage that you carry from past relationships; your boundaries with family members and friends; how you plan on dealing with holidays and special days; how you handle disagreements; if your home is going to be traditional or not; if your home is going to have Scriptural standards or not; who is going to clean what; who is going to handle what — need I go on to prove that a couple of sessions simply ain’t gonna cut it? I doubt it.
Premarital Counseling Before Engagement Takes the Pressure Off…to Get Married
Semi-recently, while at a funeral, I ran into a guy who I hadn’t seen in, shoot, at least 15 years. As we were walking to our cars and catching up on our lives, I said, “I have always meant to tell you that you and your ex-fiancé have always been heroes of mine.” They’ve been broken up even longer than the last time I saw him and so, understandably, it took him a minute for him to even get where I was coming from. “Oh, [insert her name here]? Why do you say that?”
My reason is because they actually attended a church in Nashville that does what I believe: that you should participate in premarital counseling before getting engaged. Anyway, although he and his girlfriend actually “passed” the counseling process, they ended up breaking up anyway. I remember, even back then, him saying that after they really considered all that comes with making a marriage work, they came to the conclusion that they weren’t each other’s best complement (check out “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life”). GOOD FOR THEM.
Yep, another reason why I’m a huge fan of premarital counseling happening before getting engaged is because I think that most people will listen better to what is being said to them if they took this approach. They will really stop to consider if they should even go from dating (or boyfriend and girlfriend) to getting engaged — because (and it can’t be said enough) I need everyone to remember that by the time you are someone’s fiancée, all that means is you two are in a season of preparing for your wedding day. Engagement is not about seeing if you need to get married or not. IF YOU DON’T KNOW THAT, YOU DON’T NEED TO BE ENGAGED (YET). AND YES, I AM YELLING THAT.
And if you’re in premarital counseling, not engaged and you see that you would be better off not becoming spouses, then there is no pressure to get married. Because you are not fiancé and fiancée. You are seeing if that should even happen…and it tends to be a lot less stressful to admit that it shouldn’t when you’re not at the point of being officially engaged…yet.
Premarital Counseling Can Save a Lot of Money (in the Long Run)
I have this theory that easily 80 percent of the married couples who ended up getting a divorce, a part of them wanted to call off the wedding the night before. Why didn’t they do it? For the same reasons why some of the members of my own family didn’t (and honestly should’ve and ultimately ended up divorcing anyway): venues were already paid for; dresses were already purchased; deposits were already put down; plane tickets were already bought, family members already have non-refundable investments — in folks’ minds, it’s simply too late to not go through with it.
Listen, if you think that being in a miserable marriage or getting divorced is easier than calling off a wedding, I don’t know who told you that lie. Besides, even if it is a little embarrassing, it actually takes a lot of courage to declare that you respect the covenant and contract of marriage too much to go through it just because you want to avoid feeling uncomfortable for a little while or you don’t want to lose money that you’ve already spent.
And yet — imagine how much this all would totally be a non-issue if you never spent any money in the first place (engagement ring included) because premarital counseling prior to getting engaged revealed to you that there is no need to plan a wedding because either you’re not with the right person or it’s not the right time? The investment in counseling prior to getting married may cost you a grand or so (give or take) and yet it’s still gonna be cheaper than paying for a wedding — one that very possibly shouldn’t be happening in the first place. And that will preach.
Premarital Counseling Should Focus on Different Things than Engagement Counseling
Unpopular (or at least uncommon) opinion: premarital counseling and engagement counseling should be separate. While premarital counseling should be all about figuring out if the person you’re thinking about marrying someday is an ideal fit for you, engagement counseling should be about providing tips and tools to make your wedding planning and newlywed years a smoother transition. Because, although we live in a culture that thinks a lot like my 13-year-old goddaughter does (that there isn’t much of a difference between a boyfriend, fiancé, and husband), people who are dating are not nearly as serious as people who are engaged and people who are engaged are not nearly as serious as people who are married.
Each season of a relationship comes with its own weight of responsibilities and while being in a long-term relationship, you should explore if you and your partner should shift into considering marriage, once you have declared that you are suitable for one another (which is what engagement is about), it’s well past time to be out here trying to figure out if you should get married…now it’s time to figure out how to do it. BIG DIFFERENCE.
So yes, I think it would be a total game-changer, indeed, for more therapists, counselors, and life coaches to encourage premarital counseling (should we get married?) to people who are (seriously) dating and engagement counseling (we need tips for preparing for our wedding and transitioning into becoming newlyweds) to those who are actually engaged.
If steps were taken in this fashion, I definitely think there would be fewer daters wasting each other’s time, more engaged people focusing on what the engagement season is truly all about — and both would take the importance of marriage counseling more seriously and literally as well. Because something else that research reveals is that 90 percent of married couples who attend 90-minute sessions, once a week, for 10 weeks, report that it ended up improving their emotional well-being and 75 percent said that the sessions made them feel more satisfied with their relationship overall.
Counseling does that. Counseling does that.
Just sayin’.
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