At 60 years old, Blair Underwood has never lost "it." It was a thought that came to me frequently as I indulged in the 1-hour listen that was his recent interview with the fellas of Nice & Neat The Podcast. I must admit, for the entire duration, the veteran actor had me utterly entranced.
In episode 124, aptly titled "BLAIR UNDERWOOD," the Three Women star detailed his more-than-30-year career journey, the male heroes who have helped shape who he is in his masculinity, being the "good guy" versus the "bad guy" on screen, and walking into the most recent chapters of his life with an unapologetic demeanor that comes with wisdom and age.
Blair also played coy when asked to rank himself among the quintessential fine 90's Black men like Morris Chestnut and Shemar Moore. "I can't quite answer that. That's not really for me to answer," he said in the podcast. Sure Blair, sure.
The actor has had more than 30 years in the game with his fair share of leading man roles alongside actresses like Jada Pinkett Smith and Julia Roberts has also showcased versatility in villainous turns in his portrayals in films like Madea's Family Reunion and the thriller Just Cause. The duality of the types of complex roles Blair has taken on as an actor can sometimes be so far removed from who he is as a man and how he defines his masculinity.
Blair credited the "male heroes" in his life, like his father, Sidney Poitier, and his pastor for helping him understand what masculinity looked like to him and in turn what he brings to his characters on-screen. "It's not just being strong physically," he said when talking about masculinity. "It's not just being...even 'strong' in a relationship, it's about being able to listen and hear. Hear your partner, hear your family, hear your kids."
Blair also touched on some rumors that started to swirl since his private life had become the talk of public fodder. For much of his time in the public eye, he was married to Desiree DaCosta from 1994 to 2021 when news of their divorce was made public. The couple shared three kids (two sons and a daughter).
A divorce after 30 years can be shocking, but what made the split controversial was Blair's second marriage to his long-time friend Josie Hart that quickly followed. Blair and Josie married on June 24, 2023. When asked how he navigated the divorce from his first wife, Blair revealed, "You know, I've found in life, in this industry, in this business, but especially in marriage that you have to be so often intentional. Be specific, particular, and intentional about what you want to accomplish."
"My ex-wife, at the time of the divorce, what we wanted to accomplish was for us to be in a healthy place, coming through a divorce, and most importantly, our kids would be in a healthy place," he continued.
"So, what was intentional was how we speak to them. Once we had decided that it was time, that our marriage had kind of come to a natural conclusion, and we both agreed that, you know, after 27 -- 30 years together, 27 years of marriage -- it was time."
Blair Underwood and Desiree DaCosta
Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Tyler Perry Studios
Blair shared that he felt the pandemic further punctuated the fact that their marriage had come to an end. He would later detail in the same interview that he felt he and his ex-wife stopped growing together in their marriage in 2012 when he went to New York to do Broadway in A Streetcar Named Desire. The bottom line was, who they were in the present no longer aligned. They were different people.
They decided on the divorce together and then decided how they would tell their kids. Their solution was to write "almost like a script" where each of them handled different aspects of breaking the news of their decision to their kids.
He called it one of the most difficult conversations he has ever had in his life. "These are my children. These are my hearts," he explained. "These are my hearts beating outside of me." He recalled their kids needing time to process before coming back to the table and having another heart-to-heart where they answered questions openly and honestly. Blair said he didn't care about the "tabloid of it all" as much as he cared about his "three human beings" and "the integrity to my ex-wife."
"There was no screwing around, no behind-the-scenes stuff, so I could hold my head high because I honored that relationship and I honored my three kids," he shared.
Blair lightly addressed some of the rumors swirling out there about him and his current wife's relationship, saying, "What everyone else might speculate or think, because my wife now, we've known each other for 43 years. We've been great friends. But you can be great friends... You can be friends without having to cross that line."
Even though Blair admitted that he and his ex-wife were on the same page about getting a divorce, they didn't take the decision lightly. The former couple sought counseling and prayer. "The therapy was about, let's see where God leads us. If there was another answer to stay together, I wanted that answer. If the answer was, it's not meant to stay together, I wanted- that was the answer I got. But we both came to that answer."
Fast-forward to today, Blair was aware of the narrative of him supposedly leaving his ex-wife to get with his best friend but allowed it to just fall off his shoulders. As far as he was concerned, he knew the truth. His kids also knew the truth. His ex-wife knew the truth. And for him, the truth was what mattered most. Not the tabloid rumors.
He also knew the collective disappointment the public might have in him for having a marriage that lasted so long and a marriage that might have been upheld to a certain degree as "goals." But he had to live his life for him, not for the public. "I'm not playing a role. This is my real life," he said.
Blair revealed he had no idea that another marriage would be on the horizon for him, let alone a marriage to his great friend Josie. He was open. "It was her," he stated simply of his revelation. At that point, he had been dating for six months and Josie had been divorced for seven years.
"Four decades of friendship, of family, of understanding each other, you know? We're- she's godmother of my son. I'm the godfather of her daughter. My brother's the godfather of some of her kids. You know, we have nine kids between us so there's history in the friendship. I see her ex with all her kids and the grandkids. You know, we're cool.
"It's taken time and process. But the reason that can be now is because there was such a history before. But most importantly -- and what I do want to say for people to understand this -- most importantly... it was important that I honor everybody in the process. I honor my ex-wife in the marriage and in the divorce. I honor my children. So you can hold your head high when you've done those things."
He repeated his reasoning for getting married so quickly after a divorce, "It was her." He listed more things that revealed her to him as his second wife. She knew him before he was Blair Underwood when the actor was 16 and had no fame. "She knew me and has known me. And I consider our relationship- I categorize it as a 43-year unfinished conversation."
Watch the full episode of the podcast below:
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by John Lamparski/Getty Images
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock