I've come to the conclusion that big dick (and I mean actual big-girthy-dick) is not for everyone. If the dick is too big, I'm running and not in the "home run" hit it sense. But there are living legends out there who speak of riding big dick like the stallion that it is and I have to believe that position, patience, and did I mention "positions" have everything to do with it. Big dick is nawt for the faint of heart but sometimes you meet one that you just can't resist. Because this is so, I reached out to my network of big dick whisperers to find out what positions are best and most comfortable for you to truly take it all in. These were the positions that polled the highest and most pleasurable.
Keep in mind, comfort and pleasure are two subjective measurements so what's for some isn't for all and with that in mind I'll try to add modifications when possible because I'm already scuffing at some of the poor decisions of these people. But I digress and give you the keys to channel the ebbs and flows of big dick energy.
We all know what missionary is, but it must be said that this position catches a bad rap. Mostly because it's the alleged marker of a vanilla sex life and it is pretty vanilla -- nonetheless even vanilla can be spiced up with a topping or two. So I'd much rather view missionary as the base, where one might start but you can stack on to it and, best of all, you can slow stroke in it -- making it ideal for the slow stroke and grind.
Finding this out took me back a bit because I've always been under the impression that this is the one move you want to avoid and I'm still under that impression. But I suppose I wasn't specific in my research -- nowhere did I ask for positions that might minimize pain with a highly hung man. And, it's also very possible that you can control penetration through doggy style by decreasing the amount of ass you're throwing back. Nonetheless, I'm going to alter this as my research shows that it's standing doggy style that will change ya life for the better while getting the good-good.
This position is popular and always pushed as the best way for women to take control of sex and the dick depth they're taking in. It works because you've got the reins up top and can adjust your angles, how far down you're coming, and much more.
Alternatively, try reverse cowgirl for even more resistance on how far you're coming down.
This position is classic for a number of reasons. It can be super intimate or super impersonal, depending on people behind the pose. But it's also a great position for inching your way into deeper penetration and also allows you to resist deeper penetration by clenching your cheeks. Should you take the more intimate approach, which could entail some back kisses and whatnot, it has been shown through research that kisses can decrease pain.
In my experience, the spoon position is perfect because it forces your partner to dole out dick given that the bed puts a bit of friction in your motion. You can start spooning and turn things out to something more exciting once you've adjusted and feel comfortable.
In addition to being mindful of your positioning when dealing with a hung-hung man, you should gloss it up with lube. Please, don't yell at me about you needing nothing because we can all use an assist and lube is that -- lube is your friend. After all, the wetter, the better! So lube it up in order to reduce the friction. And, those are just basic pleasure principles.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
8 Insanely Good Sex Positions That You've Probably Never Heard Of
These 5 Steamy Positions Will Reinvigorate Your Sex Life
6 Oral Sex Positions That'll Elevate You Even When You're On Your Knees
7 Cowgirl Positions That Will Give You The Ride Of Your Life
Featured image by STARZ/Giphy
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images