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Yvonne Orji Shows Us How To Handle A Breakup Like A Boss: "I'm Actually So Happy"
Taylor Hill/WireImage

Yvonne Orji Shows Us How To Handle A Breakup Like A Boss: "I'm Actually So Happy"

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My pastor preached a word last Sunday. Although I've heard the phrase before, we all know church hit a lil' different when you're going through something. He said: "We have to be spiritually mature enough to know that sometimes rejection is really just God's redirection."

What if I told you that job you wanted so badly but didn't get was unable to elevate you to the next level? What if I said the man who you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, but instead broke your heart was really just one stop on the road to your final destination?

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Sometimes we get so caught up in what we think we want that we miss out on what God has waiting for us if we just have a little bit of faith. Sometimes that breakup is key for your breakthrough, but don't take my word for it. Newly single Yvonne Orji says she knows that the best is yet to come.

The actress recently announced her split with former baller bae and Eagles linebacker, Emmanuel Acho, on her podcast Jesus and Jollof. The couple made their relationship Instagram-official last May and had the internet swooning, but sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Yvonne explained to her co-host and author of I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual, Luvvie Ajayi:

"But before you start saying 'O, oh ayaaaa. Nooooo!' Guys, hey. You see me? I'm happy. I'm actually so happy. Luvvie I remember when you called me. Luvvie called me and was like, 'It's okay, you can be mad!' I was like, 'no I'm OK.' 'No, you'll feel it tomorrow.' 'Luvvie, I'm ok!'"

Instead of being curled up on a couch, eating Snickers after their split, the 35-year-old bachelorette had another agenda: Furniture shopping.

"I was like, 'no it really is alright and I'm about to go furniture shopping.' I came back and I was like, 'I got a couch.'"

Yvonne explained that it's much easier to stay grounded during adversity you're anchored in faith. I have to constantly remind myself not to lose sight of God's plan trying to formulate my own. Sometimes separation can mean elevation.

Taylor Hill/WireImage

For the record, Yvonne is still a virgin. She explained that not sharing a spiritual ties is part of what made it that much easier to have an amicable split. Although it's clear she still has love for her ex boo, Yvonne knows that all things work together for her good.

"I just have to say, the reason why I am so good and so happy is because I know how God works. I have seen God's MO so many times, that like in the way that you can be like, 'Aw man, but I thought this was it! I thought this was the one!' God be like, 'Oh that's what you thought? I got the goods for you.'"

This advice can be true for any area of your life you may be anticipating a breakup. Whether it be a job, a friendship, or even an old lifestyle, saying "goodbye" doesn't have to be a sad thing. It means that one day, that ex-boo, ex-job, ex-friend, whoever it is, will find somebody one day that's a perfect fit, and so will you.

Understanding that principle didn't only help Yvonne in her dating life, but it also helped her find her dream home.

Last year, when house hunting, Yvonne came across what she thought was the house of her dreams. After the owner accepted another offer, she was heartbroken. Although she was devastated, she kept her faith, but the Nigerian actress was quickly reminded that sometimes, a mustard seed is all you have. Months went by where the search was unsuccessful before Yvonne and her realtor stumbled upon a home that was even better than the previous, complete with an indoor oasis, pond, and adult swing near the Hollywood Hills.

Are you forfeiting your oasis in the Hollywood Hills because you can't let go of what God already said "no" to? The next time it's time to leave a job, relationship, or situation that no longer serves you, know when it's time to break. And remember that no matter how devastating, that break up won't break YOU. The best is yet to come, sis.

Featured image by Taylor Hill/WireImage

Black Women, We Deserve More

When the NYT posted an article this week about the recent marriage of a Black woman VP of a multi-billion-dollar company and a Black man who took her on a first date at the parking lot of a Popeyes, the reaction on social media was swift and polarizing. The two met on Hinge and had their parking lot rendezvous after he’d canceled their first two dates. When the groom posted a photo from their wedding on social media, he bragged about how he never had “pressure” to take her on “any fancy dates or expensive restaurants.”

It’s worth reading on your own to get the full breadth of all the foolery that transpired. But the Twitter discourse it inspired on what could lead a successful Black woman to accept lower than bare minimum in pursuit of a relationship and marriage, made me think of the years of messaging that Black women receive about how our standards are too high and what we have to “bring to the table” in order to be "worthy" of what society has deemed is the ultimate showing of our worth: a marriage to a man.

That's right, the first pandemic I lived through was not Covid, but the pandemic of the Black male relationship expert. I was young – thirteen to be exact – when Steve Harvey published his best-selling book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Though he was still just a stand-up comedian, oversized suit hoarder, and man on his third marriage at the time, his relationship advice was taken as the gospel truth.

The 2000s were a particularly bleak time to be a single Black woman. Much of the messaging –created by men – that surrounded Black women at the time blamed their desire for a successful career and for a partner that matched their drive and ambition for the lack of romance in their life. Statistics about Black women’s marriageability were always wielded against Black women as evidence of our lack of desirability.

It’s no wonder then that a man that donned a box cut well into the 2000s was able to convince women across the nation to not have sex for the first three months of a relationship. Or that a slew of other Black men had their go at telling Black women that they’re not good enough and why their book, seminar, or show will be the thing that makes them worthy of a Good Man™.

This is how we end up marrying men who cancel twice before taking us on a “date” in the Popeyes parking lot, or husbands writing social media posts about how their Black wife is not “the most beautiful” or “the most intelligent” or the latest season of trauma dumping known as Black Love on OWN.

Now that I’ve reached my late twenties, many things about how Black women approach dating and relationships have changed and many things have remained the same. For many Black women, the idea of chronic singleness is not the threat that it used to be. Wanting romance doesn’t exist in a way that threatens to undermine the other relationships we have with our friends, family, and ourselves as it once did, or at least once was presented to us. There is a version of life many of us are embracing where a man not wanting us, is not the end of what could still be fruitful and vibrant life.

There are still Black women out there however who have yet to unlearn the toxic ideals that have been projected onto us about our worthiness in relation to our intimate lives. I see it all the time online. The absolute humiliation and disrespect some Black women are willing to stomach in the name of being partnered. The hoops that some Black women are willing to jump through just to receive whatever lies beneath the bare minimum.

It's worth remembering that there are different forces at play that gather to make Black women feast off the scraps we are given. A world saturated by colorism, fatphobia, anti-Blackness, ableism, and classism will always punish Black women who demand more for themselves. Dismantling these systems also means divesting from any and everything that makes us question our worth.

Because truth be told, Black women are more than worthy of having a love that is built on mutual respect and admiration. A love that is honey sweet and radiates a light that rivals the sun. A love that is a steadying calming force that doesn’t bring confusion or anxiety. Black women deserve a love that is worthy of the prize that we are.

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Featured image: Getty Images

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