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My pastor preached a word last Sunday. Although I've heard the phrase before, we all know church hit a lil' different when you're going through something. He said: "We have to be spiritually mature enough to know that sometimes rejection is really just God's redirection."
What if I told you that job you wanted so badly but didn't get was unable to elevate you to the next level? What if I said the man who you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, but instead broke your heart was really just one stop on the road to your final destination?
Sometimes we get so caught up in what we think we want that we miss out on what God has waiting for us if we just have a little bit of faith. Sometimes that breakup is key for your
breakthrough
, but don't take my word for it. Newly single Yvonne Orji says she knows that the best is yet to come.
The actress recently announced her split with former baller bae and Eagles linebacker, Emmanuel Acho, on her podcast Jesus and Jollof . The couple made their relationship Instagram-official last May and had the internet swooning, but sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Yvonne explained to her co-host and author of I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual , Luvvie Ajayi :
"But before you start saying 'O, oh ayaaaa. Nooooo!' Guys, hey. You see me? I'm happy. I'm actually so happy. Luvvie I remember when you called me. Luvvie called me and was like, 'It's okay, you can be mad!' I was like, 'no I'm OK.' 'No, you'll feel it tomorrow.' 'Luvvie, I'm ok!'"
Instead of being curled up on a couch, eating Snickers after their split, the 35-year-old bachelorette had another agenda: Furniture shopping.
"I was like, 'no it really is alright and I'm about to go furniture shopping.' I came back and I was like, 'I got a couch.'"
Yvonne explained that it's much easier to stay grounded during adversity you're anchored in faith. I have to constantly remind myself not to lose sight of God's plan trying to formulate my own. Sometimes separation can mean elevation.
Taylor Hill/WireImage
For the record,
Yvonne is still a virgin
. She explained that not sharing a spiritual ties is part of what made it that much easier to have an amicable split. Although it's clear she still has love for her ex boo, Yvonne knows that all things work together for her good.
"I just have to say, the reason why I am so good and so happy is because I know how God works. I have seen God's MO so many times, that like in the way that you can be like, 'Aw man, but I thought this was it! I thought this was the one!' God be like, 'Oh that's what you thought? I got the goods for you.'"
This advice can be true for any area of your life you may be anticipating a breakup. Whether it be a job, a friendship, or even an old lifestyle, saying "goodbye" doesn't have to be a sad thing. It means that one day, that ex-boo, ex-job, ex-friend, whoever it is, will find somebody one day that's a perfect fit, and so will you.
Understanding that principle didn't only help Yvonne in her dating life, but it also helped her find her dream home.
Last year, when house hunting, Yvonne came across what she thought was the house of her dreams. After the owner accepted another offer, she was heartbroken. Although she was devastated, she kept her faith, but the Nigerian actress was quickly reminded that sometimes, a mustard seed is all you have. Months went by where the search was unsuccessful before Yvonne and her realtor stumbled upon a home that was even better than the previous, complete with an indoor oasis, pond, and adult swing near the Hollywood Hills.
Are you forfeiting your oasis in the Hollywood Hills because you can't let go of what God already said "no" to? The next time it's time to leave a job, relationship, or situation that no longer serves you, know when it's time to break. And remember that no matter how devastating, that break up won't break YOU. The best is yet to come, sis.
Featured image by Taylor Hill/WireImage
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In a xoNecole exclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause , marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression , anxiety , like all of it, mental health challenges , all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry ’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy . If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures , and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood , her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff , which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You , which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
When I came across a way to maximize the pleasure I receive from cunnilingus (already), I had no choice but to tap in. Who knew the key to taking oral sex to new heights was giving it a sideways twist? For those of you who might also be interested in ways to spice up the way you do oral , experience faster and stronger orgasms , or simply want to indulge in something new with your partner, the Kivin Method could definitely be the oral sex technique for you, too.
Keep reading to learn about the method that is sure to have you writhing in ecstasy in no time at all.
What Is The Kivin Method?
For the uninitiated, the Kivin Method is an oral sex technique that focuses on stimulating the clitoris from a different angle. Dubbed “ sideways oral ” by some, this method involves the action of giving head from a side-to-side movement as opposed to the up-and-down motion that people typically perform when giving head . ( If you need a visual, this illustration is helpful. )
The difference in approach as you’re receiving head can be a game-changer in how you receive pleasure. Not only does the giving partner have access to the clitoris , but they can also access more easily the vulva and the labia , which are objectively a bigger focus in this version of cunnilingus . More access means wider coverage, and that, plus the new sensation of oral from a different angle, can heighten the way you experience oral sex that much more.
Where more pleasure flows, intense orgasms are sure to follow.
Getty Images
How To Do The Kivin Method
If you want to know how to do the Kivin Method, it’s actually pretty straightforward. The receiver lays on their back while the giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver. Their head will be facing the vulva , but instead of vertical, their face will be horizontal to the vulva .
From there, the giver can get to business, ensuring that they keep their head perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva while working on their craft. Because this technique can be more intense for some receivers, start slowly by stroking the vulva and clitoris sideways with the tongue, and allow sensations and communication from the receiver to be a guide of what you need more or less of with the Kivin Method.
Ultimately, the Kivin Method allows experimentation and unlocking what pressure, rhythm, and tricks work best for the giver and the receiver. Try implementing a finger or two, or adding a sex toy to the mix to intensify the act even further.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images
