In the immortal words of Beyonce, hey all my single ladies!
If you're looking for love while you work on securing the bag, this read will give you divine tips on how to secure your soulmate in 2018 based on your zodiac sign. In honor of the month of love, we are providing you with the secrets to attracting the love you deserve.
The love you've been waiting for might be closer than you think. Click through the gallery below to learn what the stars have in store for your love life this year, according to your zodiac sign.
1.Aries
Aries, indecision due to steep expectations and wanting to be in ultimate control will not lead you to finding the love of your life. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, and no one is perfect. Sometimes Aries will get stuck in between a rock and a hard place when it comes to love because of being unable to just go with the flow and let the cards fall where they may. I know you are a spit-fire when it comes to love, but you must allow the potential "one" to shower you with genuine love and passion. You may want to soar in love with the right person, but sometimes you have to let yourself fall into it.
Let down your guard and your soulmate will be there to catch you.
2.Taurus
The power in finding the one for Taurus lies in manifestation and affirmation. The one will come when you least expect it this year, if you set the right intention.
You are the magician in your world and you can speak this divine love into existence.
When you find this person, you won't have to play hard to get because this man or woman will be the partner you've been praying for. The power of the mind is not a joke, and the power of the heart is even stronger. Manifest through both mind and heart, and you will conjure your soulmate this year.
3.Gemini
Gemini, you might be holding onto someone you've been wanting for a long time, but he or she is not the one. If you can dissolve your lust for this person who is not for you, the right person will come along before you know it.
You have to allow emotional space for true love to come in.
If you are afraid to lose something that you know is less than what you deserve, you may miss out on the one that is made just for you. You deserve more, and you deserve reciprocation in love. Open yourself up to receive it.
4.Cancer
The one for you will be able to provide for you financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Stop entertaining people who only check 1 or 2 of 3 of those requirements because it feels good in the moment.
Affirm that your soulmate will check all the boxes, and not just the emotional or sexual ones.
Once you set these intentions, your soulmate will be delivered to you in a fairytale-like manner.
5.Leo
Leo, you have to get out there and be social. You will never meet the one staying home watching romance movies on Netflix, and apps like Tinder might not be the way to go.
You must be willing to get out of your comfort zone and expand your circle of prospects.
Travel, go to new places, and try new things. You will meet the right person if you put yourself out there. Stay away from bars and nightlife. Try speed dating, or look for a meetup with people who are into the same things as you.
6.Virgo
Virgo, you may often find yourself in fleeting relationships that run out of steam because you are in love with the idea of being in love. If you find yourself in one relationship after the next, ask yourself why the passion fizzles out so quickly.
In order to find "the one," you may need to cut off all your prospects that you are dating just for the sake of dating them.
Build up your self-control when it comes to wanting to date frivolously. Focus on your career and purpose and the one you will never lose a buzz for will come buzzing along.
7.Libra
Libra, you are a very independent and proud woman who wants and deserves the best...but you might be falling for partners who are flashy and present themselves as wealthy or worldly, but they may be superficial or egotistical. You may fall for the charmer who appears to be outwardly successful, but comes with baggage and emotional wounds that they expect you to mend. The one for you won't be a fly-by-night person and will show a level of emotional maturity that you're not used to.
"The one" will humbly show that he or she has sacrificed to get where they are, and that is the type of character you really need in a soulmate.
8.Scorpio
Scorpio, you tend to be a heartbreaker because of your alluring aura. You jump into relationships very quickly, and don't give the bond a substantial enough time to form a long-lasting and sturdy foundation before you bounce.
To find your soulmate in 2018, take your time.
Get to know anyone new fully. Pick their brain and create a deeper spiritual connection. Date someone who is spiritually aligned, creative, and free-spirited. This person is most likely to be the one for you.
9.Sagittarius
Sag, you may have some unresolved feelings attached to a past love that is energetically blocking "the one" from entering your life. If you compare a new prospect to an ex, then this person is not the one.
"The one" will have you saying, "ex, who?"
Listening to your inner wisdom, and gut feelings will lead you to your soulmate, but you have to completely cut the cord to any old flames. Learn from your past mistakes, and lessons in love, and leave the past in the past where it belongs.
10.Capricorn
It is likely that you find the one in a professional setting. Whether it's someone at the office, or at a networking event in your field, your soulmate will love how you take charge, lead, and are all about securing the bag. You may even work with this person in a professional way.
Don't be afraid to explore this option...just keep it professional and separate business from pleasure.
You may even meet this person in a place of business. So the next time you go to the bank and the teller is fine and doesn't have on a ring, give them your business card, wink, smile, then strut away.
11.Aquarius
In order for you to find the one, you actually have to make an effort to find him or her. They will not magically show up at your front door and you won't find them hiding underneath your bed. If you have been dating the same type of person, that is one of your problems right there.
"The one" will excite you and leave you enticed and wanting more.
He or she will break all of the rules, but you will be drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Take a walk on the wild side...that is where "the one" will be waiting.
12.Pisces
It seems like there is some kind of healing that needs to take place for many of the single Pisces out there. There is an energy of a "rite of passage," that must be taken before finding "the one."
Indulge in self-love and healing.
We all have energy that is exchanged when dating, and if there is any deficiency within the self, it will most definitely transpire through an ill-fated or karmic relationship. Once you fill any voids left in your heart and spirit, "the one" will come knocking on your door.
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One more thing? You’ve got to accept the fact that, just because they chose you and love you, that doesn’t mean that they should be expected to always agree with you or even not challenge you — and because that is the case, sometimes some communication issues are going to arise, whether it’s in the form of an argument or…something a bit less stressful.
And since that is indeed the case, it’s important to know what you can (and possibly should) do when those moments arise — for the sake of you and your partner’s sanity and your relationship’s overall health and well-being. So, are you ready to get a few tips on how to communicate more peacefully and effectively with your partner?
Read on.
Argument, Debate, or Discussion? Learn the Difference
Is It an Argument, a Debate or a Discussion?
GiphyOkay, so let me start off this article by saying that if you are a parent of young children, one of the best things that you can do for them is put an emotional chart up in their rooms (like this one here). The reason why I say that is because I work with a lot of adults who really struggle with communicating with their partner and, the surprising reason why is because, they don’t know how to properly and/or thoroughly express their feelings — and it’s because they don’t know which words to use.
I’m not kidding either. Sometimes, you’re not mad at your partner; you’re confused by their actions. Sometimes, you’re not tired of the relationship; you’re bored. Sometimes, you’re not worried; you’re nervous — and because these different words weren’t expressed and emphasized enough, while you were growing up, you don’t use them as much (or as well) as you probably should now. And that causes you to misuse words as well as put the wrong amount of energy into them — when they aren’t really the ones that you were actually trying to convey to begin with.
And along these lines, the same thing goes for an argument vs. a debate vs. a discussion. When you are exchanging the type of dialogue with your partner that might not be as pleasant as you would like, before automatically saying that the two of you are “arguing with each other” — is that actually the case?
Argument: an oral disagreement; verbal opposition; contention; altercation
Debate: a discussion, as of a public question in an assembly, involving opposing viewpoints; to deliberate; consider
Discussion: an act or instance of discussing; consideration or examination by argument, comment, etc., especially to explore solutions; informal debate
Ah…do you already see where this is headed? If every time that you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on something, you automatically call it an “argument,” by definition of that word, you are bringing contention into the space…when it may not be an argument at all.
So yeah, when it comes to learning how to get through certain conversations with your partner, first ask yourself if the two of you are verbally sparring (an argument), if the two if you as simply sharing opposing viewpoints (a debate) or if the two of you are actually having a discussion where you are exploring solutions to a problem (a discussion) — and you simply haven’t come to a common ground on what the solution should be…yet?
Next point.
Before You React, Ask Yourself This One Question:
What Exactly Are You Trying to Accomplish?
GiphyI recently watched an Instagram post which basically said that once you reach the age of 45, you will find yourself saying, “Okay” to just about anything and everything. She wasn’t saying it from the angle of being a doormat — she was saying that you start to value your time and energy too much to go back and forth with folks.
Although I get her overall point, “Okay-ing” ish is pretty passive aggressive, so if you’re one of those people, I recommend that you try and find another approach. However, what I will say is a good takeaway from what she was sharing is, when you are disagreeing with someone, before getting too mentally and emotionally invested in the disagreement itself, ask yourself what you ultimately want to accomplish first.
Hmph. This makes me think of one of my former boyfriend’s family. Boy, talk about a group of know-it-alls. It was wild how they seemed to think that they had the solutions for everything and everybody when so much of their lives were pure chaos — and while I used to get sucked in by trying to prove that they weren’t the only people with an I.Q. in the triple digits, after a while, I got to the point of “What’s the point?” I’m not going to win prize money if I out-debate them and besides, they were so arrogantly addicted to being right that they would consistently “move the bar,” just so they wouldn’t have to admit when they were wrong.
And so, since their goal wasn’t to learn and evolve but to merely teach and patronize (more “B” than “A”), I finally came to the conclusion that it was best for my sanity and well-being to simply tap out. Let them go back and forth, for hours on end, with each other…for nothing…if they wanted to.
And yes, that is the next thing that you have to ask yourself when it comes to the argument or debate or discussion that you are having with your partner: what are you ultimately wanting to accomplish? Is it clarity? Is it a resolve? Is it harmony? Or are you like that family I just mentioned and you simply want to be right…even if none of those other things come as a result of doing so?
Peep the title of this piece again. You know, some people can’t let stuff go between them and other individuals because their ego won’t let them. When it comes to the topic for today, that is certainly worth pondering. Long and hard.
Ask More Questions, Make Fewer Accusations
Did You Ask More Questions or Make More Statements?
GiphyWhen it comes to effectively communicating with your partner, I will forever die on the hill that you are going to get way more accomplished if you ask questions more than you make statements. For one thing, questions give them the impression that you want to learn more in order to cultivate peace and understanding while making statements can oftentimes come off as being accusatory, as if you have all of the answers and/or like you are the only one who has needs, feelings and even facts when it comes to whatever you and your partner are talking about.
Not only that but questions tend to disarm people from going on the defensive. Just think about it: Do you think that you are going to get more from your partner if you say, “You are always trying to get the last word!” or if you ask, “Why does it seem like your walls go up when we have these types of conversations? What are you needing in this moment?”
It’s a man by the name of James Stephens who once said, “We get wise by asking questions.” Wise people self-regulate. Wise people empathize. Wise people always want to learn more. Wise people are self-aware and can self-reflect. Wise people know how to listen. If you want to walk away from the conversation being all the wiser, resolve to not have all of the answers. Ask some questions along the way.
Listening Is a Love Language Too
Did You Actually LISTEN?
GiphyWise people listen — and y’all, listening is something that really is on the endangered species list. SMDH. How do you know if you are a good listener? Well, you can start by asking your partner to hear their thoughts on the matter (straight up).
Beyond that, though — good listeners don’t cut people off while they are speaking; good listeners are aware of their body language while interacting with others (check out “15 Relational Body Language Cues You Definitely Shouldn't Ignore”); good listeners listen to comprehend not to immediately respond; good listeners respect that everyone is not like them (nor are they supposed to be) and so they get that they may be hearing totally different opinions and perspectives; good listeners are humble.
Good listeners are open-minded; good listeners respect who they are engaging with enough to not let other things distract them in the process; good listeners respond more than they react; good listeners are perfectly fine not getting the last word (because when you know the value of your words, you don’t need to get the last one), and good listeners want to take something beneficial away from the conversation once it is actually over.
Argument, debate or discussion — imagine how much smoother things would go if both people said, “Wait — before this goes any further, can we simply agree to listen to each other?” and then actually do it? I’d probably lose a third of my clients on this alone, chile. Straight up.
Empathy Is the Shortcut to Resolution
Have You Put Yourself in Their Shoes?
GiphyEven though I know the data, sometimes it’s hard for even me to believe that only 10-15 percent of marriages are sexless (which constitutes to having sex no more than 10-15 times a year). I say that because, easily, 60 percent of my clients have sex-related issues within their relationship.
Currently, I’m dealing with a couple who is working through infidelity. The husband cheated after not having sex with his wife for 13 months because — and these are her words — she wasn’t in the mood. No health issues. No serious marital woes. Sex simply wasn’t a priority to her. Hmph. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times that even Scripture backs that sex is a responsibility in marriage not just something to do (check I Corinthians 7:5) — and so, what I’ve been trying to get her to see is while she didn’t deserve to be cheated on (of course not), he didn’t deserve to be in a marriage where there was no intimacy either. Every action — or non-action — has a reaction. We learned that in what — middle school?
When the issue was initially brought to me, all she could think about was her feelings. As we’ve been working on the concept of empathy, though, some accountability and healing have been taking place. Because for all of you who just read what I said and only thought about what he did — how would YOU feel if your spouse turned you down for over a year straight? Yeah…exactly.
Unless you’re in an abusive situation (which would require a different article entirely), pretty much anything that you and your partner are going through can be de-escalated if you both put forth the concerted effort and energy to simply EMPATHIZE with one another. With that in mind, please stop trying to only get them to see things your way; be open to looking at things from how they see matters as well.
Even if it doesn’t cause you to come to a full agreement, it will still help you to better understand where they are coming from. That way, if the two of you are committed to finding some sort of resolve, you can do it from a place of identifying matters from both perspectives while gaining clear insight from one another too.
Do You Want to Be Right or in a Healthy Relationship?
Know That a Resolution and a Win Are Not Exactly or Automatically the Same Thing
GiphyI went to a private high school that didn’t have a forensics team. Boy, if they did, I sho ‘nuf would’ve been on it, though because Shellie likes to debate (although the older I get, the less I do it). I did have friends who were on teams at their school, though and you can tell because, to this day, they still want to talk to win. LOL. I mean, for the most part, no harm, no foul.
However, when you’re in a relationship, if all you want to do is “win the conversation,” that’s probably not going to be holistically beneficial in the long run. This actually takes me back to something that Dr. Phil used to ask his guests back when his show first aired: “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” — and because I personally think that it’s kind of immature to expect to be happy all of the time (does working out always make you happy? You still need to do it, right?), the word I would use in its place is HEALTHY: when it comes to the argument, debate or discussion that you’re having with your partner, do you ultimately want to be right or do you want the relationship to be healthy?
If the answer is “B,” this means that the goal needs to be that the two of you find a resolution over one of you merely winning — and a great definition for resolution is “a solution, accommodation, or settling of a problem, controversy, etc.” A resolution is a solution andsolutions-oriented people? They are patient. They are creative. They are positive thinkers. They don’t choose to deflect, avoid accountability or make excuses or justifications.They are are flexible and adaptable too.
Because whether the conversation is about finances, household responsibilities or intimacy issues — at the end of the day, a solutions-oriented person doesn’t want to “win the conversation;” what they want, more than anything, is holistic and mutual peace…as soon as humanly possible too.
Don’t Say You’re Letting Go If You’re Not
If You Say You’re Going to Let It Go and Don’t…You Lied
GiphyListen, only a completely delusional individual thinks that relationships should never have conflict; of course, they will because we’re not toy soldiers, we are individuals. At the same time, they don’t have to be traumatic whenever they do go down.
Respect each other’s individuality. Be mutually committed to finding a resolve. Always prioritize peace above just about everything else — and you will be able to “relax, relate and release” in your home.
Yes, even after an argument, debate or discussion has transpired (and not five days later either…but we’ll deal with how to release a grudge at another time). Selah and amen.
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