Being an introvert is a beautiful thing. (In fact, research shows that many people have introverted traits or habits even if they're self-proclaimed extroverts, and that some inversion habits are good for everyone.) According to the American Psychological Association, introversion is a "broad personality trait" in which a person tends to be, for the most part, "more withdrawn, retiring, reserved, quiet, and deliberate," and people with this trait prefer to "work independently". So when it comes to the worst jobs for introverts, candidates must consider what might be a good fit based on this personality trait.
There are apparently four types of introverts (anxious, restrained, social, and thinking), so while the following jobs are totally broad and general suggestions, there are always exceptions to the rules.
Nevertheless, check out 10 worst jobs that introverts might find utterly unbearable and a waste of their specialized talents. (And don't worry. We offer a few related options that might be a better fit for introverts as well):
Sales Executive, Associate, or Manager
Since this typically requires quite a bit of social interaction (even if done virtually or via phone), this is often touted as not ideal for the introverted among us. Sales professionals also are often tasked with corresponding with customers or clients, and depending on the company or industry, the frequency can go from moderate to high. They also must find new clients or leads, make cold calls, cultivate relationships through meetings or lunches, or launch campaigns that require working with multiple teams.
Patient-Focused Healthcare Professional
Working as a doctor or nurse in a hospital, for example, often includes multiple instances where you'd have to talk with, relate to, and help in the healing process of a diverse community of not only patients, but other doctors and nurses, especially in environments like ER or maternity. For introverts, this field is not totally off-limits though, as experts say jobs like independent therapist, psychologist, medical researcher, home-care nurse, or medical tech are great because you can work one-on-one with a limited amount of patients, set your own hours, and be independent of teams or large groups. You can also enjoy a work environment that be a lot quieter and less hectic than that of a large office, clinic or hospice facility.
Politician or Community Activist
Even in today's pandemic environment, politicians, activists and community organizers have to engage with their supporters and build support from others to get their jobs done. There may be a bit of hand-shaking, marching, and private in-person meetings required, along with the virtual town halls, Zoom conferences, and roundtables. As an introvert, you can still find other great jobs in this arena, like social media manager, campaign consultant, pollster, graphic designer, or media strategist.
Again, being a teacher is another job that depends on the nature of the work. Lecturers or teachers who must creatively interact with elementary-, middle- or high school-aged children lean more toward extroverted traits, and there has been a trend of introverted teachers burning out. There can also be requirements to participate in group work and collaborative teaching, which many introverts, by definition, will find draining. However, some teaching positions are well-suited for introverts such as working for a school that only offers online courses, one-on-one or small group lecturing, or being your own boss and creating online courses for download.
Constantly having to manage the success of an event—especially weddings, baby showers, and festivals—can take a lot out of someone who prefers solo work where there aren't a lot of opinions and energies to deal with. Even virtual events include the responsibility of catering to multiple personalities and meeting several goals all at once, and there can be a lot of moving parts to deal with in launching an event. Again, tech or entrepreneurial services that complement this position are best for introverts, and there are even companies that offer event-in-a-box options or party kits.
Retail Associate or Manager
This often involves elements of sales and customer service that might not be a great fit for someone who really doesn't prefer to constantly exert themselves to ensure customer happiness. Also, addressing problems with orders, working with other associates to meet customer demands, and handling inventory or vendor issues is oftentimes a norm in these sorts of jobs. A good option if you're still into retail but don't want to deal with too many of the extrovert-focused aspects of it: Find a good work-from-home customer service gig, sell your own wares via Etsy or Shopify to a niche audience or, again, try offering complementary services where you can make your own hours and work remotely.
Food Service Associate or Manager
You'll often be face-to-face with customers—some not so nice, and some a bit too picky for your tolerance—and you'll more than likely be working in teams, whether via a service line, kitchen, or cashier lane, which puts you even more in the line of exposure to customers and other workers. This job is typically considered essential and is best suited for workers who love serving and interacting with the public. They are often tasked with being on their feet around groups of people—even if those groups are bit smaller due to the pandemic. A better option for an introvert is to consider the type of food service or company you're looking to work for, such as a bakery— which might cater to a smaller population, have a smaller team, or even allow you to work alone to create your own goodies for sale—or a coffee shop, which might be quieter and have a more easy-going culture. Also consider going out on your own and being a personal chef for one family or choosing the clients you prepare foods for.
You'd think shoveling out pills would be something an introvert might like, but let's not forget that more than 65% of the U.S. adult population uses prescription drugs, so you will definitely be dealing with a high volume of in-person interactions, even if behind a plexiglass barrier. Pharmacists do more than just administering medicine, and they are often required to work on their feet, offer advice related to medicine, deal with insurance companies, and coordinate with teams. If interested in this field as an introvert, there are options such as mail-order or remote order entry pharmacist.
Real Estate Agent
Buying or renting a home is a major decision for many, and as a real estate agent you'll be charged with navigating not only the financial side of it all but the personal and emotional side as well. You'll also have to personally connect with prospective buyers, sellers, lessee, and leasers in order to see sustainable success in this role, and there's quite a bit of teamwork involved as well. If you're into real estate as an introvert, you might find better success offering complementary services like interior design (for staging or buyers and leasers who want to decorate their new spot) or pursuing tech jobs like app-building, social media management, Website design, or IT for a real estate company. You could also look into managing an Airbnb where you would work remote and have more control over what clients you interact with along with when and how much you interact with them.
Law Enforcement Officer
Lately we've all seen the ugly and horrible side of law enforcement in the form of police brutality and unlawful atrocities, and we all know that this is a job that often involves a great deal of person-to-person contact. Even the culture of working in law enforcement involves partnering up, working on cases with others, and following key protocols that involve multiple departments related to criminal justice, public management, and legal systems. These jobs might also entail working in spaces with large populations such such as jails, prisons, youth centers, schools, courts, and other state and local offices. If you're an introvert who would like to work within law enforcement, jobs like cyber security specialist, fraud investigator, lab technician, security specialist, criminal analyst, hand-writing examiner, or animal control professional might be a better fit.
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7 Sex-Related Problems That Ruin Sex (And Possibly Your Relationship)
Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me to define one of the main purposes of sex in a long-term relationship: “Probably the most intimate form of communication that we have is sex because it’s an act that connects one’s physical, mental and emotional state to another human being simultaneously — and communication doesn’t get much more profound than that.”
That’s part of the reason why the term “casual sex” irks me to the billionth degree (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”); it’s because, even if you think that sex with someone is next-to-nothing, there is so much going on within you (oxytocin highs, if you’re unprotected, fluid bonding, chemical reactions in your brain, etc.) that doesn’t know if someone is “the one” (in your mind) or not. So, in many ways, it acts like they are (check out this YouTube video from a Catholic woman who studies some unexpected ways that sex affects us physically here; sex goes deep, y’all!).
Yeah, sex is so much more than a notion, and that’s why I’m a firm believer that it is such a barometer for long-term relationships overall — because, as I’ve shared before, I once read that, “Good sex in a relationship is 10 percent of the relationship while bad sex in a relationship is 90 percent of the relationship because sex tends to set the tone for what’s happening in the rest of the house.”
And that’s why I think that there are certain sex-related issues that can not only damage your sex life with your partner but could also end up ruining your relationship if you’re not careful (very careful). Let’s get into seven of them now.
1. Being Unaware of Your “Body Clock”Giphy
I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had who’ve come to me in some serious trouble, in part due to their flailing (or partly nonexistent) sex life. When I ask them if they went to premarital counseling (if you’re engaged, please do; you have a 33 percent greater chance of avoiding divorce when counseling transpires), many say “no” and the ones who say “yes” usually say that it was no more than 3-5 sessions and the topic of sex barely came up (le sigh). Meanwhile, with my premarital meetings, I try and stick with intimacy for three months if I can because there is a lot to unpack, from what you learned as a child, to your first time (or if you are a virgin), to your needs and fantasies, to how you see it from a spiritual perspective — like I said, there is a lot to unpack there.
Take the mere practicality of sex, for example — and more specifically, your body clock. Do you prefer to have sex at night or in the daytime? A lot of couples struggle with intimacy because one prefers the former while the other likes the latter. Do you keep track of when you’re ovulating? It’s pure science why you are probably hornier during that time of the month (because your body is signaling that it’s time to conceive) vs. the fact that you might not be the most interested in sex when you’re PMS’ing. Are you premenopausal? Hormones shift a lot during that time, and here’s the thing — while menopause only lasts a year, the premenopausal stage (which typically starts between 45-55) can last between 7-14 years. Even paying attention to when you have more energy (some do in the day…morning sex, anyone? While others do early in the evening) can play a role.
So yeah, getting to know your body clock (and discussing your partner’s clock with them) can play a role in how much — or how little — sex you have…and that can add life or drain it from the relationship overall.
2. Comparing Your Present with Your PastGiphy
There is a wife of almost 20 years I know who, when I asked her if she thought that her husband was good in bed, she paused for a second, shrugged her shoulders, and simply said, “I was a virgin when I got married, so I have nothing to compare him to. I mean, he’s good to me.” On the flip side, there’s a now divorced couple who I also know (who almost made it to 20 years) who had multiple partners before each other while also having a deep interest in porn who once said to me, “Sometimes, there’s as much as 15 people in our bed because of all of the people from our past and the porn that we’ve seen that’s running through our heads.” Yeah, y’all can act like body counts don’t matter, but there is so much evidence out here that says otherwise — that couple just gave one that doesn’t get talked about as much as it should.
You know, one of my favorite throwback shows is King of Queens (Kevin James, Leah Remini). A few weeks ago, I watched a rerun where Doug and Carrie were talking about the images that come up in their minds, sometimes during sex. Neither was too happy about it, and I can totally see why. I mean, if sex was just about “getting off” (and it’s not), then whatever. However, AGAIN, it’s also about connecting with your partner on a mental and emotional level, and that’s hard to do if you’re there with them in the body while you’re fantasizing about a celebrity, a porn actor (porn is usually acting, don’t let it fool you) or an ex (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”).
And what if that is what’s going on? I once spoke with a sex therapist about this very thing. What she said is people should be less concerned about celebs (if it’s on occasion) and more concerned about that ex because rarely is sex with an ex…just about the sex.
And that’s why this point made the list. If you’re physically with your partner and mentally or emotionally with your ex at the same time, please don’t ignore that. There are definitely some unresolved issues there that you need to work through, whether it’s with a therapist, counselor, or coach, a trusted friend (who won’t add fuel to the literal fire), or even with your ex — although you might want to run that by your partner first because…I’m pretty sure you’d want him to do that with/for you. RIGHT?
3. Not Being Clear About Your Sexual NeedsGiphy
Question — if someone were to walk up to you right now and ask you what your top seven sexual needs are, along with what your top five sexual dealbreakers are, would you be able to answer? It really is kind of wild how many people get upset with their partner for not being able to sexually satisfy them when even they can’t articulate what they need/require in order for that to happen. Yeah, it’s another article for another time about how many people UNREALISTICALLY (and yes, I am yelling it) think that someone loving them well means that they should be able to read their mind. Nope.
It truly can’t be said enough that sex — especially good sex — is about communication. Hmph. It makes me think about a clip that I saw from Tonight’s Conversation podcast (can’t find it at the moment; sorry) where a woman asked how she should tell her partner that he hasn’t been pleasing her, I believe she said for years. My first thought was if he doesn’t know that, she must be faking orgasms (more on that in a bit) which is not only lying — well, it is —, but it’s also pretty counterproductive because while he thinks that he’s “getting the job done,” she’s not fulfilled and resentment is setting in.
Please don’t let rom-coms (fiction) and social media (which is oftentimes fictitious) have you out here thinking that a good lover is someone you automatically gel with who knows exactly what to do; sometimes that is the case, and oftentimes it isn’t.
So, if the sex-related issue that you’re having in your relationship is that your sexual needs aren’t being met, first do you (and your partner) a favor by doing some sex journaling (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”) so that you can tangibly see what those needs are and then plan time within the next week or so to pour a couple of glasses of wine, put on some 90s R&B and discuss with your partner what you need. Because actually, what a good lover is, is someone who listens and retains. This brings me to the next point.
4. Minimizing Your Partner’s Sexual NeedsGiphy
A husband once told that when he and his wife were in premarital counseling, something that he mentioned was a bona fide need was fellatio. According to him, his wife told both him and their counselor that she loved giving head. Fast forward to eight years of being in their union, and guess how many times that act went down? A measly four. FOUR TIMES (check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?”).
It’s another message for another time, the amount of people who will “false advertise” during the dating stage in order to get to their goal of marriage. It’s also another message for another time how much that is a form of manipulation that tends to backfire in ways that the manipulator is oftentimes not prepared for.
For now, what I will say, is never think that just because something may not be a need for you that it isn’t a legitimate one for someone else. I mean, how would you feel if that’s how someone treated you? Yeah…exactly.
Yet that is just what happens in a lot of relationships, including when it comes to their bedroom. They will think that their needs should be met, hands down, yet when their partner comes with what’s important to them, all of a sudden, there is dismissiveness, nonchalance, and/or excuses — and how could that not rear its ugly head on so many levels?
Your partner’s sexual needs are essential, even if they are not your own. Never assume that you automatically know everything about them. Also, never assume that what worked two years ago is what will “scratch the itch” now. Hmph. Come to think of it, while you’re sipping on that wine and clearly articulating to him what turns you on, use that as an opportunity to ask him to return the favor. Listen with humility, receptiveness, and intent — the best kind of relationships process their partner’s needs with this kind of vibe…across the board.
5. Taking the “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It” ApproachGiphy
Lazy lovers. When you hear that phrase, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? If it’s someone who is just lying there during sex, that would certainly qualify; however, I’m actually speaking of a different kind of laziness here. Believe it or not, some synonyms for lazy include words like apathetic, inattentive, tired, passive (cough, cough), procrastinating, neglectful, and slacking. So yeah, if you and/or your partner can use any of these words to define what sex is consistently like between the two of you — red flag, red flag…RED FREAKIN’ FLAG.
Speaking of being passive, another potentially serious sex-related problem is taking on the attitude that if something ain’t broke, you shouldn’t fix it. What I mean by that is, just because you know that getting on top and riding for exactly six-and-a-half minutes is what will get your partner off, that doesn’t mean that it should be your automatic go-to all of the damn time.
Why? Because. While a part of the fun of having sex is “reaching the peak,” another component that should never be underestimated is discovering new territory: trying new positions, creating a sex bucket list, taking (more) sexcations, playing sex-themed board games (put that phrase in Amazon or on Etsy’s site and go ham!)…you know, doing what will inspire creativity and deter either of you from becoming bored.
That said, a husband of 17 years once told me, “A man can be satisfied with the same woman. We just don’t want the same kind of sex with her.” Words to live by. Yes, indeed.
6. Using Sex as a Deflection or Coping MechanismGiphy
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good” — and with good cause. Words cannot express how many divorced (or soon-to-be divorced) women have told me that a part of what kept them in their marriage, for as long as they stayed in it, was the fact that the sex with their husband was beyond amazing…even though so much other stuff completely and totally sucked. Hey, good sex isn’t a bad thing (c’mon now); however, if it’s the only real thing that’s keeping you with someone, it can turn out to be a toxic deflector.
The reason why I say that is the purpose of sex isn’t to make love; it’s to celebrate it. And if all you’re doing with your partner is f — king and fighting or avoiding issues by stripping down or thinking that sex will “make it all better,” all the while not really knowing what the problem/issue is or what needs to be done to get down to the root of it, that is using sex as a pacifier and again, that’s not what sex is designed to be. Sex doesn’t deserve the pressure of being the end-all to “fixing” ish.
So, if what’s transpiring in your relationship lately is very little talking and a whole lot of sexing, and then once the sex is over, something still feels “off,” that’s a good indication that you’re misusing sex on some level. Get out of the bed, put on a robe, and do some talking (preferably in a room other than the bedroom; leave that space for sex and sleep only as much as possible). Because remember — as much as the wives that I mentioned said that their husbands once had them climbing the walls, those men are still ex-husbands now. Bottom line, sex is good, yet when it comes to keeping a relationship together, it will never be enough. Again, it was never designed to be.
7. Faking ItGiphy
I will never be a fan of faking orgasms. Maybe it’s because I’m a Gemini (we may be a lot of things, but “fake” isn’t really our style). Maybe it’s because I’m a very word-literal individual, and I know that fake means things like “prepare or make (something specious, deceptive, or fraudulent)” and “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc., usually in order to deceive.” Or perhaps it’s because I don’t get how acting like you’re sexually fulfilled when you actually aren’t is doing anyone any good. Whatever it is, whenever a client (or someone in general because men fakealmost as much as women do) tells me that it’s something they do, I immediately find myself on a mission to shut that mess down (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP”). ALL THE WAY DOWN.
The main reason is that, regardless of if the motive is to hurry things along, not hurt your partner’s feelings, or it’s something more cryptic than that (cough, cough, some form of manipulation tactic), there’s no way around the fact that fakeness is tied to deception and deception is a word that should never be connected to a healthy sexual dynamic.
Besides, one could argue that faking is a form of deflection as well because…wouldn’t it be better to just get it all out in the open WHY you are doing it than to keep pretending when life is too short and great sex is too good to not get the absolute most out of it, as much as possible?
Besides, again, chances are that if you’re faking that you’re sexually pleased, you’re probably faking something else in your relationship (or situation), and how could that possibly be good, right, or beneficial?
Yeah, when it comes to being satisfied across the board, please don’t fake it. State your case in the way that you’d like to hear something said to you, and let the chips fall where they may. If you’ve got a good man, he’s gonna — no pun — rise to the occasion. If his ego can’t handle it, well…that’s something that you should find out sooner than later — when it comes to the bedroom and outside of it? Right? #shoyouright
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