OK, so if you're like me, you have been taking full advantage of this never-ending quarantine, by exploring new hobbies, skills, and items to add to the menu. It's gotten so bad, that I find myself up on Al Gore's internet at 5:00am, aimlessly seeking new and adventurous ways to take advantage of our newfound free time—with experimenting with new recipes quickly becoming a fave.
And listen, I know we all have our favorite fabulous ladies (Divas Can Cook, Stove Top Kisses, Chef Ahki, Chef Danie, Chef Bae etc.) bookmarked as our current go-to recipe guides, but this time, I decided it was time to highlight the fellas—who are also quite literally making major moves in all facets of the plate.
So, ladies, grab your wine glass, kick your feet up, and enjoy the smells. The fellas are cooking tonight.
Chef Lamar J. Moore | Three-Cheese Mac & Cheese
Courtesy of Chef Lamar J. Moore
Career Highlight:
"I've had so many but as of recent, my career highlight would be winning the Food Network's Vegas Chef Prizefight!"
Length of Time as a Chef:
"20 years."
Favorite Dish to Cook:
"An elevated Three-Cheese Mac & Cheese."
Courtesy of Chef Lamar J. Moore
Encouraged to cook by his family, Chef Lamar J. Moore is a veteran that knows his way around Southern and French Cuisines. "My grandmother was an excellent cook, my Mom cooked all the time for us. I saw how it brought all of us to the table, as one, [for] one moment each day, no interruptions."
And from there, his influence would blossom into a lengthy list of accolades, including winning the executive chef's job at the upcoming Bugsy & Meyer's Steakhouse inside the Flamingo Las Vegas Hotel and Casino. But don't expect his newfound fame to get to his head. As for what's next for Chef Lamar, "[I plan to] continue to teach, mentor, support our restaurants, and peers, and most of all, enrich our communities."
You can also expect to see Chef Lamar on more television shows, opening restaurants, and releasing a cookbook.
Yessss, king!
To keep up with Chef Lamar's journey, you can follow him on Instagram @chef_ljm.
Chef Antonio J. Reed | Soy Ginger Lamb Chops
Courtesy of Chef Antonio J. Reed
Career Highlight:
"The most memorable moment in my career was the grand opening of my food truck, Fat Tony's. The support that I received from my friends and the community was nothing short of amazing!"
Length of Time as a Chef:
"9 years."
Favorite Dish to Cook:
"Soy Ginger Lamb Chops."
Courtesy of Chef Antonio J. Reed
Chef Antonio Reed, affectionately known as Chef Tone, specializes in Southern Comfort food and dishes that he has coined as Alabama Cajun. "My signature style is a combination of the boisterous flavors of the Caribbean, the heat of Cajun cuisine, with an undeniably southern flare."
As a chef with a budding 9+ year career that originally began as a need for employment, his passion quickly grew into something more meaningful. In a short time, Chef Antonio has managed to build a fanbase of supporters that includes the southern region's most impressive clientele. "Once I noticed a growing joy for creating delicious food, I realized that my passion was in making others happy through food. That's all it took for cooking to become my first love and my career took off."
Chef Antonio plans to release a much anticipated cookbook, which will be available for pre-order soon.
*has finger READY to order*
Follow or contact him on Instagram @Tone_Appetit to get a taste!
Chef Teren Green | Lobster Fettuccine w/ Sauteed Asparagus
Courtesy of Chef Teren Green
Career Highlight:
"The highlight of my career would 100% be my trip to France with the 2019 U.S. Women's Soccer Team to serve as Executive Chef during their World Cup win. Greatest two months of my life."
Length of Time as a Chef:
"10 years."
Favorite Dish to Cook:
'Any pasta dish. In this case, Lobster Fettuccine w/ Sauteed Asparagus."
Courtesy of Chef Teren Green
Chef Teren is the culinary powerhouse that you've never heard of, and his resume, which expands over 10 years, is quite literally—and impressively—one of a kind. Specializing in the sports and entertainment industry, Chef T (as Megan Rapinoe and Derrick Rose call him), is a day chef for the Detroit Pistons by day, and a highly sought-after chef by, well...any other time.
"My style is modern, I would say. I never try to place myself in a box, or do things a technical way. I respect the art but I'm OK with changing things up to fit the time."
Chef Teren plans to purchase a space to complete production of a few projects he has planned, as well as maintaining his impact of "giving back and teaching others in a way that will be unmatched."
Hashtag, MOVES.
You can also catch him on Instagram at @chef_teren.
Chef Darren Robinson | Flambéd Fresh Crack Pepper Steak
Courtesy of Chef Darren Robinson
Career Highlight:
"My career highlight came in the form of my biggest challenge: my first travel gig. I catered over 200 people for a three-series event: happy hour, dinner, and afterparty. It was challenging but rewarding. A great learning experience."
Length of Time as a Chef:
"6 years."
Favorite Dish to Cook:
"Flambé Fresh Crack Pepper Steak."
Courtesy of Chef Darren Robinson
Chef Darren may be a newbie to the game, but he is making his mark through creating his own waves in the industry. This versatile, all-around chef isn't looking for the flashing lights, but instead moments that make his clients happy, no matter who they are. "I grew up watching the food channel and watched both of my grandmothers in the kitchen. I actually didn't take culinary arts seriously until my late 20's, which is when I decided to pursue it professionally. But now, I truly enjoy when people are impacted by my food. I enjoy making people smile."
Doesn't matter if it's homemade pasta, baking, or meal prepping, Chef Darren does it all.
You can find him making bomb meals—whether one plate or five hundred—and continuing to build his business one mouth at a time.
Show out, king!
To follow his journey, you can find him on Instagram @d_rob501.
Patrick A Glanville | Jerk Chocolate Crunch Bars
Courtesy of Patrick A Glanville
Career Highlight:
"Becoming a Certified Belgium Chocolatier by training in Belgium with the world's largest Chocolate Academy, Callebaut. We've also been featured and/or mentioned in many news outlets like Black Enterprise, Good Day New York, ABC, CTStyle, Newsday, News8th wnht.com, Shoppeblackus, and many more."
Length of Time as a chef Chocolatier:
"Since the age of 10, but technically 4 years."
Favorite Dish to Cook:
"My grandmother's Jerk Chocolate Crunch Bars."
Courtesy of Patrick A Glanville
So, Patrick may not be a classic chef (at least in this instance), but he is certainly cooking up something worth discussing. His specialty is confectionery chocolates, as the founder of 3Some Chocolates. He is highly trained in the art of delicacies and alongside his wife, trailblazing a lane not often driven by...us.
"From a young age, my grandmother taught me how to temper and create a variety of chocolate treats with her special recipe, which is now our trademark recipe, Jerk Chocolate."
Although Patrick cannot quite disclose the full recipe for his jerk chocolate (it's a well-guarded, patented family recipe), he welcomes us to fall in love with them just as he did.
Add his signature jerk chocolate on top of your favorites cupcake recipe, bomb chocolate liquor cocktail, or pair with an amazing wine—and sit back as you impress your friends with this conversation starter.
Thank you, granny!
You may also find Chef Patrick on Instagram @patrickanvil.
Featured image via Patrick A Glanville
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Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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Featured image by Jasper Cole/Getty Images
