

My sessions with married couples? At this point in the game, there isn’t too much that I haven’t heard. There is one conversation, in particular though, that has inspired this article. As I was asking a husband and wife what their sexual needs were (at the time), it caught me off guard when the wife said, “I don’t know why I need to use spit during sex because my vagina is pretty wet the rest of the time.”
Have mercy. Now, I will give each of you a moment to read that over again because, I think that if you didn’t catch what she was conveying the first time, you will on the second go-around. Clearly, her husband could stand to take it up a few notches in the foreplay department (and/or she needed to get her hormone levels checked — I presented both options) because she wasn’t receiving enough arousal fluid during sex, although she did produce what seemed to be enough vaginal discharge and lubrication the rest of the time — and no, those aren’t the same things. What’s wild is a lot of people don’t know that.
Yep, believe it or not, although your vagina is a warm and wet place, what can cause it to have the moisture that it does is a variety of things. Today, let’s dive into what those are so that you can know what to pay close attention to, should there ever happen to be a…shift in hydration.
What Is Vaginal Discharge?
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If your mom or grandma ever told you that you don’t need to douche because your vagina is “self-cleaning,” what she was basically saying is you don’t need help to remove the old cells and unnecessary bacteria that’s down there because that’s what your vaginal discharge is naturally created to do. If you’re curious about where vaginal discharge originates from, it’s actually not just one spot; fluids that come from your uterus, cervix, and vagina all help to make up vaginal discharge which, when healthy, can range from being clear to being off-white in color.
When it comes to how much vaginal discharge you should be experiencing on a daily basis, a lot of what speaks to the time of the month that you are in (as it relates to your cycle). For instance, if you are ovulating or pregnant, it’s natural to see an uptick in how much discharge your body produces.
However, the times when you should have some sort of cause for concern is if your discharge is a different color (like yellow, gray, green, or brown) and/or the texture is different (like if it’s thick like cottage cheese) and/or it smells strong or fishy and/or you have some itchiness, irritation or burning as far as your discharge goes.
If any of these are the case, you are probably dealing with an increased level of discharge because your body is trying to fight off some type of infection. What that means is you should make an appointment with your doctor, so that they can give you a proper diagnosis. As far as how much discharge is considered to be “normal,” although that somewhat varies per individual, on average, you shouldn’t expect more than one-half to one full teaspoon of vaginal discharge on a daily basis.
What Is Arousal Fluid?
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Okay, so here’s the thing about your vagina being wet — even if you aren’t sexually aroused, it will have moisture in it. That is by design because your vaginal walls and cervix create a fluid that helps to keep that part of your body lubricated so that you can remain comfortable and your vagina doesn’t experience any tearing or injury. Keeping that in mind, when you do become sexually stimulated and blood flow increases to your genital region, something that transpires is your vagina walls will produce a particular type of wetness (via your Skene’s glands) — and that is oftentimes referred to as arousal fluid.
Something that’s worth noting about arousal fluid is it typically only shows up when you’re aroused and, as far as its texture goes, it’s usually clear, slippery, and kind of mucus-like. It should also go on record that the more “into the moment” you are, the more arousal fluid your body will probably produce. This is a good thing because it helps to make sex more pleasurable by reducing the amount of friction that you could potentially feel during intercourse.
While we’re on the topic of this one, you might be wondering if, when it comes to squirting, what women are releasing is an abundance of arousal fluid. Eh. Although this is probably going to be a debate until each and every cow comes home, what many science experts say is while there is some vaginal lubrication and arousal fluid that are present during squirting, an involuntary release of urine is transpiring too (check it out here, here and here). Do with that what you will, chile.
What Is Cervical Mucus?
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It was around this time last year that I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “Ladies, This Is How To Keep Your Cervix Super Healthy.” I thought it was a topic that should be addressed because, although the cervix doesn’t typically get discussed a lot (definitely not as much as the vagina does), that doesn’t mean it doesn’t deserve its props. As the part of the body that is the base of your uterus, your cervix is what your menstrual blood flows out of, it’s the “exit sign” that babies follow when you’re giving birth — and it creates a type of mucus that makes it easier for you to get pregnant.
As far as your cervical mucus goes, it is a fluid that your cervix produces that does two main things. The first is to, yes, make it easier for sperm to travel in order to impregnate you during your time of ovulation. The rest of the month, though, cervical mucus serves as a protective barrier, so that unnecessary fluids do not enter into your cervix.
That said, something that’s important to keep in mind about cervical mucus is its texture changes throughout the month. For instance, right after your cycle ends, it might be a bit sticky; around day seven, it might become like thinned-out yogurt; as you’re ovulating, it will be stretchy and slippery (sort of like egg whites), and then, as your cycle approaches, your cervical mucus will probably be dry.
Aside from your cycle, other things that can shift the texture of your cervical mucus include certain medications, vaginal infections, stress, birth control, and breastfeeding. And how can you know that something is a bit “off” when it comes to your cervical mucus? It shouldn’t have an odor, or a dark color and it shouldn’t be itchy or irritating. If it is any of this, see your physician.
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This is one of those articles that I really wish that high school-level science class did a better job at breaking down because, the more that we know about our vaginas, the better we can be at taking care of them.
As for the wife who I mentioned in the intro — oh, we got that spit thing worked out. Chile, there are way too many fluids going on down there — CLEARLY — to have to rely on that. Just sayin’.
Anyway, the more you know. The more that you freakin’ know.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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It’s almost always “annoyingly fun” to have conversations with super churchy folks. Example? Recently, I had on an anklet that a particular woman took notice of. When she complimented it and asked what it was made of, I said, “Moonstone, which is one of my birthstones.” Oddly enough, she then turned up her nose and said that stones and crystals were tied to witchcraft, to which I casually replied, “Then I guess you hate Aaron’s breastplate, huh?” She paused and turned her nose up again — this time, though, because she just experienced a good old-fashioned “checkmate.”
This article is about crystals not Scripture, so when it comes to the latter, I’ll just briefly say that if you mosey on over to Exodus 28, you’ll see that a high priest breastplate is referenced; one that contains precious gems including topaz, sapphire, agate, onyx and jasper (and that’s just for starters!). Yeah, it really is important to not just throw judgments around like confetti — know of what you are actually speaking of first (because that’s what Matthew 7 is really all about).
I did think it was important to mention that for potential skeptics about why this article even exists. Because although there are Scriptural and evenscience-based individuals who roll their eyes at the power of what gemstones and crystals can (possibly) do, I’m pretty sure that some of you are not surprised that the holistic and Ayurveda worlds see it all very differently.In those realms, energy plays a big role in physical, emotional, and mental health, and crystals are believed to cultivate balance or intensify certain feelings or experiences through that said energy.
That said, when it comes to sex, specifically, there are certain stones (which are basically what crystals are;in fact, all gemstones are a type of crystal) that are believed to help make intimacy even more satisfying. If you’re curious about which ones are, I’ve got 10 for you below.
10 Crystals That May Enhance Your Intimate Life
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1. Garnet
Garnet is a rich shade of red that happens to be January’s gemstone. It’s considered to be one of the oldest gemstones around, one that Egyptians believed was a symbol of life and something that they oftentimes wore in their signet rings. As far as symbolism goes, garnet also represents love and vitality as well as energy, passion and even self-confidence — all of which are quite relevant when it comes to having an active and fulfilling sex life.
2. Amethyst
Queen Cleopatra and Leonardo da Vinci are just two powerful figures who were big fans of the purple gemstone amethyst. Interestingly enough, it is February’s birthstone — the month that Valentine’s Day falls under. Another interesting fact is many early Christians relied on this gem in order to increase their spirituality while many Greeks used to see it as a stone that provided protection. When it comes to intimacy, amethyst is also associated with love and devotion as well as feelings of calm and reduced anxiety — and since the less calm you feel, the easier it is to climax…well. #wink
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3. Orange Carnelian
Looking to experience more joy and happiness? Or maybe you want to strengthen your friendships. Or perhaps it’s time to increase your pleasure levels or to go into deeper levels of sensuality. For all of these things, orange carnelian is a top-tier pick. As I did a bit more research on this stone, it’s considered to be a royal one and something that can bring forth peace. One of my favorite things about orange carnelian is it comes in different hues of orange — the deeper the color, the more passion it exudes. Just an FYI.
4. Rose Quartz
If you want to take your romantic relationship to another level, rose quartz has a solid reputation for helping to make that happen for you. In fact, this pink crystal is oftentimes referred to as being the stone of unconditional love because it encourages the wearers of it to both give as well as put themselves in the position to receive love too. Since rose quartz is also tied to things like emotional healing, restored trust and harmony, if you’re looking to make a much deeper intimate connection with your partner, this just might be the stone for you.
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5. Rhodochrosite
Rhodochrosite is a red-rose colored stone that I personally hold dear. I say that because, as a survivor of sexual abuse, it is one that helps recovering individuals to work through sexual trauma (and trauma, in general). It is associated with love, compassion and strength as it helps you to process your emotions in a positive way, so that you are able to effectively release past pain and deal with any PTSD that you might have. You know, I know a wife who sexually struggled in her marriage for years because she had been sexually assaulted in college and never told her husband.
A stone of compassion is a precious one — including when it comes to dealing with sexual trauma and intimacy challenges and learning how to face them. Salute to this stone right here.
6. Citrine
Citrine is November’s birthstone and its rich yellow color explains why it represents things like abundance, prosperity, radiance and happiness. Aside from this, whether you’re seeking clarity, you’d like to be more creative or you’re interested in becoming more sensual, citrine encourages all of this. Sensuality is a dope word because it’s all about appealing to all five senses; especially during intimacy. To learn more about how to do that, check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever.”
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7. Red Jasper
While doing my own research on what red jasper represents, what I liked the most is it’s something that encourages emotional stability which is always a wonderful thing to have. Although it is a fiery red color, it also contains grounding properties and it symbolizes strength, courage and, another word that can always make sex more pleasurable: stamina. Since stamina is what helps both men and women to last longer during sex, anything that is a “stamina hack” earns an automatic mention when it comes to sex-themed content — including this.
8. Clear Quartz
A fun fact about quartz is it’s one of the most common minerals on this planet. When it comes to clear quartz, specifically, I like the way that it looks because it’s either a cloudy white or something that you can see straight through. As far as its symbolism is concerned, if you want to reduce physical discomfort, remove distractions and focus more on heightened levels of yourself, this crystal represents all of that. Clear quartz also encourages healing, spiritual growth and balance. To me, it seems like if you want to cultivate a spiritual or meditative (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) experience with your partner, clear quartz is a stone to try.
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9. Shiva Lingam
I ain’t got no lies to tell you — when I first happened upon this particular stone, the first thing that came to my mind was an article that I penned for the site back in the day entitled, “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage.” That’s because it explains what a lingam massage is and, as you can see, this crystal has that word all up in it. The history of lingam is a bit layered (you can read about it here); however, because it is considered by many to be a phallic symbol and that typically represents the penis — shiva lingam is a neutral-colored crystal that represents both sexuality as well as fertility. Shocking, right? #sarcasm
10. Pyrite
It doesn’t escape me that it’s kind of funny that I’m closing this out with a crystal that has the nickname “fool’s gold.” That’s due to its appearance. That said, it’s also a stone that has some interesting symbolism to it. Since it comes from a Greek word that means fire — of course, it’s a crystal of passion. Since it also taps into things like heightened energy, self-esteem, creativity, awakened senses and the removal of toxic thoughts — if any stone should be in your “let’s get it on” crystal collection, pyrite would be the one!
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Know what’s kinda wild? While I was on Etsy’s site looking for another moonstone, a sake popped up in my feed on what the merchant calls their “libido crystal set” — and six of the 10 stones that I’ve mentioned throughout this article are featured in the collection.
Yeah, I’ll take that as a confirmation that whether you purchase a piece of jewelry that has one (or more) of these stones or you buy a piece of crystal itself to place somewhere in your bedroom — just putting your own energy into wanting a better sex life is a powerful step in the right direction to achieving it.
And what science can’t refute is the benefits of positive thoughts and actions — crystals or not.
So, if precious stones are totally your thing — enjoy, sis. Enjoy!
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