As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where women are given a platform to tell their stories in the first-person narrative, as told to a writer.
This is Arleevia Lyles's story, as told to London Alexaundria.
So we actually visited Morocco last year in September for about eight days for our honeymoon. We were visiting these three different cities, Tangier, Marrakesh, and Chefchaouen, and while we were here, my husband was kind of giggling to himself and was like, what would you say about us possibly moving here? He was joking about it, but I was like, yeah, no, I would definitely move here. And he didn't think that I was serious about it or that I would be on board for that.
But we were kind of toying with the idea of moving here, and so from that point on, when we came back to the US, we were like, you know what, let's actually make the move. Like, why not? We were weighing the pros and cons of moving abroad, and the pros outweighed the cons. We don't have any property in the US. At the time, we didn't have any kids.
We both worked remotely, so there was nothing really keeping us tied to the US in any way outside of family, obviously. That was the only real con. We were going to miss church as well since Morocco is a Muslim country and we're Christian. So those were the two things that were like, okay, we're going to miss it, but, we can operate without it for a while.
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So after we weighed the pros and cons, we started aligning everything in terms of logistics, like booking the flights, talking to our places of employment as well, because I did have to have a conversation with them to make sure that I could work outside of the US, and they were okay with it.
By the time we booked our ticket, we were not pregnant. Then, when we were in the process of moving from Nashville to Las Vegas because we did have to move back to my hometown to drop off some valuable stuff, that was when we found out that we were pregnant.
When we initially told our family that we were going to move abroad, it was like the beginning of 2024. So, one, we knew the election was looming, so we're like, you know what, this may be a good time to go. And our family was in support of it. When we found out that we were pregnant, there was a little bit of hesitancy and some pushback from a few relatives saying, maybe wait a little bit. Just have the baby in the States, and then once the child is one or two, then go abroad and all that stuff.
We were like, 'Hey, y'all, we're gonna still do this,' and so they were still supportive. And now that we're here, they're like, 'Oh yeah, you guys made the right move, for sure,' especially post-election day. We have been here two months [and] oh, man, it has been very relaxing.
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I thought it was going to be a stressful move. I think, in a way, we kind of overthought it. We were like, oh my goodness, I don't know. Our lives are just going to be turned upside down because we're in a different country, but that wasn't the case.
I feel like moving here has been even beneficial for me being pregnant because this country moves at such a slower pace, and there's a lot more leisure time, and they actually value spending time with one another and going slower, but still getting work done. And I think that that's helped me being able to have a stress-free pregnancy, which I value as a Black woman because I know there's a lot of different things that can factor in stress for us.
It's been a very eye-opening experience as well because we're just being exposed to a different culture. It's not entirely different. I don't think it's too much of a culture shock, but with it again, being a very Muslim country, there's different values that they have here, that the US doesn't particularly [such as] valuing family.
You'll see a lot of fathers with their children. In the US, you usually see a mom out with the baby, or the moms out with the kids. Here, it's like the fathers are taking care of the kids. They're playing with them. It's very, very different to see that.
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The food quality has been better to where I don't feel bloated or nauseous all the time after I eat, which has been very, very good for the baby. I'm eating a lot healthier. I don't feel like the food is tainted with all this GMO and all these different things, and also, it's just inexpensive as well.
We have eaten out every single day. We haven't cooked at all since we've moved, but, the food is so good to where I don't feel like I've eaten out. It's quality food, and the dollar has just gone a lot further here. Since we still do have our US jobs, we're earning US money. But for every dollar, there's 10 dirham (Moroccan money). So I feel like even that factor of finance has been stress-free, not thinking about inflation as much.
Overall, though, this experience has been great, and I think even for my husband, too; him working in finance and also having his US job. I think that there's been more balance for the both of us in making sure that we're not overworking ourselves versus in the US. [In the US,] there's kind of the grind culture; the grind don't stop.
But here they're like, no, we want you guys to work, but make sure that you're taking time for leisure. Make sure you're taking time for rest. And so we're doing just that, and I feel like we've both been more balanced in our work-life.
I feel like it's been really easy to get to know people here. We had a couple of people that we met the first time we traveled here during our honeymoon, including my cousin. So we were able to ask them for help or for different insights before we moved from the US here, but since being here, I feel like we've been able to get to know people through frequenting places. There's certain restaurants that we'll go to weekly, and they kind of know us, we know them, we'll chat. So that's been nice.
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I guess an issue is the language barrier because there are four different languages that they speak here. They speak French, Spanish, Arabic, and English. So it's difficult to have a full-on, in-depth dialog with people because they don't speak English that well.
But I think just the friendliness of the environment is still something that we're able to connect to. The lady that we're renting this apartment from, she went out of her way and made a Moroccan couscous, and we're thinking she's just going to bring it, knock on the door, and like, Here you go. Enjoy it in private. But she came in and sat with us and ate a meal with us. Just the warmth of this country and the people in general has just been exceptional, and it's so different than what we've experienced in the US.
[Regarding giving birth,] we were considering having the baby here because, one, it's inexpensive healthcare here. It wouldn't have been as much. It would have been, maybe, a couple of thousand [dollars]. But I have free healthcare in the US, and so my family's like, free is better than having to pay for something. Also, they want to be there to support during that birthing process in the first few months of the baby's life too.
That's our first child, my parents' first grandchild. So I was like, let me have the baby in the US so that we're closer to them, but we definitely considered having the child here. We're gonna go back in early January, and then we'll come back in the summer, around June. After she's had her shots and has her passport and everything, we'll move back here permanently.
For this first leg of the move, it was kind of just exploring the housing market, seeing what apartments looked like; houses, checking out the pricing and everything like that, and kind of just familiarizing ourselves. Hopefully, by the end of this trip, we can have a home to come back to when we do return to Morocco.
We don't necessarily have a set date or a set amount of years that we want to be in Morocco. I do know I don't want to move again for at least three to five years, ideally, because we literally have spent our entire marriage moving. Whether it be from a different apartment or to a new city, and so we kind of want to settle in and have stability, especially for when the baby comes. So ideally, it would be nice to stay here for three to five years.
If we were to move out of Morocco, we would probably move to a different country altogether. But I don't know that we want to necessarily return to the US permanently. Not yet, at least.
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So, what causes us to have moments when we’re not experiencing the sound sleep that we so desire? While I wish that I had a black and white answer for you, the reality is that several different factors (sometimes working together) may be the cause. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that if you check out the 10 leading causes below, by process of elimination, you might be able to get to the root of your own restless evenings — so that you can finally get the kind of quality rest that you well deserve.
1. Eating (Too) Late
GiphyLet’s start off with one that has a couple of layers to it. Although it is a good idea to not have a large meal less than two hours before turning in, some experts do say that a light snack that consists of natural melanin, serotonin or tryptophan could be helpful.
The reason why eating too much before bedtime isn’t a good idea is because the digestive process can be a pretty active one. Plus, it increases your chances of experiencing acid reflux and heartburn. On the other hand, snacking on almonds or tart cherries (melatonin), cheese or pumpkin seeds (serotonin) or yogurt or peanut butter (tryptophan) can be just what you need to lull your system to sleep.
Bottom line here: It’s not if you eat but what you eat…and when.
2. Junk Food
GiphySpeaking of foods, if junk food is totally your thing, first check out “Why You Should Consider Leaving Fast Food Alone” — and then at least try avoiding that stuff if you’re heading off to bed. Fried foods are hard to digest. Sugary foods (and carbs) can raise your blood sugar levels. Processed foods contain a lot of salt and salt can raise your blood pressure which can result in sleep disturbances. So, if you’re in the habit of going through a drive-thru at night, here’s a good reason to rethink doing so in the future.
3. Your Bedroom Is Too Hot
GiphyThis one right here, I can absolutely attest to — because when I am hot in a room, I can pretty much kiss sound sleeping goodbye. SMDH. The problem here is that when your body temperature is high, that can mess with your REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Not only that but, in order for your system to produce the melatonin that it needs to keep you sleeping soundly, your body needs to be at a cooler temperature. And that is why your room sitting at somewhere around 65 degrees is ideal.
4. Your Bedding
GiphyI have a friend who just bought a house and I’m getting him a comforter for a housewarming present. Listen, don’t sleep on the power of amazing bedding because it, too, plays a role in how well you rest. Of course, you need to invest in a good mattress (you can read more about that here and here); however, when it comes to things like your sheets and your comforter, there are a few things to keep in mind.
Your sheets need to be made out of breathable fabrics like cotton, not ones like nylon, polyester or even silk. The reason why is because the latter traps in heat and we’ve already discussed what an elevated body temperature can do to you. Oh, and if you’re someone who enjoys flannel sheets during the fall and winter season, it’s probably better to get some blankets that you can “layer your bed” with instead; flannel can get mighty hot in the midnight hour too.
It’s also important that your sheets aren’t too small or too big for your mattress because that can make your bed feel uncomfortable. And comforter-wise, try and go with a color that doesn’t overstimulate you — neutrals and shades of blues, greens and yellows can accomplish this for you. And P.S., one of the best comforter brands around? Coma Inducer. I’ve been rocking with them for several years at this point and I don’t have not one regret.
5. Java and/or Alcohol
GiphyI’m not much of a coffee drinker (although I do adore coffee ice cream; go figure). I didn’t grow up with it (tea was in abundance in my home) and so it’s not something that I ever really think about. I do have friends who will drink coffee before bedtime, though, and that baffles me because coffee (due to the caffeine that is in it) is a stimulant — and that for that reason alone, you’d be better off having it in the morning instead of at night.
As far as alcohol goes, although it technically it’s a depressant, for the first couple of hours that it is in your system, it acts like a stimulant — which means that it tends to put your system on quite the roller coaster ride; one that you should want to avoid if you’re trying to get a good night’s rest.
My recommendation? Go the tea route and sip on some chamomile, lavender, ginseng, green or passionflower tea. All contain properties that are proven to relax your mind, body and spirit, so that you can fall asleep quicker and stay asleep longer.
6. Stress and Anxiety
GiphyListen, the summer of 2025 for me? Whew, chile (check out “I've Been Estranged From My Mom For Years. She Died Last Week.” and “I Was Hired To Be An Online Life Coach. Then Got Scammed For $4K. Here's How To Avoid This.”). Other than the couple of weeks when my mother was on a swift decline (and I was concerned about her physical suffering), thankfully, I didn’t lose much sleep, though — and praise the Lord for that because stress (and anxiety) definitely have a way of jacking up sleep patterns.
That’s because when you are stressed out, your cortisol (which is your stress hormone) spikes and that can hinder sound sleep — which can result in you feeling fatigued and irritable throughout the day. So, if you are stressed out — exercise, journal, meditate, spend quality time with fun and supportive people…oh, and have sex. All of these things are proven ways to calm and relax you — on a few different levels.
7. Late Day Naps
GiphyI adore sleep — always have. So, I can’t even say that it’s my age that has a sistah out here excited about taking a nap in the middle of the day (I work from home). And what I have to watch is not napping for too long or taking a nap that is too late in the day. Why? Because it can totally jack up my sleep patterns because it ends up throwing off my sleep schedule.
According to sleep experts, the way to avoid this is by scheduling your nap out about eight hours before your bedtime and also making sure that your nap doesn’t last any longer than 30 minutes (set an alarm, if you have to). If you do both of these things, you can get the benefits of a nap and the benefits of 6-8 hours of sleep without having to compromise either one.
8. Not Having a Sleep Schedule
GiphyAs humans, we really are creatures of habit. In fact, if you do something consistently enough, it can become automatic to you — it can end up being something that you do without really thinking about it at all. And that’s why it’s a good idea to at least consider coming up with some sort of a sleep schedule; that way, you can train your mind and body to have a pattern of rest.
The beauty of this is a sleep schedule can help you to reduce your stress levels, strengthen your brain, maintain a healthy weight, put you in a better mood and make you more productive throughout the day. On the other hand, not having a sleep schedule can make it really challenging for you to get quality rest at night. It only takes a few minutes to come up with a schedule and it’s well worth your time.
9. Too Much Stuff on Your Bed
GiphyEver heard that a cluttered desk reveals a cluttered mind? If you believe that, how in the world could this not translate to a bed as well? Hell, I even read an article which said that having a lot of stuff underneath your bed can wreck your sleep because it can trigger feelings of anxiety and restlessness and that’s because clutter can overstimulate you and keep you from being at peace.
Look, there’s no telling how many times I’ve said that bedrooms are for sex and sleep only (many interior designers feel the same way) — which means that your bed shouldn’t look like a makeshift office, it shouldn’t have clothes all over it and, even if you are an avid reader, it shouldn’t look like a horizontal bookshelf (where’s your nightstand at?).
You need to feel free to move comfortably about on your bed throughout the night — which ALSO means that, although I personally call pillows “stuffed animals for adults,” you still don’t need a ton of those on your bed either; two for sleeping and 2-3 more for décor purposes are typically ideal.
10. Your Damn Cell Phone
GiphyYou’ve probably heard this before and yet, since reportedly most of us check our phones somewhere around 205 times a day — I’m willing to bet that at least 10 of those times are while you’re in bed or when you’re up to make a bathroom run in the middle of the night. Yeah, as tempting as that might be, try to break that habit because the blue light that emits from your phone can disrupt how your system processes melatonin — and that is another way that you can find yourself really struggling to fall asleep again.
Whatever is on your phone, it can’t wait. It’s not worth your beauty sleep, chile.
BONUS: Imbalanced Hormones
GiphyHormonal imbalance is absolutely something that can have you tossing and turning all night long. If it’s due to all that is going on with you the week before your period, try exercising earlier in the day in order to help you sleep more soundly at night. If it’s because you are in the latter stages of perimenopause, consuming foods that are rich in phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) could help to level things out. Some of those foods include sesame seeds, garlic, peaches, berries and cabbage.
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YOU NEED SLEEP. Yes, I am yelling it because nothing is worth compromising it.
So, if you see yourself in anything that I just said, try making some adjustments tonight.
Within a week or so, you should find yourself sleeping more and tossin’ and turnin’ a heck of a lot less.
Beautiful.
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