Waxing before delivery can seem a little extreme.
But, there are certain “ womanly things" we do as a women that some may consider to be non-negotiables. They're the things that allow you to go through life with a sense of dignity and self respect. They're tiny gestures you give to the world, and in turn yourself, letting those around you know that you respect yourself and you respect the people that enter into your personal space.
These “womanly things" were things that I've carried with all through life and as I got older, I realized that this seemingly simple nuances were not always a constant for other women around me. This reality was not only a shock to me, but it was actually a tad bit irritating.
I learned at a very young age to brush my teeth before sitting in my dentist's chair. The doctor should not see nor smell the Carne Asada burrito I more than likely scarfed down before my visit. And in case you were wondering, instead of thrusting my legs into the stirrups at the gynecologist, silently wondering if the doctor can tell that I went to the gym right before my appointment, I always make sure my schedule is clear and that I shower before any gyno appointment.
I remember when my mother completely KILLED MY EXISTENCE the day she saw my dingy, hadn't been washed in weeks, 32-barely-A cup bra peeking out of my shirt.
My mom practically snatched each and every one of my edges in disgust, as she painfully lectured me on the importance on cleanliness of my undergarments. Now, my blood starts to immediately boil and my inner mama spirit is fighting hard to not fix my lips to start reading females whenever I witness this travesty.
I guess the small grooming tidbits I learned along my short life journey was all leading up to what I like to call "the mother of all courtesies," which most women will experience during their 38th and 39th week of pregnancy.
During both of my pregnancies, around the final week before I delivered, I find my way to an esthetician for the wax of all waxes. I was determined to get a wax before delivery. Each time, you wouldn't believe how many people had so much to say about my own womanly parts!
“Why on earth would you do that?"
And my personal favorite:
“What if it causes you to go into labor?"
I mean, really? I'm sure that ANY woman would agree that if you're in your 39th week (staring down your 10th month of your body being hijacked) going into labor is NOT a bad thing. Hey, maybe I could stop shoving teaspoons of castor oil down my throat and walking around the neighborhood to naturally induce labor.
I wasn't going to shave (like you can even see down there with that big ol' belly) and the husband's unsteady hand wasn't getting remotely close to my gold mine with the clippers. So, like any other agent of good hygiene I high-tailed my wide, pregnant self to my wax lady with pride.
I know some of you are reading this like I'm crazy, but it's no different than you getting your brows waxed or polishing your nails. Waxing before delivery is not necessary, but it sure looks good. Plus, it's always a win-win if your OBGYN can actually navigate down there in that region.
For the mothers, do you consider shaving or waxing before delivery a priority or is that the last thing on your priority list?
Let me know in the comments!
- Marie
Originally posted on From A Wildflower
Featured image by Shutterstock
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Essence Atkins Shares Why Abstinence Is Her Path To Purpose And A 'Great Harvest'
Essence Atkins is having a very important conversation.
Known for her role on the hit show Half & Half, the actress appeared on Sherri to discuss her latest projects, her friendship with Tia Mowry, and spilling the tea on her personal life. Surprisingly, Essence revealed that she has been abstaining from sex for the past four years and plans to continue until she remarries.
The star met her first husband, Jaime Mendez, on Valentine's Day in 2008 through the online dating platform Match.com. Mendez was a former All-American collegiate football free safety. The couple wed in September 2009, with Atkins' co-star Valarie Pettiford performing at the reception. However, the marriage ended in divorce in 2016.
When talking about why she chose abstinence, Essence said, "It was something that I heard very clearly. I believe there's honor in what I'm doing, and my obedience is going to yield a great harvest."
And the benefits are real. "I have tremendous clarity. When I meet someone, I can really assess and listen with much better ears because I’m not distracted by the possibility [of physical intimacy]," the actress shared.
Most of all she believes her journey should serve as encouragement to young women. "It's important that we value ourselves and make sure that others are valuing us. Can you spend time with someone without physical companionship? Do they make you laugh? Are they joyful? Are they purposeful and intentional?"
Abstinence vs Celibacy
Abstinence is a temporary decision to avoid sexual activity, while celibacy is a lifestyle choice to abstain from sexual activity for an extended period of time, or even a lifetime.
The Girls Are Celibate
A recent survey conducted by BLK, a dating app designed for the Black community, has uncovered a growing trend of celibacy among Black Gen Z women. The survey's findings indicate that 64% of Black Gen Z women are currently practicing celibacy, with a significant majority (63%) having made this decision within the past six months.
61% of respondents chose celibacy as a means of self-improvement. Furthermore, 66% reported experiencing improved emotional well-being, and 87% found that celibacy either positively impacted or had no negative effect on their dating lives.
As a millennial woman who practiced celibacy for three years, it is a truly awakening experience because you get to wholly honor yourself. And with the dating pool having some pee and other unknown substances in it, it just feels good to make the decision for myself.
Dating apps that focus on specific communities, like BLK, have a unique opportunity. They can see and respond to changes in dating behavior, such as the growing trend of celibacy among Black Gen Z women. For these women, celibacy is a way to take control of their own stories, resist societal pressures, and build healthier relationships. By adapting to these needs, these apps can better serve these users and strengthen their connection with these important sub-communities.
4B Movement
CNN reports that following the news of Donald Trump's re-election as President of the United States, there has been a significant increase in interest in the US for the concept of "4B". The article says, “Young liberal women across TikTok and Instagram are discussing and sharing information about the South Korean feminist movement, in which straight women refuse to marry, have children, date or have sex with men.”
These women are furious after the majority of their male counterparts voted for a candidate who was found liable for sexual abuse. They are also frustrated that his appointment of three conservative Supreme Court justices overturned national abortion rights protections.
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Featured image by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images for ESSENCE