

It's interesting that, if you look up definitions for the word "dream," a lot of times you're going to see something in reference to the images that go through our mind when we're sleeping. It's really only when we take a look at some of the word's synonyms that topics like today really start to resonate. Synonyms like ideas, thoughts, notions, wishes, and desires—these are all things that most of us are referring to when we talk about the dreams that we have in this life.
The irony is, that while we usually want to make our "awake ideas" come to fruition, far too many of us literally sleep on them. That's really sad because dreams don't come to us for absolutely no reason. More times than not, dreams serve quite a profound purpose in our world. We've simply got to do what it takes to make them come true.
If you've got some dreams and you feel like you keep "hitting the wall" when it comes to trying to make them manifest, perhaps this article can connect a few dots for you. Life is short. Dreams are valid. It's important to do all that we can to make them manifest. Ready?
Can You Explain Each Dream in Two Sentences or Less?
When it comes to making your dreams come true, clarity is key. That's because, if you don't really know what your vision for your life is, how can you fully manifest it? That's why I'm such a big fan of encouraging people to sit down and figure out how to define each dream that they have—in no more than one or two sentences. For one thing, it can help them to get a greater understanding of what they desire to accomplish. Plus, when something is reduced to fewer words, it can feel a lot less overwhelming and so much more doable.
For instance, say that you've got a dream of being a writer. Cool. Now, what kind of writer? An entertainment writer? Someone who has a relationship blog? An author? And if an author, published or self-published? After knowing what you want to do, it can also help to jot do why you want to do it. Then you're able to start setting some realistic short-term and long-term goals. Make sense?
I definitely think that one of the main reasons why a lot of people are not able to make their dreams happen is because they keep referring to them in vague and abstract ways. The more you are able to clearly articulate your desires, the easier it will be to make them manifest for you.
How Realistic Are Your Dreams? (Now, Hear Me Out)
I've got a friend who says you can spend years working on areas where you are mediocre and do just okay or you can put that energy into your strengths and excel and thrive. That said, I come from a family of singers. Some pretty darn good ones too. For whatever the reason, I wasn't really encouraged and nurtured in that area and so, it sometimes catches people off guard whenever they hear me do it. Instead, most folks know me as a writer. And while I do think that I can hold a tune, I tend to think that singing is a talent for me while some of my relatives? For them, it's a gift.
What's the difference? To me, a gift is something that is almost supernatural. You were born with it. It comes pretty easily to you. You're able to blow other people's minds—and sometimes, even your own—with a particular ability. A talent is something that you're pretty good at, yet it will take a certain amount of effort to excel in that area. That's one example of what I mean by being realistic about your dreams. Are you trying to progress in a gift or a talent? If it's a talent, are you being realistic about how much time, effort, and energy you're willing to put into it in order to make something happen?
Another angle on the realistic approach is the fact that being realistic is rooted in logic, facts, truth, and common sense. Say that you've got a dream of becoming a chef with your own television show. Yet you only like to cook certain things. You've never taken any kind of cooking or media classes. Your bank account is close to zero. You have no equipment in your house. You hate to network. In fact, you have absolutely no idea what it takes to make that happen. You've just seen some folks on YouTube or TikTok and said, "I bet I can do that."
It's kind of a play on words yet the reality is that a lot of people's dreams don't manifest because they are more caught up in the fantasy of what could be rather than the factuality of things. While I do believe that nothing is impossible, let's be real—some things are more probable than others. When it comes to your dreams, what side of the fence does yours land?
How COMMITTED Are You to Your Dreams?
If there is one word that can separate a lot of people from success and failure, it's commitment. I oftentimes tell couples that I'm working with that if they constantly only focus on what makes them happy at any given time, they probably won't get much accomplished in life. Why do I say that? Happiness is a great emotion and experience. It's also temporary and doesn't really encourage much self-discipline.
Going to work doesn't always make us happy; it pays the bills, though. Working out doesn't always make us happy; it's still good for our health. Letting go of a person, place, thing, or idea that no longer serves us doesn't always make us happy; it's simply best for us in the long run.
Along these same lines, having a dream is one thing. Remaining committed—obligated via a pledge—to it is something entirely different. Commitment requires focus. Commitment requires maturity. Commitment requires putting your feelings aside, sometimes by overlooking how you feel in the now, so that you can do what needs to be done for the sake of your future. Commitment requires resilience. Most of all, commitment requires integrity.
One of the closest people to me has a billion-and-one good ideas. They stick with each one for about two weeks before moving on to something else. Sometimes it's because they allow themselves to get distracted. Other times, it's because they become impatient. Know what else? Sometimes it's because they claim they are no longer "happy" with the concept.
There are a lot of folks out here who will never see the fruition of some of their desires because they would rather be happy than committed when, more times than not, commitment, more than "happiness," is the key that unlocks a lot of doors. If you're not willing to stick "it" out, through the good and challenging times, you're gonna have a really hard time achieving success. Just ask any successful person. They'll vouch for this very point 1000 percent.
What Do You Do to Devote Yourself to Your Dreams? ON THE DAILY.
On the heels of what I just said, "devoted" is a word that I tend to hear less and less. Unfortunately. Sadly, folks are so fickle out here that they only really do what they feel like doing—and chile, that can change from day to day. When it comes to making your dreams happen, I don't care how much natural ability, resources, and even favor you may have, if you're not self-disciplined enough to "plant some seeds" (and then nurture them) into your dreams on a daily basis, that can also hinder you from seeing anything really play out in the long run.
When it comes to putting daily time, effort, and energy into your dreams, while what you do may look different from day to day, you still need to focus on them on the regular. One day, it may be putting a short-term goal together. Another day may be hitting up your mentor for some insight and encouragement. Another day might be actually doing something that will get you closer to your goal (writers write, designers design, artists make art). Another day might be all about networking and marketing.
The point is, a true dream manifester is always thinking about how to get closer to what they want and then doing something—even if it's baby steps—to make it happen. No excuses. Ever.
Is Your Mental State in Alignment with Your Dreams?
Negative people. Moody people. Petty people. Envious people. Bitter people. These are some of the biggest obstacles when it comes to getting your dreams to where you want to go. Matter of fact, not too long ago, I read a tweet that said something along the lines of, "Your biggest haters are the people who used to be your friends." Lawd…LAWD.
I once read a pretty good medical-based article that said that negativity comes in all sorts of forms—cynicism; jumping to conclusions; blaming; catastrophizing (making mountains out of molehills); emotional reasoning (basically letting your feelings supersede common sense and logic); hostility, and filtering (only seeing things through a negative lens) were some of the things on the list. And gee, when you look at negativity from this perspective, it would definitely seem as if there are a lot more negative folks out here than positive ones.
Since negativity can affect your immune system, hormonal balance, sleep patterns, emotional stability and ultimately, even your longevity, if you want to make your dreams happen for you, you've got to be super intentional about leaving negativity alone. Keep naysayers at bay. Protect your energy. Give yourself the kind of pep talks that will get you through each project and milestone.
There is a spiritual kind of warfare that happens when someone has a dream that can ultimately make the world better. You've got to keep this in mind so that you can stay as positive as possible in order to make your dream(s) come true.
Do Your Dreams Complement Your Purpose?
It seems like, at least once a month, someone will ask me how I got my book deals. Did I get a literary agent? Did I hunt down publishers? Did I have to turn in a couple of chapters of an idea before getting an offer? The answer to all of those questions is "no." Both publishing deals were offered to me and I think it's because, since they both aligned so much with what I am called to do, the universe made the deals happen for me. The books complemented my purpose which is helping people in the covenant principles of marriage, sex, and the Sabbath.
Another example of where I'm going with this particular point is my godchildren's mother. Rissi Palmer once made history as a top-charting country music artist. Long story short, all hell broke loose in her life and she took a break. She got married. She had kids. Yet she still created music in the meantime. Something that I kept encouraging her to do was a podcast. She is such a walking library of country music that it only seemed right. Eventually, she started one.
And then, almost immediately, dots began to connect. Someone heard it and connected her to Apple. And y'all, when I say that the rest is history—you can check out her CBS This Morning interview from March 2021 (right here) to get an idea of how life is going for her these days. How did all of this happen? Her dreams of reviving her platform complemented her purpose which is not only singing but opening doors to other female country artists of color.
If you read enough of my content for this platform, you'll notice that "complement" is a big word to me. When something (or one) complements you, it completes or helps to perfect things in your life. When it comes to your dreams complementing your purpose, an article on Mind Body Green that I definitely recommend that you make the time to check out is "10 Signs You've Found Your Calling."
It shares points like mystical things will happen, when you get off course, you'll get redirected and your health will start to improve. Why? Because when your dreams complement your purpose, your dreams help to perfect said purpose, and, since your purpose is the reason for why you exist in the first place, how could you not become more complete by everything coming/working together? Right?
Have You Factored Timing in?
Another friend of mine is a master of timing. You can try and compel them to do something and oftentimes they will be like, "Yeah. Not now." When you ask them why, they don't really have a solid reason other than it doesn't feel right to move at that particular time. And yet, whether it's weeks, months, or sometimes, even a couple of years later, the universe will align things in their world in such a way that, not only do they get what they want, they end up with more than what they ever wanted.
There's a Scripture in the Bible that says that everything has a season, time, and a purpose (Ecclesiastes 3:1). One of the things that I like so much about that is all of those words work together. The right things happen in the right season, at the right time, and for the right purpose. Otherwise, it's not the best thing. That said, on a spiritual plane, whenever I think of timing, I think of a quote that states, "Be careful about rushing God's timing. You never know who or what he is protecting or saving you from." (LISTEN) Then, in a broader sense, another quote on timing that I appreciate is, "Timing is everything. When you're really ready for it, it will come."
Whew. That last one speaks to ego. Some of us get frustrated when our dreams don't happen when we think they should yet many times, God knows that we're not as ready as we think we are for them to manifest. We might not be strong enough. We might not be mature enough. We might not be responsible enough. YET.
While there are many things that we can control in this world, for the most part, one that we honestly can't is timing. So, if while reading this, you honestly believe that you've done all that you can do (have you?), perhaps you need to chill and just trust timing to do its thing. Because when things happen at the right time…it really is for your best in the long run.
Are You Absolutely in Love with Your Dreams?
A couple of years ago, something I wrote for the site was entitled, "Like, Love & In Love: How To Really Know The Difference". When it came to the "in love" part, something that I touched on is it's pretty close to impossible to be "in love" unless the person you love is "in it" along with you. That's because "in" means to be in a place, position, or type of relationship, and "with" means to be accompanied by.
I know this is about to be some red pill thinking but…while you're out here thinking that you're in love with your dreams, have you ever pondered if your dreams are actually in love with you too? If they are lining up with your feelings and beliefs, so that you two can walk this thing about together? If that sounds like a crazy question, look at it this way—true love removes obstacles like pride, ego, and arrogance.
That said, let's not act like there aren't a ton of people out here whose dreams are rooted exactly in those things. And because of that, they aren't really in love with their dreams—they're in lust with the idea of what their dreams can do to further feed into their pride, ego and arrogance.
Dreams? More times than not, they are pure. They are precious. They are designed to bring out the best in us. If some of your dreams sense that you've got some cryptic or shady agendas…well, they may not love you as much as you "love" them. And so, they—and the universe—will actually do things to hinder your progress until some honesty, humility and gratitude—instead of that doggone sense of entitlement that so many folks tend to have—come into play.
This is a good thing because the last thing that any of us need is for our dreams to become our worst nightmares.
While these eight points cannot guarantee that your dreams will become a reality, what I can assure you is the clarity these things are able to provide will get you closer than you've ever been—or position into a better spot. In the meantime, no matter what your thoughts, ideas, or desires may be, don't doubt them. If they are meant to be and you're willing to put in the good work, they will manifest. In due time. The universe totally has your back on that.
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Originally published on April 20, 2021
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Check Out The 8 Summer Fruits That Are Crossover Beauty Hacks Too
Yesterday, while in a store waiting for my watch to get fixed, I ended up talking to one of the customer service people who was in there. The discussion began with light stuff like the weather, and when he said, “Isn’t this heat crazy?” I responded by saying, “I mean, is it? It is the South, and it is summertime.”
Learning how to roll with the seasons (both literally as well as metaphorically) is a life lesson that will spare you so much, trust me. Besides, it’s not like each season (again, literally as well as metaphorically) doesn’t have its perks. As far as the summer one goes, summer dresses, vacations, longer days, more ice cream than ever, and also, some pretty impressive fruit is in season during that time…some of which I’m about to tackle from a strictly beauty tips position.
Yep. Today, I’m going to share some of the beauty-related benefits that come from some of summertime’s most popular fruits, along with a couple of ways (for each) that you can incorporate them into looking your best, whether you’re going on a girls’ outing, you’ve got a hot date or you simply have some beauty goals that you want to achieve before fall rolls around.
The Beauty Benefits of Summer’s Juiciest Fruits
1. Watermelon
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Since “water” is literally in the word, I’m thinking it doesn’t surprise you very much that watermelon is made up of 92 percent agua. This means that, off top, it’s great for hydration. Aside from that, though, watermelon is a fruit that reduces inflammation in bones and joints while decreasing muscle soreness (if working out is your thing). Watermelon also contains vitamins A and C to keep your skin in good condition and, since it has a good amount of fiber in it too, watermelon can also help to detox your system.
If you’re looking for an all-natural toner, this DIY Watermelon Cucumber Face Toner recipe (here) uses the Vitamin A in watermelon to brighten your skin along with the antioxidants in cucumber to rejuvenate it. You can also try a DIY Watermelon Face Mask (here); it also contains plain yogurt that helps to deeply moisturize your skin, protect your skin from damaging skin rays and it can even reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
2. Mangoes
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Stringiness aside, mangoes are definitely one of my favorite fruits, so it’s a real bonus that it’s good for me (and you) on the beauty tip. The vitamin C in it will help your skin to produce collagen, so that your skin looks young and vibrant. The copper that it contains can help to slow down premature graying (check out “This Is How To Naturally Treat Premature Greying”). Its vitamin B6 improves your skin’s elasticity while its vitamin E content can increase blood circulation to your scalp, so that your hair is stronger.
Got an unexpected pimple that you want to speed up the healing process of? Try the Mango-Rose Water Cleanser recipe (here). The vitamins A (that it also has), C and E will soothe the zit while the raw milk in the recipe will deeply moisturize and the rose water will help to reduce the inflammation. On the other hand, if you want to deep condition your hair, you can do so with the Mango Butter Hair Mask recipe (here). The recipe calls for eggs that contain protein to strengthen your hair and mango butter that will soften your locks. Speaking of mango butter, if you want to experiment even more with it, check out Humble Bee and Me’s “10 Recipes to Make with Mango Butter.”
3. Strawberries
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I don’t know about y’all but, to me, few things taste better than strawberries and fresh whipped cream — and the fact that they’re another warm weather fruit that is actually good for you? Lawd. Although they technically are more of a late spring fruit as far as seasons go, you can still find them at your local grocery store and even farmers’ market. Good thing too because strawberries are made up of 91 percent water and are another good source of fiber and vitamin C. The anti-inflammatory properties in strawberries are good at fighting acne and the malic acid in them can help to prevent teeth discoloration.
As far as your oral health goes, while eating fresh strawberries is good for you, if you’ve read that brushing your teeth with a combination of strawberries and baking soda is all the rage (as far as teeth whitening is concerned) — yeah, you might want to be careful with that. Since strawberries are highly acidic and baking soda can be somewhat abrasive, the combo, long-term, can lead to thinning enamel.
Instead, use strawberries for things like making your own DIY Strawberry Smash Moisturizer (here). The cocoa butter in this moisturizer will deeply hydrate your skin as well as soften the appearance of stretch marks and minor scars while the aloe will soothe and reduce skin symptoms that are related to psoriasis and eczema. Another cool strawberry recipe? How about the Strawberry Shortcake Lip Scrub DIY one (here)? Talk about a delicious way to keep your lips super soft and smooth.
4. Apricots
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If you’ve ever wondered what the difference is between apricots and peaches, apricots are smaller and not as sweet as peaches are; in fact, they have a bit of a tart taste to them. Your skin will like them because they contain a fair amount of vitamins A, C and antioxidants to keep your skin radiant and glowing. They are made up of around 85 percent water which will help to keep your hair, skin and nails hydrated; plus, the high amount of fiber in your gut can help to keep you regular, so that your breakouts are decreased.
If you’re looking to rejuvenate your skin, try making your own Apricot Scrub (here). A recipe that contains honey will help to lighten your skin and fade acne scarring while the fresh lemon juice will help to remove acne-causing bacteria and boost collagen levels in your skin. Speaking of scrubs, the Apricot Lip Scrub (here), although it calls for apricot oil rather than the fruit itself, is another way to keep your lips super soft all summer long.
5. Cherries
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Although they seem to be costing an arm and a leg out here this summer (SMDH), hands down, another one of my favorite summer fruits are Bing cherries. Since they’re filled with fiber and they’re a pretty good source of vitamin C, copper, antioxidants and anti-inflammatory agents, I’m sure that you get that these sweet treats are great for your system overall. What they can do for you, as far as your beauty goals go, is fight any cellular damage that is in your skin, they can help to speed up the healing process of breakouts and they also contain sleep compounds, so that you’re able to get the beauty rest that you need.
Is your skin super dry? You might want to try this Nourishing Cherry & Peach Mask for Dry Skin recipe (here). I’ll explain what the peaches can do for your skin in just a moment. For now, though, another ingredient in this mask is extra virgin olive oil; that is bomb because it deeply moisturizes, helps to reduce signs of aging and it gently yet effectively removes make-up (if you’re worried about some of it clogging up your pores).
Another cherry-related beauty hack? You can get your skin ready for your swimsuit with this Cherry Vanilla Body Scrub recipe (here). The granules of the sugar will help to remove dead skin, the coconut oil will moisturize, soften and even your skin tone and the sweet almond oil will reverse sun damage and even soften the appearance of stretch marks.
6. Limes
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Maybe it’s just me, but I personally think that when it comes to cocktails and mocktails, limes make them so much better. You should consider adding them to your beauty regimen because limes are a good source of vitamin C and antioxidants which are both really good for keeping your skin youthful. Since they also help your system to absorb iron, if your goal is to grow longer locks, lime can help in that department too (since iron deficiency and hair loss are connected).
Oh, and if you’re looking to shed a few pounds this summer season, lime water can help with that too. That’s because the citric acid that’s in limes can help to increase your metabolism and prevent as much fat from storing up in your body.
Looking to clarify your hair on wash day? This Revitalizing Lime Hair Rinse recipe (here) is just what you need. The combination of the lime juice and apple cider vinegar that’s in it will remove the build-up that’s on your scalp and in your hair without over-drying it. Something else that could be fun is this Vanilla, Coconut, Cocoa and Lime Lip Balm recipe (here). All of its ingredients can help to keep your lips really smooth and very kissable from sunrise to sunset.
7. Peaches
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There is nothing like digging into a sweet and juicy peach! Fiber aside, two things that this fruit has an impressive amount of are vitamin A and potassium. Aside from the skin brightening that I mentioned earlier, some other cool things about vitamin A is it helps to prevent (or reduce) skin sagging, it’s pretty effective at treating psoriasis and it also decreases damage that UV rays tend to cause. Potassium? Potassium is cool because it helps to keep your cells well-hydrated, your bones (including your teeth) nice and strong and it also builds muscle (as you’re working out).
If you’ve got a date coming up, pamper your skin with a Peaches & Cream Facial Scrub (here). The oatmeal in the recipe is a powerful exfoliant and skin moisturizer. When it comes to your hair, apply this really simple Peach Hair Mask recipe (here). Peaches are a wonderful moisturizer overall and besides, just imagine how delicious your locks will smell after using it!
8. Melons
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Whether it’s cantaloupe (which is made up of a little over 90 percent water) or honeydew (which has the same amount of water in it as cantaloupe does), you’re in for a refreshing treat if you like either one. And the cool thing, beauty-wise, is both of these melons are full of vitamin C and antioxidants to keep your skin thriving. Something else that both cantaloupe as well as honeydew have in them are electrolytes; electrolytes are good for your skin because they both moisturize it as well as help to strengthen your skin’s barrier.
If you’ve got 4C-type hair, your strands will be all about the DIY Melon Hair Mask for 4C Hair recipe (here) where the combination of the melon puree, coconut oil and essential oils will deeply condition and strengthen your hair. Skin-wise, a Melon Lime Toning Mask (recipe is here) can tone your skin with the help of two basic ingredients: your choice of honeydew or cantaloupe and lime. As a bonus, another all-natural beauty treat is the Cucumber Melon Lotion Bar recipe that consists of cucumber melon fragrance essential oil (here).
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Excuse the pun but…pretty cool, right? If you’ve been wondering what to do with the little bit of summer fruit that you have left, now it has another purpose: bringing out the best in you, beauty-wise.
Just one more than to love about summer, right? I totally agree.
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