When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I found a stash of comic books in his bedroom. Once I mentioned it, he shared with me all of his favorite comic books, which are the Black Panther, Spawn, The Watchmen, and The Punisher, and that he discovered his love for comic books at the age of 9. He also told me that comic books were special to him because they tell a story about heroes who actually have morals and cares. One Day, I decided to surprise him by taking him to a comic book store, and that's when I actually saw how much he really loved comic books.
He was like a kid in a candy store!
Months later, I saw my boyfriend tweet about MomoCon and I had no idea what he was talking about. So I researched it and learned that it is a convention in Atlanta that annually brings together over 65,000 fans of anime, animation, comics, video games and tabletop games.
I felt really bad that he missed it, so I started thinking about other conventions we could go to and I came across Comic Con, but that was all the way in California and we wouldn't be able to make it. Then I came across Dragon Con and remembered that it happens every year in Atlanta. This would be the perfect surprise!
To take things a little further, we decided to dress in character.
I had always wondered what Dragon Con was all about because I would always see people walking around in costumes, but this year I switched places, and I became the “weird" person dressed in a costume walking around downtown Atlanta.
One thing I noticed right away is that there were rarely any people of color in attendance, and there wasn't a lot of women there either.
It didn't dawn on my boyfriend and me that people of color were few and far between until we met a little girl who ran up to me screaming "Mommy! Look, she's a superhero!" Her mother asked if she could take a photo with us, but at first I was so confused because there were thousands of other superheroes around her, so why me? And then I took a second and realized that I was probably only one of the 10 brown people there.
Courtesy of Nia Testamark
I realize now that it is very important for people of color and women to attend these conventions because we aren't as visible in the fantasy, anime and comic book industry. By attending, it will definitely begin to paint a different picture. For some odd reason, casting a black person, a minority or a woman as a comic book character or superhero seems to be so controversial.
For example, when it was announced that Michael B. Jordan was cast in the Fantastic Four as the Human Torch, many people were so upset and distraught just because he was a black man playing a “traditionally" white character. As far as women, well the new Super Girl television show has already received a number of negative comments and it hasn't even premiered. I have no idea why women and people of color playing these types of characters seem to be such an issue, but it needs to change.
One great thing that came out of attending Dragon Con was that it definitely helped change the dynamic of our relationship. This was my boyfriend's first convention and he was so excited that he was able to meet actors, producers and other fans of movies and comic books. He kept telling me how happy he was that I was so supportive and wasn't negative or judgmental about the convention and the other people that were there, and he really liked how open I was to learning about comic books and that I put effort into learning about the character that I was dressed as. I think it added on to the foundation of support and care that we already have for each other because I could of easily dismissed Dragon Con or even just bought tickets for him and one of his friends.
As a girlfriend you should give it a shot and try to learn about his favorite hobbies. You just might surprise yourself like I did and want to do it again. However, if you do try it and you see that it's not for you, then don't consume your entire life with it. Most importantly, make sure that he is a supporting boyfriend of your hobbies and interests.
Have you ever dated a guy with interesting hobbies? How did you show him support?
Nia Testamark is a little person (not literally) with a lot to say. She is a 4'11'' social media lover, media junkie and enjoys blogging on her website Lepetitescribe.com. She is an alumna of Clark Atlanta University and a current graduate student at American University.
Featured image courtesy of Nia Testamark
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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