

What A Man Should Expect If YOU Ask HIM Out
I already know I'm about to step onto some toes with what I'm about to say, but feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section because I'd honestly like to hear your thoughts. Ready?
Why is it that when gender roles are discussed in relationships, a lot of us are quick to say that those thoughts and principles are antiquated and even unnecessary? Oh, but when the topic of a woman proposing to a man or even asking a man out on a date, suddenly those same women are saying things along the lines of "No ma'am. That's what a man is supposed to do"?
If you're looking for my personal take on things, I'll just say that I'm more of a traditionalist than not and leave it at that. And while I'd personally prefer to be proposed to (in part, because I want to be sure a man is marrying me because he's ready to, not because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings if I were to ask him), I'm not the one who gasps in disgust or even confusion whenever a woman asks a man out. I don't think it's needy. I don't think it's desperate. I actually think it takes a confident and self-aware woman to do it because whenever we ask anyone to do anything, there's a chance that we'll hear "no".
What I will also say is that I do know some women who want to take the initiative to ask a man on a date and then want him to do all of the work after he says "yes". Should he be a gentleman? Of course. But should he suddenly act like he's the one who asked in the first place? Personally, I don't think so. Personally, I feel that when a woman asks a man on a date, there are certain things that are OK for the guy to expect…should he accept.
You to Plan the Date
I remember once talking to someone who was on the fence about asking a guy out. After she finally got the nerve to do it, although the guy initially said "yes", he ended up taking a pass. Why? Because after she asked him, she expected him to figure out what they should do. Yeah…that's not how it works. I mean, how would you feel if a guy asked you out and then called you to see what you had in mind and when? It doesn't seem like he's super invested, does it? Asking a guy out doesn't only consist of him agreeing to spend time with you; it's also about figuring out what the two of you should do together—and when.
I asked a few of my male friends what their idea of a great date would be. Some of them, I had to sit on the phone with dead air because they said that they're so used to planning dates that they never really gave their own dream date much thought. But once they got over the initial shock of my question, some said going to a sporting event, others said they'd want to do something outdoorsy that had a bit of an adrenaline rush to it and others said a live music event or binge-watching some of their favorite movies would be fun.
So yeah, that brings up one more point about planning dates. Although a lot of us like to be surprised, again, most men are thrown off-guard just by you making the initial request. That's why asking them what they enjoy doing doesn't come off as "lazy". If anything, it translates as being extremely thoughtful.
You to Pay for the Date
I would think that it's a given that if you ask a man out, you should be the one who pays, even if he offers to. For any of you who don't agree, please post in the comments section why because I don't get the logic behind expecting someone to finance what you planned for them in the first place. But hey, you don't have to take my word for it. An interview that actress Lauren London did several years back featured her take on who should pay for dates. After explaining her ideal date, her response was perfect (to me)—"Who pays on the first date? It depends on who asks. If a woman asks a man on a date, then she should be willing and prepared to pay…When you invite someone to your house for dinner, you don't expect them to bring the groceries." Amen? Amen.
For There to Be No “Uncomfortable Surprises”
Maybe it's just me, but I don't know a ton of guys that are big on surprises, in general. Unless it's from someone who knows them really well (enough to know what they like and don't know) or who's been with them for a while, being caught off-guard typically isn't their idea of a good time. That being said, asking a guy on a date and then "surprising him" by turning it into an impromptu double date with a couple of your friends, bringing some of your family along or taking him to one of your events like a wedding or work-related function without his knowledge really isn't the smartest idea in the world.
8 times out of 10, it translates into being a super pushy move or worse, a manipulative one. Even if he's a nice guy and sees the date through, I wouldn't be shocked in the least if your first date ends up being your last one as well.
For There to Be No Pressure Following the Date
So, you ask the guy you're interested in out, he says "yes" and the date is amazin'. There's chemistry and a connection. You both enjoy similar things and he even mentions going out again with, this time, it being on his dime. Good for you, girl! Wanna know how to totally mess all-a-dat up? Constant texts and phone calls. Not letting him bring up follow-up plans in his own way and time. Becoming passive aggressive when after—wow, a whole—week, he hasn't put anything on the books.
No matter how wonderful a date is, I have learned from personal experience that men can lose interest real quick once stress, anxiety or pressure comes into play. The same kind of confidence that you had to ask a guy out in the first place? Keep that same energy once the date is over. If he's into you, he'll make it known. LeToya Luckett's husband, Tommicus Walker, made that fact crystal clear in a recent interview on our site.
To Not Make Him the Bad Guy if Things Don’t Work Out
One reason why I think it's a good idea for us to ask a guy out every once in a while is so it will (hopefully) give us a new respect and insight into what they go through when they find the courage to, not only ask us out, but to deal with how the date goes should we accept. And here's the thing—just like you should not be considered low-key evil if you go on a date and the connection is simply not there or you're just not interested in going out again, neither is the man that you ask on a date.
Sometimes we think that if someone isn't interested in us that something is wrong with us when really, they simply aren't our person. In this instance, that doesn't make a man a bad guy. Maybe he's meant to be a friend. Maybe he was just a tool to give you the boldness to try something new. But please hear me when I say that until—or unless—you are able to ask a man out and know you can handle however it plays out, for the sake of all parties involved…wait. Either the opportunity will present itself at a better time or, if he's interested in you, maybe, just maybe, he'll beat you to the punch.
And then worrying about asking him out will cease to be an issue.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Is Once Ever Enough To See Beyoncé's "Renaissance World Tour?"
Many have wondered if one time is ever enough to see Queen Bey. Some argue yes. However, many of us on the opposite end of the spectrum, including myself, would disagree. Beyoncé's "Renaissance World Tour" is a universal yet varying experience for everyone who attends. In the words of Oprah Winfrey, the concert is "transcendent." For millennials, we have over two decades of her catalog that has served as the soundtrack for many of our lives and painted a personal portrait of our most coveted thoughts. Her music provides mental clarity and self-expression by serving as a universal language that has united fans from all walks of life through community, fashion, self-acceptance, and healing.
With a multi-layered approach to her artistry, just as she did on that winter day in December 2013 with the infamous digital drop of her self-titled album, she changed the game again on February 1, 2023, when she announced her world tour in support of Renaissance, her seventh studio album. Her cultural impact set the internet ablaze, with everyone trying to gather their coins, barter for presale codes, and figure out which cities to attend. The group chats were lit, and the Beyhive was stressed trying to get their hands on tickets.
Photo courtesy of Dontaira Terrell
Unfortunately, I was in that number. As the concert dates passed by and the one in my city drawing near all roads led to disappointment. With time ticking on the day of the Miami show and less than two hours to spare, my wallet bit the bullet, and I purchased three last-minute tickets, costing roughly $700.00 a piece (including fees) for me, my 9-year-old and 16-year-old nieces in Section 121 at the Hard Rock Stadium. With 10 minutes before showtime, we eagerly awaited the Queen to take the stage. A sea of metallic fringes, cowboy hats, disco fans, and western boots were in full effect and filled the entire stadium.
As the lights dimmed, a flood of emotions instantly overtook my body. It continued with each note she belted, along with nearly 50,000 roaring fans. The reverberating sound of the music through the stadium transported me from one era of my life to the next. As a teen girl in her bedroom daydreaming about her first love to blossoming into an unapologetic Black woman who is still on a road of self-discovery while learning to lean into the power anthem of "You won't break my soul." For over two hours, and with each set, I felt joy, love, peace, and a commanderie with fellow concertgoers. It was therapeutic as I danced like no one was watching and sang as if I were alone in my bathroom mirror.
There were no bars held, and I realized at that moment, "Nobody can judge me but me." The "Renaissance World Tour" proved to be so vast, and my Black girl joy was re-invigorated. It was magnetic and liberating, and I had to attend again, but this time, I needed to be up close and personal; I needed to be on the floor. In the days that passed, I watched more social media clips in different cities and asked myself if I would really splurge again to attend another Renaissance show.
Photo courtesy of Dontaira Terrell
After all, this would be my thirteenth time (maybe more because I lost count) seeing Beyoncé live, whether she was on tour with Destiny's Child, as a solo artist, or doing a live appearance. I contemplated for a while, but it worked itself out on its own. I was gifted two tickets and the next thing I knew, I was off to LA to attend another Renaissance show with floor seats at SoFi Stadium during Beyonce's 42nd birthday weekend! This time, things were different: no kids were allowed. It was adults only this go round.
Although the energy at the Miami and Los Angeles shows was empowering, infectious, and a celebration of life, happiness, and identity, they each provided their own unique experience. However, both concerts were what I needed for my well-being, leaving me with sore feet from dancing the night away, on vocal rest for the next few days from screaming at the top of my lungs, and on an indefinite high on life.
My introduction and love for Beyoncé began in 1996, while my older sister lived in Houston, TX, right before Bey hit the scene in 1998 with "No, No, No" as a budding R&B member. Her evolution twenty-seven years later as an international superstar and into womanhood has been an incredible journey to witness. As Mrs. Carter reminds each of us in the audience every night before the curtain closes, "I want you to remember this moment, where you're standing, who you came with, and take it with you. I hope you feel inspired."
I truly felt inspired, so thank you, Queen Bey. You awakened my inner child, and I will definitely remember these moments and take them with me.
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/WireImage for Parkwood