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Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
Maybe it's just me, but whenever I hear someone say that they'd rather have a hot fudge sundae or to watch something on Hulu over having an orgasm, I can't help but wonder if they've ever actually had an orgasm before. Sure, there are other things that bring joy and pleasure in life, but I firmly believe that you'd be hard-pressed to find something that even comes close to a good old-fashioned climax.
The crazy thing is, if someone offered me $100 to describe what one feels like, I'd be stumped. I guess it's kind of like…going downhill on a roller coaster as you try and catch your breath. It makes you feel warm and tingly all over. Adding to that, it's the ultimate kind of release that is erotic, electric and totally satisfying. Actually, I've read authors who describe it as a glimpse into what heaven is like. Shoot, if that doesn't motivate you to live right in preparation for the afterlife, I don't know what will!
The way I see it, the only thing better than an orgasm is having multiple orgasms or a really intense one. As far as multiple ones go, we'll have to get into that at another time. But if you want a few tips on how to increase, deepen and strengthen your orgasms, here are some that are female-specific and proven. (You're welcome.)
Do Some Kegels
If you are a self-professed sex connoisseur, you probably read this first tip and thought "Duh." I hear you, but I would be totally irresponsible to talk about how to take your orgasms up a notch and not mention the benefit and power that comes from doing kegels on a regular basis.
Kegels not only strengthen your pelvic floor, they also improve blood circulation to your vaginal region, increase lubrication, relax your vaginal muscles and help you to control your vaginal contractions better. If you want some tips on how to do kegels properly, pull out your exercise ball and then click here.
Take a Hot Bath
It's hard to not feel super sexy after soaking in your bathtub. If the water is hot, it will increase blood flow to your vagina. Something else it will do is make your vulva a lot more sensitive in the best way possible (why do you think some of us have orgasms while taking a bath or a hot shower?).
Have a Warm Cup of Saffron Milk
If you're having trouble falling asleep, have a cup of warm milk. Although recent studies reveal that drinking it has more of a psychological effect than anything else, milk does contain small amounts of tryptophan which can definitely soothe your body, relax your mind and make going to sleep so much easier to do.
If you want to get a couple of rounds of sex in before catching some zzz's, put the spice saffron into your milk. Not only does it have the ability to increase your lubrication and intensify your arousal, but if you have a low libido due to depression symptoms, saffron can help to alleviate that too.
Eat a Spinach Omelet
Wanna have an earth-shattering orgasm? Try eating a spinach omelet an hour before gettin' it in. Eggs are sexually beneficial because they contain protein and choline. Protein helps to give you energy and choline triggers nitric oxide in your system so that blood circulation will increase to your genital region. Spinach is a nice addition because it's rich in manganese, magnesium and zinc. Manganese naturally helps your body to produce estrogen, magnesium improves your fertility and zinc boosts testosterone and lowers the production of prolactin in your body. That's a good thing because prolactin is sometimes linked to sexual dysfunction.
Fun fact: Something else that produces nitric oxide is evening primrose oil. It also balances hormones, relieves PMS and increases fertility as well.
Make Some Lube Out of Sweet Almond Oil and Peppermint Oil
Pretty much any sex therapist will tell you that a golden key to powerful orgasms is lube, lube and more lube! If you want to create a slippery tingling sensation, make your own lubricant by combining sweet almond oil with peppermint oil.
Here's your warning. Pure peppermint oil is STRONG. If you're gonna put it anywhere near your vaginal region, a little bit goes a really long way. 1-2 drops in a half-cup of sweet almond oil is really all you need. Even then, test it out on the outer part of your labia (the outer folds of your vulva), just to make sure that it stimulates you instead of irritates you.
(By the way, if you'd like to add some lube to your sexual experience but you're also in the process of trying to conceive a child, Pre-Seed is a brand that will get you what you need without affecting your man's sperm in the process.)
Pay Attention to Your Nose (Vanilla/Black Licorice)
Did you know that women with a keen sense of smell have orgasms more often and more intensely? Two scents that are definitely an aphrodisiac for your nose are vanilla and black licorice.
Vanilla is the ultimate kind of seducer because it improves blood circulation throughout your body, has a euphoric effect on your brain, calms your nervous system and increases muscular energy. Black licorice works because it creates feelings of arousal in women.
You can get even more excited before and during sex if you apply vanilla or black licorice to some of your pressure points. Your breasts, your neck and, believe it or not, your ankles are three places where not only will the scents turn you on, but they can stimulate you easier and quicker too.
Become an Edging Master
Orgasms happen in four stages— excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. In order for edging to work, you and your partner need to build up to the second stage and then pull back a bit. If you do this at least 3-4 times, you'll be so mentally excited and your genital region will be so off-the-charts stimulated that when you finally do get to stage three, the climax will be truly something to behold!
By the way, two other benefits of edging is it can help men to last longer in bed while giving our vulvas more time to warm up. Yep, edging brings new meaning to good things cum—umm, come—to those who wait.
Apply the “Coital Alignment Technique”
Sooooo…what do you know about the mons Venus (also known as the mons pubis)? In a nutshell, it's the fatty tissue that lays right over your pubic bone. When you and yours decide to get into the coital alignment position, it's a 2.0 version of the missionary position. Instead of your legs being open, they're closed; instead of his legs being closed, they're open. This not only makes it easier for him to move around, but it also makes it possible for him to "grind" on your mons Venus more, which makes it easier for him to reach your clitoris and your G-spot (yay!). The more clitoral and G-spot stimulation you get, the better your orgasms will be.
Make Sure He Can Make You Laugh
If you ask pretty much any woman to share five traits that she wants in a man, a sense of humor is probably gonna be on this list. I like to do research on this kind of stuff rather than just take it at face value and according to some scientific data that I happened on, the reason why we're drawn to funny guys is because it gives us insight into how complementary we are with someone. Not only that but humor is respected as a qualification for a healthy relationship and, we also like being around people who can relieve tension, anxiety and stress from us. Humor has the ability to do that.
The calmness and security that a sense of humor provides outside of the bedroom also works well inside of it because research also reveals that when we're in a relationship with a funny guy, it makes us want to initiate sex and have sex more. It also makes our orgasms that much better. How funny—I mean sexy—is that?
Have More Blended Orgasms
Since we've been talking about how to make your orgasms more intense, let's end on an orgasm note. Blended orgasms are dope because they're all about receiving clitoral and vaginal stimulation at the same time (heaven, right?).
Off top, a sexual position that makes this easy to do is spooning. But if you want to do some more experimenting in this area, you can find a whopping 100 different Kama Sutra positions here. Through a little trial, error and practice, you should be able to find at least 15 different sexual positions that will make it possible for you to get your blending—and intensifying—on.
(Don't say a sistah never gave you anything!)
Featured image by Getty Images
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My First Orgasm Gave Me The Best Sex Of My Life
10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm
Self-Pleasure Changed How I Experience Sex
I Only Have One Rule In The Bedroom: I Come First.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisoned has returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of like an article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form of Inspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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