Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
Maybe it's just me, but whenever I hear someone say that they'd rather have a hot fudge sundae or to watch something on Hulu over having an orgasm, I can't help but wonder if they've ever actually had an orgasm before. Sure, there are other things that bring joy and pleasure in life, but I firmly believe that you'd be hard-pressed to find something that even comes close to a good old-fashioned climax.
The crazy thing is, if someone offered me $100 to describe what one feels like, I'd be stumped. I guess it's kind of like…going downhill on a roller coaster as you try and catch your breath. It makes you feel warm and tingly all over. Adding to that, it's the ultimate kind of release that is erotic, electric and totally satisfying. Actually, I've read authors who describe it as a glimpse into what heaven is like. Shoot, if that doesn't motivate you to live right in preparation for the afterlife, I don't know what will!
The way I see it, the only thing better than an orgasm is having multiple orgasms or a really intense one. As far as multiple ones go, we'll have to get into that at another time. But if you want a few tips on how to increase, deepen and strengthen your orgasms, here are some that are female-specific and proven. (You're welcome.)
Do Some Kegels
GiphyIf you are a self-professed sex connoisseur, you probably read this first tip and thought "Duh." I hear you, but I would be totally irresponsible to talk about how to take your orgasms up a notch and not mention the benefit and power that comes from doing kegels on a regular basis.
Kegels not only strengthen your pelvic floor, they also improve blood circulation to your vaginal region, increase lubrication, relax your vaginal muscles and help you to control your vaginal contractions better. If you want some tips on how to do kegels properly, pull out your exercise ball and then click here.
Take a Hot Bath
It's hard to not feel super sexy after soaking in your bathtub. If the water is hot, it will increase blood flow to your vagina. Something else it will do is make your vulva a lot more sensitive in the best way possible (why do you think some of us have orgasms while taking a bath or a hot shower?).
Have a Warm Cup of Saffron Milk
GiphyIf you're having trouble falling asleep, have a cup of warm milk. Although recent studies reveal that drinking it has more of a psychological effect than anything else, milk does contain small amounts of tryptophan which can definitely soothe your body, relax your mind and make going to sleep so much easier to do.
If you want to get a couple of rounds of sex in before catching some zzz's, put the spice saffron into your milk. Not only does it have the ability to increase your lubrication and intensify your arousal, but if you have a low libido due to depression symptoms, saffron can help to alleviate that too.
Eat a Spinach Omelet
Wanna have an earth-shattering orgasm? Try eating a spinach omelet an hour before gettin' it in. Eggs are sexually beneficial because they contain protein and choline. Protein helps to give you energy and choline triggers nitric oxide in your system so that blood circulation will increase to your genital region. Spinach is a nice addition because it's rich in manganese, magnesium and zinc. Manganese naturally helps your body to produce estrogen, magnesium improves your fertility and zinc boosts testosterone and lowers the production of prolactin in your body. That's a good thing because prolactin is sometimes linked to sexual dysfunction.
Fun fact: Something else that produces nitric oxide is evening primrose oil. It also balances hormones, relieves PMS and increases fertility as well.
Make Some Lube Out of Sweet Almond Oil and Peppermint Oil
GiphyPretty much any sex therapist will tell you that a golden key to powerful orgasms is lube, lube and more lube! If you want to create a slippery tingling sensation, make your own lubricant by combining sweet almond oil with peppermint oil.
Here's your warning. Pure peppermint oil is STRONG. If you're gonna put it anywhere near your vaginal region, a little bit goes a really long way. 1-2 drops in a half-cup of sweet almond oil is really all you need. Even then, test it out on the outer part of your labia (the outer folds of your vulva), just to make sure that it stimulates you instead of irritates you.
(By the way, if you'd like to add some lube to your sexual experience but you're also in the process of trying to conceive a child, Pre-Seed is a brand that will get you what you need without affecting your man's sperm in the process.)
Pay Attention to Your Nose (Vanilla/Black Licorice)
Did you know that women with a keen sense of smell have orgasms more often and more intensely? Two scents that are definitely an aphrodisiac for your nose are vanilla and black licorice.
Vanilla is the ultimate kind of seducer because it improves blood circulation throughout your body, has a euphoric effect on your brain, calms your nervous system and increases muscular energy. Black licorice works because it creates feelings of arousal in women.
You can get even more excited before and during sex if you apply vanilla or black licorice to some of your pressure points. Your breasts, your neck and, believe it or not, your ankles are three places where not only will the scents turn you on, but they can stimulate you easier and quicker too.
Become an Edging Master
GiphyOrgasms happen in four stages— excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. In order for edging to work, you and your partner need to build up to the second stage and then pull back a bit. If you do this at least 3-4 times, you'll be so mentally excited and your genital region will be so off-the-charts stimulated that when you finally do get to stage three, the climax will be truly something to behold!
By the way, two other benefits of edging is it can help men to last longer in bed while giving our vulvas more time to warm up. Yep, edging brings new meaning to good things cum—umm, come—to those who wait.
Apply the “Coital Alignment Technique”
Sooooo…what do you know about the mons Venus (also known as the mons pubis)? In a nutshell, it's the fatty tissue that lays right over your pubic bone. When you and yours decide to get into the coital alignment position, it's a 2.0 version of the missionary position. Instead of your legs being open, they're closed; instead of his legs being closed, they're open. This not only makes it easier for him to move around, but it also makes it possible for him to "grind" on your mons Venus more, which makes it easier for him to reach your clitoris and your G-spot (yay!). The more clitoral and G-spot stimulation you get, the better your orgasms will be.
Make Sure He Can Make You Laugh
If you ask pretty much any woman to share five traits that she wants in a man, a sense of humor is probably gonna be on this list. I like to do research on this kind of stuff rather than just take it at face value and according to some scientific data that I happened on, the reason why we're drawn to funny guys is because it gives us insight into how complementary we are with someone. Not only that but humor is respected as a qualification for a healthy relationship and, we also like being around people who can relieve tension, anxiety and stress from us. Humor has the ability to do that.
The calmness and security that a sense of humor provides outside of the bedroom also works well inside of it because research also reveals that when we're in a relationship with a funny guy, it makes us want to initiate sex and have sex more. It also makes our orgasms that much better. How funny—I mean sexy—is that?
Have More Blended Orgasms
Since we've been talking about how to make your orgasms more intense, let's end on an orgasm note. Blended orgasms are dope because they're all about receiving clitoral and vaginal stimulation at the same time (heaven, right?).
Off top, a sexual position that makes this easy to do is spooning. But if you want to do some more experimenting in this area, you can find a whopping 100 different Kama Sutra positions here. Through a little trial, error and practice, you should be able to find at least 15 different sexual positions that will make it possible for you to get your blending—and intensifying—on.
(Don't say a sistah never gave you anything!)
Featured image by Getty Images
Want more stories like this? Check out these xoNecole related reads:
My First Orgasm Gave Me The Best Sex Of My Life
10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm
Self-Pleasure Changed How I Experience Sex
I Only Have One Rule In The Bedroom: I Come First.
- How To Increase Sexual Desire For Your Partner - The Good Men ... ›
- How Cannabis Can Enhance Orgasm, Masturbation, And A Whole ... ›
- Increase Your Libido and Enhance Your Orgasms Naturally - Dr ... ›
- How To Have More Orgasms And Intensify Your Pleasure During ... ›
- The Best Ways to Delay Your Orgasm ›
- 5 Surefire Ways to Intensify Your Orgasm (According to Doctors and ... ›
- 5 Ways to Increase Your Chance of Having an Orgasm Tonight ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Age-Gap Dating Is HUGE Right Now. Still...Read This Before Doing It.
If you’re someone who’s been reading my content for a while, you know that I’m pretty big on accountability (with both men and women), and that means sometimes I will call out blatant hypocrisy and double standards. Today? It’s the fact that I find it to be mighty interesting that when an older woman is dating a younger man, she’s usually considered to be a “cougar” yet when an older man dates a younger woman, suddenly he’s a “perv” (short for pervert).
It's important to bring up that super unfair comparison because, when it comes to a particular dating trend that’s on the list of being a really big dating trend right now, it’s both men and women who are looking to get in on it — and if it’s good for one gender (within reason), in all fairness, it should be seen the same way for the other (again, within reason).
So, with that said, whatever it is that I’m about to share on the topic of age-gap dating, just know that I have no bias; I simply think it’s important for men and women, younger and older, to take a very realistic approach to this kind of dating…because as with pretty much everything in life, it has its pros and some, well, cons too.
Popular Doesn’t Automatically Mean Best
GiphySomething that has kind of always fascinated me about our culture is how so many people will abandon all common sense and logic, just to do something that is considered popular. Well, at the end of the day, that’s pretty much what a trend is: something that is currently done by a lot of people for…whatever the reason. When it comes to dating trends, specifically, oftentimes, they are “birthed” out of surveys from dating sites or apps. When the people who conduct them notice that something is overwhelmingly preferred, encouraged, or supported, then it becomes a trend — and that’s just where age-gap dating came from.
Long story short, Bumble kinda-sorta-recently did a survey and discovered things like 63 percent of folks don’t factor in age when it comes to dating, and 59 percent of women said that they would date a younger man; those are pretty large numbers, and so, there ya have it: a trend.
I will say that although the study wasn’t super-duper specific about when an age gap is considered to be too much of one, Glamour published an article a few years back that said, 10-plus years between two people is enough to start causing some issues if one is not careful (more on that in a sec). And so, before you decide to get out here lookin’ for a youngin’ or a more — eh hem — mature man, just because it currently seems like everyone else is open to it, consider if 10 years — backward or forwards — is something that you would want to deal with; especially long-term.
If you’re not sure, keep reading. Hopefully, I will provide some things for you to ponder.
Difference in Age Means Differences Everywhere
GiphyI’ve got people in my world who have big age gaps in their relationships. I’m talking about more than just 10 years. One example that immediately comes to mind is a married couple who has 15 years between them; the wife is older. On some levels, everything seems cool and copasetic. Oh, but there are nuances. Like she can be very condescending when it comes to what he finds to be fun and entertaining. Plus, their sex drives are not even close to being compatible now that she is well past menopause. It’s interesting because, rather than acknowledging that a lot of all of this has to do with their vast age differences, she prefers to see him as being immature. He’s not immature, sis. He’s just a lot younger than you are.
So, when it comes to age-gap relationships, that’s the first thing that you should think about: are you willing to deal with the differences that will probably come about, simply because you are at different stages in your lives due to your different ages?
Example: Because people say that I don’t look my age (‘preciate it), it’s not uncommon for folks to try and set me up with someone who is in their early 30s. For the most part, I’ll pass. For one thing, I intentionally decided that I didn’t want to have kids a long time ago, and I don’t want to have that discussion/debate with someone who may feel otherwise (quite possibly because they don’t have kids or want more of them). Also, I’ve worked with people, in the lane of relationships, for quite some time now.
Men before 35? For the most part, I encourage their focus to be on themselves and building their life (because a lot of guys don’t hit their professional and financial peak until their late 40s or early 50s). As for myself, I’m pretty settled, so I don’t want to be a hindrance when it comes to them up and moving a few times or switching career paths. Do that babe. You should.
I could go on and on when it comes to this particular point. The bottom line is dating someone who has a semi-significant age difference from you and then having a problem with the differences that come along with it is like really enjoying the summertime and then expecting winter to act like it…just because you do. Feel me?
Age-Gap Dating Requires Being a (Patient) Student. And Teacher.
GiphyWhenever people talk to me about the hours that they spend (or is it waste?) arguing with folks on social media, something that I will oftentimes say (for instance) is, “Some of those folks weren’t even born when Freaknik happened. Let them come to the wisdom and insight that you have, due to your age, on their own.” Same thing goes for age-gap dating.
When it comes to these celebrity relationships, so many of them switch up like they change their underwear, so I won’t even give specific examples. If you surf or scroll on a daily basis, though, you know that there are some older women dating younger men and older men who are dating younger women who show all the signs in the world of heading for a real roller coaster ride because…they are simply at two totally different points in their life.
For instance, when you’re in your 20s, it’s not automatically a red flag that you want to go to the club often. Oh, but when you’re in your 40s, you can be tempted to tell them that it is — even though you did the same thing when you were their age. You know, just because you’ve “been there and done that” before, that doesn’t mean you should look down on them because they haven’t (yet).
Yeah, that’s another challenge about age-gap dating and age-gap relationships: you tend to think that you should be someone’s parent instead of their partner.
So, do I think that age-gap dating can never work? No, that’s not the case. What I will say is if you’re not a very flexible person, you are about to be pissed, often. Because when you’re with someone who has a different view of things that you do, and a part of it is because they are a different age than you are, you’ve got to be willing to teach some things that could help them to grow and also learn some things that could help you to become a better person — whether they are the older one or not.
Take two of my clients where, again, the husband is younger (by nine years) and the wife is older. He says all of the time that if he had not come into her life, she would’ve aged faster because she owns the fact that she’s not naturally a very adventurous person. At the same time, because of her influence in his life, he’s better with time management, which has helped him professionally, because she’s a huge planner (something that she learned to become due to “fumbling some balls” back when she was younger). See what I mean: the student as well as the teacher.
Does this apply to all relationships? It should. I’m just saying that when age-gap dating comes into play, lessons tend to pop up often and sometimes, very unexpectedly, simply due to folks being at various places and stages due to their age alone. If you can’t fathom dealing with that, age-gap dating is probably not something that you should get involved with.
Casually Doing It Can Tend to Backfire
GiphyOkay, so what if you’re someone who wants to do some age-gap dating on a casual level? What could possibly go wrong there? Well, from reading some of my other articles (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”), you’ll already know that I’m not big on the meaning of casual: apathetic, careless, off-hand, without serious intention. Me? Especially at this age, I have zero energy or interest to be dealt with on a casual basis (whew, chile). And what if you’re the one who wants to take this approach? I mean, you’re grown, right? Do you.
I will just give the heads up when it comes to, say, wanting to have a casual sexual situationship with a younger man, while there is more content out here that says while 20-somethings may be having more sex, it’s the people in their 40s who are actually enjoying it the most (which means that it shouldn’t be assumed that the young guys do it better), science is science — and science says that testosterone levels are at their highest when a man is in his 20s. Meanwhile, for us, we are reportedly able to have the most consistent orgasms while we’re in our 30s. Where am I going with all of this?
I actually didn’t become sexually active until college. My first love was younger than I, and goodness, when didn’t he want to hump my leg? The college period was like a sea of raging hormone vessels with free rooms in the form of dorms. Chaotic and damn near diabolical in hindsight. LOL. And a big part of that is because guys have testosterone surging, and we as women are hella fertile. Getting off stays at the forefront on some level (at least for most of us).
The challenge with that is a lot of people who are hormone-driven may not necessarily be relationship-minded. And once you hit your late 30s-40s, after a couple of months of mind-blowing sex (perhaps), that could get old, especially if the sweet young thang doesn’t have much more to offer than that. And so…where do things have to go? That’s the thing about casual…usually nowhere. Again, by definition.
I will say that if you just read all of that and was like, “Okay…and still, what’s the problem?” — hey, do you, sis. I just think it needs to go on record that once you reach a certain point and place in life, casual experiences with younger men can damn near seem brutal — and you can’t really blame them if you got turned out, yet they barely respond to any texts that don’t have sex on the menu. #justsaying
Make Sure to Be Extremely Honest About Your Needs. And Expectations.
GiphyLet’s swing to the other side of this: you dating an older man. I know someone who is currently doing that as well. She’s in her late 30s, and he’s in his early 50s. He’s stable. He’s smart. She said the sex is bomb. Dating him is fun, spontaneous, and full of surprises. So, what’s the problem? He’s super set in his ways. His values are hella traditional (hers are not).
More than anything, though, she wants to get married, and he’s divorced, so he has more of a “been there, done that” take on it. Does he have a problem with being exclusive? Absolutely not. However, having another wife or more children? His kids are grown. He’s mentally and emotionally past that time, too. And so, at a bit of a crossroads, they are — both are invested, and yet, because they are in different seasons of life, they don’t want the same things.
That’s another thing to consider when it comes to age-gap dating — if you are looking for something serious or substantial, you don’t really have time to waste when it comes to getting your needs and expectations out on the table. That’s why, past the first date to see if there is potential for a real connection beyond just chemistry, when it comes to age-gap dating, you really need to get your needs and expectations out there (on both sides) as soon as possible because — and pardon the pun — time is definitely of the essence.
___
A lot to think about? Yeah, perhaps. At the same time, is the age-gap something to be leery of? No. It’s just important to check your motives, be realistic, and not lie to yourself or the person you’re seeing about what you want to get out of it.
Because no matter how hot of a trend age-gap dating may currently be, you need to do what’s right and best for you…not merely what is…popular.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images