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What Is Sensuality? 7 Ways To Be More Sensual In Your Daily Life
Sen·su·al·i·ty: the enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure.
Can y’all smell the roses from the sensual season we’re living in? The fact that the “soft life” is a whole movement is a new awakening to a generation that has access to healing and sensuality like no other! I’m in awe and appreciation that individuals across the globe are allowing themselves to step into what has often been perceived as feminine energy and making it their own self-soothing daily practice.
As I was researching this subject matter, I noticed the word “sensuality” is often misunderstood as being something amplified sexually via romantic bonds and not as much individually, which does more of a disservice to us than helps us. The more attuned you are to yourself in solitude, the better you are to have that sensual pleasure amplified with another person in any capacity.
Sensuality is something we should challenge ourselves to do every day, being mindful of the sounds around us, examining our thought processes and feelings, and discovering sensuality in a physical manner alone in different ways.
Here are expert tips on how to be more sensual in your every day life:
1. Practice mindfulness by really tuning into your five major senses.
According to licensed mental health counselor and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, Richard M. Siegel, Ph.D., "'sensual' simply means ‘of the senses’-- sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch.” And because we live in such a fast-paced world, constantly multitasking, barely focusing on one thing at a time, it’s very easy to lose a sense of all the things we’re seeing, smelling, touching, tasting, and hearing because we’re always on the go. Exploring our sensuality daily means constantly challenging yourself to be curious about anything and everything you come across.
Mental health/drug and alcohol therapist Joella Smith states, “I always suggest my clients take at least five minutes when you wake up to use your senses (listening to the birds outside, stretching/rubbing body aches, watching the sunrise, etc.). The goal, just like mindfulness, is to find pleasure in being in the moment by using all your senses. Being kind to oneself, loving our bodies, and practicing self-love daily will make us all more sensual people.”
Being in tune with our sensual selves has everything to do with challenging ourselves to be present and fully engaged with everything we do consistently. As they say, "Self-love is the best love." Meditation teacher Kirat Randhawa echoed a similar sentiment, “An element of developing sensuality with self is to practice receiving yourself just as you are - in all of your emotional states - with loving awareness. This receptivity is integral to restoring a sense of wholeness and releasing the fear of what we might encounter if we turn inward. Pleasure is a beautiful way to soften into our hearts and bodies while feeling resourced and supported to navigate anything that may arise.”
2. Engage in sensuality through meditation.
There is nothing like a little one-on-one time with yourself, where you can go to a safe place and release it all through stillness. “Meditation is a practice of becoming deeply familiar with yourself and your moment-to-moment experience with tenderness,” states Randhawa. “What is more sensual than befriending the self with such openness? When we practice this awareness in meditation in relation to how we receive the breath and the different sensations and thoughts and practice softening into those experiences irrespective of our expectations, we cultivate an opening of the mind. This is key to identifying the different aspects of ourselves and rest there with more ease. It allows for a balanced indulgence.”
"Meditation is a practice of becoming deeply familiar with yourself and your moment-to-moment experience with tenderness. What is more sensual than befriending the self with such openness?"
Also, for anyone that has a rough time with mediation because they feel like they can’t pause their mind, I highly suggest using the Calm or Liberate app that provides guided meditation to help zero in on tuning out your thoughts and following the background noise (examples is like the sound of waves or rain drops) all while actively listening to the instructor's voice. If you find stillness difficult, even with guided meditation, trying out movement meditation could be more helpful.
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3. Be more sensual through breathing techniques.
Breathwork is a skill set we should all learn because it’s an amazing self-soothing tactic that helps regulate our physical and emotional well-being. There are several different types of breathwork techniques; Randhawa recommended “the five-count box breathing technique to simply restore clarity in the mind and presence with the body -- you inhale for five, pause for five, exhale for five, and pause for five...and continue this for a few minutes. It allows one to experience a more spacious feel of the moment and awaken to the beauty that is here right now.”
4. Deepen your journey to your feelings and senses through writing.
It’s our words that paint every scenario we envision or go through, and it’s our words that help us dive into understanding our feelings more. Exploring your feelings on paper or even in your notes section on your phone can aid in profoundly exploring sensuality. Writing and creative expression coach Nkem Chukwumerije states, “In order to get to a place where we are writing from a place of freedom, and true connection to our inner worlds and outer surroundings, we must have a connection with our sensual selves. This means, for instance, when writing a scene depicting the breeze in the air, as readers, we want to know what kind of breeze that is and how it feels to feel that breeze. So, as a writer, we must relax our minds, wander outside into the breezy early afternoon, and sit in the center of a near-empty park, allowing the breeze to stroke our skin. We must feel each molecule of air as it dances with our face, arms, body and begins to articulate just how this feeling touches us.”
Reading has been my favorite hobby since I was a little girl, and I’ve always noticed the best stories are depicted through minuscule detail to make you feel like you were there. Coming home to your sensuality is paying attention to the details surrounding you in slow motion. “After we feel, we can conjure up words to articulate that feeling and translate it onto the page where readers will not only read about the breeze but feel the same breeze we felt because we took the opportunity to be present with our embodied senses and write from that magical place."
She adds, "I often use the phrase 'experiment, explore, and allow' when it comes to writing because when we desire to express ourselves, I believe it must start from a place of pure possibility, freedom, and flow, and what better way to access what is and what can be than through our senses?”
5. Indulge in your sensual self through dancing.
There are so many ways to come home to self, and dancing is a cure in its lane. When I’m in a funk, I turn on some of my favorite tracks and dance in my mirror and speak to my insecurities and make jokes about them, as Issa did in Insecure. It sounds lame, but it’s so soothing to have fun in emotional turmoil; we’re the most adaptive mammals on this planet, but change isn’t always easy to walk through, so it’s best to find a way that works for you to come home to yourself.
“Coupling somatic practices – such as yoga, qi gong, dance, EFT/tapping – with remembering the narratives about our bodies or intentional emotional feeling can be extremely powerful in healing both emotional blockages, and ailments/dis-ease in the body," states Chukwumerije. "When we practice becoming present in our bodies and aligning our emotional experience to our embodied experience, we can access more and more of our sensuality. Life is then never the same.”
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6. Explore your sensuality further through sexual self-pleasure.
I know before reading this article, most people associated the word “sensual” with "sexuality," but I hope that after indulging in all this new information, you have a better understanding of exploring your sensuality in a multifaceted way. Smith echoes a similar sentiment, “I believe too much of the discussion about sensuality revolves around sex rather than the pleasure we actually feel from what we experience from sex. Sex, however, almost always involves some level of sensuality. But one can experience and become sensual in numerous other activities that may give us that same level of pleasure. For instance, 'having an orgasm in our mouth' (when something tastes good) may do the same for our endorphins and overall sensuality as having an actual orgasm (sex).”
And though I didn’t want to put sexual sensuality at the top of this article, I did want to highlight that sexual exploration with self is one of the highest forms of fulfillment you can experience sensually. Randhawa states, “I believe that sensuality originates from within, stemming from our relationship with ourselves. And when we can be present, open, and nurturing towards the self, we can extend that to others. Sensuality is a state of pure openness and receptivity, and offering this to ourselves can help us share it with others, and experiencing it with others can help us strengthen this connection even more with ourselves in turn.”
"Sensuality originates from within, stemming from our relationship with ourselves. And when we can be present, open, and nurturing towards the self, we can extend that to others."
And I could share my own testimony reflecting on her words; for years, I used to be very irritated with sexually pleasing myself because of emotional turmoil I didn’t know how to work through at the time and shame around current fantasies I’d have. But I’ve challenged myself to talk it through in therapy and with close friends, and I never felt so liberated and excited to explore myself sexually, with toys and all. And it’s made sexual intimacy with another person heightened because I finally have so much autonomy of myself sexually.
Women are such fascinating and unique beings when it comes to sexual exploration, and I highly encourage watching the docuseries,The Principles of Pleasure, which is all about exploring female sexuality, and watching Sex, Love, and Goop which gave amazing tips on exploring sensuality through partnership.
7. Let go of your negative thoughts and discover your truth as a sensual being.
It took such a long time for me to accept that I’m a highly sensitive individual and that nothing is wrong with that. I was often gaslit as a child, which is one of the major reasons I often overthink my thoughts and feelings because I feel like they aren’t valid. It wasn’t until getting myself into therapy that I was actively ready and willing to deal with this super-soft part of myself. And taking that approach has been a game-changer because I’m better equipped to work through my emotional turmoil and support others with their issues instead of repeating the same cycle because I didn’t know myself at such depths.
Smith mentions, ”It’s all about how we feel in our bodies, so feeling at the maximum level helps. This is often tough, though, as some of us battle intrusive thoughts and avoidance patterns that prevent us from truly 'feeling.' Letting go of the negative thoughts, appreciating every day, getting out of our head, and emotionally being in tune with what’s going on will help others explore personal sensuality.”
All in all, exploring sensuality on a daily basis should be something we actively try to fit into our schedules in some form or another because no one can soothe us like we can soothe ourselves. No one can feel all that we are going through like we can, so take a deeper dive with self-exploration; your mind, body, and spirit deserve it.
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Ajeé Buggam is a content writer and fashion designer from New York City and an alumna from the Fashion Institute of Technology. She specializes in writing about race, social injustice, relationships, feminism, entrepreneurship, and mental wellness. Check out her recent work at Notes To Self
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Love On The Brain: What Science Says Loving Someone Does To You Mentally
I dig science. A big part of the reason why is because I really enjoy researching the “whys” of things. While my father always liked that about me, my mother oftentimes had something slick to say about it (that’s another message for another time, chile). To me, it’s whatever. For better or for worse, I’m simply not someone who accepts that the sky is blue “just because” — put it on my daddy’s DNA, I guess; with no apologies in place, I almost always want to know why something is the way that it is.
And since I spend so much of my time working with couples and writing on relationships, I’m sure no one is shocked that I’ve done my due diligence when it comes to figuring out what is really going on in the minds of humans whenever they are hyped about being in love. While on the surface level, it might seem like I’m being cynical, I’m actually not. It’s more about…well, again, I’ve been working with couples and writing about relationships for so long at this point that I think it’s important for folks to know the difference between an “emotional surge” and a truly wise love decision — and being aware of the role that the brain plays when we think that we’re in love with someone? That can help to bring some perspective and clarity into all of this.
So, whether you’re in something new and you’re currently on cloud nine, you’ve been in something for a while now and you’re wondering if you’ve “lost that loving feeling” or if you’re borderline on the verge of self-sabotage or, you’re like me, and you simply like to know random information just because — I’ve got 10 things that might be of interest to you as far as what science says love can literally do to you on the mental tip.
It’s fascinating stuff, indeed.
1. Dopamine Gets Activated
It’s pretty interesting thatdopamine is a type of neurotransmitter that plays a significant role in things like how you are able to experience pleasure or create memories because both of those are quite relevant when you’re in love with someone. Well, according to science, when you feel like you truly love an individual, dopamine gets activated on a whole ‘nother level to the point where you not only feel euphoric but,it’s at the level of what alcohol or a cocaine high can produce (have mercy!) I’m not exaggerating, either.
In fact, Medical News Today once published an article entitled, “Falling In Love Hits The Brain Like Cocaine Does.” Hmm…makes you wonder if some people run up outta there marriages, not because there’s really anything “wrong”; it’s just that they have crashed from their “cocaine high” and no one prepared them for how to handle it (get into premarital counseling, engaged folks; it makes all the difference in the world!). Also,as far as dopamine goes, when men are “falling” for a woman, it’s dopamine and vasopressin that increase, while, for women, it’s dopamine and oxytocin. During sex, vasopressin drops in men, while oxytocin increases when a woman climaxes. The more you know.2. Euphoria Increases
Let’s go a little bit deeper into the whole euphoria thing. At the end of the day, euphoria is about intensity. I mean, a part of the reason whythe series Euphoria has been so popular (and jarring) is that it showshow drug abuse can put people into a euphoric state — at first in a pleasurable way and eventually on a devastating level. When it comes to love, some experts say that three stages transpire when you feel like you’re in a love-related euphoric state:arousal, attraction, and attachment. And you know what? If you aren’t intentional about doing what Ben Franklin once said (“If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”), you could find yourself being on a roller coaster of emotions without having a relationship that consists of much stability. Yeah, euphoria increasing can be problematic as hell if you don’t get all of what comes with that.
3. Oxytocin Surges
When it comes to the articles that I’ve written on love, sex, and relationships on this platform, I don’t know if there’sany hormone that I’ve shouted out more than oxytocin. That’s because there are countless amounts of intel supporting the fact thatit bonds people through things like hand-holding, cuddling, kissing, and definitely sex. That’s whysome experts say that oxytocin can cause people to become “single-minded” about a person, it cancultivate feelings of trust, and it can literallycreate physiological changes that cause you to seek out your love interest.
This is a part of the reason why, when people declare that they are “in love” after say, a one-night stand, my mind immediately thinks, “Eh. Sounds more like an oxytocin surge.” You don’t know them well enough to love them; you can “love” how they make you feel, though. It’s essential to know the difference.
4. Fear Decreases
Now, this is an interesting one. Something else that science says happens when people are in love is the neural pathway that is associated with things like fear and judgment. It actually deactivates itself (chile…CHILE). Yep, some studies reveal that the part of your brain that encourages you to make “critical assessments” of individuals. When you feel like you love them, that shuts down. As a direct result, in walks the rose-colored glasses, and out goes the red flags. And that’s why, when I recently read that a particular actor didn’t heed some warnings from her friends regarding her new relationship, I literally shook my damn head.
When you’re all in love, especially in the beginning stages, having folks around who don’t feel the same ways about the person as you do can actually help you out in the long run, so long as they are good friends with a solid track record, they are going to notice some things that your neural pathway is keeping you from paying close attention to. Yeah, y’all be careful out there.
5. Your Prefrontal Cortex Slows Down
Speaking of desensitized senses, something else that transpires when you’re caught up in someone isyour prefrontal cortex becomes sluggish. Why is this problematic? Well, that’s where the logical part of your brain is housed. This means that when you love someone, you may not be the best at making sound and practical decisions. Although I don’t agree with an article that said this means that love is illogical (love is sound, sane, and stable; it’s folks who jack relationships up…not love), I do think all of this is a reminder that you must rely on more than just how someone makes you feel when you’re trying to decide who to build a life with. Moving on.
6. Your Hypothalamus Revs Up Your Sex Hormones
I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t know too many people who aren’t attracted to the object of their love and affection. And so, when you do fall in love, something else that happens isthe part of your brain known as the hypothalamus stimulates your ovaries while it also stimulates your man’s testicles — and that is what makes you feel an overwhelming feeling of desire (i.e., lust) for your partner.
7. Your Brain’s “Reward Circuit” Lights All the Way Up
Speaking of longing for your partner, three parts of your brain — the amygdala, the hippocampus, and the prefrontal cortex — are known as its “reward circuit,” and whenever you even speak about your bae, this is the part of your brain that lights up like a Christmas tree. Something that’s really interesting about this particular point is, that while this is happening, your serotonin levels typically drop.
Why does this matter? Well, serotonin helps to keep your anxiety levels in balance, and it also helps you to regulate your appetite(s). This would automatically cause me to believe that people who struggle with love addiction probably have a low level of serotonin operating in their system.
Oh, speaking of serotonin, although you may never think to get your hormone levels checked strictly to learn more about how you’re acting/reacting in your romantic relationship,I also found it interesting that people who have more dopamine in their system tend to take more risks when it comes to love while those who have more serotonin are usually far more cautious. Meaning, that how you are in your relationship(s) may not be just about your personality; your hormone levels tend to have a say as well.
8. Your Anterior Cingulate Cortex May Make You Obsessive
Your anterior cingulate cortex is the part of your brain that’s associated with things likemotivation and action. Anyway, since overactivity in this part of the brain is oftentimes linked to things like obsessive-compulsive disorder,some researchers believe that the reason why some people seem to think obsessively about their partner, almost to the point of obsession, if they don’t stay on top of it, is because of how their brain reacts to their attachment to their partner.For the record, this is also the part of your brain that literally lights up whenever you see your partner, too.
9. Vagus Nerves “Sync Up”
Your vagus nerves are a part of your nervous system that starts at your brain and runs through your digestive tract. This makes them an integral part of things like your immunity, your speech, your moods, and your heart rate. As far as your brain goes, some studies reveal that after a couple has been together for a longer period of time, it’s not uncommon for their vagus nerves to “sync up” in the sense of having similar facial expressions and hand gestures being and even their hearts starting to beat at the same pace.As a direct result, the syncing makes it easier for both individuals to make sacrifices for one another in order to remain together. Share that with your grandparents the next time you see them. #wink
10. If You’ve Been Together for a While, Your Angular Gyrus Becomes Stronger
Speaking of longevity, another perk that comes with couples who choose to go the distance is the part of their brain known astheir angular gyrus becomes more active. What’s actually sweet about this is that not only is this what makes it easier for you to learn complex languages, but you can also start to anticipate your partner’s actions with it too. As a direct result, science says that many couples can finish each other’s sentences — and it’s all because their angular gyrus has gotten stronger as a result of them staying committed.
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After reading all of this, how could anyone possibly look at being in love casually? There are far too many intricate parts at work — yes, literally. Yeah, when Rihanna sang about having “love on the brain,” she said more than a mouthful…whether she realized it or not.
And if you declare that you are in love, make sure to factor in what your brain is going through. Then choose wisely. Even your brain and mental health depend on it. Also…literally.
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