Forgiving Her Mom Gave Tiffany Haddish The Closure She Needed
We've learned that it's possible to heal and even rekindle what were once toxic relationships. But what about when the relationship is the one you have with your mother? It's up to you to break generational curses before they break you, and Tiffany Haddish knows this firsthand.
In the past, Tiffany has been candid about her tumultuous relationship with her mom, who was both physically and verbally abusive during her childhood. In a recent Hollywood Unlocked interview with Jason Lee, the actress shared how forgiving her mother provided the potent dose of healing she didn't know she needed. She explained:
"It is a long road, and I'm still working on it--still, every day working on it. But I have to put myself in her shoes. What tools did she have to be the best? Not a lot."
A tragic accident left Tiffany's mom with a life-altering brain injury, turning the life of her entire family upside-down. As a child, Tiffany faced a life in foster care and encounters of abuse from a mother she no longer knew. The actress became a parent to her parent. She described the experience:
"And then when she had that car accident, everything was taken away from her and she had to rebuild. And here I am, an 8-year-old little girl trying to teach her everything that she taught me which might not have been enough for her. Her vocabulary wasn't all together. She had a head injury. It's horrible."
Although Tiffany and her mother have had their issues, the star is focused on putting the past behind her for the sake of her own sanity. According to her, forgiveness has been a reflection of her faith:
"Also, you got to look at it like 'What if the tables are turned?' What if I have children or adopt children and something happens to me and I end up not being the best that I could possibly be. Do I want them to sh*t on me for the rest of my life that I'm here on this earth or do I want them to try their best to treat me as well as they possibly can? And I just feel like do unto others as you want them to do unto you. That's the golden rule in every religion, every Bible, every manner book, treat people the way you want to be treated."
While her mom wasn't always the woman her 8-year-old self needed, Tiffany is working to be a great woman who can empower herself and help her mom. The actress explained that since reconnecting with her mother, she has been able to buy her mom a house and jump-start their road to healing. She explained:
"So, even though she was not the nicest and not the best at times, I feel like kill her with the kindness. And I've seen it change her. Seeing her not be able to do all the things she wanted, the frustration and the guilt that she has. At the end of my book, I say all I want to do is make enough money to get my mom out of that mental institution, get her the best doctors, the best diet, you know, get her together the best as possible. And I'm doing it. I just bought her a house. I'm broke as hell."
Shortly after Tiffany moved her mother out of the institution, she says that she finally got the closure she needed.
"When I got her out the institution and she came to the show that I did at the Microsoft Theater. Did that show and my sister brought her in but didn't tell me that she was going to be there. And we're backstage and she just comes up to me and says, tears in her eyes, 'I'm so proud of you. You were able to bring all these different people together. I'm so proud of you.' I could have died right there. I was satisfied with everything right there. And she gave me the best hug. It was the hug I had been wanting since I was 7-8-years old."
To read Tiffany's full interview, click here!
Featured image by Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images